Six years.
It took six years for me to find myself in this position again.
I stare at the muzzle of the gun. And not just any gun—Adrian’s.
He’s not pointing it at me. At the moment, it’s in his hand by his side, but I know exactly what’s coming.
What he plans to do.
My lips part, allowing my salty tears to seep into my mouth, but I’m not crying because of death. I was ready for that the day my career ended, and I only stayed alive due to Adrian and the gift he gave me in the form of Jeremy.
The reason why I can’t stop the flow of tears or the pain that’s splitting my chest in half is because of the hurt on his beautiful face, taking refuge in his hypnotizing eyes. The fact that he thinks I betrayed him or that I would ever wish him harm.
“I trusted you, Lia, even more than I trusted myself. You were the light I wasn’t allowed to have and I did everything I could to protect it and not let it burn out. You were the only purity I saw in the world and I did my hardest not to tarnish it. In my own fucked-up way, I wanted to preserve you, to go against my nature and keep you, but I should’ve known it was only a pipe dream.”
“You did. You protected me, you…gave me a reason to live after I thought everything was over. I always called you a monster, but it took forgetting you to realize you’re the monster I need. So…please…please give me another chance. Give us another chance, for Jeremy, for our family. I…don’t care if you punish me for an eternity as long as you’re with me. Please…”
Snow sticks to his shoulders and dark hair as he stares down at me with lips twisted in what seems like pain. “I can’t.”
“Adrian…”
He grabs me by the arm, hauling me to my feet and slamming the front of my body against his. His lips find my parted ones and I sob against them as he devours me, his tongue plunging inside to feast on everything I have to offer and then some.
My husband kisses me with a desperation that matches mine and passion that awakens my own. He robs me of thoughts until he’s the only thing present, as if I’m existing for him, for the way he kisses me like it’s his first and last.
I choke on my tears, fingers digging into his shirt when his arm wraps around my waist. He lifts me off the ground so that I’m suspended except for his hold on me.
He throws the gun away and flings me against a tree trunk while his tongue is still hooked around mine, swirling and devouring. He uses his other hand to pull my dress and coat up.
A sting of cold hits my bare skin and I hiss, but my fingers move of their own accord, undoing his pants with an urgency I’ve never experienced before.
I want him with a desperation that leaves me breathless.
I need to have him, to not lose him, and if that has to happen only through sex, then so be it.
My lips never leave his while I free his hard cock and guide him to my aching core. My legs wrap around his waist in a steel embrace as he slides my panties to the side and drives inside me in one savage go.
I gasp in his mouth, kissing him with renewed energy, my arms hugging his neck and gripping the short hairs at his nape. He powers into me, one hand gripping the tree behind my back for balance and the other cupping my jaw, tilting my head up so he can kiss me deeper, confiscating more of my breaths.
My back slides up and down the harsh surface of the tree as he powers into me with deep, raw thrusts that match the merciless strokes of his tongue.
Scorching heat flows in my veins despite the freezing weather, the snow, and the white that nearly buries us. I’m anchored in the moment, in life, by Adrian’s strong, protective hold.
The thought of losing him fills me with a void so large, I hear its echo in my aching chest. I hold on to him tighter, kiss him faster while my tears burn my skin and soaks his.
We come together, my orgasm detonating inside me with chilling force as his cum warms my core.
He pulls back from my mouth, and I release his lips with a low whimper. At least he was with me while fucking me, but now, he’s not.
Now, we have to touch the ground after levitating.
I hug his neck tighter, burying my face into his skin and inhaling his woodsy scent into my lungs.
He pulls out of me, forcing me to release my legs from around his waist as he smooths my dress and coat down. His strong palm lands on my hip to keep me steady since I’m currently dangling from his neck, my feet not touching the ground.
“Let me go, Lia.” The order is quiet, not as firm as usual.
I furiously shake my head against his neck.
“You’ll freeze to death.”
“I don’t care. Freezing to death is better than whatever you’re planning.”
“Look at me.”
“No…”
“Lenochka, look at me.”
I can’t resist him when he calls me by that nickname or when he lowers his voice to that coaxing range.
