All this shit with Barnsey’s fucked me in the head a bit. All that ‘she’s a good person, she didn’t deserve this’ shit aside — because she is good and she didn’t deserve this — she is a fucking gang lord so then maybe she did. Maybe we all do.
The tensions are high around the hospital. Christian fought his dad — beat the fucking shit out of him. Hit me, nearly hit Dais without meaning to — she’s fine. Jud Hemmes and Callum Barnes are at each other’s throats, constantly. It’s fucked. Jonah’s rattled and exhausted, catching up, sitting in the chair now. His mum’s been training him well and for a long time. Callum’s positioned himself well in Jonah’s life to help gird him too.
But it’s all just a lot.
Jud there with Barnsey, not letting go of her hand the whole time, like sitting with her now half-dead in a hospital bed will make up for the time he didn’t just lose but threw down the fucking sink— that scared me.
He made a choice when Rem died to lock himself up, live in the fear and the hurt and not move past it and he lost years. All that time he could have been happy — you should have seen them before. How in love they were… it was fucking yuck but strangely wholesome. You didn’t want to look away. And then one thing happened — and it was a terrible thing, I’m not belittling that, what happened— kids dying, it’s fucked.
It’ll rip you apart if you let it and they let it.
Jud sank to the bottom of that pool with her.
I head out tonight to one of Jonah’s venues. One of his bigger nights, he asked me to stop by, make sure it was going okay.
Fine by me, I wanted to clear my head. My head feels like it’s being done in with all the drama.
I hadn’t thought about it — being totally honest. I probably should have, but I didn’t — that they might be there.
I’ve thought about her in the context of like, I want to call her, tell her all the shit that’s been happening, even though I can’t tell her any of it — but I didn’t think she’d be here.
But of course she would. She’s Jonah’s friend as much as I am, both of them are.
It jars me when I see her, standing at the bar with Henry Ballentine.
Thick as thieves, those two.
She swears up and down that they’ve never naffed — Christian said the same thing when I questioned it. I guess they’re more wholesome than I am.
She stands there close to him, they look like they’re having a serious conversation — weird that she’s not with BJ.
I look around the club, spot him on the side frowning as he watches her and his brother, drink in hand.
I don’t want to feel it, but I do. This fucking strange camaraderie between us. He’s a little prick in so many ways, but he’s sitting there watching her how I’d watch her if I could. This frown that tells me something’s amiss.
“Oi.” I sit down next to him. Haven’t spoken since we had that punch up.
He eyes me a bit suspicious for a couple of seconds but then lifts his eyebrows.
“Hey.” Bit unenthusiastic, but I won’t take it personally.
We stare over at each other, say nothing about the shit that happened before, what would I say? ‘You’re a fuck up, I’m a fuck up and we’re both in love with the same girl?’
I reckon he already knows.
“You seen the boys?” he asks instead.
“Yeah—” I nod but not at him. Not meaning to, but I’m just staring over at Magnolia. I look back over at him. “I was with them today.”
He nods. “They doing okay?”
I pull a face, give him a bit of a shrug.
“Is she?” he asks, frowning. “Barnsey, I mean.”
I shake my head. “No, not really—”
Ballentine shakes his head, looking annoyed.
“Fuck.” He sighs. “He’s being weird, like— I can help, I could—” His voice trails. Because what could he do? He’s not a doctor, he’s not a detective, he’s not one of us.
His intentions are good but his hands are tied.
I give him a weak shrug.
“Gang lord shit?” he asks, looking over at me.
I give him a quick nod. “Something like that.”
I look over at Magnolia, nod my chin in her direction. “What’s happening there?”
“Oh—” He frowns a bit. “Nothing. We’re just friends, for the minute.”
I pull back a bit, staring over at her. “What?”
He shrugs as he watches her. “Figuring shit out.”
I stare over at her and it rattles me a bit, makes me swallow heavy watching her bring up that champagne glass to her lips, toss her hair over her shoulders, talk too much with her hands — I miss everything about her. I thought I’d be fucking over it by now but I’m not, I’m so under it I’m sub-fucking-terranean.
Bit pissed about it, really. I glance over at Ballentine. Feels like he looked a gift horse in the mouth — I handed her back to you on a silver platter and you’re figuring shit out? What shit? She’s it.
That’s all that matters: her. So fuck him. He’s a fucking idiot who grew up with everything handed to him so all he wants with her is the chase but I just want her.
I stand up, not taking my eyes off her. “I’ll catch you in a bit, yeah?”
Don’t wait for him to respond, don’t know whether he’s watching me or not — I don’t care.
And then I walk over.
“Hen—” I nod at him first.
Henry reaches past her to smack me in the arm.
“Give us a minute?” I say it like a question but really I’m telling him.
He flicks his eyes over at her and she gives him a subtle nod and I wait til he’s out of earshot before I duck so I catch her eye.
“Alright — what the fuck is going on with you two?”
She purses her mouth.
“You know what they say — strike while the iron is… tepid.”
I roll my eyes.
“We’re figuring it out.” She shrugs.
I give her a look and clock Ballentine over on the couch — he’s watching on. Not impressed.
