One month later.
Of course, the first day of my new job has to be at the Kings Gym. The tragic story that is my life wouldn’t have it any other way.
Pulling on my favorite pair of gym leggings. The ones that shape my ass perfectly, as Keller used to say, I pair them with a cropped black hoodie and bunch my hair into a high ponytail. Dragging a shimmery lip gloss across my lips, I’m ready to go. Today I feel better, thank God. I haven’t even thrown up yet.
Butterflies dance around in my stomach in anticipation of how today will go. Will he be there? How will I feel when I see him? A million questions whirl around in my brain.
These hormones are sending me crazy, I swear.
Of course he’ll bloody be there. It’s all over the news: Keller ‘The Killer’ Russo has rearranged his unification fight. Speculations fill the tabloids as to why he bailed on the last fight, and how far from the truth they were.
I catch myself in the mirror. I’ve healed well, considering it’s only been a few weeks.
On the outside, it looks like nothing has changed. I’m still the same Sienna, just skinnier and paler. On the inside, though, it’s even worse. I’m a shit show. It’s exhausting hiding my pain from everyone around me that cares, Maddie and David in particular. I can’t bare their sympathy or their sad smiles, their walking on eggshells around me. So I plaster on my best fake smile and carry on with my day. I carry on. I power through, but inside I feel dead.
Keller ripped out my heart and took it with him without so much as a glance back. Now, I just feel numb. I’m back to my normal life. I’m starting my dream job. I’m living with my best friend again, my best friend who is nothing short of a lifesaver. She’s dragged me back from the brink, yet again. Without her, I’m certain the darkness would have consumed me.
The thought of seeing Keller has me jittery. I’ve mourned our relationship and in my head, I’ve cut him out of my memory. Yet, I know the minute I lay my eyes on him, everything will come flooding back.
He did and always will own every fiber of me. I just need to accept the fact our love story wasn’t a fairytale. It was a fucking nightmare, but now I’m free. I’m miserable, but I’m safe and I’m free. I have more important things to concentrate on now.
As I grab my rucksack from the counter, Maddie whirls around Giving me one of her big smiles, she races over to wrap me up in a hug.
“Good luck today, Si.” she whispers in my ear.
Resting her hands on my shoulders, she leans back to look me in the eye.
“You stay strong. You’ve survived all of this without him. I’m so proud of you.” Her eyes glisten over as she speaks.
I give her a small nod. “Thank you, Maddie. I couldn’t have done this without you.”
I give her a quick peck on the cheek and head out.
Enzo is quick on my tail as I exit the building. I snap my head round and scowl, our usual interaction at this stage.
He doesn’t want to babysit me as much as I don’t want to be babysat. But neither of us fancy arguing with Luca and Keller at the moment, so we get on with it. He is always the gentleman. He opens the passenger door and nods as I slide in, then jumps in the driver’s seat.
I turn my neck to look at him and open my mouth to speak, but the words don’t come.
His eyebrow twitches up as he turns on the ignition to the jeep.
“I hear you have an itch that needs scratching by me, Sienna.” He says, in his thick Italian accent.
Don’t get me wrong, he’s totally my type. Tall and muscular with jet black hair, tousled in a rough quiff on top. Like me, he has piercing blue eyes, but they contrast against his olive skin perfectly. His white teeth emerge as he breaks out into a grin. The first time I’ve seen the man smile, he should do that more often, I think.
“Oh God, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. I wanted to piss Keller off and it was the first thing I thought of.” A red flush of embarrassment creeps up my neck.
“The first thing you thought of was fucking me? Good to know.” He winks at me.
Playfully whacking his arm, I let out a laugh. It feels nice to actually laugh.
“Sorry if I got you in trouble. In fact, I’m sorry for being a raging bitch since you started babysitting my sorry ass. I’m not usually such a cow, I promise.”
A sadness flashes across his eyes, and he quickly recovers himself, shuffling in his seat.
“I know how it feels to lose the one person you love in this life, Sienna. It fucking guts you and leaves you a shell of a person. But your person is still here, you never know, maybe there is hope for your heart after all.”
He shuffles in his seat, gripping the steering wheel so his knuckles turn white.
“Keller made a mistake, a fucking big one. He did it for the right reasons. He sacrificed himself for your safety. I would do the same thing. It might hurt, but maybe think about why he did it. You know he loves you fiercely, maybe too much. You two need to heal apart to come back fighting stronger together. Don’t give up too soon.” There’s a softness in his tone as he stares out of the windshield.
