Even as I nod, I know I’m fucking insane. That’s the only explanation for agreeing to allow the man who broke me to punish me, despite my very logical fear of being punished since a crazy man belted me within an inch of my life.
And yet, I can’t bring myself to change my mind, because he’s right. I do need this. I need to feel in control of something, even if it’s handing that control over to someone else for a little while.
“I don’t know if I’ll be able to,” I whisper, not trusting my voice not to break under the pressure weighing over my entire body.
Everett smiles, his fingers moving down my face until he has my cheek cupped in his huge hand. “That’s okay, dove. We’re just going to see how we go. There’s no pressure, you won’t be in trouble if this isn’t something you can handle. I can always find other fun ways to punish you when you break the rules.” He winks.
“You don’t think it’s weird that I like this?” I ask quietly. I expected him to leave the minute I started talking about BDSM clubs and enjoying impact play, but if anything he seemed to perk up at the knowledge that I even knew what a whip was used for in the bedroom sense.
He chuckles as his hand moves down slightly until it rests at my throat, applying the slightest amount of pressure. “I’ll let you in on a little secret, dove. I love that you’re into this stuff, because there’s nothing I want more than for you to submit for me.”
My mouth drops open and I stare at him for long moments. Is he serious? I never went any further into the scene than impact play, what makes him think I can deal with everything else that comes with being a submissive?
“I can see that pretty little mind turning over, don’t worry so much.”
“Don’t worry so much?” I snap. “I don’t know the first thing about any of this, except for how to be punished, and even that I don’t know if I can do anymore. Please enlighten me on how I’m not meant to worry.”
He smiles and his eyes tell me all I need to know even before the words leave his mouth. “The whole point of this kind of dynamic, little dove, is to allow you to relinquish all your worries to me. Let’s just try and see how we go. If you don’t like it, or if you’re scared, we’ll stop and we don’t ever have to bring it up again.”
“But it’s what you want,” I point out.
“No, Wynter. You are what I want. Does the idea of dominating you turn me on? Hell fucking yes it does. But do I need it? No. All I need is you. If it meant I got to be with you every day for the rest of my life, I would burn the fucking world to the ground.”
I squeeze my eyes shut to tamp down the rush of emotions that hit me all at once. Emotions I never thought I would feel again, ones I don’t even know how to begin processing.
“We don’t have to start this today. We can wait until the dust has settled and all the doubts you have about how serious I am are gone. But if this is something you need, then I am more than happy to give it to you.”
If it weren’t for his rock-hard cock pressing against my ass, his eyes would tell me exactly how turned on he is. The arousal clear as he stares down at me with an intensity I almost shy away from, the heat burning into me with the most delicious fervor.
I take deep steadying breaths before nodding. “I want to try. But I don’t really know what I’m doing,” I admit.
A devilish smile tugs at his lips and I squeeze my thighs together, he has no right being so fucking attractive. His eyes drop to where I’m trying to easy the ache pooling between my legs. “I’ll teach you everything you need to know, little dove. Starting with this.” His hand snakes down my body and pulls my legs apart. “Your body is mine to pleasure, mine to punish, and mine to torture with your own need. The only relief you will be given is the relief I give you.”
Everett’s fingers trail up the inside of my bare thigh, his touches so gentle I almost wouldn’t feel them if I wasn’t hyperaware of every single move he makes, and every touch he gives me. “I can smell your sweet pussy, little dove. Is it weeping for me?” he asks in a low voice that almost has me clamping my legs together around his hand in the hope it will give me some relief. “Answer me, Wynter.”
“Yes,” I whisper, barely trusting my own voice.
“Good girl,” he praises as his fingers move higher toward my wet heat. “Here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to move back over to the sofa and you’re going to lie across my lap. Until we’ve trialed this a few times, you will be completely unrestrained unless you ask me to hold your hands. We’ll start with just my hand, and if and when you’re more comfortable, maybe we’ll move on to other implements. How does that sound?”
“Okay.” I nod.
The smile Everett gives me makes my insides clench with a combination of love and heat. I never stopped loving him, not for a minute. Not when he left. Not when I couldn’t breathe without him. And not when he walked back into my life and destroyed all the progress I made. I’ve loved Everett for every second of every day, since before I knew what love meant, and I’ll love him for every moment, of every day I spend on this earth, and maybe even then.
