When Paula called early this morning, I didn’t hesitate to jump in the car and come to Max. I knew how it felt to be abandoned. Hell, I was in his shoes once. All I wanted was for someone to tell me it was going to be okay.
Maybe if I did, I would have turned out a hell of a lot better.
As I walk Sienna to the car parked around the back of the unit, her eyes never meet mine, and she twiddles her thumbs while she walks. My heart is racing, being so close to her. All I want to do is scoop her up into my arms and tell her how much I miss her, how much I fucking love her.
I know I can’t.
I’m so worried about her. She has no spark. She must have lost over 10 pounds now. Her face is drawn, which just emphasizes the gray haze on her complexion.
It fucking kills me that I have done this to her.
I’ve pushed her too far, so far, I don’t know if she will ever forgive me. The moment back in the room where she melted into my embrace, all the tension built up within her visibly left her body. It felt like I was home. For those few minutes, everything was right in the world again.
On the drive to our destination, she keeps her eye line straight out the windshield, her nervous tell evident as she picks at the skin surrounding her chipped maroon fingernails.
“So, what is it you wanted to show me?” she asks.
“Ah, now that would ruin the surprise, Baby.”
Her breath just slightly hitches at my words. Shit, I don’t want to scare her away before we even get there. After seeing the panicked state she got into after seeing me at the gym the other day, I realized I had a long way to go to get back into her heart. I just hope her hatred isn’t stronger than her love for me.
We drive in silence. I catch her glancing at me a few times. Just having her back in my company brings calmness to my life.
Pulling into the drive, I stop outside the large black metal gates, lower my window. The icy breeze blows into the car. Leaning over, I pad in the security code- 110620. The night we met – a night that changed the course of my life forever.
The gates slowly open and I make our way down the gravel drive, either side surrounded by acres of green, sparkling in the morning frost. Finally, the magnificent mansion comes into view. A 15 bedroom estate, painted white, with ivory climbing to the roof. It might not look perfect now, but it will be once I’ve finished with it.
I park up next to the grey stone round water fountain, and let out the breath I’m sure I’ve been holding since we entered the gate. Sienna’s eyes fixated on the building before her, her plump lips slightly ajar.
“Wow.”
“Wanna come see inside?”
“Oh my gosh, yes! This is the kind of place you read about in books. It’s beautiful.”
The excitement in her voice makes my heart flutter.
I lead her in through the archway to the wooden front door. Grabbing the key from my jean pocket, I slip it into the lock and push, motioning for her to walk over the threshold. Her face lights up as she scans the home. Our home. One day, I hope.
A grand staircase greets us as we walk through. Don’t get me wrong, this place needs a facelift. It needs those finishing touches to bring out its character. That’s the plan, a place for us to create together and call our home forever. Everything at the moment is outdated, from the orange tinted kitchen units to the dark red frayed carpets. Despite that, Sienna is still in awe of its beauty.
It’s why I bought the damn place. As soon as I saw the listing, I envisioned Sienna sitting cross-legged by an open fire, surrounded by her filthy book collection all stacked in her ceiling-high bookcase. I imagined the gym we could build, the nursery, the acres of land for a dog to run around. Money doesn’t mean anything to me. I want a home, a family. I want it all, only, with her.
Turning her attention to me, she cocks a brow. “So, I’m assuming this place is yours?”
“You’d be correct.” I close the distance between us, desire crackling through the air.
“Apart from one minor detail.” I say as I tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She shivers under my touch.
“And what would that be?” she playful asks, her pearly white teeth appearing from her grin.
“This place is ours, not mine,” I whisper. Her body stiffens in response.
“Why?” she says as she lets out a breath.
“I want us to build a home together. Something we create that we love every inch of. A place to grow a family. As soon as I saw the listing, my mind immediately thought of you. I saw us growing old here together. I couldn’t bring myself to go back to the penthouse after what happened there. The guilt has been eating me up. I don’t expect you to forgive me right now. I don’t expect you to want to move in with me, either. I… just wanted to show you how serious I am about you, about our future. This house and I will be here waiting until you’re ready.”
