Twenty-one days since I last held her in my arms.
Twenty-one days since I last felt something, anything.
Enzo informs me daily of her recovery. He says that physically she is getting there but still throwing up a lot. Emotionally she is a mess. It fucking hurts knowing I’m the one causing her this pain.
When Maddie called me yesterday in hysterics, threatening to chop my balls off if I didn’t sort my shit out, I almost dialed her number. Almost.
“She needs you, Keller, I’m so scared we’re all going to lose her.”
Her words have swarmed my mind ever since, I knew it was bad but not this bad.
I squeeze my fingers around the sharp edges of the blade in my hand. As it slices through my flesh, warm liquid drips through my fingertips.
“You’re a fucking psychopath.”
I snap my head to the stupid pussy tied to the metal chair in the center of Luca’s basement. Hit number fifteen, I don’t know his name nor do I fucking care at this point. All of Falcone’s men are just numbers on my kill list at this point.
Why I haven’t killed this mouthy little prick yet, I don’t know. I thought getting revenge would make me feel something. Would tame the monster and distract me from the reoccurring screams I hear in my head, the heart-wrenching cries that barrelled down the hospital corridors as I turned my back on the love of my life.
Instead, all it’s done is make the screams louder. Every time I torture one of Falcone’s men, all I can see is Sienna’s face as I shattered her heart. They might have been the ones to physically hurt her, but I all but shot the final bullet. I killed the light in her. I’m worse than any of them.
My firecracker is made of strong stuff. I know with time, she will get over me. The thought of another man touching her, seeing her smile, and snuggling her to sleep, brings bile burning into my throat.
You chose this, you asshole. I shake my head and turn my attention back to my latest hit.
His face is swollen, blood spilling from the gash in his eyebrow. Yet he still sits there with a sarcastic smirk, as if he’s enjoying the pain.
“Fuck, do you ever shut up?” I say as I slowly walk over to him, kicking the legs of the chair under him, sending him flying backward. His head bounces off the concrete floor. A few seconds pass and he doesn’t move. Thank fuck, some peace.
Going back to my torture station, as I like to call it, I consider the shiny metal clinical-looking tray resting on top of the fold-out table. An array of lethal blades are laid out perfectly in height order. Next to it, a pair of tooth extracting forecasts smothered in dried blood with a neat collection of molars.
Maybe if I rip the rest of his teeth out, that will stop him from talking.
I hear him rustling on the floor a few footsteps away. A low groan escapes his lips. Snatching the cold instrument, my mind is made up. The teeth are going.
Lucas’ basement is arctic. The puffs of my breath linger in the air. New York is currently covered in a blanket of snow. I know Sienna would love nothing more than dragging me around Central Park and no doubt assaulting me with snowballs. She told me that back home in London they rarely get snow and when they do, it’s the shit type that goes to slush. I’d love to witness her contagious smile again.
Get your head back in the game, Keller.
My phone vibrates against the metal tray, breaking me from my thoughts. Letting out a sigh, I pick it up. Every day I wait for her to finally make contact, to give me a reason not to lose myself to the darkness completely. So far, nothing.
Her name lights up my screen. I blink a few times to make sure I’m not hallucinating. It’s been a long time since I slept properly. My finger hesitates over the green button. My heart wants nothing more than to pick up and tell her I was fucking wrong and beg her to take my sorry ass back. I quickly remember why I am doing this. I’d rather her be alive without me than dead with me.
The call cuts off and I sigh in relief. But that’s immediately short-lived as the phone vibrates in my hand again. Just her name flashing on the screen gives me a warm feeling in my chest.
Fuck it.
“Sienna, are you okay?” I quickly ask, holding my breath as I wait for her reply.
“Huh? Yeah, of course I’m okay. Why wouldn’t I be? It’s not as if I was kidnapped and then dumped in my hospital bed by the man I thought was the love of my life. Oh, wait.” Sarcasm drips from her voice. She was never one to hide her emotions.
“No, I’m actually calling because I have a question for you.”
“Ok, fine, but make it quick. I’m busy,” I snap. I know I sound like an asshole, but I can’t lead her on.
A moment passes. I can hear my heart racing in my ears as I wait for her to spit it out.
“Is Enzo single?”
Tightening my grip on the phone, my jaw clenches so hard I’m surprised my teeth don’t shatter. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
This fucking woman will be the death of me.
“Helllo-o. Keller? Are you there?”
“Don’t. You. Fucking. Dare. Princess.” I manage to spit out, my mind reeling.
