Past…
“I caught your boyfriend staring at Britney’s boobs in gym class today.”
Given Britney’s the only girl in eighth-grade with double Ds, I’m not surprised. Especially since she loves showing them off in her tight, low-cut tops whenever the opportunity strikes.
Rumor has it she set her sights on Jace and wants him to ask her to the upcoming end-of-the-year dance, but he told me he isn’t into her.
My tormentor is going to have to try another tactic to get his attention.
Swallowing my annoyance, I turn to face Tommy DaSilva.
With his dark almond-shaped eyes, shiny black hair, and bronzed skin thanks to his half-Japanese, half-Brazilian descent—a lot of girls in my grade have huge crushes on him.
But not me.
The day he made fun of Jace’s younger brother, Liam—he officially became Jace’s arch-nemesis.
Which automatically makes him mine, too.
He grins. “He’s planning on asking her to the dance next week.”
Despite knowing better, my stomach drops.
No matter how hard I try to push the newfound and intense feelings I’ve developed for Jace down…they aren’t going away.
They’re only growing stronger.
Averting my gaze, I continue organizing the stands in the band room closet. Mr. Rigo knows how much I love anything music related, so he usually lets me stay after rehearsal and clean up.
“You must be lost, Tommy. Last I checked, after-school tutoring was held in the cafeteria.”
Tommy is nice to look at, but he isn’t very bright. He struggles in almost all his classes and has been caught cheating on tests more than once.
Brows furrowed; he crosses his arms. “Why are you always such a bitch to me?”
He’s standing in front of the doorway, but I attempt to shove past him. “You know why.”
His hand wraps around my wrist. “Because your stupid boyfriend says you’re not allowed to talk to me?” Disgust sweeps over his face as he releases me. “Does he give you a treat after you roll over?”
The jerk is way out of line. “Jace isn’t my boyfriend and I’m not his pet. The reason I don’t talk to you is because you’re an asshole.”
He studies my face intently. “Have I ever been mean to you?”
Tommy hasn’t, but it doesn’t matter. He’s mean to others. Particularly, Liam.
From the moment Jace’s younger brother set foot inside our junior high school, he has been Tommy’s target.
However, Liam is too shy and anxious to stand up for himself, and since his twin Cole isn’t the type to fight anyone else’s battles, it’s up to Jace to watch over him.
“You’re mean to Liam.”
Amusement lights up his features. “Don’t tell me you have the hots for the sss-stutterer.”
I don’t, but as usual, Tommy is missing the point. “I’d rather spend a lifetime in a closet with him than five more seconds stuck here with you.” I bare my teeth. “Now get out of my way.”
His eyes narrow as he steps aside and I maneuver past him.
“Dylan, wait,” he huffs as I head for the exit. “I won’t make fun of History anymore.”
History is the nickname Tommy coined for Jace’s brother. He tells everyone it’s because history always repeats itself…just like Liam does.
“Stop calling him that,” I hiss.
“Okay.”
I pause, unsure if I heard him correctly. “Really?”
“If that’s what it will take for you to be cool with me.” He gives me a crooked smile. “I’ll even apologize.”
I’m utterly dumbfounded. “You’re going to apologize to Liam?”
A weird feeling crawls up my gut when he nods. Tommy doesn’t strike me as the kind of guy to do something decent without wanting something in return.
“Wh—”
“Like I said before.” He moves uncomfortably close. “If you’re nice to me…I’ll be nice to him. Got it?”
I swallow hard. The subtext is loud and clear—I just don’t understand why. I’ve spent most of my life avoiding him rather than engaging with him.
“What’s your deal, Tommy? Why do you want to be friends with me so bad?”
His gaze drops to my lips. “Has he ever kissed you?”
Only in my dreams.
My cheeks grow hot and I shove him away. “That’s none of your business.”
Tommy laughs as he walks to the door. “See you around.”
“Tommy DaSilva told me he’s going to apologize to Liam.”
I’ve been at Jace’s house for the better part of an hour now, mulling over when I should bring up my after-school encounter with his rival.
