“You’ve been quiet and absentminded all week. What’s wrong, babe?” Leia asks.
I hesitate before answering her. “Noah has been avoiding me since that day at the vineyard. I’ve been to his clinic twice, and both times he wasn’t there. Or so I’ve been told. He’s not answering my text messages either.”
Leia sighs and lies down on her bed, next to me. “Babe, what are you even doing? He told you that you two can’t be together. He literally told you that your psycho grandfather holds his future in his hands. What are you doing?”
I grab her pink teddy bear and wrap my arms around it, feeling torn. “I don’t know, Leia… I just really like him. I’ve never felt anything like this before. I swear I’m not playing any games, it’s not a thrill or whatever you think it is. It’s not that at all. I just… when I’m with him I’m happy, and I think he feels the same way.”
She looks into my eyes and nods. “Yeah, I’ve never seen you this crazy about anyone. Is it worth it, though?”
“I don’t know,” I tell her honestly. “Grandpa seems to be grooming him to take on quite a sizable portion of my family’s portfolio, so he clearly values Noah.”
Leia stares me down and purses her lips. “But does he value Noah enough to let you be with him? From what you told me, it doesn’t sound like your grandfather will let you walk down the same road that your mother chose. Noah might be a doctor, and he might be wonderful, but compared to your family, he’s still just a normal man. He still has student debt and probably lives paycheck to paycheck.”
“What’s wrong with that?” I ask defensively. Noah is a doctor. Sure, it’s still early in his career, but it’s an honorable profession. He’s nothing like my father, who won’t stop texting me. His weekly messages just add to my distress. I haven’t told Leia about him, and it feels strange to keep something from her. But this… this I can’t tell her. It would change the way she looks at me, and I can’t bear the thought of that happening. I spent years building a life I could be proud of. I won’t let Dad take that from me all over again.
“Nothing,” Leia says carefully. “There’s nothing wrong with it, but his life and yours differ too much. He has a promising future, for sure… but it hinges on him not getting involved with you. I don’t doubt that your grandfather will ruin him if you two get together. Is that a risk worth taking?”
“No,” I whisper. I’m being selfish, and I know it. There’s definitely something between us, something stronger than anything I’ve ever felt before… but that’s all it is. We aren’t in a relationship, and Noah has made it clear he doesn’t intend to pursue me. I can’t expect it from him either. I can’t stand up to my grandfather myself, so how could I ask him to?
Leia wraps her arm around me, and I drop my head to her shoulder, feeling defeated. “I just can’t take it, Leia. The way Noah looked when Gregory so blatantly reminded him of our history, and then the look on his face when I told him about what Greg told me… I don’t know. He looked so hurt, and I just want to speak to him. I just want to reassure him.”
Leia sighs and shakes her head. “I get it, babe. I do. But maybe this is for the best, you know?”
“Yeah, maybe,” I murmur. I wish this was easier. The feelings I’ve got for him are getting stronger every day, and it’s becoming hard to fight this thing between us. I fell for him just a little when he caught me in the rain, then even further during the ball. Every interaction with him since then has just cemented those feelings. I know letting go is what’s best for him, but it’s hard. This doesn’t feel like a simple crush. It’s not just infatuation.
“Talking about elusive men, have you tracked down the one-night-stand you were so obsessed with?” I ask, changing the topic.
The way she smiles cheers me up instantly. The way I feel about Noah… that’s how Leia feels about this mystery man.
“No, but I will. God, Amara. He was so delicious. I won’t rest until I have him between my legs again. That man knows how to fuck. Ugh, and that cock. I need more of it.”
I burst out laughing and shake my head. “Did you go back to the bar you met him at?”
She nods. “Every night for a month straight. He wasn’t there. I’m not surprised, to be honest. His accent was unfamiliar. He sounded a little British? It wasn’t a strong accent, but it was there. I doubt he’s from around here.”
“That bastard,” I mutter. “I can’t believe he ghosted you.”
Leia frowns and throws her arm over her face. “It’s worse than that, though. He actually gave me the wrong number. I’m not trying to be cliche or any of that. You know I’m not like that. But this was just different. It might have only been one night, but the connection we had was insane.”
I nod in understanding. “Yeah, I get that.” I might never have slept with Noah, but the way he makes me feel… I’ve never felt anything like it before.
“I don’t even know what it was about that night. I guess it was just the way he managed to cheer me up when I was convinced that forcing even one more smile that day would shatter my heart. He made me smile until it hurt for all the right reasons, and then he took me to watch the sunset, reminding me of how beautiful life can be. We just talked, you know? I don’t think either of us even really expected it to turn into more, but when it did… wow.”
She wraps her arms around herself and sighs. “I guess that’s why it hurts so much that he gave me the wrong phone number. It’s because I thought he felt that same connection, and I guess he didn’t. It was just sex to him.”
I open my arms and Leia rolls toward me, until I’ve got her wrapped in my embrace. She inhales shakily, as though she’s keeping in her tears, and I rub her back gently. “Fuck both of them,” I whisper.
