The file slips from my fingertips, every paper inside it falling to the floor.
I feel like I’ve been sucker punched, right in the gut, in the temple, in the fucking chest.
An hour ago, I was confused, angry, and then I thought Bailey was mine, and somehow, through that anger and confusion, everything felt good. Better than.
I suddenly had all the things I didn’t know I wanted, but in the moment of supposed realization, couldn’t imagine life without. Now here I am, staring into the eyes of her mama and all I’m consumed with is loss.
How can sixty minutes’ worth of knowledge ache like a fucking lifetime of having something that’s suddenly been torn away?
I can’t breathe.
“I’m so sorry,” she rasps. “I–”
She cuts off when I hold a hand up, turning away from her ‘cause I need a fucking minute. I take several steps away willing my pulse to calm, my mind to chill, and my body to stop fucking shaking., but it doesn’t work.
Husband. She said husband.
My hand comes up to swipe at my face, and I glance at her over my shoulder. “You’re fucking married?” my brows climb. “You’re someone’s wife. Someone else’s wife.”
Her shoulders wing forward, and she shrinks into herself.
“I might be married to the man, but I’m not his wife, Tobias,” she whispers, her tone thick with shame.
“Oh, come on, Meyer.” I whip around to face her. “Don’t bull shit me, not right now.”
I’m angry, frustrated, but most of all I’m aching.
Everything inside me stings.
To know she loved before me, that she gave all of herself to a man that isn’t me, that she technically belongs to someone else, someone I too loved, has me feeling wrecked. Betrayed.
I never knew a heart could truly ache. I thought that was something people said.
I was wrong.
It’s real.
It’s fucked.
“Tobias,” she pleads, her tone as shattered as I feel. “I can promise you, whatever is going through your mind right now is nothing like the reality of the situation.”
“You could have told me. You should have fucking told me.”
She nods, tears pooling in her eyes. “I wanted to.”
“That’s not enough.”
“I know, I—” she swallows her excuse, and nods again. “I know.”
I look away from her, my head shaking as I try to understand, to process this.
It was one thing when I thought he was her father. I didn’t feel an ounce of betrayal, and I think that’s because the man was a great one to me, or I had thought. He filled the small gap my own left open when I decided to follow my dream. Knowing coach Reid did that for me and disregarded her redirected my anger. I was hurt for her, pissed for her, now I’m kind of pissed at her, a bit hurt by her.
The woman I fell in love with is married. She’s not free to love me back.
She’s not free to allow me to love her daughter.
Coach Reid’s… daughter.
I swallow, speaking that fact in my own mind has my ribs twisting, it’s as if some supernatural being has reached inside my body, grabbed hold and refuses to let go.
My eyes fall to the floor briefly, but then I do a double take.
Custody papers…
Why would she have these? She has Bailey already. She’s her mom. That’s her daughter.
Bending, I pick up a few of the forms now scattered around me feet, skimming over a few lines but I don’t understand what it’s saying.
And then I see the name next to the word ‘petitioner’, and it’s not Meyer’s printed there.
My skin prickles, my chest caving, and I shake my head.
A strong sense of dread washes over me, and my throat begins to clog as I force my eyes up to hers. “Baby…”
A softness sweeps over her features, and she gives a small, sad, side smile.
No…
I don’t have to ask, she tells me.
“Thomas had those drawn up. He, um,” her voice cracks. “He has a way of making himself clear, wants to make sure I know he’s not one to bluff.”
My stomach falls to my feet. “He threatened you …with her?”
A small laugh leaves her, but it’s more of a cry, and her eyes flick to ceiling. Once they come back to me, the anguish within them burns through me.
I can’t take it.
I stand, go to her, and take her in my arms.
Her soft cries shake her body, and I squeeze her tighter.
“It’s okay,” I tell her, running my hands through her long brown hair. “I won’t let him do this to you.”
“There’s nothing you can do,” she breathes.
“Yes, there is. I can hire the best lawyer out there. I’ll spend everything I have coming. I’ll fucking give him everything. I don’t care. I won’t allow him to hurt you, to take her.”
She shakes her head, looking up at me with those big, brown eyes. “Tobias…”
“I’m doing this for you.”
Her palms fall to my chest. “He and I, we have an agreement.” She gasps through her tears. “He put it all in a contract that I had no choice but to sign.”
