For a long time, I sat by Imogen’s side, holding her hand as I gathered the necessary courage to call my mother. It was late morning in Dublin. Even after a hard night at the bar Mum would be awake to pick up Finn from our neighbor and spend time with him. I hated to ruin her day like this, to take away her hope and give her this horrible news.
Then, I remembered my anger at Lorcan because he hadn’t told me and I dialed Mum’s number. She deserved to know. Imogen was her daughter.
After the second ring, Mum picked up, sounding a little rushed. “Aislinn, I dashed out of the shower to take your call. Are you okay?”
She worried constantly about me. “I’m fine. I—” I swallowed. “How’s Finn?”
“He misses you terribly, Aislinn. When are you going to return?”
I cleared the lump in my throat. “Mum, Imogen she—.” A sob rattled my body. All the emotions I’d been bottling up threatened to spill over.
Silence echoed on the other end of the line. “Is she dead?” The stark fear in Mum’s voice made me shudder.
“No,” I pressed out.
Mum let out a sob, then she cleared her throat. I could picture her squeezing her eyes shut very hard as she always did when she tried not to cry. In the past, that had happened very often. Over the last few years, though, Mum had hardened to our reality. Sometimes I admired her for her hard shell, sometimes resented her. Now, I knew better. I was on my way to being just like that.
“But, Mum, she’s not well. Not well at all. There was an accident.” Why was I lying? Hadn’t I just fought with Lorcan because he lied to me? But I couldn’t bring myself to tell Mum Imogen had picked the wrong guy, a married criminal, and that he’d tried to kill her when she very likely blackmailed him. Knowing Imogen that was the only explanation I had. “She suffered some brain damage and is in a coma.”
Mum released a shuddering breath. “Did you talk to the doctors? Will she wake?”
I’d only briefly talked to one of Imogen’s doctors, but like Lorcan he offered little hope for my sister’s future, whether she woke or not.
“They don’t know. I’ll make sure she gets the best medical care and I’ll talk to her every day so she knows she’s loved. She’s a Killeen. She won’t give up without a good fight.”
“I should be there, with you, with Imogen.”
I bit my lip. I wanted her here, wanted nothing more, but I knew Mum ran away from New York for a reason. Even if Lorcan’s uncle was long dead, Mum might still have enemies here.
“If you want to fly over, Lorcan will pay for you and Finn. I talked to him. To him you’re family.”
“Family,” she scoffed, but then became quiet. “I don’t want charity, not from a Devaney. I’ll ask Sean if he can give me some money.”
I doubted he’d give her anything considering his reaction when I’d asked him for money, but maybe Mum had wrapped him around her finger again. “Okay. But we are paying for Finn’s ticket. No arguments.”
Sean had a successful business but he had a penchant for expensive Scotch, poker and vintage cars, so even if he decided to loan Mum money, he wouldn’t have enough to spare for Finn as well.
“We? Are you and Lorcan an item again?”
Mum’s voice was neutral. I froze, shaking my head then realized Mum couldn’t see it. And would it really have been the truth? Lorcan and I were still married. But he’d sent me away … and now I was back and supposed to return to our apartment and maybe his bed. Mum had never mentioned the night I had spent with Lorcan though I could tell she’d known I had been with him.
“Don’t worry about me, Mum. I’ll handle everything. Tell me when you’ll be there.”
“I know you will, I’m just worried by what that means.”
I hung up, and took Imogen’s hand again. Mum’s words kept repeating in my head. Mum used Sean’s infatuation to her advantage so he’d borrow her money. She never really gave him hope that they could be a couple, and she only did it when things were really dire for us. Still, she used him. Imogen had always used her beauty to get what she wanted. Rarely were her motives noble. And now I was using Lorcan, and I had been since the moment I’d met him in Sodom. Using men seemed to be a Killeen trait.
Lorcan blackmailed me. But was I still using him? I had agreed to live in his apartment. Was I doing this to get what I wanted? I wanted to stay in New York. I wanted to find Imogen’s attackers. I needed Lorcan’s help for that. I wouldn’t go to the police again. For one, I didn’t believe they could help me with this. And I didn’t want to betray Lorcan again. Even if he’d kept Imogen’s appearance from me, he made sure she was protected and taken care of. He didn’t have to do it. He didn’t know her and probably didn’t like her. He’d done it for me. I rubbed my face. I was tired and confused. I put my head down on Imogen’s hospital bed, trying to shut off my thoughts.