Me losing the stupid zombie battle game yet again seems like a good time.
Jace’s fingers freeze on the controller briefly before he presses pause. “When did you talk to Tommy?”
“Today…” I swallow hard. “After school.”
I’m not Jace’s pet like Tommy implied…but there’s no denying the intrinsic sense of loyalty I have to him. However, that loyalty goes both ways. Jace is always there for me whenever I need him.
“Well, after band practice,” I clarify.
I’m not sure what to make of his expression. We’re opposites that way. While I’m an open book—Jace wears a mask made of steel.
It matches the force field surrounding him.
The one I still can’t penetrate, even though we’ve been thick as thieves for over two years now.
His expression remains neutral, but the suspicion is practically coming off him in waves. “Tommy isn’t in band.”
Seeing as I have nothing to hide, I have no problem telling him the truth. But I need to tread carefully since I don’t want to make their ongoing feud worse.
“I know. I stayed after to clean up, and he ended up joining me in the closet.”
Those dark eyes practically burn right through me. “So, you two made plans to hang out alone in a closet together?”
It feels like a stone is trapped inside my throat. “No. It wasn’t like that. I’m not…we didn’t make plans to hang out. I don’t like Tommy.”
How could I when Jace holds my heart in the palm of his hand?
“Then why were you two alone in a closet…talking about my brother?”
Oh, God. I know he’s protective of his siblings, but Jace is acting like I committed treachery.
“Look, whatever you’re thinking, stop. I was organizing music stands in the closet by myself when Tommy approached me. I tried to leave, but he was standing in front of the door—”
“What?” The veins in his forearms bulge as his hands ball into fists. “He trap—”
“No. Can you let me finish?”
As much as I enjoy the protective side of Jace, I don’t want him to go after Tommy. The jerk finally agreed to stop making fun of Liam. Plus Jace has already been suspended once this year for beating Tommy to a bloody pulp.
That impermeable mask he wears slips into place again as he lays the controller on the floor beside him. “Go ahead.”
I pick at a piece of lint on my jeans. “Tommy wanted to know why I was mean to him, and I told him it was because he made fun of Liam all the time and I didn’t like it.” I look up at Jace. “When I started to leave, he said he’d be nicer to Liam. He even offered to apologize.”
His jaw works. “That doesn’t sound like Tommy.”
“I know. I thought the same thing. But when I asked him about his sudden change of heart, he said he wanted us to be cool.” I shrug. “I think he’s tired of being a jerk all the time and needs a friend.”
I’m not brave enough to mention the part about him wanting to know if Jace ever kissed me.
Jace snorts. “No. He’s messing with you.”
“Messing with me how?”
Annoyance sweeps over his features. “By making you think he’s into you.” He plucks the remote off the floor. “He knows we’re friends. He’s just pretending to like you so he can try to steal you away and get a rise out of me. Ignore him if he tries to talk to you again. I’ll set him straight tomorrow.”
A strange feeling brews in the pit of my stomach. It’s not that Jace isn’t right. Tommy is most likely using me.
But the dismissive way he’s implying that Tommy couldn’t seriously like me …
It’s as if the notion of anyone having feelings for me was utterly ridiculous.
“Why aren’t you playing?” Jace questions after a few minutes go by.
“What if he’s not?” I whisper. “What if Tommy really does like me?”
Jace rolls his eyes. “He doesn’t, trust me. It’s not possible.”
Ouch. The sinking feeling in my stomach travels upward until it wraps around my heart.
I have to leave…before I make an even bigger ass of myself.
When I became a teenager, my aunt Crystal warned me the next few years would be some of the best and worst of my life.
When I asked her why, she told me it was the time most girls had their first crushes, first kisses, and first loves…followed by their first heartbreak.
I, however, thought I was safe, because the person I gave my heart to…was my best friend.
And best friends aren’t allowed to break your heart.
It’s against the rules.