“You don’t get to call me Princess anymore, you spineless piece of shit. Just answer the fucking question. Is he single, yes or no? I have an itch that needs scratching and I kinda find that little scar across his cheek and his jet black hair sexy. I can’t wait to wrap my fingers through it whilst he-”
“Enough!” I cut her off. “You belong to me, Princess. If you want Enzo to stay breathing, I suggest you stay away.”
“Well, you’ve been a great help, Keller. I’ve gotta go have an itch scratched. Have a nice life, asshole.”
“Oh and by the way, I would have accepted you despite your other certain, what shall we call it… pass time. You say being with you is dangerous, yet you leave me here all on my own, without your protection. You didn’t even ask what I wanted. We both know Enzo has nothing on you. I have a hit on my head, regardless of being with you or not. I wanted it all with you, Keller. I loved you with every fiber of my being. Clearly, I wasn’t good enough for you to make you stay. I have a pretty good idea what you’ve been up to, Keller. I hope it’s worth it. I hope it makes you feel complete.”
She cuts off the call. My mouth is gaping, my jaw almost touching the floor.
Loved.
She loved me, not loves.
She’s right, I was supposed to be her protector. I let my doubts get in the way of what was important.
Now I’ve lost her.
I can’t live like this anymore. This isn’t me, not who I want to be, anyway. Tossing down the tooth extractor, it clangs against the metal tray, and feels like it’s burned a hole in my palm. Maybe it’s not too late, maybe I can fix this. All of it. Sienna saw all of me and still loved me and I threw it back in her face out of fear. I was so close to having it all just three weeks ago. I want it all back and that is exactly what I am going to do. Starting with re-arranging this fight and cutting my mafia ties.
I slide my phone into my pocket and head for the basement door, the prick on the floor asking where I’m going as I storm past him. There’s a new spring in my step as I march into Luca’s office. He’s leaning back into his leather desk chair, frantically typing away on his phone, his brows furrowed. He drags his face from the screen and gives me a sad smile.
“I was wondering how long it would take.” Amusement laces his tone.
I’m not stupid. I know he was watching everything unfold in real time through the security feed. I drop down with a thud onto his emerald green velvet sofa, wedged between two dark oak bookcases. Resting my foot on my knee and leaning back, I wait for his words of wisdom.
“Don’t worry, I’ve spoken to Enzo. Sienna’s not made any kind of pass at him this whole time. The only interaction they have is her scowling at him. She’s winding you up, Brother,” he chuckles.
I’m glad he finds this fucking funny.
“I want out Luca. I can’t do this anymore. It’s killing me.”
A sadness passes over his features as he slowly nods, resting his elbows on his thighs.
“I need to be, no, I want to be the man she deserves. I want to unify those belts and win back my girl and make her mine until the day I die. I can’t do that working for you anymore.”
His lips creep up into a smile, his perfect white teeth coming into view.
“I can’t believe it took you this long to realize. It’s been killing me watching you do this to yourself. I thought I’d lost you to the darkness for good after you pushed away the one person who pulls you into the light. I’ve already spoken to the rest of the men and we all agreed to let you go. You and Sienna will always have our protection. A war is raging. You’ve been fighting in my corner for the last fifteen years now. It’s my turn to repay the favor.”
Relief flows through my entire body. It feels like the weight of the world has lifted from my shoulders. Finally, I can see a future out of the shadows, a future with my Queen.
“But, I’m going to need you to do two things for me. You’re going to unify your belts. Channel that anger into the thing you were put on this earth to do: be the undisputed heavyweight champion of the world. Second, you are going to get your girl back. Grovel like no man ever before. You do not give up on her.”
I stand and walk over to Luca, pulling him into an embrace as my emotions overwhelm me. I’m finally free.
“I can’t tell you how much this means to me, Brother. I promise I won’t let you down,” I clap him hard on the shoulder. “I swear to God, if you need me, you call me. I will always have your back.” We may not be brothers in blood, but I love him just as if we were.
“Come on Keller, we both know I need to stand on my own two feet now. I need to take the lead and finish this. Trust me, I have a plan. I’ve learned from the best how to take care of myself. Now get the fuck out of here and get your girl.”
“Well, I’ve got a fight to organize and one hell of an apology to plan.”
“I don’t think an apology is quite gunna cut this one, Brother. Persistence is key. Don’t let her forget how perfect you are for each other.”
I nod, turning on my heel, turning my back on the mafia, and walking into my new life.
There isn’t a force in the world that could stop me now.
“Let me know when to start my best man speech,” Luca shouts down the hall as I leave.
Shaking my head, I let out a chuckle, the first laugh to leave my lips in weeks.
Sienna baby, I’m coming for you.