I must have fallen asleep soon after.
“Mrs. Devaney?”
I groaned, disoriented.
“Mrs. Devaney?”
I jerked my head up, startled by the use of the name. In Dublin I’d introduced myself as Killeen, but now back in New York, I was Lorcan’s wife again.
Corbin stood in the doorway. “It’s seven. I’m supposed to take you home now.”
Home. Lorcan’s apartment. I slanted a look at my sister, who lay as motionless as she had when I arrived. Maybe I was hoping for a miracle. That she’d wake if she heard and felt a familiar person.
I kissed her forehead then got up and followed Corbin out. He’d grabbed my small suitcase. I felt strangely nervous when we arrived on Lorcan’s street. With a quick thanks I got out of the car and took my suitcase. Corbin waited until I reached the front door, which opened, revealing Lorcan. He gave a nod at Corbin then took the suitcase from me and together we ascended the staircase. We didn’t talk, which only increased my nerves.
Everything was still exactly as I remembered it. The potted plant that I’d bought was still alive, resting on the windowsill of the living room, which surprised me. I would have thought it’d be all dried out by now. Lorcan must have watered it.
“I’m sure you’re hungry,” Lorcan said.
I nodded.
“This is from a new pub around the corner. It’s not very good. Nothing is compared to your cooking.”
Lorcan filled two bowls with stew and we dug in. I occasionally glanced at him. An apology sat on the tip of my tongue but I couldn’t get it out. He leaned back when he was finished eating, looking as manly and bear-like as I fantasized about in my dirty dreams. Especially our last encounter in New York, me hanging from chains, had often replayed in my fantasies. It was wild, overwhelming, painful, and thrilling in a way that still got my pulse racing and my core clench with need, though I doubted I needed a repeat performance of that incident.
“Mum’s paying for her own ticket, as expected, but I told her we would pay for Finn.”
I snapped my lips shut, realizing I said ‘we’ again.
Slowly, Lorcan’s mouth pulled into the shadow of a smile, almost a smirk, but a bit softer. “We?”
“It’s your money, so you, of course.”
“But you said ‘we’.”
I had, and I wasn’t sure why my mind seemed so ready to accept my bond with Lorcan again. When I was sent back to Dublin, I thought—rather hoped—I could return to my old life and repress all memories from New York and my time with Lorcan. Obviously, that didn’t happen.
I shrugged as if it didn’t matter, but for a man like Lorcan, small slips of the tongue weren’t nothing. In his business, he had to pay attention to every small detail to read his opponent. And my need for him after the attack had probably been a pretty good indicator of my emotional state when it came to him too.
I suppressed a yawn, but I could barely keep my eyes open. It had been a long and emotionally draining forty-eight hours.
“Go to bed,” Lorcan ordered. I reached for my bowl. “Just get ready for bed. I’ll handle it.”
I smiled slightly. “You mean throw it in the sink for me to put in the dishwasher tomorrow morning?”
He cocked an eyebrow and motioned at his countertops. “Do you see any dirty dishes? I kept this apartment clean for a decade before you.”
“Then why didn’t you while I was here?”
He chuckled. “I guess I wanted to see your domestic side, and it was nice to be taken care of for a change.”
His words held honesty even if they were spoken with little emotion.
“You mean you liked to be serviced.”
Lorcan reacted exactly as expected. “Oh, I enjoy being serviced by you in all kinds of ways.”
The look in his eyes caused a shiver to pass over my back at, but I wasn’t sure if I could, if I should allow physical closeness now. I quickly rose to my feet. “I’m getting ready for bed now.”
Lorcan didn’t say anything, but I could feel his gaze follow me all the way to the bedroom. Once settled, I realized it was our bedroom. I could have gone to the guest bedroom. Wouldn’t that have made more sense?
It didn’t matter now. Lorcan probably would have told me to move my ass to our bedroom anyway, but that I’d gone there without prompting probably gave him the same sign as my careless use of the word “we”. I grabbed a nightgown from my suitcase and went into the bathroom. Lorcan hadn’t thrown away my toothbrush or my makeup remover. I felt strangely touched by this. I was definitely done for tonight.
The moment I stretched out in the bed, and the scent of the familiar detergent and Lorcan hit my nose, my eyes slid shut and I drifted off.
I jerked upright with a choked scream, my hands going to my throat.
A warm hand touched my cheek.
