I drove around for hours after leaving Meyer’s house. Hours, and it wasn’t until I was a hundred miles out that I realized where I was going.
Now, it’s after three in the morning, and I’m finally dragging myself out of my truck and up the short walkway to the front door, but I don’t even get the chance to pull my key out, because my mom beat me to it.
She’s standing on the dark porch, waiting for me, just like she said she would be when I called her from the road and told her everything that had happened.
She said to me, “Come home, baby” not knowing I already was.
As subconscious as the decision might have been, it was the right one. I need them right now, and that’s confirmed the second I meet my mom’s watery eyes.
Everything inside of me crumbles and I walk right into her open arms.
“Mom,” I croak. “I love her. I can’t lose her. I can’t.”
“Oh baby, I know,” she cries, clenching me tight. “I know.”
“I’m sorry I fucked up before.” I swallow. “I should have been better. I was raised better.”
“Honey, no stop it.” Her voice shakes, and she gasps for air through her tears. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry for everything. You’re my baby, and I love you. Every part of you. I’m so sorry.”
My dad steps up behind her, placing his hand on her shoulders, and she steps back, tears spilling from her eyes.
He gives a tight-lipped smile, nodding, and when he steps up, unsure, I move in to hug the man.
He clamps my back tight, slapping his hands a few times. “It’s going to be okay, son.”
“I don’t know, Dad. I can’t do this.”
“Hey.” He pulls back, gripping my shoulders and locking his eyes with mine. “You can do anything; do you hear me?” His grip tightens. “You’re Tobias Cruz, a man of honor. Strong and determined. You never give up and you won’t be starting now.”
My eyes cloud and I look away. “How am I supposed to step back on that field when I know she’s hurting alone?”
My dad pats at my cheek, drawing my eyes back to his.
“She’s not hurting alone, son. You’re hurting right there with her, even if you’re not at her side, she knows it, and it would hurt her more to see you fail. You know this.” He dips his chin, and I nod.
“And my coach? How am I supposed to perform for a man like him? I want to fucking kill him.”
“Then kill him with the acts of a man, because lord knows you’re ten times the one he could ever be.”
I blow out a harsh breath, dropping my chin to my chest, but he lifts it.
“You…” My dad swallows, moisture building in his gaze. “Are our son, and you have become a man any father or mother would be honored to call theirs. You’re going to show that bastard what that means. You’re going to get back in that truck and you’re going to go do what you were born for, son. You’re going to show the world what you’re made of, and then you’re going to show him the same. And while you do, we’ll be there. Me and your mama.” He swallows, his voice cracking. “Whatever you need, whatever you want, whatever you do. We’ll be right there. Always. No matter what.”
They’ll be there.
My parents.
They’ll be here for me.
They believe in me.
They see me.
My jaw muscles twitch and I nod, looking from my mom to my dad.
I can do this.
For them.
For her.
For me.
I will fucking do this.
Meyer
I can do this, I repeat for the hundredth time in the short walk from my apartment to the athletic department, and while I’m not so sure I believe it, I am doing it.
I’m so done living under the thumb of another. I can’t do it anymore.
The only thing he has over me is that prenup, but I made the sacrifice he demanded, one he used his own daughter as a pawn in. I gave up the man I love, so the man I married couldn’t take my daughter from my arms.
But I won’t give up anything else. Not my time, not my name, not my future.
I needed him this year. He knew it and I hated it, just like I’m sure he did.
Had I walked away when I realized what a piece of shit he truly was, I would have had to drop out of college because I could never afford to pay my own way, no matter how many part-time jobs I could find. Leaving him would have meant digging myself into a bigger whole, and Bailey deserved more. So, I took the little he offered and found the smallest bit of comfort in the fact that my daughter would have a safe place to call home. That, and the knowledge that within a few short years, years she wouldn’t even remember, I would graduate with the tools I needed to provide for her on my own. We would be free of Thomas Reid, and she would never be exposed to the hate inside his heart.
Just like I’ll never allow him to know the pain he’s caused mine.
It was devastating when he painted me a promise of sunsets and delivered instead a thunderstorm of destruction, but that was nothing compared to the hollow ache inside of me now.
