“What are you doing tonight?” Silas questions me as we walk out of class, falling in step with the crowd of students that fill the hallway. I see Octavia and Demi waiting for us at the top of the stairs. “We were all talking about going bowling or something.”
I glance at Silas as we make our way toward the two of them. “I think that I’m just going to stay in tonight.”
As we reach Demi and Octavia, they both greet us, Octavia’s eyes meeting Silas’s. “Did you tell her what we were planning on doing tonight?”
Silas nods, frowning as he glances at me, motioning for me to tell her the same thing I told him. As I tell her that I plan on just staying at home, she gives me a look of disapproval. “See,” Silas tells her as we all head down the stairs and into the corridor of the building. “I tried to get her to come.”
“Sorry, guys,” I tell them, shrugging as I offer a small smile. “I really just don’t feel like going out at all.”
We walk through the front doors and I notice Logan’s car pulled up along the curb as he sits and waits for me. Octavia glances at me, raising her eyebrows as she bumps her shoulder into mine. “It wouldn’t have anything to do with a certain hot hockey player that lives with you, would it?”
I look over at her, a laugh bubbling out of me, but it sounds forced and nervous. Silas narrows his eyes before glaring at Logan through the tinted windows. “No.” I shake my head at the three of them. “I have a lot of studying I need to get done.”
Demi and Silas fall into conversation as they turn to the right and continue walking down the sidewalk. Octavia walks closer to Logan’s car with me, pausing as I reach for the door.
“If you decide to change your mind, call me,” she smiles, winking at me before jogging off after Silas and Demi.
I pull open the car door and slide inside as Logan lowers the volume of the music and turns to look at me. He has on a black t-shirt that hugs his firm body, leading down to a pair of gray joggers. My eyes trail back up to his, and he smirks at me.
“What?” I question him, turning away as I reach for my seat belt, feeling the heat creeping up my neck and spreading across my cheeks. I’ve spent the past decade admiring him from afar. Now, I feel like I’m allowed to do it when we’re in private without being judged—although he seems like he’s eating this up.
“Oh, nothing.” He directs his attention to the car as he puts it in drive and pulls away from the front of the building. “I’m happy to see you, too.”
We’ve fallen into this comfortable routine over the past month. I never intended on having sex with him that night, but it’s like it opened a new door to whatever this is between us. We had both agreed that we needed to come clean with my brother, but for some reason, it never felt like the right time. I know Logan is afraid of losing his best friend and the last thing I want to do is tear them apart.
Logan plays it off like he has other things to do, but in reality, he sneaks into my room after August goes to bed. In a way, it’s like we’re back in the past, sneaking around, but there’s so much more at stake now. This is different from drunken kisses and secretive touches… we’re playing with a deck of 52 hearts.
I just wonder how long until one of us folds…
When we get to the apartment, August is already there, freshly showered and pacing the kitchen. He pauses, glancing at the two of us as we enter, but he doesn’t say anything because he still doesn’t suspect anything even though it’s literally right in front of his face.
There’s a part of me that wishes he would find out on his own, but I don’t think that would be for the best. He trusts Logan and if that were to be broken, I don’t know whether their friendship would ever recover from that. My brother might be a clown and mess around, but when it comes to loyalty, that is everything to him.
“What are you doing?” I ask him as I drop my bag onto the floor and sit down at the dining room table. “You look like you need me to call that therapist Mom had you see in high school.”
“Fuck you.” He cuts his eyes at me before rolling them. “That was a weird time in my life and I told you I never want to talk about that shit again.”
Logan looks back and forth between the two of us before grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. As he bends to lean forward, his shirt rides up a bit and my eyes travel along the skin that shows, wishing he would just take it off. “You know, there’s nothing to be ashamed of for going to therapy. It’s not that big of a deal, Whitley.”
August crosses his arms defensively over his chest. “Dude. Having night terrors as a teenager is embarrassing as hell. It would be one thing if I went through something traumatic or had a good reasoning behind it. The only thing they found out was that I had a fucking sleeping disorder.”
Logan looks at me as August begins to pace again, mumbling under his breath. My brother is usually a carefree person, one who isn’t really affected by things, but when something does bother him, it really messes with him. One thing he had always struggled with was his ability to regulate his emotions. He might not show it to everyone else, but August is actually quite sensitive and his feelings are big.
This isn’t unusual for Logan to see, but I don’t know if he ever knew about the whole sleeping issue. I’m sure he was at our house once or twice when August had a night terror, but when he was experiencing the worst of it, he actually distanced himself from his friends and didn’t sleep anywhere else or have anyone sleep at our house.
So, even though Logan isn’t new to August and his emotions, I’m wondering how much August has really shared with his best friend.
“August.” My voice is stern and firm as I rise to my feet and walk into the kitchen. Logan moves out of my way, stepping into the doorway as he leans back and props himself against it. August stops moving, his eyes finding mine as he lets out a ragged breath. “Tell me what is going on.”
“Fuck,” he mutters, pressing back against the cabinets before sinking onto the floor. He drops down, propping his back against the door, and I sit down with him. There’s something about being on the floor that always helps August get back to where he needs to be mentally. “Okay,” he breathes, inhaling deeply before he lets out a ragged breath. “I went to the bar after class to talk to Poppy, but I found out that she quit.”
“Okay…” my voice trails off, my head tilting to the side as I attempt to figure out where he’s going with this. I’m not sure what is really going on here and he hasn’t gotten to the root of it yet. “Did you try calling her?”