He lifts me carefully until my feet touch the plush carpet and his eyes roam over my bare skin. I wish he would let me put some clothes on, but when he looks at me like this, like he’s never seen another woman like me, it takes away every bit of nervousness and self-consciousness that tries to rise to the surface.
Everett takes my hand in his much larger one and guides me over to the sofa before sitting down and patting his knees. “Over you go.”
I suck in a nervous breath and follow the command before I can back out. The moment I’m settled over his knee, his hand is moving gently across my ass, rubbing soothing circles into my bare flesh.
“You’re trembling, little dove,” he says quietly.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“You never need to be sorry with me, dove. Do these scars hurt at all? Any nerve damage that you know of?”
I shake my head, looking over my shoulder at him. “No pain, no nerve damage.”
His lips quirk up in a smile. “Good. Now if you get overwhelmed, I want you to say ‘red’ for me and I’ll stop straight away. I’m so proud of you just for agreeing to try, so even if we get one swat in and it’s too much, I’m still going to count it as progress, okay?”
“Okay.”
“I want you to keep your hands flat on the sofa cushion. I don’t want them getting caught up in the action and you getting hurt.”
I almost laugh. He’s getting ready to spank me and he’s worried about me getting hurt, but instead I nod once and turn back to bury my face into the sofa. Part of me is thrilled at the idea of getting this part of my identity back, but the other is mortified that Everett is staring at my naked, scarred ass right now, his palms trailing comforting circles around the damaged flesh.
“I need your words, dove. I’m sure you know communication is very important in these circumstances,” he reprimands me.
“I’m sorry. Yes, I understand,” I say quickly. I’ve been around enough Doms to know something like this can earn you extra punishment, and I’m already questioning my ability to handle what’s owing to me.
“Good girl.”
The first strike is more gentle than I would have expected, but obviously Everett is testing my endurance, and for that, I’m grateful. Where I expect to feel panicked, I feel calm.
“Okay?” he asks as he rubs the sting into my skin.
“Yes.”
Another strike comes down on the other cheek and makes me jump but doesn’t bring the memories I expect to the surface.
Three more come in rapid succession, taking my breath away in the most delightful way. The sting begins to settle in, and every time his palm makes contact with a place he’s hit before I jump.
“How are you doing, little dove?” Everett asks, his hands moving over the burning skin, massaging the heat deeper.
“Good,” I whisper, looking over my shoulder to see his satisfied smile.
“Not scared or anything?”
“No, I’m okay,” I assure him. I’m relaxing more and more with every swat he lands, and each one leads me closer to that place I long to be, the one I’ve missed since Craig took it away from me all those years ago.
“I’m so proud of you, dove,” he praises quietly. “Are you ready for the rest?”
“I’m ready.” I nod, handing my body to him and trusting him not to break me.
Four rapid fire smacks hit the backs of my thighs and make me cry out, the heat settling between my legs is almost as painful as my tender ass, the need to come so strong I can barely breathe through it. The fire burning on my ass hurts in the most delicious way, and it takes me long moments to realize the wetness on my cheeks is my own tears soaking the cushion under my face.
Another six hit hard and fast, and a moment later I’m bundled up in Everett’s arms and he’s wrapping a soft blanket around my shivering body. I’m not particularly cold, but the endorphins are firing almost to the point of dizziness, and my body is reacting to the overwhelming feeling of being whole.
My mind drifts to a place that feels both familiar and foreign, a place I haven’t been in such a long time it feels like a lifetime. Everett whispers quiet praises, his face buried in my neck as he brings me down slowly and carefully from a high I forgot was so addictive.
The warmth of Everett’s embrace serves as the perfect blissful state I’ve craved for so long despite myself. After Craig hurt me, I didn’t think I’d ever be able to find myself in this place again, but of course it’s Everett who brings me home.
We sit for long minutes, Everett holding me with such tender care it only makes the tears falling against my cheeks come faster, my ass throbbing from the brutal spanking he gave me, but the way he has me positioned has all weight off the burning flesh.
I move my head until I’m looking up at him, finally able to think through the clouds in my head.
Everett smiles down at me, his thumb brushing the tears from my cheeks. “There’s my girl,” he says quietly. “How are doing, dove?”
“Good,” I whisper.
“You did so good, Wynter. I’m very proud of you for facing your fears.” His eyes are full of pride and something I shouldn’t allow myself to hope for.
Love.