But even through the pain and longing, there’s relief, and the guilt the sensation causes only brings more pain.
I don’t need Thomas anymore.
So, it’s with that thought I hold my head high and step into his office, knowing he’s due out the door mere minutes from now.
His head jerks up and he flies from his seat, but the man freezes when I lift my hands as high as my chest and let the crappy laptop he gave me fall to the old wood with a loud slap.
“What the hell are you doin’?” He glares. “I know you saw the bus loading up out-front. You should be far away from here right now.”
I take a deep breath, and say, “I quit.”
His eyes narrow farther. “What do you mean you quit?”
“I mean, I’m done. With this job, with this school, with all of it.”
“You’re dropping out?”
“I’m transferring to Florida.”
Shock overtakes his face, but he can’t hide the hint of hope, and it’s disgusting. Expected, but disgusting, nonetheless.
“What?” he asks slowly.
“Yep, and since you can probably access anything related to me, husband, I’ll tell you.” I nod. “I got a new scholarship, completely academic, so there’s no need to report my spouse’s income. Bailey gets a spot in the child development program, and they have family housing. We leave when school’s out, and we won’t be coming back.”
His eyes narrow. “I won’t be mailing checks across the country.”
“I wouldn’t accept them if you did.”
“I won’t be signing any divorce papers either.”
“As if I could afford to file against you.”
He licks his lips, his chin tipping slightly. “Is this about—”
“Don’t,” I rush, shaking my head, willing my tears not to show themselves. “Don’t even think about finishing that sentence. You don’t get to ask questions and I don’t have to answer to you anymore. I know full well what that contract requires of me, but there isn’t a thing in there that says I have to stick around and face you every day. So, I’m leaving and I’m taking my daughter with me. And before you try and throw it out there in spite, let me tell you now.” I plant my hands on his desk and lean forward. “I know you don’t care so go ahead and smile, wave … laugh even. It makes no difference to me.”
“You know this only got complicated when you started sniffing around my pitcher.”
“No,” I don’t mean to whisper, but that’s the way my voice comes out. “This got complicated when you manipulated me into marrying you for your own benefit.”
“You took what I offered, did you not?”
“I was naïve and afraid, and you took advantage of that to save your own ass, but you had been doing that all along, right? So I shouldn’t’ have been surprised.” I lift a shoulder, shaking my head at the vile man in front of me. “I should have realized that when after we met in the hall of the tutoring center, you started showing up, offering me rides home, but only on my late nights. Never in the daylight. If not then, definitely the night you kissed me in the parking lot in front of my dorm, but only after you rolled up your tinted windows. I should have saw right through you, but I was young and dumb.” I push upright and he stares at me a moment, his hand coming up to rub at his jaw. “Good thing I’m not that girl anymore.”
With a shake of my head, I turn for the door, but his words have me pausing.
“I don’t hate you, Meyer,” he says to my back. “You know that, right?”
Glancing over my shoulder, I meet his blue gaze. “I wish you did. You know that … right?”
I don’t wait for a response.
I walk away.
I expect a freeing feeling to follow, to sweep over me and lift my shoulders high, to ease the tension in my muscles and clear the haze in my mind.
But none of those things happen.
In fact, I feel heavier, weaker, but it has nothing to do with leaving that man behind, and everything to do with the one staring at me through the travel bus window straight ahead.
His head falls against the seat, and I feel the weight of it in my chest.
His lips tip up on one side the slightest bit as if he’s saying it’s okay, Tutor Girl. Go.
Among so many other things.
He’s letting me know he’s okay, that he understands.
He’s showing me he’s keeping his promise, that he’s here, pushing through the way I asked him to. The way he has to.
Tears pool in my eyes, and I force my own smile.
I’m so proud of you, Tobias.
As if he can hear me, his features twist, but he nods and when I nod back, he closes his beautifully broken eyes.
A cry slips from me, but I do as he needs, as we both need.
I rush away as quickly as I can so he doesn’t have to see it.
It’s the hardest, longest walk I’ve ever taken.
Goodbye, my hotshot.
