The house is immersed in silence without Sebastian. Matthias sent his things as well, so now my place is my own again.
So why doesn’t it feel like home anymore?
I go to the kitchen. Look at the gleaming counter. The sparkling espresso and coffee machine. The spotless fridge. I can smell fresh coffee, the mouth-watering aroma of muffins and bagels being toasted.
Why am I smelling these things?
Then I realize—they’re what Sebastian used to have when he was living here.
The spot behind my breastbone flares with pain, like somebody’s scraping it with an ice pick.
Matthias pauses in prepping dinner. “Is there something I can—?”
“No. I’m fine.”
I move away from the kitchen island. My thighs tremble at the memory of the wild, raw sex we had there. The first time he came inside me without a rubber. How he went out to grab Plan B afterward, so I wouldn’t have to. We both lost our heads, and he didn’t want me to have a baby neither of us was ready for.
My strides grow longer and faster. The staircase…and the hall—his room on the other side, my room on the opposite end. I refuse to go to his bedroom, and head into mine instead. Matthias must’ve changed the sheets, but I swear I can still smell Sebastian on the bed, his body wash in the shower.
A black razor sits on a shelf in the stall. It isn’t mine—Matthias must have overlooked it. I throw it in the trash. But my nerves remain singed. I ball up a bunch of toilet paper and dump it on top of the razor so I can’t see it.
But it doesn’t matter. A phantom warmth brushes over the cheek that Karl backhanded. Sebastian held me and made sure I was okay. Pressed a careful, featherlight kiss on the throbbing spot, like he could take away the pain. I grip the edge of the vanity in the bathroom and stare at my reflection. I can see him brushing his lips on my temple, wrapping his strong arm around my shoulders, silently communicating that he’s got my back.
I shiver at the memories of an affection and love that weren’t real. Tears prickle my eyes. It’s unfair that this haunts me when I know the truth.
How could he have acted like he cared? Why did he touch me like I mattered to him?
Why, oh why, did he come after me once he’d gotten what he wanted? Why did he crouch down and look up at me, his whole body tense, imploring me for a chance?
Doesn’t he know that some betrayals can’t be righted? That some lines, once crossed, can never be retreated from?
Sometimes there can’t be another chance.
I see my phone plugged into the charger by the bed. Must’ve been Matthias’s doing. I don’t remember bringing it from the office.
I have to put a stop to the awful memories. There’s simply no living like this.
I pick up the phone and text Jeremiah.
–Me: Can you file for divorce?
Several moments pass. It suddenly hits me that she might veto the idea because the relocation of our headquarters hasn’t been fully completed yet.
But I have to do this. For my own sanity.
–Jeremiah: Yes. Perfect timing, too. Congratulations. Now Peery Diamonds is officially an American company. It has no ties to Nesovia.
I gasp, my hand over my face. I did it. Elation sweeps through me, followed by swift bitterness. How ironic that what I did to be free of that godawful country led me to getting kicked out of management and having my heart trampled in the process.
I shake my head. I shouldn’t be negative about this. It’s a huge milestone. I lost my CEO position, and my heart throbs mercilessly, but I should be proud of what I’ve accomplished. Hopefully my action showed those suited Neanderthals that they need to treat their women better if they want to keep talent and businesses in their country.
–Me: Thank you.
–Jeremiah: My pleasure. As for the divorce, it’ll take a while, but we’ll have everything going smoothly. I presume we’re going to abide by the contract you signed with the Comtois family?
–Me: Yes.
–Jeremiah: Got it. Although it’s too bad I can’t flex my legal muscles to get you more.
I almost smile at that. Maybe if I hated Sebastian, I’d ask her to go for the jugular. But I don’t hate him. I’m not even bitter.
I’m disappointed and heartbroken. The ache that’s been plaguing me might never ease.
But it isn’t the first time that someone close has hurt me. I just have to keep my chin up and continue with my life.