The despair in her gaze is suffocating, but I manage to ask, “what’s in the contract Meyer?” I’m almost to fucking afraid to find out.
“It says if I tell anyone about him and me, about our marriage or the fact that we have a child together, I’m agreeing to surrender all rights to Bailey over to him. And if I get caught up with any of his athletes, I’m agreeing to the same thing.”
My face falls, my body growing numb.
Being with me will hurt that baby girl.
I feel fucking sick.
I feel like beating the fuck out of that piece of shit.
Meyer’s palms slide a little higher. “Do you know why he did that?”
Clenching my jaw, I give a hard shake of my head, gently kissing hers when a tear slips from the corner of her eye.
Meyer’s smiles a broken one. “Because I told you.”
My body grows stiff. “Meyer.”
She nods in answer.
“So that part was true? Me and you … so how do you know she’s not my—” The words fly from me instantly, but the look in her eye has them ceasing just as fast. I speak through the knot in my gut. “You were already pregnant when we met.”
“Yeah,” she whispers.
“What happened?” My shoulders fall. “I need to know everything. Tell me everything.”
Meyer nods, pulls in a deep, shattered breath, and takes me back in time.
Fifteen months Earlier
February, Spring Semester Sophomore year
Meyer
Music of all genres blares from every direction, adding to the chaotic scene that is Ruckus Row on a Friday night. The entire place is lit up from one end to the next, laughter and chatter loud in the cold night air.
Glancing around, I tug at the hem of my Avix University sweater, making sure it reaches well below my waistline, as if there was anything to hide.
There is, but nobody will know that for another couple months, if what I read online was true.
Please let it be true.
“Found it!” Bianca calls from behind me.
Forcing a smile, I turn toward her right as she’s closing the back door of her new boyfriend, Cooper’s car.
She waves her phone in her hand. “Right between the seats, just like I said it would be.”
“What would he do without you?”
“Spend a lot of time with lotion, that’s for sure.”
A laugh leaves me and Bianca smirks, slipping her arm through mine.
“Don’t think I’m buying that fake smile for a second.” She shakes me, and we face each other. “I’m not sure what your insistence on coming out tonight was about and even though we both know you’ll tell me soon enough, that’s not the point. The point, however, is that we can leave right now. I mean, I do have the man’s keys. We could take that bad boy for a quick spin.” She lifts a brow, but I know what she’s doing, and I love her for it.
She’s right, though. I came here for a reason and that is to forget, to let go of my new reality, and be the girl I was a week ago, before those two blue lines change everything. At least for a couple hours.
“And skip out on a frat party? Are you crazy?” I play my role.
“Aww, chica, you’re so cute.” She leads us through the few people gathered near the porch, and an underclassman at the door pulls it open for us, allowing us inside. “It’s a team house party, not a frat party, but trust me, there will be plenty of Sharks in the sea, if you know what I mean, all you gotta do is smile, and let the frenzy begin.”
My lungs expand with a full inhale, and I glance around the room.
“Or maybe all you have to do is stand there looking pretty.”
Frowning, I look to her and she dips her head slightly.
“Girl, don’t look, but the great white of this bitch is staring this way.”
My head snaps forward.
“Oh, my god! What did I say?” She laughs, dragging me to the side.
“Sorry.” I chuckle. “I don’t see anyone anyway.”
“That’s because he’s smooth. You’ll see him when he wants you to know he’s looking, but honey, he’s looking.”
Right then, Cooper rushes up, annoyance clear in his dark gaze. “Sorry, but I’ve gotta go. Dumbass freshman fucker needs a bailout downtown.”
Bianca shakes her head. “You can’t drive.”
“And he can’t fight so …” Another two guys walk up behind him, making me laugh.
I turn to Bianca, pulling my arm free of hers.
She shakes her head, but I’m already nodding mine.
“Go. I’ll be here when you get back.”
“I’m not leaving you here.” She frowns.
“Half of my dorm is here somewhere,” I remind her. “I’m fine.”
“This could take a hot minute, Meyer.” Coop winces.
“You guys, seriously stop.”
“But I’m your wing woman.” Bianca stomps.
“B, go.”
Cooper doesn’t let her protest again but drags her out the door and then it’s just me.