“You’re safe,” a deep voice rumbled, familiar and yet unfamiliar in its comforting tone.
A dim light turned on, and Lorcan’s face took shape before me. He looked as if I’d ripped him from sleep. I swallowed. “I had a nightmare.”
Lorcan brushed away a few strands sticking to my sweaty forehead. “About your sister?”
I nodded. “I think so, but I was in her position. I was on a boat and a man started beating me. I tried to fight him, and then he shoved me into the water.” I massaged my throat. “I couldn’t breathe and I panicked. There was blood everywhere in the water.” I shuddered, imagining that this might very well be close to what Imogen had experienced in her last waking moments.
Lorcan came even closer. As always, his scent had a visceral effect on me—not just sexual but also making me feel protected. “Trust me, nothing of the sort will ever happen to you. You are my wife. I’ll protect you. After what happened in Dublin, more than ever. Nobody is ever going to hurt you again.”
“Unless you ever find me with another man on a boat,” I said in an attempt at a joke.
He chuckled, but something dark filled his eyes. “I’d throw him in the ocean first. But I have a feeling you’re not someone who would ever cheat. You’re a clear-cut person like me.”
It was true. I never understood why people didn’t just end things if they couldn’t be faithful. And even when I was back in Dublin, despite our marriage ending, I never thought about other men. I had a feeling now maybe it wasn’t over after all.
“I never even thought about anyone but you while in Dublin. Strange, right?”
Possessiveness filled Lorcan’s eyes as he grabbed my neck. He didn’t pull me in for a kiss but I could see that he wanted to. “Not at all. I haven’t given any other woman a second glance since you stumbled into my life.”
Maybe this was a bad idea, and my body was probably way too exhausted, but I wanted to be with Lorcan. I knew he’d make me forget all else.
“I need—”
I didn’t have to finish my sentence. Lorcan’s lips pressed against mine, much gentler than I remembered them. I touched his chest, allowing his warmth to seep into me to banish any remnants of my dream.
The gentle friction of our lips stirred something inside of me, and when his tongue parted my lips and teased my mouth, I was ready to hand all control over to Lorcan. I just wanted to feel, not think, not act. I wanted to be putty in his hands. Lorcan pushed my strap down, revealing my breast. His fingers found my nub and tugged, gently at first then harder. He rolled my nipple between his thumb and forefinger, but our kiss remained slow. Still, I felt every stroke of his tongue and every tug of my nipple between my legs. A familiar warmth filled my core.
Lorcan pulled back and yanked my nightgown over my head then pushed me back down onto the bed. “Close your eyes,” he demanded.
My eyelids fluttered shut as my body sank into the mattress. For a moment, I was worried the blackness would invite unwelcome images back, but then heat engulfed my nipple as Lorcan sucked it into his mouth. A finger brushed my other breast then lightly traced my areola. He sucked my nipple hard, making my back arch, while his finger continued the soft tracing. The contrast of the two touches was intoxicating, and my panties clung to my wet center. His finger followed the underside of my breast down to my navel, and he circled that as well, making me giggle.
“A weak spot,” Lorcan rumbled against my breast before closing his lips around my nipple again.
Too focused on his finger sliding lower, and stroking along the hem of my panties, I didn’t say anything. I needed his touch so badly. “Lorcan—”
“Shh, sweet Aislinn, you’ll get exactly what you need.”
His finger glided over my mound, brushed my clit for a bare second before he followed my wet panties into the crease between my folds. I moaned softly when he gently slid his finger back and forth. My panties were completely ruined by now.
“Beautifully wet,” Lorcan said in a low voice.
He kept up the gentle teasing, bringing me to the brink but not close enough to fall. Lorcan released my nipple and his lips followed the same trail his finger took until he hovered his mouth over my pussy. He pushed my legs farther apart so he could settle between them. Then his tongue pushed between my folds, tasting me through the fabric of my panties. It was strangely erotic and the sensation was more arousing than I’d thought.
“Your panties are dripping. I can taste you perfectly.” He dipped his tongue even deeper, wedging the fabric against my opening. I moaned and parted my legs even wider. I wanted his tongue and fingers inside of me then his cock. I wanted all of him.
The mattress moved as his weight shifted then he closed my legs so he could slide my panties down my legs. With my legs pressed together, he pushed them up against my chest.
“Beautiful.”