“Whoa. Where are you going?” Jace asks when I stand up. “We finally made it to the next level of Zombie Warfare. We’re close to the apocalypse.”
The irony. I’m pretty sure this is it.
“Is it really so hard to believe someone might be interested in me?” The question erupts out of my vocal cords like word vomit.
He grips the back of his neck as he stands, looking about as uncomfortable as I feel. Great.
“I don’t…what the hell is going on with you, D?”
God, he really doesn’t know. My vision becomes hazy and I close my eyes. Why would he?
“Is it because I don’t have huge boobs like Britney?”
Disgust rolls through me as the first tear makes its way down my cheek, but I can’t stop.
It turns out there is something even worse than unrequited love.
Being forced to pretend it doesn’t exist at all.
My feelings for Jace are slowly eating me alive…and it’s not fair that I’m the one forced to deal with them.
Jace—who always appears unflustered and in control—looks so confused, I almost feel bad for him. “What do Britney’s boobs have to do with anything?”
Ugh. He’s acting so dumb I could scream. “If I looked like Britney did, would it be easier for you to believe Tommy was into me?”
Annoyance flashes across his face. “Do you like Tommy? Is that why you’re so mad at me?”
I’ve never wanted to punch someone so badly before. Perhaps if I did, it would finally knock some sense into him.
“I already told you, I don’t like Tommy. I like yo—”
“Jesus. Stop ruining everything,” he shoots back. “We’re friends, Dylan. That’s all we’ll ever be.”
We stare at one another for what feels like an eternity as the full magnitude of his outburst seeps in.
Jace doesn’t feel the way I do. Far from it.
Holy shit. It would be more humane if Jace ripped out my beating heart and bludgeoned it with a mallet.
I wipe my tears with the back of my hand. The only thing worse than having your heart smashed, was crying in front of the person responsible for it.
Pain swells in my chest, and I draw in a heavy breath. The way I see it, I only have two choices. One—I can shove my love down as far as it will go. Keep pretending I don’t feel anything for him.
But I’m done with playing pretend. And now that everything I’ve been holding inside has come to the surface…it’s a long way down.
So long, we’ll never be able to get back to the place we started.
Our friendship is doomed.
Which only left option number two. I need to find out why. Given Jace has clearly made his mind up about the possibility of us ever being more than what we are, I deserve to hear all the reasons we can’t be together.
“Why?” I whisper.
My heartstrings are no longer pulling…they’re hanging by a thread tethered to Jace Covington.
His throat bobs. “Because we’re friends.”
I hate the way he emphasized the word friends. In the blink of an eye, he managed to turn a positive into a negative.
Apparently, my heart isn’t a fan of his answer either because I have the urge to dig deeper.
“Would you rather date someone you didn’t get along with?”
He shakes his head.
I take a step toward him. “Do you like being with me?”
He nods. I take another step.
My pulse is beating so hard it echoes in my ears. “Are you happy when we hang out? Do I make your day a little better?”
“No.” My lungs freeze…until he peers down at me. “You make it a lot better.”
If that’s true…it could only mean one thing.
“Am I not pretty enough for you?”
I’m not gorgeous like Britney. Much like my height, my features are perfectly average. My nose is a standard size. My cheekbones aren’t carved from stone. My eyes are blue, but they aren’t piercing blue. A handful of freckles sprinkle the bridge of my nose and cheeks, but they’re inconspicuous things and only come out when I spend time in the sun.
Unfortunately, my most noticeable feature is the dimple in the middle of my chin.
The one that made Britney call me stupid names like butt-chin.
Even on rare occasions when I dabbled with makeup, I was never a drop-dead knockout.
My aunt once referred to our similar looks as girl next door cute. She claimed it was a good thing, but I disagree.
I’m a mediocre girl with small boobs and a skinny, almost curve-less frame.
Mediocre doesn’t equal sexy. It’s basic and boring.
Embarrassment twists my guts. “That’s it, isn’t it?”
Jace isn’t attracted to me. My ordinary looks are a deal-breaker for him.
The ass is more superficial than I thought.