Not releasing him, I pull back so I can stare at him through my blurry vision. Adrian wipes my tears with the pad of his thumb even as fresh ones fall. “When I was ten, my mother betrayed my father by talking to other crime organizations behind his back. She was so power-hungry that she singlehandedly plotted a coup against the Pakhan at the time with the intention of making my father the number one man in the Bratva. When he found out, he chased her, forced her to her knees and shot her between the eyes right in front of me. That’s how traitors are treated in the brotherhood, no matter who they are or what their rank.”
I whimper, shaking all over in his hold, but it’s not because of his underlying threat, it’s the fact that he witnessed his mother’s execution as a kid. My heart aches for him, even if he’s planning to do the same to me. I guess this is what it means to love. It’s to feel the pain of the one you love in spite of what he’s plotting for you.
“Are you…are you going to kill me now?”
“Never.” No hesitation. No second thoughts.
“I-isn’t that what you’re supposed to do?”
“Maybe. But like you, I’m unable to hurt you, Lenochka, even if my own life is on the line.”
“What…what do you mean that your life is on the line?” I don’t like the sound of that. In fact, I hate it so much that I’m shivering and quivering for a reason entirely different from the cold.
“Remember when you asked me if I ever loved you?”
I nod, fresh tears surging to my eyes.
“I didn’t understand my emotions at the time, but I do now. I do love you, Lia. I always have. But my form of love isn’t sweetness or softness. It’s nothing noble or delicate. My love is selfish and villainous. My love is the type where I will kill people to protect you and erase others to avenge you. My love is possessive, obsessive, and knows no boundaries, not when I first met you and certainly not now.”
A helpless noise tears from my throat. Even though his words are everything I’ve wished to hear, the circumstances he’s saying them under fill me with a raw agony.
“And because my love is selfish, I will put you ahead of everything else.”
“Adrian…”
Before I can organize my thoughts, he picks me up, carrying me bridal style, and heads back through the blurry snowstorm to the house. There’s a car waiting outside, in front of which all the guards who came with us are standing.
Kolya stares at me with his stoic expression and Yan doesn’t meet my gaze.
“Boris and Yan, you will stay here to protect Lia and Jeremy with your lives,” Adrian announces. “The rest will come with me.”
“Go with you where?” I whisper in a spooked voice.
He puts me to my feet, stroking my hair behind my ear. “I wish it could’ve been different between the two of us. I wish I were the man you deserve instead of the villain you’ve got.”
“What are you talking about? Why are you saying things like that?”
“Raise Jeremy well. My men will be able to ensure your safety.”
“Why not you? Why would your men do it?”
“I told you, Lia. The punishment of betrayal is death.”
“No…no…” I grab his hand in a helpless attempt to stop him. The thought of where he’s going and the fate that awaits him cause me to gasp and blubber at the same time, “Don’t go to Sergei.”
“If I don’t, he’ll come here.”
“Then…then let me talk to him, let me tell him about Richard and—”
“That will get you killed.”
“But—”
“No. It’s final.”
“Adrian, please.” I dig my fingers into his arm.
He kisses the top of my head and removes my hand from around him, then heads to the car without a look back.
At first, I’m frozen in place, hot tears tingling on my cheeks. It isn’t until he’s driving away that I snap out of it.
The knowledge that he’s going to his death burns me like a thousand flames in the midst of the freezing cold.
“Adrian!” I shriek, running after him. “Adrian, no! Don’t leave me…don’t!”
My foot gets stuck in the snow and I stumble, but I continue hobbling after the car as it slowly disappears. “No, no…”
Loud, haunted sobs echo in the air and I realize they’re mine when my lungs burn with the need to catch up to him, to prevent him from walking to his own death.
“Adrian! Adrian!!” I scream at the top of my lungs. My feet give out and I fall to my knees in the middle of the snow.
I get up again, my chest quaking with the force of my cries and shrieks as I run after the car.
Strong arms grab me, preventing me from going any farther. I think I hear Yan’s and Boris’s voices, but I can’t make out what they’re saying.
All I’m focused on is the dot of black that’s slowly vanishing into the white.
And with it, my life vanishes, too.