Roaming the room, I say hi to a few people I recognize, and engage in light conversation when I’m drug into one by a girl with purple hair and breath that smells of a good time.
Every step I take, though, I’m keenly aware of the shadow that follows.
Curious, I leave the crowded living areas, cross the threshold into the kitchen, and like I thought it might, that shadow comes closer, blanketing my body from behind.
I reach for the handle on the sliding door, but another’s hand falls just above mine, holding it in place.
I look up and over my shoulder, finding a black hat pulled low and a smirk too deep to be honorable. His eyes are probably worse, full of innuendo, but I can’t see them behind the dark bill he’s hid them under.
The guy is so tall, towers over me with ease, and smells of sun and sea breeze, of summer nights. His scent is fresh and inviting.
And then the beast speaks, and I can feel the gravelly tone down to my toes.
Yeah, this man’s a scorned girl’s weakness.
Or best friend.
Probably the first.
When that smirk of his grows, I blink, blush, and squint, remembering right then he had spoken, but what I don’t remember is hearing a word.
“Sorry … what?”
His chuckle is low. “I said, hi.”
“Hi,” I deadpan, tipping my head slightly. “You’ve been following me around all night, and ‘hi’ is the best you’ve got?”
“So, you did know I was tailing you.”
“You’re … kind of hard to miss.”
“I never miss.” He grins.
“Okay …” I chuckle, and this time, when I go to step out the back door, he lets me.
As I thought he might, he follows.
“If you knew I was watching you, why didn’t you call me out?” He stumbles slightly, laughing at himself when his arm darts out to grip the patio post.
I fight a grin. “I figured if you had something to say” —I turn to face him, leaning against the fence edge— “you’d get to it eventually.”
“What if I wanted to say I think you’re gorgeous?”
“Then I guess you’d have to repeat it to someone else, because that’s not a line that would work on me.”
He pulls his bottom lip between his teeth, his smile wide. “Yeah, and what line would?”
I smother my own smile, dropping my gaze to the grass for a moment. When I look up, it’s only with my eyes, and I give a small shrug. “How about a real one?”
“A real one.” He tests the thought out. “’Cause you’re gorgeous isn’t real enough for you, all right,” he teases, and then he reaches up, spinning his hat backward on his head, finally revealing his full face to me.
I’m struck, my words, if I had any, clogging my throat as riveting, ocean-blue eyes meet mine. My pulse leaps in my chest as recognition sets in.
This is what Bianca meant when she said the great white.
This is Tobias Cruz, Avix University’s new superstar pitcher. I recognize him from the posters.
He’s supposed to be this major party boy, but if that’s true, why is he out here with me instead of in there with the rest of his crew?
Tobias starts walking farther out in the yard, and when I don’t move, he pauses, glancing at me over his shoulder. “You comin’?”
“To the darkest corner of a house that isn’t mine with a complete stranger? No.” I laugh. “I don’t think so.”
He turns, now walking backward so he can face me.
“Except I’m not a stranger. You know my name, that’s why you haven’t asked for it, and about you not thinking so …” He cocks his head, his words slurred, “I get the feeling you didn’t come here tonight to think, but go ahead, gorgeous girl, correct me if I’m wrong.”
I run my tongue along my teeth and this time, my grin breaks free. “You’re not wrong, but I’d have to be blind not to recognize you from the posters, so that’s not very fair.”
“Forget all that.” He shrugs. “What about the last part …” He trails off, a curious gleam in his crazy blue eyes.
Something pulls at my muscles, but I manage to answer. “You’re not wrong about that either.”
“Then there it is.” He holds his arms out wide in playful banter. “That was a whole lot of real. Do I get lucky now?” His smile couldn’t be wider.
Laughter escapes me and he joins in, jerking his chin.
“Come on, gorgeous girl. Take a walk with me.”
He might just be the last person I should be walking with tonight, but it’s not like he knows this or ever will. It might be a really bad decision to join him, but I’ve made a crap ton of those lately, so what’s one more?
I’m here for me tonight, so I’m not going to allow the thoughts of others into my headspace.
So, I accept his offer, falling in line beside him, and we keep toward the farthest point of the back yard.
At the fence’s edge, he drops down onto the grass, so I follow, and slowly my eyes adjust to the darkness around us.