Goose bumps covered my skin at his praise. He left kisses on my ass cheeks and folds then lightly sucked them into his mouth before forcing his tongue between them. The tight pressure of my closed legs intensified the feel of his tongue against my sensitive flesh. More arousal dripped out of me and Lorcan’s tongue lapped it up then dipped lower to the opening he’d claimed when he punished me. I clenched, a mix of lust and anxiety coursing through me, but his tongue only brought pleasure. Then it was gone and a firmer presence parted my folds. He pushed a single finger into me. I gasped at how intense it felt due to the position. He eased it in and out slowly. I whined when he stopped touching me. Then his finger brushed my lips, coating them with my juices. “Open up.”
I did and sucked his finger clean, tasting myself and growing unexpectedly more aroused from it. Lorcan released his grip on my legs, and I lowered and parted them invitingly.
“You want to be licked?”
I gave a terse nod.
He shifted and a soft, wet touch teased my clit. Lorcan kissed it, and then the mattress moved again. For a while nothing happened. It took all my self-control not to open my eyes. My lips parted in surprise when his thick tip entered my folds. I hadn’t expected that. He brushed it over my clit until I was panting, and his tip was slick with my lust. He slid deeper, and I sunk my teeth into my lower lip at the firm pressure against my opening. He breached me until his tip was engulfed by my walls. I released the breath I was holding. After these last few weeks of abstinence, I had to get used to his girth again. The stretching was close to being painful, but at the same time it increased a very deep sensation of pleasure that filled my entire body. Lorcan didn’t touch me anywhere else as he worked his entire erection into me.
“I missed this,” he groaned.
I couldn’t say anything, too overwhelmed by the sensation of him filling me so completely. He pulled out slowly then slid back in, and then he was gone. My eyes flew open.
“Close your eyes,” Lorcan warned, and I did without hesitation. “Get up on your knees.”
With Lorcan’s help, I kneeled and positioned myself over his face. When his hot breath fanned over my overheated flesh, I held my breath, so ready for more, for whatever Lorcan had in store for me.
“Now that my cock’s prepared that pussy, I can fuck you deeply with my tongue.”
And he did. His hands on my hips guided me lower. His tongue entered me and stroked along my inner walls. It was a much gentler fucking than with his cock. My climb toward release was slow, almost torturously so, but at the same time it was such a deep, soothing, sensual experience that I wanted to relive over and over again. Soon I rotated my hips, rode his tongue and lips, my own needs guiding me. I found a rhythm that forced Lorcan’s tongue to enter me deeply while his stubble teased my clit. I moved slowly, allowed my pleasure to build, really focused on the way Lorcan’s tongue stroked my sensitive flesh, the way his lips caressed my folds and clit. I screamed as my release rolled over me in a violent wave. Lorcan’s hands on my waist centered me, guided my movements as my orgasm rippled through me. I opened my eyes and looked over my shoulder, needed to see. Lorcan’s face glistened with my juices, his tongue still inside of me. His eyes held a smirk when they met mine. He lifted me about an inch, his tongue sliding out, then he began to stroke along my opening and clit. I shuddered again.
Lorcan’s eyes never left mine as he lapped at me. Soon the overstimulated sensation switched to subtle need again. “Bend forward and suck my cock while I tease more nectar out of you.”
I lowered myself on top of Lorcan until his erection was directly in my face. I closed my lips around it, tasting myself and Lorcan’s familiar saltiness. His palm caressed my back then nudged my head so I took him deeper into my mouth. His tongue slid back and forth along my slit, ignoring my clit. Then he pushed two fingers into me and his tongue circled my swollen nub.
He thrust upward into my mouth, driving himself deeper and deeper, harder and faster, just like his fingers inside of my pussy. Lorcan’s release filled my mouth and my own orgasm crashed down on me. I moaned around his twitching erection. I swallowed as best as I could but every brush of Lorcan’s tongue against my sensitive flesh sent a tremor through my body. Lorcan and I both stilled.
“Keep on going. You need to get him up again. I want to give you your next orgasm by fucking you.”
Exhausted, I curled my fingers around his base then sucked his half-erect cock.
Lorcan stroked my opening with his thumb. “Do you need additional prepping?”
I quickly shook my head. I couldn’t take more now.
I chuckled darkly then relaxed while I sucked him slow and deep. Lorcan couldn’t keep his hands off me for long though. His thumb gently traced my folds, ignoring my clit.
