“Noah,” I whisper, my hand wrapped around his. Something is wrong. I can feel it right down to my bones. That look in his eyes… he’s hurting. “What happened?”
He stares at me, but it’s like he sees straight through me. Noah shakes his head, a polite smile on his face.
“Leia,” I tell him. “I’ve been with Leia all evening. That’s where I’ve been every single evening for the last week. We’ve been watching movies and drinking far too much wine. Too much pizza too, come to think of it.”
His shoulders sag in relief, and though he tries to hide it, it’s clear some of his worries are put to rest.
“But where have you been, Noah? You haven’t been replying to any of my text messages, and every time I went to your office, I was told you weren’t there.”
My tone is sharp, the accusation clear. Noah takes a step closer to me, and I take a step away, my back hitting the door. The way we’re standing here together… this is exactly how we were just a few weeks ago, when he lifted me into his arms.
“I’ve been trying to stay away from you, Amara. The more your grandfather mentors me, the more I stand to lose by getting involved with you.”
I gulp and nod. “I know,” I whisper. I do know that, but I selfishly still want him to take the risk. I want him for myself. “But my grandfather isn’t keeping you from being friends with me, is he?”
“Friends? You want to be friends?” He laughs humorlessly and cups my cheek. “Do you ask all your friends to help you test sex toys? What do you even need me for when you have Gregory? He was right, you know? Eventually you’ll end up with a guy just like him.”
“Noah, the things he said… I’m sorry. I think he somehow feels threatened by you.”
He grits his teeth and closes the distance between us, his body pressing against mine. “I can’t stop thinking about what he said. Tell me… did you fuck him in that vineyard, Amara?”
I look away, unable to answer him. “It was years ago, Noah. He and I are over.”
He slides his hand down and turns my face back to his. “Sure as fuck doesn’t seem like it’s over. He was here for dinner with you, and he was your date at the vineyard. Your family seems to believe you’re still dating him, and he clearly still wants you. What kind of fucking game are you playing, huh? I don’t know what’s going through your mind, but I’m not playing along.”
I look up at him, my eyes blazing. “I’m not playing any games, Noah.”
“No? Aren’t you?” He asks, his hand sliding down to cup the back of my neck. “Asking me to test toys with you, crashing the date your grandfather set up for me, ensuring that at all times you’re the only one I can think of. You do that, knowing that I can never have you. This is all fun and games for you, isn’t it? A bit of excitement, toying with one of your grandfather’s employees. You do it, knowing that when you’re ready, you’ll be able to move on with a guy just like Gregory. Someone that can give you the world, someone that can give you the life you’re accustomed to and that can support your dreams. That person will never be me, and you know it. This might all seem like a bit of fun to you, but it’s my future you’re playing with.”
I place my hands on his chest, palms flat against him. I can’t tell whether I want to push him away or slide my hands up so I can hug him. “Aren’t you? Aren’t you the person that’s supporting my dreams? My own grandfather is blocking every avenue available to me, and it’s you, Noah. It’s you that’s making my dreams happen. You. No one else.” I inhale shakily, wishing he could see what I see when I look at him. “The only truth to everything you just said is that getting involved with me means risking your future, and I’d never ask that of you, Noah. I know how powerful my grandfather is — I know it better than anyone else. With his support, you’ll go further than you can even dream of, and I’d never ask you to risk that.”
I look into his eyes, my hands sliding up his chest the way I’ve been wanting to. He tenses as I wrap my arms around his neck. “But don’t do this, please. Don’t shut me out like this. Don’t punish me for my past, or for who my family is. I understand that you and I… we can’t happen. I know that. But please, Noah. All I’m asking for here is your friendship. Can you give me that much? If it burdens you too much, I’ll stop asking for your help with the toys. I’ll stop, Noah. But please… please don’t push me away like this.”
Noah drops his forehead to mine, his eyes falling closed. “Don’t stop,” he whispers. “I can’t stand the thought of you testing those damn things with anyone but me, and I meant what I said: you need medical supervision, Amara.” He pulls away slightly and presses a featherlight kiss to my forehead. “We can be friends. I’m sure we can manage that.”
Noah takes a step away, and it takes all of me to tear my eyes away from his. All I want to do is take a step closer and feel his lips against mine. I want his hands on my body, his hand wrapped into my hair. I want him. All of him.
“Come on,” he says, running a hand through his hair. “I’ve been gone for far too long. Your grandfather is going to come looking for me soon, and he’s not going to be happy to find me in your bedroom.”
I nod and follow him to the dining room in silence. My heart feels like it’s in disarray. Noah is right here with me, yet somehow I miss him. I can’t pinpoint what it is about these last few days, but it’s like something is standing between us now. That day at the vineyard changed things, and it wasn’t for the better.
“Why are you two together?” Grandpa’s voice is harsh, and the way his eyes flash with anger makes me flinch. My eyes meet Mom’s, and I’m surprised to find worry in them. Both of them have supported Noah like he’s family, yet they worry about me being alone with him for just a few minutes? What do they think he’ll do to me? Ravish me? I wish.
“I ran into Amara in the hallway,” Noah says, smiling politely, completely unfazed. Grandpa stares him down, but Noah doesn’t even flinch.
I follow his lead and sit down at the dining table, ignoring the way my mother’s gaze burns into me. I was hoping that the way they’ve been supporting Noah meant they approved of him, but that doesn’t seem to be the case.
“How did your date with Kim go?” Grandpa asks Noah, smiling tightly. “You should call her and follow up. The two of you are perfect together, and I want her to be in charge of the new hospital we’re planning to acquire.”
I sit in silence, looking up only to thank the staff when they serve me food. Noah and I are on different paths, and if I want what’s best for him, I need to make sure I don’t become an obstacle.