Tobias takes a slow drink from the bottle in his hand, and his shoulders seem to fall. It’s as if he too has a lot on his mind, but his way of forgetting his problems for a while is to focus on mine. He studies me. “So, you came here to forget something, but you’re stone cold sober.”
I scoff, looking off. “Trust me, I wish I weren’t.”
“Let’s hear why.”
My head snaps toward his and he lifts his brows expectantly.
“I’m drunk, you’re sober. I’m hot, you’re gorgeous. Clearly you should tell me some dirt.”
“That makes no sense.”
“Not much does in college.” His lips curve.
Okay, fair enough. “You first.”
“Pshh.” He shifts so he can lean his elbows on his bent knees. “What’s there to tell? All my dirt is right there for all to see.” His eyes find mine. “Media loves trouble.”
“How much trouble can a guy who hangs out outside of parties really get into?” I tease.
His grin tells me I was right to have sensed his sarcasm, to understand it for what it was.
“Exactly.” He gives a hard jerk of his chin. “I like you.”
“You don’t know me.”
“Don’t need to.” He shakes his head. “Thinkin’ I want to, yeah, but I already like you regardless.”
“Yeah?” I lean toward him. “And what is it you like exactly?”
I expect him to have to think, to search for something good to say that won’t sound made up on the spot, but he doesn’t take a moment to think.
The man speaks without a single second’s hesitation.
“I like that you ignored me instead of coming to me. I like that you knew I was watching and didn’t do a damn thing to make sure I kept on. I like that you tried to escape me, and I like that you didn’t want to walk with me.” His grin comes out again then. “I mean, I like it more that you did, but …” He laughs, and I bite my inner lip to keep from grinning. “I like that you walked around all night on your own, that you didn’t need a gang of girls to stand beside to make you feel better or secure, and I like that you’re the only girl here in a hoodie and jeans.”
I roll my eyes playfully. “I doubt that.”
“Don’t.” He laughs, but then his features morph into something a little deeper, more thrilling. “But most of all, I like that you asked me to tell you something.”
My throat begins to itch and I’m forced to clear it. “Yet you told me nothing.”
“I was still deciding if you were playing games or not.”
“And now?”
“Now I know you aren’t.”
“All because I wanted to talk?”
“Most girls have no interest in talking to me.” He stares me dead in the eye, and I stare right back.
It’s odd, his words of choice lead me to assume they’re spoken from a place of conceit, as if he’s bragging about his escapades, but his tone doesn’t quite match.
It’s almost as if he disapproves of them and their choices.
In himself and his choices.
Call it a hunch, I guess.
Or naïve thinking.
“Tell me your name,” he says then.
My smile is small. “Meyer.”
“Meyer. I like it.”
“Of course, you do, you’re drunk,” I tease.
“Maybe. Still like it though.” He nods and then looks out over the yard. “So why you here tonight, Meyer?”
I take a deep breath, and when I open my mouth, a dejected laugh comes out. “To forget,” I say before I rethink it. “I came here tonight to forget.”
He looks to me again and I’m not sure what I expected, but what he does say isn’t it.
“Don’t we all in some way?” He squints at the bottle in his hands. “To forget the shitty week we had or the test that’s coming up, the argument with our friends or … shitty home visit with our family.”
“The craptastic reality we somehow found ourselves in.”
He grins and looks to me. “Exactly. We can bust our asses, but at the end of the day we’re what the world makes of us. Expectation is a bitch, huh?”
“I’d drink to that.”
He offers me the bottle, but I laugh it off with a shake of my head.
“What if I don’t want to be what’s expected?” I ask, more to myself but looking to him. “What if I want to blow statistics out of the water and become more? What if I want to be the success story?”
Tobias gauges me for a long moment. Maybe even a full minute before he nods his head.
“Then I’d say you and me got a lot in common, gorgeous girl.” His voice is thick with emotion, and his eyes …
I have to look away.
There’s something brewing within them, something I recognize.
Something I feel deep in my gut, more so the last few days than ever.
Longing.
A desolate sense of solitude.
And maybe it makes no sense.
I have friends, he has friends, yet here we are, two strangers at a party, sitting alone in the dark having a conversation that feels more intimate than anything has in a long, long time.
“I want to help you,” Tobias says quietly.
I turn back to him, and while it takes him a second, he looks to me, a burning sense of determination in his gaze.