I hope it doesn’t take long, but I’m prepared to wait for as long as it takes for her to find her way back to me.
“Oh Keller,” she sobs, nestling her face into my chest. I stroke her silky hair as she lets it all out. Tears sting my eyes as I take in a shaky breath. I’ve broken her. Wetness soaks through my hoodie. These are tears I have caused.
“Shhh, Baby. I’m so sorry, Sienna, I’m so sorry I’ve hurt you so bad.” I choke out the words.
“Why did you have to leave me?” her barely audible voice whispers through sobs.
Using my thumbs to hook under her chin and pull her head up to look at me. As she sniffles, I gently pad under her eyes, chasing her tears away. “I promise you I will never, ever leave your side again. I will never cause you pain like this again. I will cherish your heart over my own. I will love you until the day I die, and then I’ll love you through eternity.” My voice breaks as I let it all out to her.
“I’m starting to understand, Keller. It just fucking hurts so much that you could break my heart like that. That you could break me.”
“I know. I would give up everything I have to go back in time and stand by your side. I thought I was protecting you by ripping out my own heart. I was completely and utterly wrong. For the rest of my life, I will regret that.” I offer her a sad smile. “I love you, Princess. Always and forever. Even if you never forgive me, you’ll always own my heart.”
We stare into each other’s eyes for a few moments, nothing else matters.
“Kiss me.” She whispers, so quietly I barely register her words.
Stunned, I look at her, her eyes red and blotchy, her skin pale, yet she’s still the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on.
“I said, kiss me,” she repeats, this time louder.
Lowering my lips to hers, I capture them with mine, slowly deepening the kiss. Pouring every ounce of love into it. My hands wrap around her hair as my tongue slips into her mouth, lapping her up, our teeth clattering together. She tastes like fresh mint. My cock twitches against my jeans in response as I let out a low groan into her mouth.
“I’ve missed you so much, Baby,” I say as I take her mouth again, this time hungrily. Her arms wrap around my neck.
Regretfully, I pull myself from her, instantly missing her lips on mine. I have to do this the right way. Shock is written across her face as she stands there staring at me, her cheeks flushed and hair now wild, her swollen lips just daring to be taken again.
“I want to do this right, Sienna. I want you to come back to me with your whole heart. No doubts, no concerns, both feet in, ready to live the rest of your life with me.”
I can’t believe I’m doing this. I have to.
She isn’t ready. I can still sense her nervousness around me. She doesn’t trust me.
Her arms fold over her chest. “You’re doing this to me now? You’re really turning me down?” She shouts, pain flickering through her eyes.
“Yes.” The words fall out of my mouth. “All in, baby, I need you all in. I can feel it. You aren’t there yet, so I have more work to do.”
She lowers her head and lets out a sigh. That’s when I wrap her up in a tight embrace and whisper in her ear “This isn’t a goodbye, Princess. I’m not giving up, not now, not ever. Everything here will be here waiting for you to come home.”
“I can’t keep doing this, Keller. Just take me home and leave me alone.” She lets out a defeated sigh and I do as she wishes, the ride home in complete silence. She gets out of the car and slams the door, not even glancing back my way as she storms into her apartment.
Fuck.
I head straight to the gym to do what I do best. Punch shit.
“FUCCCK” I scream, as I erupt a barrage of punches into the heavy bag. Releasing every ounce of devastation that consumes my body, into the leather. It’s the only way I know how to cope; to fight. Every muscle in my body is screaming at me to stop. Sweat drips off my forehead into my eyes, my lungs are on fire.
Smashing my head into the bag, I grip around and take in some deep breaths. Spiraling, I’m spiraling into the darkness and I’ve just pushed away my only hope into the light.
I can feel the stares of the rest of the gym beating into my back as I stand there, almost hyperventilating into a punch bag.
If I’m going to win this fight in a couple of weeks, I have to get my head straight.
That’s when it hits me.
The fight.
She wants me to fight for her, to prove to her I’ll never abandon her again.
And that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
