“Mommy!”
I open my arms and crouch as Jeremy runs at full speed toward me. Tears are shining in his huge eyes when he slams into my embrace.
As I hug him to my chest and smell his marshmallow and apple scent, I feel like everything will be okay. As long as I have my baby boy, I’ll be fine.
“I thought you went away, Mommy.” He sniffles against me. “I was playing with the clowns, but then Boris stopped them and you were gone.”
“It’s okay, my little angel. I’m right here and would never leave.”
I mean it this time, because there’s no way in hell I’m abandoning Jeremy again. He’s suffered enough for his young age. I don’t care what happens to me as long as he’s safe.
Even if it means facing his father’s wrath.
When Adrian and I emerged from the alleyway after he fucked my mouth, turning me on without having to touch me, Kolya, Boris, and a few other guards were waiting for us near a small parking area with Jeremy.
Adrian ushers us into the back seat of the car without saying a word. God, I hate his silent treatment. It gets on my last nerve and it also hurts because I know he uses it as a method to pull away from me.
He hasn’t always been talkative, but he’s at least used his voice—aside from ordering me to do sexual things.
Soon after, we’re leaving in the car, with Kolya and Boris in the front and the three of us in the back. Jeremy is sitting between us, apparently unaware of the tension brewing in the air while he excitedly tells me about the clowns and how they were so funny.
I answer him when he asks questions, but my attention is divided as I keep stealing glances at Adrian. He’s focused on his phone, seeming to cut us both out, although he does talk to Jeremy when he asks him something.
So it’s only me.
If it were still old times, I would’ve focused on Jer and given Adrian the figurative middle finger. But that lack of communication is what ruined us in the first place.
Handing Jeremy a bottle of juice that I had in my bag for our picnic, I pretend to be preoccupied with fixing his scarf as I ask Adrian, “Did you follow us?”
He doesn’t spare me a glance, but he doesn’t ignore me and nods.
It was a redundant question anyway, considering he appeared not long after Luca took me. He must’ve suspected me since I asked him if I could go out with Jeremy last night.
And here I thought I was being smart.
I should’ve known from everything that’s happened in the past that Adrian is always one step ahead. However, I couldn’t really recall those years when I was being Winter.
Though a part of me felt a certain familiarity that I did my best to ignore.
My instant connection with Adrian makes sense, too. The fear, the lust, and the affection all came from deep within me.
“Why did you follow us, Papa?” Jeremy asks and it takes everything in me not to kiss his adorable cheeks.
“Because I wanted to see you, Malysh.” Adrian ruffles his hair before going back to his phone.
Jer takes a slurp of his juice, then frowns. “How about Mommy? You didn’t want to see Mommy?”
“Of course I did,” he says with no emotion.
“Maybe you can come with us next time, Papa.”
“Maybe.”
“Your papa has work to do, Jer.” I stroke his hair away from his face, adopting my softest tone. “He doesn’t have time for us.”
Adrian glares at me beneath his lashes, but I hold onto my defensive line through Jeremy. I hate using him, but he’s always been the only solid thread keeping us together. And if that’s the best way to get to my husband, so be it.
“Maybe he doesn’t want to be with us,” I continue, stroking Jeremy’s hair.
I wouldn’t have dared to say such words a few months ago. I always kept my words to myself, was mad on the inside but refused to let it show on the outside.
However, something’s changed ever since I mistook myself for being Winter. I freed myself in ways I never thought possible, and it’s only because of that freedom that I’m able to embrace my true self.
I’m able to talk aloud about what I want.
As much as I hated those couple of months and the loneliness I felt, I don’t hate my newfound freedom.
Or my voice.
Jeremy grips the bottle of juice as he stares up at his father. “Is that true, Papa?”
“Not at all, Malysh. I love spending time with you.”
“And Mommy?” Jer, bless his little heart, is the first member of my fan club.
“And your mother.”
He’s insincere, judging by his apathetic tone, and that’s why I need to strike the iron while it’s hot.
“Then go on a vacation with us,” I say nonchalantly.
A muscle tics in his jaw, but he quickly masks it. “We’ll talk about it later.”
“Or we can talk about it now, isn’t that right, Jer?”
“Right! Go on vacation with us, Papa.”
Adrian stares at me and I stare back. When I was Winter, his eyes started making me uncomfortable at some point, because I didn’t recognize that I knew them, intimately so, and he can get scary whenever he directs his impenetrable intense gaze at me. However, I refuse to cower.
I meet him stare for stare, tipping my chin up for good measure.
Jer clutches his sleeve, gazing up at him with those huge eyes that neither of us can resist. “Papa, please.”
Adrian releases a sigh. “Fine.”
“Yay, Papa!”
“Next week? The one after?” I push.
“We will see.”
“In two weeks, then. Hear that, Jer? The three of us will go on a trip.”
My son’s eyes widen as he looks between us. “What type of trip?”
“We’ll let your father surprise us.”
“Yay!” Jeremy kisses me and then his father.
Adrian tightens his hold on the phone and I can tell he doesn’t like the fact that I indirectly forced him, but I need more time with him outside his work and the house. I need to rebuild our relationship before it’s too late.
That is, if there’s anything left to build.
The thought sends a shiver through me and cripples me to my bones.
As soon as we reach the house, Adrian gets out first, followed by Boris.
Kolya lingers a bit behind for the first time ever, not eager to be on his boss’s heels.
“What?” I ask when he keeps staring.
“You…shouldn’t have done that.”
“Done what?”
“Used Jeremy to force his hand. That’s what his mother did. She used Boss so his father would do things her way. Needless to say, he hates it.”
Shit.
Just when I think I’m making things better, they end up being way worse.