“Help me how?”
“Forget,” he says with direct intent.
“Forget.”
I press my palms more firmly into the ground, and he nods, more to himself than me.
“Whatever it is you came here to forget, I want to make that happen. I can make that happen, but I want to be able to do it again tomorrow, and again after that.” His eyes fall to my lips, and my stomach flips. “Tell me I can.”
The muscles in my core grow taut and it’s getting hard to breathe.
It gets even harder when his large, coarse fingers glide along my jaw, leaving a trail of fire and goose bumps in their wake. His touch stretches farther until his hand is wrapped around the back of my neck.
Tobias pins me with his piercing blue eyes and suddenly I’m mush before him, free for the taking.
His … for the taking.
He scoots his body closer, his lips now hovering an inch away from mine.
His eyes close, his grip tightening, his heated breath growing closer, and then I rush out, “I’m pregnant.”
Every muscle in his body freezes, and those lids snap right back open, narrowing more and more by the second.
“No lie,” I whisper with a nod, even though he asked nothing.
He didn’t have to, his eyes did it for him.
“I am, with a man who sucks, but I didn’t know he sucked and now I do because when I told him, he got angry and accused me of lying, as if I would lie about that, and then I found out he’s been fucking another girl my age and I meant nothing the whole time and now I—”
I gasp, my nervous rambling cut off when he slams his mouth into mine.
His lips are full, his kiss hard and deep, and when his tongue demands entrance, I give it with relief.
I kiss the man back, and it’s a kiss like no other. He’s not just kissing me to help me forget, he’s kissing me because he wants to.
He wants to take over my thoughts and mind and body, and he wants me to let him.
I’m not sure I could hold back if I tried.
Every part of me wants every part of him.
He doesn’t feel like a heated body and good time.
He feels like … more.
It’s as if I need him tonight. Not someone, but him, and as strange as it sounds, I think he needs me tonight too.
It makes no sense.
But maybe it’s not supposed to.
I’m here to forget, to let go.
So, I push away all my inhibitions, and I do just that.
I let go of me and I get lost in him.
I don’t wait for Tobias to lie me back like some fragile princess.
I grip him by the collar and tug him down on top of me.
He doesn’t protest but settles between my legs.
“Let me take you to my room,” he says, lips now grazing along the hollow of my neck. “I don’t want anyone to see you like this.”
My heart races, my mind right there with it. “Don’t worry about me.”
He pauses, his bloodshot blues hooded and pinning me in place. “Let me take you to my room.”
He has no reason to care if I’m spotted beneath him like this, but it’s clear as day he does. Why, I don’t know, but I slip my hands between us and unbutton his jeans.
“Meyer …”
He grinds against me, and my body breaks out in chills.
“If we move, I might walk away.”
He groans, dropping his lips to my ear. He nips at the skin there and I shake beneath him. “Then don’t fucking move, gorgeous girl.”
A chuckle leaves me, and together we kick our shoes from our feet, lose our jeans, and then he’s at my entrance.
His eyes snap to mine, and he kisses me hard, whispering against my mouth, “I’m gonna slide inside you now.”
I bite his bottom lip, and he does exactly what he says.
He pushes all the way into me in one long, slow thrust.
Our moans mix, our breathing turning into short pants.
“You’re so fucking soft.” He moans, grinding his hips into mine, and I lift, willing him deeper.
Tobias gives me what I want, but he has an even better idea.
He flips us, sits up, and pulls me onto his lap, right down over his shaft.
He reaches farther this way, and I shiver against him.
He smirks, lifting his hat from his head and placing it backward on mine. His hands glide along my thighs until he reaches the hem of my hoodie. He tugs it down. “Now if anyone does spot us, they can’t see any naked part of you.”
My chuckle is husky and I roll my hips in response.
Tobias’s tongue comes out, gliding along his bottom lip and he pulls it between his teeth, his eyes moving between mine.
And then he kisses me again.
We put in equal effort, thrusting and rolling and tilting our bodies for maximum pleasure. My nipples ache to be touched, and it’s as if he senses it, his hands disappearing under my top and into my bra, where he massages me with a gentle roughness that has my head falling back.
I open my eyes, and a smile graces my lips.
I stare at the stars above, lost in the scent around me, in the feel of him inside me.
