I remain standing in the room for a moment after Lia leaves.
Harsh breaths burn my lungs on their way out, even when I try to slow them down.
My movements are jerky as I tuck myself in and buckle my pants.
Did I go too far?
I probably did. I tend to lose my sense of time and space when it comes to Lia. Not to mention everything that happened tonight from Sergei and Vladimir to Lazlo leaving me on edge.
The thought of her being in her father’s company all that time didn’t sit right with me. It still doesn’t.
Not only will that put her in danger, but she’ll also be in his entourage all of the time, considering she’s his only daughter. Those who have or discover their children when they’re old tend to protect them with their lives. That’s the case with Sergei and Anastasia. He had her in his forties, and while he brought her up the brotherhood way, he would never inflict its punishments on her.
She’s his only offspring and he’s ready to defy the very codes of his existence to protect her. That’s why I knew he would agree to my plan.
Lazlo won’t be any different. If anything, he’ll make it his mission to bring Lia closer to him—and away from me.
I was already forming a strategy to separate them, but I didn’t count on the fact that she would actually like him and want to be his daughter.
That she would call him Papa.
I was already displeased with that fact and then she started mentioning feelings and that fucking cliff that twists my chest whenever I recall how she jumped off it.
By the time she said she hated me, I lost my cool head and had to touch her, feel her, have her all for myself.
The moment she whispered that she loved me, then shouted it, I was a goner.
It’s not lust. Far from it.
She’s touched parts of me I thought were long dead. However, that didn’t start just now or even recently.
That’s the explanation behind the weird sensations I experienced whenever I went to her apartment six years ago, whenever I stared at my watch until I could leave and have dinner with her.
Back then, I thought it was only because of physical needs, because of how much I desired her and how her body came undone around mine.
But no matter how much I fucked her, no matter how much I punished her, there was no satiating the thirst I had for her. On the contrary, it kept growing and sharpening, and that caused me to smother her deep into my darkness, to close all other roads so that she had no choice but to be led to me.
At some point, it was blind obsession, black and endless. It kept getting worse the more I had of her, and my methods to force her to be close intensified until all the lines blurred.
I could tell something was wrong, that I should stop or at least slow down, but the thought of parting from her put me in a worse state of mind and I just…couldn’t put an end to it.
She did.
When she stood at the top of that cliff, pain like I never felt before exploded in my chest—fear, too.
Then she jumped.
Everything that happened was because of my inability to slow down. I finally have her back and even her therapist said that her state of mind is improving, despite the stress I put her through last week.
But I know, I just know that if I don’t hit the brakes, this time I will lose her for good.
The thought squeezes my chest worse than when I watched her tumbling down that damn cliff like a leaf in the wind.
I open the door and stride outside, my movements precise but hurried.
When I lost Aunt Annika and was stuck with my parents, I realized that I wasn’t worthy of love, affection, and general positive emotions. My father taught me that in order to survive in this world, I needed to discard those feelings. It came naturally, probably because of who my parents were.
It wasn’t until Lia that I wanted to identify those feelings, to dig under my own skin and understand them better.
Facing them would be difficult, but it’s not impossible, especially if it’s for her and the family we’re building together.
There were times when I thought there was only pain and cold shoulders in our relationship. However, ever since Lia lost her identity, then returned to her old self, I thought maybe we got a second chance.
A chance where we won’t give up on each other.
A chance I won’t miss.
Kolya and Yan join me at the top of the stairs.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” I ask Yan. “Why aren’t you with Lia?”
“Didn’t you tell me not to be with her alone?” He retrieves his phone. “Wait. She called me.”
Of course she did.
I still hate their friendship. I don’t care how many times it’s saved her or how much she needs it.
Sucking in a breath, I head outside, checking her tracker on my phone, then freeze.
It’s fucking moving away.
