I wake to the sound of voices. The men are in the next room, talking softly. I roll onto my back and open my eyes, staring up into the darkness of the bedroom. It would be the easiest thing in the world to pull the covers over my head and ignore what happened last night. What it signifies. Even if we ran to the very ends of the earth opposite each other, the bond would eat away at us until…
Could it kill us?
I wouldn’t have thought it possible, but that was before it physically propelled me across the room to Rylan. Before it made him forget himself enough to partially shift.
I could let the vampires deal with this current mess. They’re all older and more powerful than I am. I’m a fool if I think I can stand on equal footing with them in the coming confrontation, bond or no. They will always be stronger, always be more powerful.
If I hide, I’ll remain a pawn for the rest of my life, however long or short that ends up being. Dhampirs live longer than humans, but they aren’t borderline immortal like full vampires. I have no idea what the seraph lifespan looks like.
The list of what I don’t know only seems to grow longer with time, instead of shorter.
I sit up and sigh. There’s no help for it. The easy way isn’t the right way, and I’ve fought too hard for anything resembling freedom to simply hand off all the decision-making process to others. They might be more powerful, but I’m the linchpin in this mess.
Another soundless sigh and I leave the warmth of the bed and pull on the nearest piece of clothing—one of Malachi’s shirts. He’s updated his wardrobe a bit since we left the house, but he still favors the shirts that look like they’d be perfectly at home on historical romance novel covers. I like them. A lot. I’m swimming in all the white fabric, his tobacco and clove scent nearly as comforting as when he wraps his arms around me.
I’m still angry about last night. It irritates me to no end that I want him to comfort me while I’m mad at him. I inhale again, letting the last of my reservations fall away. As tempting as it is to hide from reality, I know all too well the reality will burst through the door without an invitation. Better to deal with things head-on.
The men haven’t stopped talking, but with their superior senses, they all know I’m awake and moving around. I pad barefoot out of the spare bedroom, down the hall, and into the sitting room where they’ve got a fire going.
Rylan is standing by the window, the light of the early morning putting his features in stark contrast. He looks as tired as I feel, his cheekbones a little too gaunt on his handsome face. Wolf lounges on one of the chairs. He’s got his leg dangling over the arm like an indolent king waiting to be entertained. Malachi sits on the couch, his elbows braced on his thighs. All three look at me with varying degrees of wariness.
I stop short. “We need to talk about last night.”
Malachi holds out a hand, motioning for me to join him on the couch. I almost go to him through sheer habit, actually take a step in his direction, before the memories of last night crash over me again. How he looked like he was going to murder Rylan. How I magically compelled him to leave the room against his will.
I don’t know if it’s sleep still clouding my mind or if the situation is just becoming too stressful and I’m in danger of shattering. Right now, I need to be calm and collected; an impossible task when every breath feels like I’m drowning, drawing in water instead of the air I desperately need.
I drop into the free chair. Disappointment flashes over Malachi’s face, but it’s gone so fast, I’m half sure it’s a trick of the firelight. I draw my knees up and wrap my arms around my legs. “We’re in over our head. I can’t control the bond, and it’s putting you in danger.”
Wolf snorts. “None of us were the one bleeding out last night.”
Rylan flinches, a barely perceptible movement I only catch out of the corner of my eye. I ignore it. “That was my fault. Or, rather, the bond’s fault. It never would have gotten so out of control if the bond didn’t exist and hadn’t messed with our control.”
“It was Rylan’s fault.” Malachi’s body might appear relaxed, but he looks like he wants to shred something with his bare hands. “He knew there was risk involved with resisting the proximity the bond demands. He played with your life.”
“That’s enough.”
“He’s right.” The words sound dragged from Rylan. “I knew there was a risk.”
I finally look at him. Even now, with the bond mostly sated, I feel the urge to cross the room and press my mouth to his skin. I clear my throat. “I knew the bond was being affected by avoiding each other, too.”
“You couldn’t know what it meant.”
