Tiller’s not about, seems now’s as good a time as any to do the thing I’ve been avoiding doing but should have done a year ago.
I knock on her door and then my sister screams so I bust in, gun out and cocked.
And there she is, sitting in bed, my fucking dog sitting on her feet, that traitor.
“Are you okay?” I frown, glancing around, gun still out.
She breathes out, clasping her chest. “Fuck—” She sighs. “Put that away — I was watching Criminal Minds.”
“Why?” I walk over as I put the safety back on, tucking it away.
I frown down at what she’s watching. “This show’s always given you nightmares.”
I close her MacBook. “Where’s Tiller?”
Daisy folds her arms over her chest. “Work.”
I nod once, watch her for a couple of seconds, trying to read her how I’ve always done.
“He wasn’t a fan of Sticky Fingers?” I ask her.
She looks a bit sad but tries to morph it into a smile. “No, he was not.” She looks over at me. “Did you put the ring on the chandelier because you knew I was the only one who’d get it?”
I sniff, trying not to look completely caught out. “Maybe.” I shrug. “I was going to steal it for you if anyone else won it anyway.”
She stares over at me. “Did you?”
“Did I what?”
“Steal it.”
I mash my mouth together and give her a shrug. “Do you like it, at least?”
“Yes.” She nods, avoiding my eyes. “Thank you.”
“Got you something else—” I toss it into her lap and she picks it up — pretends for a second like she doesn’t know what it is… like I don’t get her one every time I fuck up or do something I shouldn’t or know that I’ve failed her. I don’t know why I give her gold doubloons — it started before mum and dad died, I forgot to get her a birthday present — I didn’t have anything that felt like I could give a seven-year old but I remembered I had a piece of gold dad gave me once, so I gave it to her and she lost her shit. She carried it around everywhere for a year. And now it’s just what I give her when when I feel shit or I’ve done something she won’t like.
“Where from?” I ask her, testing.
She flips over the eight Escudos, inspecting it. “Peruvian—” She squints. “REX HISPANIRUM ET…” She thinks to herself for a minute and I get this twinge of pride and annoyance that she’s this clever. “King of Spain and… Indies?”
I sniff a laugh.
“Good.” I think about quizzing her on the value but I don’t want her to ask where I got it. She doesn’t want to know.
I sit down on the edge of her bed. Pet my traitor-dog’s head. “Dais, we need to talk.”
She sits up straight, looks nervous. Makes me sad that she looks nervous around me— makes me angry at myself that I tossed away a trust she’d built in me all her life to win a stupid fucking fight.
I lean forward, not looking at her, breathe out — sort of hang my head a bit. “I’ve done some things I’m not proud of over the course of my life — but what I said to you that day in the hospital — it’s probably the thing I regret most.”
I peer over at her and I feel sick.
“Really?” she asks, almost hopeful.
I nod.
“Even more than the time Flopsy’s head was between the stokes of your bike and you didn’t know and you started riding it and you broke his neck?”
I roll my eyes. “Yes.”
“Even more than the time you kissed that girl from your school in front of Gia Bambrilla and then the next day they found that girl dead in the Thames?”
Fuck me — I toss her an exasperated look. “What’d you bring that up for?”
“I’m trying to get a gage.” She shrugs innocently.
“Fine—” I give her an impatient look. “More than that, then, yes.”
“Wow.”
I sniff a laugh and then I stare straight ahead. Feel the question bubbling up in me that I don’t want to ask because I feel like I shouldn’t care but I do.
“Why’d you do it, Dais?” I ask her and she brings her knees up to her chest.
Hope my face doesn’t look as sad and hurt as I am about it all. “How could you do that to me?”
She breathes out her nose, chews on her bottom lip the way she’s always done when she’s thinking.
“Do you remember what Dad said before he died? To me?”
I glance over at her. “You’re my keeper.”
She stares at a spot in the corner. “You’d kidnapped those kids and you’d worked with the MacMathans, and then, Jules — you worked with Mata Tosell? How could you?”
Wait. I frown. What?
I shake my head. “I’ve never worked with Mata.”
She looks away again, annoyed. “Don’t lie to me.”
“Dais—” I look for her eye. “I’ve literally never worked with Mata Tosell—” I’m actually a bit offended. “How could you think I’d work with him?”
“You transferred him £2 million!”
I roll my eyes. “Firstly, how the fuck do you know about that? And secondly…” I give her an exasperated look. “It was a poker game.”
She blinks a few times. “What?”
“It was a high-stakes poker game.”
“How high?” she asks loudly.
God, she’s annoying sometimes. “Very, obviously — I fucking lost two million quid.”
She moves in towards me a little, eyes looking a bit brighter. “You promise you’ve never worked with him?”
I nod once. “Promise.”
“And my other rules?” she asks, eyebrows up. “Have you kidnapped anyone since?”
“No.” I’m lying, but. “No, definitely not—” I shake my head, flash her a tight smile. “Yes. Fuck.”
“Julian!”
“Sorry—” I shove my hands through my hair. “Sorry! I just — it does get it done…”
She lowers her chin, glaring at me. “Julian.”
“But I’m done with it now, yeah?” I give her a tall smile. “Promise—” I nod and she’s looking at me weird, like she’s puzzling something out. “What? What’s that look?”
“Nothing—” She shakes her head. “I’m kind of surprised Koa let you—”
“What the fuck do you mean ‘let me’?”
“I mean I’m surprised he let you.” She shrugs.
“You know, I’m his boss—”
“Yeah—” She rolls her eyes. “But—”
“And you know him. A quick game’s a good game.”
She gives me a stern look. “It was the wrong thing to do.”
“No, I know.” I nod, trying to placate her. “But you’re the sun, Face! You’re the sun that shines on everything and makes it all light and you’re the thing makes us know right from wrong — and when you left we got worse, but now you’re back.” I elbow her gently.
“Kiss arse,” she tells me and I say nothing because I am. “And I’m not back back.” She looks over at me. “I’m not doing jobs for you or anything, I’m just… living here.”
I give her a look. “I never want you to do jobs for me— ever—”
She looks offended.
“It’s you— You’re the one always trying to worm your way into my jobs—”
She looks more offended and it makes me laugh.
“I’m good at them!” She frowns.
I give her a look like I’m unsure, even though she’s better than me at everything.
She smacks me for it and I don’t want her to be able to tell from looking at me, so I look away.
“I missed you, Face.”
She stares straight ahead and puts her head on my shoulder. Feels like the first deep breath I’ve taken in a year.
“Same.” She says.