“Yeah.” His voice is quiet—off—and distant. “She had her number disconnected. I went to her apartment and it was empty.”
Reaching out, I grab his forearm and give it a light squeeze. “Why this sudden change of wanting to talk to her? You haven’t talked much about her since you found out she had a new boyfriend last month.”
“So, it all seemed weird to me, right?” His eyes focus on mine as a wave of suspicion passes through his troubled gaze. “You know, we were kind of seeing each other. And then boom, she has a boyfriend. At the time, I didn’t really question it, because whatever, she’s an adult and can do whatever she wants.”
Logan steps forward, dropping down onto the floor with us as he takes a seat beside August. “It wasn’t her boyfriend, was it?”
August looks over at him, shaking his head. “I asked Amanda when she told me that Poppy quit and she had no idea what I was talking about.” He glances back at me. “Turns out, her car had broken down and that was her cousin that picked her up. She tried to play it off like it was something it wasn’t.”
“Did Amanda know anything you didn’t?”
He shakes his head, sighing. “Other than what she told me, no. They weren’t really close enough that Poppy confided in her. I just can’t get it out of my head. Something had to have happened that made her lie to me, and then she just disappeared… I don’t know what to do.”
“I don’t think you really can do anything, August,” Logan offers quietly, his eyes on the side of August’s face. “How are you supposed to find her if she changed her phone number? Maybe she had to leave for a family emergency. I don’t know, man.”
August abruptly climbs to his feet, shaking his head dismissively at Logan. “No, this is weird and I need to know what happened.” He pauses, glancing at me. “I’m going to go take a nap and try to get rid of this headache. Don’t bother me for dinner.”
A frown forms on my face as I watch him disappear from the room. Whenever August gets beside himself like this, it’s almost as if his brain can’t handle it. He typically gets bad headaches when he can’t control his emotions and the only solution is sleeping. It hurts my heart, seeing him like his and knowing that I can’t do anything for my brother.
“He’ll be okay,” Logan tells me as he slowly stands up and puts his hand out for me. His palm is warm as I slide my hand in his and he helps me to my feet. “He just needs some time to process that she really left without giving him an explanation.”
My eyes search Logan’s as I stand in front of him, my hand still in his. “You really think that he’ll let it go at that and not obsess over it?”
Logan shrugs. “I think he might have to.” He turns his back slightly, but he doesn’t let my hand go as he leads me from the kitchen. I glance toward the hallway where August went into his room and check to make sure that he doesn’t see me holding his best friends hand. “Let’s just order take-out and watch movies.”
He grabs the remote and flops down on the couch. Putting some space between us, I sit two cushions away from him, pulling my feet up as I tuck my legs underneath me and curl into the plush cushions. “As long as it isn’t anything scary.”
“I know. You’ve never been a fan of anything horror-related.” A playful smirk plays on his lips as his eyes shine at me. “What if I told you I would never let anything happen to you? That I would always keep you safe?”
Grabbing the pillow beside me, I laugh lightly and throw it at him as I shake my head. “Nope. You’re not going to convince me to watch anything that will give me nightmares with empty promises like that.”
Logan narrows his eyes slightly. “They’re not empty promises, baby.” His voice is low and soft and the oceanic depths of his eyes are warm. “One day, I’ll make you see.”
Swallowing roughly over the lump in my throat, I stare back at him as he stares straight into my soul. I don’t know what to believe with Logan because he confuses me more than anything else. Whatever this is between us is a conundrum and he’s a contradiction. How will he make me see if we’re always going to be a secret?
“Well, isn’t this cute?” August’s voice breaks through the silence as he strolls into the living room with his pillow. “I can’t sleep right now. What are you love birds doing?”
My heart stops and my chest constricts as my body kicks into manual breathing, and my brain suddenly forgets how the hell to do it. Logan’s gaze lands on August as he drops down onto the chaise lounge and sprawls out. I widen my eyes as I stare at the TV, praying the couch will swallow me whole.
“I’m fucking with you. That would be like incest, since I know she’s like a sister to you too,” August says slowly, his words drawn out as he narrows his eyes at us both. I don’t meet his gaze, but I can feel it on the side of my head. “Unless I should be worried about something?”
This is the chance we’ve both been waiting for—the moment we can officially break the ice and come clean with August. My lips part slightly, the words on the tip of my tongue, but Logan interjects before I get a chance to speak.
“Absolutely not.” Logan’s voice is controlled and calm, like he has rehearsed this a million times. My heart sinks and my lungs deflate as my hopes come crashing down. “You’re nuts for even insinuating that. You have nothing to worry about, trust me.”
As if his first admission wasn’t like a slap to the face, I can barely stomach his last two sentences. I look over at August, whose eyes find mine, needing confirmation that Logan is telling the truth. This is my chance, but I can’t do that to Logan. I won’t ruin their friendship.
“He’s right, August.” I smile at him, rolling my eyes for good measure. “I’m not stupid enough to get involved with someone like him.”
August grabs the remote from Logan as he settles on his back on the couch and flips through the channels. “Good,” he mumbles, staring at the TV as Logan’s eyes find mine. “Because I’m pretty sure I’d fucking kill you.”
A shadow passes over Logan’s face as his eyes desperately search mine. He wants to know if what I said was true—if I meant what I said. Turning away from him, I don’t give him the satisfaction as I settle deeper into the cushions and ignore him.
That’s the problem with the two of us.
We’re both fucking liars.