That’s about enough of that. I level a look at each of them in turn. “I am not a child who needs others to make the decisions for me or take responsibility for my actions. Maybe I didn’t know the parameters of the bond, but there hasn’t been a living seraph in three out of four of our lifetimes. None of us have experienced a seraph bond before. As a result, there will be mistakes.”
“He almost ripped out your throat.” Malachi’s staring at me like he wants to wrap me up and shove me into a cage. All in the name of safety, of course.
This isn’t an argument I’m going to win. It’s written across all their expressions. I didn’t expect this seriousness from Wolf, but he’s surprised me a lot lately. Or maybe his self-preservation is stronger than his wildness. No one knows for sure what happens if I die, but we’re all convinced it’s bad.
Better to change the subject and circle back when I have an argument that might actually make them hold still long enough to listen. “You were awfully tense when I came in here.”
Suddenly, they all find other things in the room to look at, avoiding my gaze. Alarm bells blaze through my head. “Have they found us again?”
“No. You’re safe.”
“Don’t lie to her, Malachi. She’s not safe. None of us are.” Rylan’s staring out the window as if seconds from stripping and shapeshifting into some animal so he can run as far and fast from this conversation as possible.
If my father’s people haven’t found us and it’s not about last night… What else could possibly go wrong now? I glance from one to the other, finally settling on Wolf. The other two can hold out indefinitely if they decide I need to be left in the dark. Wolf won’t. “Tell me.”
“I—”
“Wolf.”
Malachi’s sharp warning is like waving a red flag in front of a bull. Wolf laughs and slouches further into the chair. “Nothing much, love. Just ways it might be possible to break the seraph bond without killing all of us in the process.”
The possibility leaves me breathless. I slump back into my chair, my legs suddenly boneless. “We can do that?”
“Probably not,” Rylan says darkly, still staring out the window. “If it could be done, more people would know about it.”
Wolf rolls his pale blue eyes. “As I was telling you, seraphim were all but legend to most people until this happened. Just because you’ve never heard of a way doesn’t mean it isn’t possible.”
Something almost like excitement flickers through me. “How do we do it?” If there’s a way to remove the bond, then my chance at freedom isn’t gone after all. “What do you know?”
“So eager to be free of us.” Wolf laughs again, a high, mad sound that raises the small hairs on the back of my neck. He drops his foot to the floor and straightens. “I know a guy.”
“You know a demon,” Malachi cuts in. His expression is carefully closed down, offering nothing at all.
I blink. Wait for someone to laugh and let me in on the joke. No one does. They’re all watching me with devastatingly serious expressions on their face.
Demons.
Demons exist.
I don’t know why I’m surprised. Seraphim are, at least according to a number of human religions, the holier counterparts to demons. Considering what my people have done to other supernatural creatures, maybe demons are cuddly do-gooders. I clear my throat, striving to sound like my world hasn’t shifted on its axis yet again. “Are demons trustworthy?”
Wolf gives another of those wild laughs. “They’re demons, love. Demon deals have the reputation they do for a reason. They’re an option of last resort, reserved for the desperate.”
“Ah.” I press my lips together. “Well, we’re desperate. How do we get a hold of a demon?”
Rylan frowns as if deciding to be present in the conversation for the first time since I walked into the room. “You’re serious.”
“Of course I’m serious. I know you think I’m a monster who wants to put a leash on your cock, but I didn’t choose this bond any more than you three did. If it’s not in play, then I have a chance to actually be free.”
“Mina.” I hate how reserved Malachi sounds. He’s studying me with those dark, dark eyes. “Even if your father doesn’t know that you’re part seraph, he will hunt you until he’s dead or you are. He can’t afford to let you escape.”
Because if I can escape, supposedly powerless bastard dhampir that I am, then anyone can.
I know Malachi’s right, and I hate it. I take a slow breath. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. The bond has to take priority.”
Wolf is watching me, too. For once, the ever-present mocking amusement on his face is nowhere to be seen. “The cost is always high for demon deals.”