“Maybe. Thank you for understanding. Shall we call this a truce?” I ask, resting my hand lightly on top of his.
“A truce is fine by me.”
We stay silent for the rest of the journey to Kings Gym, my mind reeling at how my day would play out.
The excited chattering of kids fills the Gym as I walk in, tossing my coat on the stand. Grayson spots me immediately and rushes over, pulling me into a bear hug. Wrapping my arms around his strong shoulders, he lifts me up and spins me around. I’m not sure what’s got him so happy today, but I can’t complain about this greeting. Already he’s put me at ease. After gently placing me down, the smile on his face greets me.
“Are you okay? You look pale.” His eyes flicker across my face as if assessing my injuries.
“I’m fine.” I lie and give him a small smile as I twiddle with the rim of my hoodie.
“Is he here?” I almost whisper, my eyes darting around the room as if he’s going to jump out at me any second. I’m not ready to see him.
Grayson nods as he chews his bottom lip.
“Maybe just hear him out. What harm can it do?”
It could finally break me.
Paula rushes over to me, her white hair pulled into a ponytail which swishes as she moves. Her signature red lipstick is perfectly painted on her.
“Sienna, darling, you made it.” She says, wrapping me in a big hug. People clearly have a thing for hugging today. It’s like I almost died. Oh, wait.
“Let me look at you.” Gripping my forearms, she leans back and scans me from head to toe, assessing for injuries. Unless she can see into my brain, she won’t see anything.
“I’m so happy to be back at work,” I lie. I’m happy to be working with the kids; it’s just the choice of the venue that’s my issue.
“Come on. We need to see Keller in the office to iron out the formalities for this session. I need my head of events there.” She winks, grabbing my hand and pulling me through the gym.
Fuck.
My heart is almost pounding out of my chest. I’ve never had one, but I could be having a heart attack now.
“Come in!” his voice bellows after her knock. Paula swings open the door. He’s there, sitting at his desk, his dark eyes piercing my soul.
It feels like all the oxygen sucks out of my lungs, and a high-pitched ringing fills my eardrums. I rub my sweaty palms along my thighs, hunching over to try and catch my breath. I’m losing it, that last grip I have on reality, slipping.
An electric current shoots from my shoulder. It’s him. He’s touching me.
“Don’t touch me!” I shriek, now almost hyperventilating. The next thing I know, I feel like I’m floating, and hear the door slam. The cool leather presses against my skin as I sink into the couch. Squeezing my eyes shut and clenching my fists, I focus on my breathing. In for four. Out for four. Just like me and Maddie practice.
I slowly creep my eyes open and Keller’s worried face fills my vision.
“Baby, it’s me. Are you okay?” There’s concern in his raspy voice as he strokes my hair out of my face. I bolt myself upright to be rid of his touch. It’s too much, he’s too much.
“Paula, can we have a second?”
“Yes. Yes, of course. Sienna, I’ll be just outside.” Her eyes wide as she turns and leaves.
“What was that, Sienna? Are you still sick?”
“I’m no concern of yours anymore, Keller.” I snap. Gone is the panic, replaced by pure rage.
“You’ll always be my concern, Baby.”
“You don’t get to call me that anymore. You don’t get to care. You lost that right when you walked out on me. I’m broken beyond repair. What you did is worse than Jamie. I healed from that. The scars you left me with will run for eternity.”
He goes stiff at my words, and his jaw ticks.
“One day, I promise you I’ll heal every single scar. I won’t give up until I prove myself to you, Sienna. I’ve never, ever stopped loving you. I’m going to show you, prove to you I’m worthy of you.”
“Good luck. You’ll be waiting an eternity. I’m not sure I have a heart left to love with. No thanks to you. Maybe in another lifetime, we can get it right, but not this one.”
He cups my face with both his hands and lifts my chin so I’m forced to meet his. I want to shake him off, yet my mind and body don’t seem to be communicating. “Tell me you don’t feel this. Tell me you don’t love me anymore.”
“I-I don’t,” I stutter. I can’t bring myself to say the words.
“Say it. Say, I don’t love you, Keller.” His nose is now touching mine.
Goosebumps erupt across my skin. My damn body always reacts to him, no matter how pissed I am.
“I-I” Nope, still no words. I let out a deep sigh, dropping my gaze to the floor.
“Princess, look at me.”
I do. He consumes me. He says jump; I ask how high, like a puppet. And he’s my master.