“I can’t resist you.” His cock rapidly filled with blood until he was as hard as he was before his orgasm. Every time I moaned around him, a hint of saltiness erupted on my tongue. I swirled my tongue around it, suddenly understanding why Lorcan was always so pleased when I was wet. It showed me exactly how horny Lorcan was because of me. My moans, my pussy, my arousal, they turned him on and in turn I was turned on. Lorcan clapped my ass.
“I need to be inside of you. Lie on your back.”
Too exhausted, I rolled off him with little elegance. Lorcan climbed on top of me, his elbows on either side of my body and his chest flush with mine. I wrapped my arms around him, my palms against his strong back. His weight made me feel centered and safe. When he slid into me slowly and his lips found mine for a passionate kiss, all else faded to the background.
After we’d both found release, Lorcan rolled off me. He pulled me against his body and draped the covers over us. “Sleep now. No nightmares.”
I nodded.
I fell asleep in Lorcan’s arms, too exhausted for everything, even bad dreams.
When I woke, it was already 8:30, much later than my usual wake-up time. I felt surprisingly well-rested despite going to bed so late and the jet lag. My sleep had been incredibly deep thanks to Lorcan exhausting me to the max. I checked my phone. I had two messages from Mum saying she would need a couple of days to organize the money—whatever that meant—and asking if I wanted Finn to fly ahead.
I quickly answered “no” because at the moment, I wanted someone to stay at Imogen’s side every day, and if Finn were here without Mum, I would have time to take care of him. I didn’t want him to come here and have to spend all his time with Maeve.
I wondered if there was a way to trick Mum into accepting Lorcan’s money. I sent her a message, asking her again to take “our” money for the flight since this was a dire situation.
It was still nighttime in Dublin, and Mum was probably still working or had just gone to bed, so I didn’t expect an answer any time soon. I found a note from Lorcan on the table that said Seamus would pick me up at nine and that I should give him a call around lunchtime so he could make sure I was all right.
Something inside of my warmed at his note. I didn’t want to dwell on my own emotions, or what was going on between us. I was glad for Lorcan’s support, no matter what our future held.
I was asleep on the chair beside Imogen when my phone vibrated. Bleary-eyed, I glanced at the screen. It was Mum. I picked up immediately.
“Mum, do you have the money for the flight?”
“No,” Mum said hesitantly.
“Mum, please take the money from us. Imogen needs you here. I need you here.”
“I’ll take the money from Lorcan, as an official loan with interest.”
“Mum—”
“No, Aislinn. That is my condition. Either you agree or I’ll ask the Devaneys here for a loan.”
I shook my head in frustration. “All right. I’m sure Lorcan will give you the money as a loan.”
“With interest. The usual rates.”
I bit back my comment. I could argue with Mum once she was in New York. “Okay, okay, Mum. Just book the earliest flight for you and Finn so I’ll have you here with me, please.”
“I’ll be there soon. Finn won’t stop talking about New York and Lorcan.”
I smiled slightly. Finn would be ecstatic to see Lorcan again. “You won’t tell him why you’re visiting, right?”
“Of course not. I don’t see why I should burden him with the truth.”
“See you soon. Tell me when you’ve booked a flight, okay?”
“See you soon, Aislinn.”
I hung up and released a small sigh. It was one o’clock, and I was supposed to call Lorcan. He picked up after the second ring.
“I was wondering if you’d forgotten about me,” he mused with a hint of amusement.
“I fell asleep and then Mum called.”
“I shouldn’t keep you awake all night.”
I smiled. “It helped with the nightmares.”
“Good to know.” The sound of the harbor, ship honkings and the clanging of metal filled the background. “What about your mother?”
I explained the situation to him, growing agitated again.
Lorcan chuckled. “She’s stubborn like you.”
“I might be stubborn, but I’m not unreasonable. Mum’s both. Money’s already tight. If she takes a loan from you with Five-Leaf-Clover’s ridiculous interest rates, she’ll never be able to pay it back.”
“It’s her decision. I won’t force her to accept me as family and if she prefers Five-Leaf Clover’s rates, then she’ll get her wish.”
I shook my head, frustrated. “I’ll talk to her again once she’s here. I’m sure I can make her see reason.”
“Do what you must. I’ll do what I can.”
“Thank you,” I whispered very quietly. I wasn’t sure if I’d thanked him for his help yet.
He was silent on the other end, and I wished I could see his face. “That’s what husbands do.”