I don’t say that I’m willing to pay it. I can’t, not without knowing what it is. “I’m not prepared to rule out any option until we’ve fully explored it.”
Malachi looks like he wants to argue, but Wolf has already jumped to his feet. “I’ll see what I can do.”
“Now?”
“No time like the present.” He strides out of the room without a backward look. Knowing what I do of the man, he might be intent on his destination…or he might get distracted and disappear for a few days, only to show back up having totally forgot his intentions. Wolf is as wild as his namesake, and ten times as unpredictable.
Rylan starts for the door. “This won’t work.”
“Rylan.” Malachi doesn’t move, but his gaze tracks the other man. “You need to stop resisting. Last night can’t happen again.”
“Mind your own business.”
It seems like every single conversation we have these days circles back to this fucking bond. I want to rip it out with my bare hands. “It’s fine.” I continue when it seems like Malachi might argue. “Leave it, please.”
“Look at you, already acting like the heir.” Rylan’s gone before his cold words fully penetrate.
I can’t work up even a half-hearted glare in response. Not when he’s right. Not when I’m strangely grateful the unnatural peace from last night is no longer in play. This Rylan, I understand. When he’s cold, he makes sense. Even the feral, out of control version of him is safer than the shell-shocked man who shared a shower with me. It’s hard enough to keep him at a distance with the bond pulling at me when we actively hate each other. If there’s a softening at all…
To distract myself, I look at Malachi, he doesn’t seem any happier than he did a few minutes ago. I want to storm out of the room to avoid this conversation, too. Unfortunately, that’s not a permanent solution. “I’m sorry about last night.” I rush on before he can say anything. “Not about what happened with Rylan, though I’m sorry it worried you. But I’m sorry about after.”
“Mina, come here.”
I almost don’t. My reasons for choosing this chair instead of the couch remain, but it’s just the two of us now and I miss the feel of his body against mine. I want to blame that on the bond, but I’ve been drawn to this vampire since before it snapped into place. “We need to talk about it.”
“We will.” He motions with his fingers again, beckoning me. “Come here. Please.”
Please.
Have I ever heard Malachi utter that word? I don’t think so. That, more than anything, gets me up and moving around the coffee table to take his hand. He tugs me down to straddle him, but there’s nothing sexual in the move. It’s as if he wants the comfort of touching me as much as I crave touching him.
“I didn’t know I could do that,” I whisper.
“I suspected it was possible.”
I blink. “You didn’t think to say something?”
“Suspecting something and knowing it for truth are two different things, little dhampir.” His gaze coasts over my face as if memorizing my features. “I won’t say I liked the feeling, but if you hadn’t done something, I might have killed Rylan. I…wasn’t thinking clearly.”
“Malachi.” A bitter little laugh slips free. “We are such a mess.”
“It’s no surprise there’s a learning curve on this. There is on all magic.”
“I wouldn’t know.” Up until a month ago, I thought I hadn’t inherited any magic at all despite the fact most dhampir children of Bloodline vampires get some kind of magical skill. Based on my father’s Bloodline, I should be able to glamour people. Instead, I was thought a dud and sent to Malachi as a brood mare.
Apparently my seraph blood stifled or overpowered the vampire genetics. I’m still not sure which is the truth. I don’t know if I’ll ever be sure.
The whole thing makes my head hurt if I think about it too closely.
“Mina.” Malachi waits for me to look at him to continue. “We’ll figure it out. Together. I’m not prepared to hold missteps against you while you’re exploring the parameters of your powers. Do you intend to compel me again?”
“No!” I swallow hard and temper my tone. “Absolutely not.”
“That’s all that matters. Consider yourself forgiven.” He hesitates. “I’m…sorry…as well.”
His hesitance makes me smile a little. We really are an unmitigated mess. I glance at the doorway that the other two left through. “I hope Wolf’s able to find that demon he was talking about. It could be the solution we need.”
Malachi goes tense beneath me. “Are you really that eager to be rid of me?”