Don’t really care. I want her back.
“Figuring it out?” I blink. “He just told me you’re just friends—”
That hits her hard, sort of how I hoped it might. She breathes out her nose. “That’s a loose term—”
I lean in towards her, close as I can, my mouth right up against her ear.
“Oi, listen, I didn’t stop having the best sex of my life so you could go off and be friends with Ballentine—” She rolls her eyes like I’m being annoying, but I give her a look. Want to make sure she knows I’m serious. “You deserve more, Magnolia.”
“Julian—” She sighs, looking frustrated. “What are you doing?”
“Nothing—” I shrug.
“You don’t like me like that, remember?” She touches her chest. “You never have. ‘Relieved to be rid of me’, were your exact words.” I reckon I see some hurt dance across that face of hers. “I love him… I think I’ve done a bad job of showing him that.”
I know the feeling, Parks. Duck again so I can catch those eyes of hers that keep falling. “And him you.”
She looks up at me, eyes all heavy.
I shake my head at her, give her a tight smile. “That stupid face you got — who’s not with you if they have the chance?”
She rolls her eyes like I’m just trying to flatter her so I catch her eye again, hold it steady. “I’m serious, Tiges. What’s he playing at?”
That looks like it hits her square in the chest because her gaze falls.
“I don’t know.”
Feel angry that he’s making her feel like that. “Is he cocking around?”
She glares up at me. “No—”
“How do you know?”
“He’s just not—” She takes a staggered breath. “I know he’s not.”
I sniff a laugh and I lean back in close towards her. “Tiges, I know he makes you go starry-eyed and shit, but honestly, if he loves you how he says he does, why the fuck isn’t he with you?” I shrug once.
Licks her bottom lip, looks like she might cry — shit — and then she pushes past me and walks back towards the office.
I’d follow her but BJ’s already on his feet, glaring at me as he jogs after her.
I go sit down next to Henry, he peers over at me, eyebrow cocked.
“What are you playing at?”
I shrug. “Not playing at anything—”
“Bullshit you aren’t.” He shakes his head.
“Do you know who you’re talking to?”
“Yeah, I do and I don’t give a shit.” He looks away, bored. Usually someone saying that would annoy me enough to fuck them up, but from him I don’t mind it. Kind of funny, actually.
“How’s it going with you and Taura, then?” I ask, happy to change the subject.
“Yeah, fine.” He shrugs. “Better, maybe. Or worse?”
That’s a bit shit. If things are going better for Henry, they’re going worse for Jonah.
“She with him?”
Henry shakes his head. “She’s on her way here now — I think she tried to visit, but—” He shrugs.
I frown for him. “Any end in sight?”
He shakes his head, breathes out. “I thought for a minute, yeah — but now with all this shit with Barnsey — I don’t know. And that’s if it’s me, it might not be me.” He shrugs.
“I thinks it’s you, for what it’s worth.” I tell him without looking at him. “Reckon Jo knows it too, just hard to admit, you know?”
Henry sighs and then I spot Taura. Nudge him and point and he flashes me a smile, but the smile looks tired. Either way, he gets up and goes to her.
Wonder what Magnolia and BJ are doing in that office. It’s been a while. I know what I’d be doing with her in that office, what I’ve already done with her in that office a hundred times before.
The thought makes me feel like shit so I look around the room, trying to work out who I’ll take home instead, and then out of the corner of my eye I see a pink flash moving quickly through the club towards the exit and then I’m on my feet chasing after her.
Catch her halfway down the stairwell.
Grab her by the wrist and spin her around to face me.
“What happened?” I duck so I can see her face.
Crying.
I breathe out of my nose, annoyed. “Want me to fuck him up?”
“No.” She shakes her head.
“Where are you going?”
She sniffs, wipes her nose with her sleeve.
“Can I give you a ride?” I offer.
She nods, staring up at me, and I wipe her face with my thumbs.
“What did he say to you?” I ask, tilting her chin up towards me.
“Nothing—” she lies, looks away.
I hook my arm around her and pull her down the stairs, looking back to make sure Koa’s following.
“Where am I taking you?” I ask her.
“Home, Julian—” She glares up at me.
“Okay—” I shrug as I open my car door, help her in. She climbs in, I watch her arse as she does. Spectacular arse. Climb in after her.
“You know, you wouldn’t be doing anything wrong if you didn’t go home—”
She stares over at me from the other side of the car.
“Yes—” she says quietly but gives me a firm nod. “I would.”
Tilt my head at her. “Not technically…”
She looks out the window. “Just in all the ways that matter.”
“Come on—” I grab her wrist again, pull her over so she’s sitting by me. “You’re saying you don’t want to fuck me as a fuck you?”
She stares up at me, she thinks about it, I can tell she thinks about it. And then she shakes her head.
“Please just take me home.”
Magnolia
1:03am
1:03am
You good
Yeah
Actually?
No
Want me to come back?
Julian
What
What are you doing
I hate it when you’re sad
I’m fine
You’re not, but alright
Call me tomorrow?
Maybe.
I’ll call you tomorrow.
I will answer you tomorrow.
X
X
