WELL, THAT WAS a first. I’ve had girls gag on my junk, sure. But, projectile vomit? Never. I pretended to still be seasick last night in order to avoid running into Tink and the boys in the dining room, opting to order room service for dinner instead.
Today we’re docked in Cozumel and while I’m still limping a bit, my ankle feels a million times better. It’s our first excursion, and I know, thanks to Vangie’s constant whining, that her little boyfriend and posse will not be accompanying us to swim with the dolphins. I’m looking forward to a little one-on-one time with my girls.
We get off the ship and hail a cab to our excursion site, Chankanaab Park, where I booked the royal swim package, allowing us the most time with the animals. The one thing Evangeline asked for on this trip was to be able to swim with dolphins. She’s been obsessed with them from the time she was around Willow’s age. I can’t wait to see the look on her face when she finally gets to touch one.
After fitting us into life vests, our guide Mary leads us, along with five others, to a fenced-off area in the ocean. The water is the bluest I’ve ever seen and surprisingly warm.
“All right guys,” our guide announces, garnering the attention of our group of eight. “When it’s your turn, you’re going to stand like this with your arms straight out to either side of your body.” As soon as she does this, two dorsal fins pop up right beneath her hands. And when she closes her fingers around them, the dolphins—Ana and Christian—take off, pulling her along for the ride.
“My turn,” Willow squeals, making grabby hands for the amazing creatures.
Being the baby of the group gets her preferential treatment. Immediately, everyone looks to me, nodding their approval at allowing her to be first.
“Put your hands out just like the lady did and hold on tight,” I whisper into my baby’s ear as I pass her over to Mary.
She pulls her just far enough out that I can’t hear what they’re saying, but there is no missing the high-pitched scream and the laugh that follows when they take off.
A hand tightens around my arm and I look down to find Evangeline with the biggest and most genuine smile I think I’ve ever seen. “Oh my God, Dad. I’m about to ride a dolphin!”
“Two actually. Who’s the best daddy in the whole world?” I gloat, puffing up with pride. Hey, I spent a lot of damn money to make her dreams come true. I want my praises.
“You always were…even before this,” my sweet girl says. “But this is so cool. I might even clean my room to repay you.” She winks and I snort. You can’t even walk in that room. It’s an ongoing battle, and I know damn well she’s not cleaning it when we return from vacation. She’ll find some reason to hate me again by then.
“Are you ready?” Mary asks Vangie after passing Willow back to me. Her arms are like a boa constrictor choking my neck.
“Daddy. I want a dolphin for Christmas!”
“No.” I won’t even spend a second entertaining this nonsense. I already have to listen to her constant begging for a puppy, a kitty, a pony, etc. Keeping myself and two children alive is plenty enough for me.
Evangeline shakes with excitement as she’s lead out to the middle of our enclosure. Her hand lifts to her mouth, and she blows her sister and me a kiss before tuning in to whatever the guide is telling her. Then she’s off. My heart swells with insurmountable pride. There is nothing else in the world like this feeling, knowing I put that huge smile on her face.
“Come on, Daddy,” Mary says.
Vangie hasn’t yet stopped grinning when she grabs Willow from my arms, pushing me out into the water.
Mary repeats her instructions then steps back. Before I’ve even stretched my arms all the way out, I feel something hard nudge my ass. What the f—? My body jerks, and I reach behind me, blindly swatting as I try to figure out what’s just assaulted me.
“No, Christian!” Mary shouts, making some gesture to the huge mammal that’s probably about to eat me, just before his snout is back between my legs.
“Daddy!” Willow screams. “Help my daddy!”
Trying not to panic, I kick my legs at the beast. “Get!”
“I’m so sorry, sir. It’s breeding season,” Mary shrugs, trying not to laugh with the rest of our crew when the horny dolphin continues poking around between my legs like a dog.
“Ew!” Evangeline shouts. “Daddy, his thing is sticking out! Oh my God. He wants to have sex with you!”