“I am so fucking sorry. I wish I could go back in time and change that day. I should never have left you. You were better off without me, that’s what I thought. A part of me still does. But I can’t live without you, Sienna. You own my mind, body, and soul. You saved me. I’m just so sorry I ruined us. Please forgive me. I’m begging you to give me another chance.”
A single tear escapes his bloodshot eyes. This powerful hitman kneels before me, begging for forgiveness, pouring his heart out. Part of me wants to jump into his arms and tell him I love him and that everything will be okay.
But it’s not enough.
His words aren’t enough to mend my broken heart, to trust he won’t break me again.
“It’s not enough,” I sigh. I can’t bring myself to look at him. Taking in a deep breath, I find the words I need to let out for closure.
“Words mean nothing, Keller. I appreciate your apology, I really do, but I need more. I need someone that knows I’m enough, enough to stay when it gets tough. I need someone that’s all in. You don’t know what it means to love. Maybe in another lifetime we’ll find each other and have the fairytale ending we deserve.”
Tears threaten to spill as I pick myself up and walk out the door, not giving him a second glance. The strongest man on the planet breaking to pieces in front of me didn’t give me any satisfaction at all.
The session goes on without a hitch. The kids all have a blast with Grayson. Keller never appeared again. Saying my goodbyes to them all and giving Paula a quick hug, I meet Enzo outside and he walks me to his blacked out Jeep parked across the street.
“Tough day?” He asks as we set off home.
“That’s one way to put it.” I mumble, and he merely nods in understanding, turning up the music to fill the silence.
The phone blaring in my eardrums wakes me with a start. It feels like I closed my eyes five minutes ago.
Paula’s name flashes on the screen. Shit.
“Hello.” I croak out, my mouth as dry as the Sahara after spending most of the night being sick. Who was it that named this morning sickness? Fuck, I wish it was just in the morning and not all day and night.
“Sienna, oh my God. You have to come and meet me. Something absolutely incredible has happened and I need you here. You can’t miss this.”’ she rambles. It’s far too early for this kind of excitement.
I quickly remember she’s my boss before I moan down the phone and respond like a petulant child.
“Ok, just text me the address. What sort of time are we thinking?” I ask, in hopes she’ll say something at least four hours from now.
“Can you be there in an hour?”
Lord, give me strength. I check the time- 6:30 am.
“That … should be ok. I’ll text you when I’m on my way.”
“Oh Sienna, I can’t wait to see your face.”
It best be good.
An hour later, Enzo is pulling up outside a unit towards the outskirts of Manhattan. Safe to say he was less than impressed with my early wake up call. He looks as tired as me, with his hair disheveled and eyes still a slight tinge of red.
The best I could muster was a pair of black leggings with a knitted dark gray dress and I quickly threw on my Doc Martens and a black puffer. New York still hasn’t let up on the freezing weather, so I’m glad I grabbed my chunky scarf and gloves before I left.
“Well, this is the address,” Enzo dryly announces as he pulls into a derelict industrial unit, housing two large metal structures. The one on the left has a large lilac sign with ‘The Hideaway’ written in white lettering. Zipping my coat up, I make my way over to the brightly lit entrance. I’m guessing Paula’s in here.
As I step over the entrance, I stop dead in my tracks. In front of me stands a completely renovated unit, sectioned into different areas. Scanning the room, there’s a foam-floored play area brimming with brightly colored toys, a collection of chairs huddled in the corner around a floor to ceiling bookcase, filled with book collections. The back corner is a mini boxing gym, complete with black padded flooring with a red canvas punch bag hanging from the ceiling. I can hear rustling from behind the double doors. “Paula, are you in here? It’s me, Sienna.” I call out.
Paula appears from the doorway, her shiny white hair curled and that red lipstick painted on her lips. How she looks this good at the crack of dawn I’ll never know. Excitement radiates from her as she spots me.
“Oh Sienna, Darling. Isn’t this just wonderful!” she announces, flinging her hands in the air.
“I mean, yeah, this looks great, but am I missing something?”
God, have I forgotten some crucial information here? The place is great, but I have no idea what it has to do with me being here at 7:30 AM on my day off.
“Well Sienna, this is the Hideout. A safe space for our kids should they need it. Complete with a new office for us to work from.”
“Wow, that’s-that’s great Paula. Why didn’t you tell me about this sooner? I could have helped? Do we have the funding for this?” I blurt out without even thinking.
I’ve seen our accounts. We are nowhere near ready to have this kind of setup yet.