Both our bodies are slick with sweat, overheated, and when he flexes inside me, my pussy squeezes him back.
He grips my hair, tugging a bit so I face him, and my toes curl from the devilish look in his eye. Our touches grow frantic, electrifying.
Desperate.
We’re right there, both of us.
I grip his face, kissing his lips and pulling his head down into my chest so I can whisper into his ear.
“I’m gonna come, Tobias …”
“Fuck, gorgeous girl.” He grunts, his thrusts growing wilder, and he takes my ass in his palms, squeezing. His cock swells inside me and I slip my arms under his, my fingers spanning along his back, and he blows a harsh breath against my skin.
We come, both our bodies going stiff, but still, he moves inside me, chasing – delivering – every last bit there is to offer, demanding a full-body orgasm from each of us.
The man gets what he wants, chills break out all over me, covering every inch of my body and I’m sure my heart is going to beat right out of my chest, it pounds so hard.
I’m panting, seeking a steady breath my body refuses, but there’s a smile on my face.
This is what sex is supposed to feel like.
Raw and primitive, a full-body takeover. No thought, no plan, no holding back.
“Jesus fuck.” He falls to his back, rolling and taking me with him.
His grin spreads, and he pushes up on his elbow, staring down at me. “Told you I liked you.”
I laugh, hiding my face with my elbow when I begin to blush, not that he can see it out here.
Not that it could be differentiated from the flush my orgasm already brought to my cheeks.
He shifts around me, and I jolt when his palm wraps around my ankle.
Looking to him, I watch as he slides my underwear and jeans up my thighs, lifting my hips from the grass as he reaches the curve of my ass.
“Not trying to rush you away,” he rasps, staring at me. “But it won’t be long before someone comes looking for me.”
I nod. “Yeah, me too.” I think of Bianca.
His lips twitch and he hops to his feet in full-naked glory, tugging his own clothes on.
I expect him to reach for my hand and pull me to my feet, for us to head back inside or him to offer a drink to get me to go, but he doesn’t do any of those things.
He drops right back down beside me, staring up at the sky as I am.
Tomorrow I’ll be sore in all the right places, and I couldn’t care less because tonight I’m satisfied.
Free.
I know it won’t last long, my entire world is about to shift and I’m terrified, but life is unexpected, if nothing else, so tonight, I’m going to forget tomorrow and just … lie here in the dark with a stranger.
We sit silently for a few minutes before I catch his head turning toward me in my peripheral.
“I’ve never done this before,” I admit into the darkness, slowly looking to him. “Had a one-night stand.”
“Don’t start now.” He frowns. “I said I wanted to do this tomorrow.”
I fight back tears, forcing a small, tight-lipped smile.
He has no idea what he’s saying, but I won’t burst the bubble we’re in, so when he pulls out his phone, presses some buttons and then asks for my number, I give it to him.
We sit there, not speaking for a few more minutes, and then my name is shouted by a painstakingly familiar voice.
The color drains from my face, and in what feels like slow motion, I push onto my elbows, hesitantly looking toward the sound.
Thomas stalks forward with quick steps.
His silhouette grows closer, the light behind him hiding his expression, and I try to swallow, but the knot in my throat holds strong.
“Shit,” I breathe.
“Coach,” Tobias calls.
My pulse pounds, knocking against my ribs at a dangerous rate.
“Yeah, son, I’m here.”
Son?
“You don’t want to go in the house, Coach. Team’s not exactly following the no-drinking rule tonight.” I can hear Tobias’s grin, but I can’t bring myself to look at him.
“Don’t worry, I won’t, just came to give your friend a ride, remember?” Thomas says.
My brows pull and I drop my gaze to the grass, but then Thomas’s hand is in front of my face.
I don’t have to look up to know he’s insisting, so I slip mine into his, allowing him to pull me to my feet.
Embarrassed and suddenly ashamed, I can’t look him in the eye, but I do Tobias.
He rubs at the back of his head, looking from me to his coach.
“He, uh, I guess he’s gonna give you a ride home,” he tells me.
All I can do is nod, and then I turn, following the man out of the side gate. I slip inside his car without a word, and I know instantly we’re not going to my dorm.
We’re going to his house.
Outside of it, he fills me in on why he showed up tonight and follows with promises of our future.