Then again, his mother was a former Bollywood actress. I’d seen a few pictures of her…even before her death, she looked just like an angel.
Heck, Jace’s entire family—with the exception of poor Liam who had a few scars from the car accident that killed their mother— is flawless.
No wonder he doesn’t want someone like me. We’re not in the same league.
“That’s not it.” His voice is so low I can barely hear him.
I inch closer. “Then what’s wrong with me?”
I hate sounding so desperate, but I need my best friend to make me understand how it’s possible for me to feel so much for him…while he feels nothing for me.
The small space between us tightens as I place my hand on his chest. His heart is beating even faster than mine.
“Nothing.” A heavy breath lodges in my throat when his hand grazes my hip. “You’re perfect.”
Tension hangs in the heavy silence between us. It’s obvious Jace is fighting this, I just don’t know why.
Heat rises to my cheeks and my palms grow sweaty. It’s now or never at this point, and if I’m going down, I might as well go down swinging.
“I never gave you your dare.”
Jace and I have a stupid game we play. Every Friday before school ended, we exchange notes with dares on them that have to be completed by the end of the upcoming week.
Usually, they’re harmless and gross challenges. Things like eating an insect, or finishing an entire pizza pie and two glasses of milk in ninety minutes.
If you refuse, you have to clean the other’s room and answer a personal—usually embarrassing—question of the other’s choosing.
Lucky for us, we’re both competitive, so we rarely ever lose.
For the last three months, I’ve had a certain dare burning a proverbial hole in my pocket…but I always chicken out.
Not today.
With shaky fingers, I reach inside my pocket for the folded note.
The hand on my hip tightens. “Don’t do this, D.”
Too late. I unfold the paper and hold it up to him.
I dare you to kiss me.
His features twist in pain, despite his grip on me tightening. “No.”
“If you’re so adamant that all we’ll ever be is friends, a stupid kiss shouldn’t be such a big deal.”
Silence.
It’s hard to argue with logic.
It’s even harder to argue with jealousy.
“If the thought of kissing me disgusts you so much, I’ll just ask Tom—”
I stop breathing when his hands frame my face. “No.”
“Why?”
“Because you don’t belong to Tommy.” His nostrils flare. “He can’t have you.”
“So, you don’t want me, but no one else is allowed to have me? Is that it?”
Long fingers wrap around the back of my neck, pulling me closer. “I never said I didn’t want you.” His face grows taut as he dips his forehead to mine. “I said we could never be more than friends.”
He’s talking in circles. Putting us through turmoil for no reason. The solution is simple. Literally right in front of us.
“Kiss me, Jace.”
“No.”
Irritation ripples through me. I’m growing tired of these stupid mixed signals that are impossible to decode.
“Then let me go.”
His gaze falls to my lips and he leans in. “I can’t.”
Before I can blink, his lips feather over mine in a whisper of a kiss.
They’re gone just as quickly.
“Got it,” Jace declares, taking several steps back.
“Got what?” Cole questions, taking the words from my mouth.
Jace holds up his finger briefly then wipes it on his pants. “Dylan had an eyelash in her eye. You know what a baby she is when it comes to eyeballs.”
Cole nods. “She’s the worst. Couldn’t even sit through Saw IV without getting squeamish.”
Jace laughs while I shoot them both dirty looks.
Liam gives me a sympathetic smile. “I d-don’t lik-k-ke eyeballs-s-s either, D-D-Dylan.”
“Yeah, they’re gross.” I turn my attention back to Jace. “Um. Can we—”
“I thought you were leaving?” He averts his gaze. “I have shit to do anyway, so you probably should.”
We both know Jace doesn’t have shit to do. I read the asshole loud and clear.
“Right.” I grab my hoodie. “See you around.”
“W-w-wait,” Liam calls out. “Y-y-you could h-h-hang out w-w-with me.”
Normally I’d take Liam up on the offer, but I don’t want to be anywhere near Jace.
“Thanks, Liam. Maybe next time.”