“You’ll have to thank Mr. Russo himself. He’s funded and designed this whole place. He’s spent weeks perfecting it, working closely with the kids to build their ideal hideaway.”
A smile creeps up my face.
This place is perfect. My thoughts immediately go to Max; he would love this space.
“Wow, I don’t know what to say. This is absolutely perfect. I can’t wait to see the kids’ faces. This is going to be game-changing for us, Paula.” Excitement is bubbling through me as I speak, the first genuine emotion I’ve felt in a long time and I have Keller to thank for that.
“Mr. Russo has a kind heart beneath that hard exterior. He tells me he was a product of the state’s foster system. He had a tough time, he knows how important this is for them. Speaking of…” Her eyes twinkle as she speaks of him.
I nod along as she speaks, a knot forming in my stomach as Enzo’s words replay over and over in my head.
“Maybe it’s not too late.”
Muffled sobbing catches my attention from behind the stud wall in front of me. I shoot Paula a questioning look.
She drops her head slightly, letting out a small sigh.
“It’s Max.”
Dread fills my stomach.
“What’s happened? Is he okay?”
That poor kid never catches a break. He’s only seven, for Christ’s sake.
“His mom’s missing. I found him living at home on his own. He’s been there for the last two days. I couldn’t get hold of her to sign off on his boxing training next week, so I popped around. Found him crying his heart out on a striped bed, shouting out for his mom.”
“Shit.”
Anger simmers. My heart breaks for him. He’s been through far too much already. That goddamn woman needs a slap.
I tiptoe over to the doorway, Paula grabs my hand, bringing me to an abrupt stop.
“Keller is in there with him. Max was asking for him, so I called him and he came straight here. He’s been with him since 5 am. Heart of gold, that one.”
I slowly nod in response, nerves filling my stomach.
I’m doing this for Max, not for Keller. Max needs me. My heart flutters in my chest. I can’t help my reaction to Keller, even if I try.
She releases my hand and I peer through the doorway. My breath catches in my throat as I take in the sight before me, tears welling in my eyes. It’s a little bedroom, complete with bunk beds on either side of the wall. Little Max sits on Kellers’s lap nestled tightly against him, muffling his sobs. His chest heaves up and down whilst Keller cuddles his small body with his muscular arms, his head resting on top of Max’s.
My feet are planted on the floor. I can’t move. My stomach erupts into butterflies. At this moment, the hatred I feel fizzles away. I forget what he did.
Keller’s eyes, filled with sadness, shoot to mine as he gives me a small smile, one I can’t help but return.
My legs move without thinking. I dart over to them and perch down on the bed next to them. Max’s tear-stained face peels from Keller’s chest to look at me.
“Max baby, are you okay?” I ask as I gently stroke his short blonde hair.
He quickly nods and throws his head back into Keller.
“Thank you,” I mouth to Keller, not wanting to interrupt their moment. He seems to have it under control.
I stand to leave and Keller’s hand shoots out to mine. Bolts of electricity pass through my fingers, lighting my whole body.
“Stay. Please.”
His eyes are pleading with me, so I sit back down. His powerful arm wraps around my shoulder and pulls me into his side. I settle into this familiar feeling and suddenly start to feel whole again as I place my arm around Max and close my eyes.
We sit quietly together with Max. As the little boy’s. heart-wrenching sobs continue to fill the room, all three of us cuddled together.
Almost like a family.
“Max darling, how about we go get some hot chocolates? We can get them with extra cream and marshmallows if you like. What do you say?”
Paula’s interruption yanks me back down to reality. Max’s sobbing subsides for a second as he looks to Keller for reassurance. Keller simply smiles and nods to him. Max peels himself from Kellers’s lap and pads over to Paula, not before turning to give us a bright smile, a naughty smile even, and then runs off towards the front door.
“I’ll see you both later. Sienna, this is our new office now, so meet you here Monday morning?”
“Sounds good to me, Paula.”
She gives us a quick wave and ushers Max out.
My attention now zeroes in on the warmth of Keller’s touch and I jolt away from him and jump to my feet. Hurt is clear on his face as he then bows his head.
“I have to go. Thank you for being there for Max. You’re great with him, Keller.”
“Can I show you something?”
His bloodshot eyes snap to mine. Despite looking as though he’s barely slept, he is still so sexy.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
I don’t trust myself around him. I want to hate him, but I just can’t.
“Please.”
Enzo’s words dance around in my brain. The image of Keller cuddling a broken little Max. This might be a massive mistake, but something inside me screams at me to say yes.
“Okay.”