Subconsciously, my hand falls to my stomach, and I make one of my own to the little one growing inside me.
Everything is going to be okay now.
It’s as if a weight is lifted in this moment as Thomas sparks hope where I had none left.
We’ll be okay …
Present Time
Tobias
I can’t feel my legs, and I’m not even sure I’m breathing.
I feel dead inside. Sick.
Disgusted.
“Fuck … Meyer …” My voice is strained, and I can hardly look at her.
Tears pool in her eyes. “It’s okay.”
“Nothing about that is okay.” I push my palms into my eye sockets. “How could I be such a fuckup?”
“You were drunk, it happens.” Her lips twitch, and she lifts a shoulder. “And I was angry, and anger turned into recklessness, I guess. I wanted to get back at him, stupidly thinking he would care, so I went out and there you were.”
I swallow, grabbing her hand and pulling it to my lips. “I really spotted you right away?”
“From the doorway the second I walked inside.” Her smile is sad. “You really were trashed.” She chuckles, but it soothes out. “I was a hot mess, so we fit that night.”
“We fit period, Tutor Girl.” I swallow, a frustrating sense of satisfaction and sorrow firing through me at the same time. “I can’t believe I was inside you when she was.”
Meyer squeezes my hand. “Thomas, he …”
Anger builds within me, creating a heated storm in my gut. “He told you I called him to …” Fuck, I can hardly say it. “To clean up my mess, didn’t he?”
She licks the tears from her lips. “Yeah, he did.”
“I didn’t. I wouldn’t have done that to you. He’s known for popping in randomly. It had to be random.”
“I believe that now,” she rasps, closing her eyes and leaning into my hand when I cup her jaw. “I didn’t then. He told me you’d be too messed up to remember the next day. That that was what you did, got drunk and slept with whoever was in front of you, and then cut them loose. He told me to read the papers, and I’d learn all I needed to know. So, I did, and when you didn’t call like you had said you would,” she shrugs. “I fell for all his lies back then. I married him a week later, and realized a month after that, in doing so, he owned me. I lost my financial aid because he made too much money. Lost my scholarship because I deferred a semester to have Bailey. He only wanted the marriage so he could cover his ass if people found out he fucked a student, and so he could hold my daughter over my head if I ever let it spill who her father was. It was a huge ploy, he even tried to sneak my brother into the contract, tried to force him onto the baseball team as a sub, when he had a starting position on his school’s team.”
“Piece of shit.” I shake my head.
“I lost everything I had worked for, so when he shoved the contract at me, offering me a bit of relief, I took it. That man changed my entire life, in both good and bad ways,” she says with a devastating hint of acceptance.
My forehead falls to hers, and she grips my wrists tightly.
“If he were to follow through with his threats of taking her, I … she’s my daughter, Tobias,” she cries. “My everything, I can’t even think about—”
“Shh, baby, I know,” I whisper, doing my best to be the fucking rock here when really, I want to scream. “I know.”
“You have to let me go,” she whispers.
Not a chance.
Her eyes hit mine. “And you have to promise me you won’t fall apart this time. You didn’t work your ass off to lose everything.”
You and Bailey are everything.
Meyer cries. “Maybe in time …”
“Yeah, baby.” Heat climbs up my throat, determination firing off my every nerve. “Maybe.”
Definitely. Posi-fucking-tively.
“Tobias …”
“Tutor Girl.”
She presses her lips to mine, but it isn’t soothing.
It aches.
It fucking stings.
It’s her goodbye.
She’s crazy if she thinks I’m okay with that or assumes I ever will be.
I won’t, but I know she needs this.
She needs the security of knowing her little girl is safe and secure, and she can only be those things if I’m out of the picture, so I’ll give her what she needs.
I’ll let her go, walk away, and keep my word across the board.
It’ll kill me, but the alternative would end me, just like it would her.
So, when she presses her mouth more firmly onto mine, I’m the one who pulls away.
With slow, weighted steps, I put space between us, dying a little inside as her lips begin to tremble, our fingers hooked together until our bodies are too far apart to touch, and they’re forced to fall at our sides.
Her cries grow louder, and she slaps her palm over her mouth to hide the sound.
That almost gets me, but before I break, I force myself to spin away.
I walk out of Meyer’s house, and I don’t look back.
