She didn’t expect those words to come out of my mouth. And hell, I didn’t really expect them either, but the fact she even knows what a flogger is, let alone liking one being used on her, has my cock so fucking hard against the zipper of my jeans it’s painful.
I won’t be able to tie her down and punish her right this second, but it’s something she could build up to again. If that’s what she wants. I won’t force it on her, not after what Craig did, but it could help her. It would make her feel whole for the first time since that night.
The look of concern across her features is cute, the way her brows pull together and her nose crinkles slightly as if she thinks the words are the single most insane thing she’s ever heard, and hey, they may be. I may have read the story wrong, but the way she spoke about the club and BDSM was like she was talking about an old friend she hasn’t seen in years.
I bring my hand up to brush my thumb across her cheek in a reassuring gesture. She knows I won’t hurt her, if she didn’t she would have flung herself halfway across the room the moment I suggested it, but she’s curious.
“We won’t do anything you’re not ready for, dove. But you miss it.”
Wynter nods slowly, as if she’s afraid of her own answer. “I do.”
“So let’s try.” I shrug.
She sighs and tries to push off my lap again. She keeps doing that when the conversation veers in a direction that makes her uncomfortable, but I’m not having any distance between us ever again. If this is something she needs, it’s going to happen.
“Everett, I need some space,” she says quietly.
“Too bad. No more space. No more secrets. No more distance.”
“So you’re going to tell me why you left then?” She quirks her brow in the most adorable sign of defiance.
I chuckle and shake my head slowly. “Nice try. But I will tell you everything you need to know once I’m sure you’re coping with the loss of your parents. I don’t want to be the reason you shut down.” The truths I have to tell her are ugly and she’s going to hate hearing them, she’ll probably even disagree with the reason I left, but there’s no going back now. I did what I did, and we both have to learn to live with that.
Wynter rolls her eyes. “Well I guess there are still some secrets then, huh?”
“Did you just roll your eyes at me, little dove?” I growl.
The corners of her lips pull up into a devious smile as she shrugs. “Maybe.”
“See, dove.” I lean in until my lips brush against the shell of her ear and an involuntary shiver runs through her entire body. “You’re begging for a punishment,” I whisper.
“No, I’m not.”
I chuckle right before I sink my teeth into the sensitive flesh beneath her ear and relish in the little gasp of mingled pleasure and pain that tears from her throat. “Liar.” I run my tongue along the ridges of the bite mark I’ve left in her skin before moving just below it and biting into her again. “See, you know what I think, little dove? I think you love the idea of me bending you over and punishing you for running away today. I think your head is telling you to say no, but your body is begging you to give in because you crave it.”
“No,” she breathes, the word barely audible to either of us over our racing hearts.
“All these lies are only going to add to your punishment, dove.”
“I can’t.” She shakes her head as she moves her icy blue eyes to meet mine.
There’s fear behind the pools I fell in love with, but it’s mingled with a myriad of other emotions. Excitement. Nervousness. Arousal. They’re all there swirling around relentlessly, overwhelming her. This is why she needs this. She needs for it all to go quiet for a while. She needs someone to take the decisions out of her hands, just for a little while so her mind can rest.
“Yes you can, dove. You know me, you trust me, whether you accept that or not. And you know I would rather die than cause any harm to you, don’t you?”
She nods slowly.
“So why not give it a chance?”
“You say that like it’s so damn easy.”
“That’s because it is. You want this, and I can give it to you in a safe environment. You’ll have a safe word, I wouldn’t restrain you, and I’ll be able to tell if it gets to be too much for you. I know you, dove, and I’ll know if you’re struggling.” I press a kiss to her temple, my arms tightening around her. Just having her back in my arms is like coming home. Being back with her is all I’ve thought about for the last eight years, even as I walked out the door that morning, I had to stop myself from turning my ass around and crawling back into the bed beside her very naked body.
Wynter tugs her bottom lip between her teeth, gnawing on it as she consider what I’m offering. That mind of hers has always been a problem, she’s always overthinking every single possible outcome of her decisions. It’s why she needs this so fucking badly, and if I’m honest with myself, I need it too.
Over the years, I’ve dabbled in BDSM. In the time before Wynter turned eighteen, when I was in love with my best friends little sister and trying to fight against what I’d known for as long as I’d known her, I found myself at clubs just like the one she mentioned during college. And then after I left, when I needed the world to stop, sometimes dishing out punishment to a sub was the only thing that could do it.
But doing it to Wynter is going to be a whole other story. It’ll be more than just an outlet for all the pent-up tension between us, it’ll be more than missing her and desperately trying to feel anything for someone else. It’s more than all of that.
“You’re thinking too much.” I brush my thumb along her cheekbone as I hold her eyes on mine. “What have you got to lose?” When she starts nibbling at her bottom lip again I gently free the battered pillow of flesh and rub it carefully.
“If I let you do this, I’ll lose everything when you leave again, and I don’t know if I’m strong enough to survive that.” She blinks back the tears pooling in her eyes.
“I’m not going anywhere, Wynter. I don’t know what about those words you’re not grasping, but you need to start accepting it, even if I have to tell you every hour on the hour for the rest of our goddamn lives. I’m never leaving you again. I couldn’t even if I wanted to. I spent years fighting my instincts, fighting to leave you to your life to keep you safe. But I’m done with that. I’ll keep you safe from anything that threatens to harm you, and I’ll never let you go. You’re mine, little dove. You have been since the first time our eyes locked, and you will be for the rest of our lives, even if it means locking you up.”
The words sound so natural rolling off my tongue I almost miss how fucked up they sound. But I don’t care. I couldn’t give a shit about the fact I sound like a raving psycho, or that at some point I’m going to have to admit to stalking her for the last eight years and she’ll almost definitely try to run again. All I care about is giving my woman exactly what she needs, and when she gives me a small nod and squeezes her eyes shut, I breathe a sigh of relief that she’s going to let me.
