“It’s about time you come back out with us!” Octavia yells out to me as we head into the house, the bass from the music almost drowning out her voice. I follow after her through the sea of people as we head into the kitchen.
She wraps her long fingers around a bottle of vodka and pours it into two plastic cups as I grab some orange juice sitting on the counter with a bunch of different mixers. Octavia pours them in with the liquor and hands me one with a bright smile on her face.
“Seriously, girl. As much as I love Demi, I’ve missed you.” She taps her cup against mine and we both swallow a mouthful before she smiles at me again. My throat burns as the vodka slides down into my stomach and I welcome the warmth, knowing this is going to get me exactly where I need to be tonight. As mentally distant from Logan as possible.
I never did respond to his message and left him on read, even though I knew it would make his blood boil. He deserved to just sit with that and stew on it for a little. It wasn’t fair, this game we’ve been playing. All it’s doing is muddling our minds and I don’t like it.
At first, there was a certain degree of excitement, sneaking around. That was a long time ago and we’re past that now. I’m tired of being his secret and I’m tired of feeling like what we are doing is shameful. Sure, my brother might not agree with it, but when it comes down to it, it really isn’t his decision. It’s completely out of his control.
Logan and I are both consenting adults who can make their own decisions. Neither of us planned for this to happen, to fall so goddamn deep down this hole together, but now we’re here, there’s no way out.
And when I finally give Logan the chance to talk, I’m going to tell him how this is going to go. He has a choice he needs to make. Either we tell my brother about us or this stops now.
I’m tired of playing this endless game with Logan.
It’s all or nothing.
I’m well on my way to drunk as I dance with Octavia. Demi showed up at some point, but she disappeared with Mace, Silas’s friend. Neither of us questioned her on it because she’s had her eyes on him for a while, always pestering Silas about getting Mace’s number. I don’t know how it happened between them, but it looks like she finally got what she wanted.
Octavia is pretty drunk already. She bounces around, her body swaying with the music as she holds her hands above her head. Some random guy steps behind her, his hands finding her waist. She opens her eyes and they find mine as her lips curl upward into a smirk. Instead of pushing the guy away, she grinds her hips.
I laugh, shaking my head at her as she spins around and wraps her arms around the guy’s neck. They dance together and I suddenly feel like I’m a third wheel, even though this guy came out of nowhere. I’m not sure what his name is, but I’ve seen him around campus. Either way, good for Octavia.
Honestly, I’m kind of glad she has someone to distract her right now so she can keep her nose out of my business. She’s been bothering me more and more about what’s going on between Logan and I and I keep having to plead the fifth, even though she knows there’s something going on.
It’s exhausting, trying to keep up this charade of secrecy. I can’t risk anyone knowing the truth because if someone knows, then it’s only a matter of time before August finds out. And if he finds out from someone other than Logan or me, it’s not going to end well.
I drain the rest of my drink from my cup and make my way through the crowd that moves their sweaty bodies together to the beat of the music. No one seems to mind as I push past them and finally make my way through the clearing and into the kitchen. I grab a bottle of vodka and more orange juice as I make another drink.
Standing facing the counter, I lift the cup to my mouth when I feel a pair of hands sliding along my waist. It catches me off guard, taking me by surprise as I jump and yelp. The warmth of his breath skates along my ear as he laughs lightly, spinning me around in his grip.
It’s not who I want it to be, though.
Silas’s gaze meets mine, his lips tipping upward as he stares down at me. “I’ve been looking for you.”
“Well, I’ve been here all night,” I offer, smiling back at him as I try to rein myself back. There’s a bluish tint to the greens of Silas’s irises that I’ve never noticed before. He’s attractive, with his symmetrical features and chiseled jaw. I’ve tried to not look at him as more than a friend, but right now, he looks like a bad decision and I find myself leaning into him.
Get it together, Isla. Just because I’m drunk doesn’t mean I need to go making some impulsive decision.
“When did you get here?” I ask him, taking a step back from his grasp. His face falls for a moment, but he quickly recovers as he makes himself a drink.
“Maybe like a half hour ago,” he replies with a shrug. I watch the column of his throat bob as he swallows a mouthful of the liquor in his cup. “I lied when I said I’ve been looking for you. I saw you dancing with Octavia when I got here.”
My eyebrows draw together as my eyes bounce back and forth between his. “So, why didn’t you come over to us?”
He stares at me with a heated gaze, his fingers soft against my face as he brushes a stray hair behind my ear. “Because I liked watching you.”
I swallow roughly over the panic that is building inside me. It’s suddenly too hot in here and it feels as if the walls are closing in on me. I feel claustrophobic as fuck and I can’t tell if it’s because I’m too drunk or because Silas is coming on to me.
And the fact that my mind is working against me, telling me to do something I’m inevitably going to regret.
“Can we go outside?” I ask him, taking a step away from him, my body swaying from the alcohol racing through my system. “It’s really hot and loud in here.”
Silas nods, stepping toward me as he wraps his arm around my waist. “Of course, babe. Let’s go outside, somewhere where it’s more quiet… more private.”
My heart screams at me to go back inside, but my mind tells it to fuck off as I let Silas take me out onto the back patio. This is what Logan does to me. He fucks with my head so much that I don’t know what is up or down. I need to forget him, to forget the way that he makes me feel.
I lied when I said there was no way out of this hole we’ve fallen down together.
There’s only one way out and it ends with both of our hearts in shattered fragments.