Sex? Did my baby just say the words thing and sex? Then what she said registers, and I push that problem aside for another day because I’m about to get raped by a fucking dolphin.
“Sir, calm down. I’m going to try to get him off of you,” Mary gets out between guffaws.
“I’m not about to just float here and let him have his way with me.” My feet are now frantically kicking at the randy, four-hundred pound defiler. I don’t stand a fucking chance. He’s twice my size.
“Daddy,” Willow cries. “Watch out! It has a snake tummin’ outta its tail. It’s gunna bite you!”
I make the mistake of looking and damn near pass out. His fucking dick is as big as my arm. My heart is about to explode with how rapidly it’s beating. I can’t fucking breathe. I think I may be hyperventilating.
The next thing I know there are a few other trainers in the water trying to persuade the rapist dolphin to leave me alone, and my girls are nowhere to be seen. “Where are my kids?”
“We had everyone else leave the tank as a safety precaution.”
At least I know neither of my girls will be Christian’s next victim.
§
“Gigi!” Willow shouts just as we’re finally making it out to the beach area to relax and unwind from my attack before heading back onto the cruise ship. My heart dips as I spin around looking to see if that damn woman is actually here. They weren’t supposed to be here, I whine in my subconscious. Sure enough, my daughter is already cuddled up in her lap beneath a thatched hut near the water.
“Landon! I didn’t think I’d get to see you today.” Evangeline runs into that boy’s waiting arms, and I have the sudden urge to hurl.
This vacation is the dumbest idea I’ve ever had. Vangie’s got a boyfriend, I twisted my ankle, my dick got puked on, and I was sexually harassed by a fucking dolphin.
“Thought you were swimming with dolphins today?” Landon returns, kissing the side of her face. He has the good sense to blush when I shoot him a pair of warning eyes.
Motherfucker.
I purse my lips at Vangie, warning her not to talk about it. But Willow takes it upon herself to be my life ruiner. And to think, she used to be my favorite. “We swimmed with dolphins, and a snake crawled outta one’s butt and it was chasing Daddy. He almost died!”
“What!?” Savage shouts, looking up from the sand fort he’s been so busily working on. “That is so cool. I wish I coulda saw.”
Confusion mars Gina’s face. “Wait…what?”
“It got a hard-on when it was Dad’s turn to ride.” Vangie blushes. “I thought it was going to drown him.” My daughter and I are going to have a good long talk about her vocabulary soon. Is she old enough to know about hard-ons? I don’t want her to be.
Tink’s lips pull in, flattening into a straight line, then her cheeks hollow out as she tries extra hard to hold her laughter.
“Oh, go on,” I grumble, falling into the empty lounge chair beside her. All of the other huts are taken. I decide I’ll endure her company just for a place to rest. Fighting off Christian’s cock was exhausting.
As soon as she has my blessing, she folds over in hysterics. Spit sprays from her mouth. “How—how big was it?” she finally asks once she gets ahold of herself.
The kids have run off, out of hearing distance to splash in the water, so I humor her. “Like two feet.” I inwardly cringe visualizing it.
“No shit…” I can see the wheels in her head turning. “That’s impressive.”
“I can honestly say that I wasn’t all that impressed.”
“Did you get any pictures?” she asks.
Shaking my head, I stare at the beautiful vixen beside me. “I wasn’t exactly worried about snapping pictures of my assailant’s weapon. Sorry.”
“S’okay…I just have a fascination with penises.”
“Is that so?” I ask, although this doesn’t surprise me in the least.
Gina nods, cracking a big grin. “Like, did you know sea slugs lose their dicks every time they have sex? It stays hard and just drags the ground ’til it falls off.”
“Kind of like a bee loses its stinger?”
“Not exactly. They don’t die…It just breaks off and floats away…Then they grow a new one within a day and are ready to do it all over again.”
Automatically my thoughts drift to what happens to that penis once it starts to float off into the ocean, and I shiver.
“What?”
“I was just thinking of the poor unsuspecting fish that’s gonna eat that rogue pecker, thinking it’s a worm.”
