I stare at my phone, my heart overflowing with emotions I didn’t realize I was capable of. I sit down on the sofa, my eyes trailing over the family pictures surrounding me, a smile hurting my cheeks.
Grayson wants to propose to Aria. Those two… neither of them led easy lives. For a moment, when they first told me they were dating, I worried it’d lead to mutual destruction. I couldn’t be more happy that they proved me wrong.
Aria getting married… the thought of it fills me with happiness and loneliness all at once. I didn’t think either Aria or I would ever get married. Both of us are too broken, too haunted. Yet here she is, making me proud. She couldn’t have found a more perfect person to be her husband.
I stare at the phone in my hands, a different sense of loneliness washing over me. This is the best news I’ve received in years, and there’s no one to share it with. For years, all I focused on was my education and Aria’s upbringing. It left me with little to no time to make friends or socialize. I didn’t notice how lonely I was when Aria still lived at home, but now that she’s gone, it’s hitting me hard. Gray proposing means she won’t come back.
I look around the house, seeing it through different eyes. It suddenly feels too big, too quiet. I’m so used to being alone and battling demons, presenting the world with the person my parents would want me to be while I suffer in silence… but tonight I don’t want to.
I tighten my grip on my phone, hesitating for a brief moment as I scroll through my contacts, pausing on Amara’s name. The darkness within me isn’t something I’ve ever wanted to subject someone to. Not until now. Not until Amara. Amara changed everything the second she walked into my office with those flushed cheeks of hers, her blue eyes sparkling.
Since she walked into my life, the loneliness has become too much to bear. I long for her with a desperation that’s foreign to me. I bite down on my lip as I fight the urge to call her. It’s a losing battle.
She picks up almost instantly, startling me. “Hey,” I say, my voice soft.
“Hi,” she replies. “I’m surprised you called.”
I sigh and run a hand through my hair. I’ve tried to stay away from her, but I barely lasted two weeks. “I just got some great news, and you were the first person I wanted to share it with,” I murmur, realizing that it’s true. She flashed through my mind the second Grayson hung up the phone.
“Oh, what happened?” she asks, her tone lighter.
I smile to myself as I lean back on the sofa. “Grayson wants to propose to my sister. He asked for my help to set everything up.”
“Oh my gosh!” she says, genuinely sounding excited, and my smile broadens. This is what I love about her most. Her heart. She doesn’t even know Aria or Gray, but she’s genuinely happy for them.
“My sister and I have this tradition of sorts,” I murmur. “She bakes me a themed birthday cake every year, and I thought it’d be nice if I made her an engagement cake. What do you think?”
“That would be amazing, Noah. Oh! You could make it in the shape of an engagement ring! How nice would that be?”
I chuckle and shake my head. “I think that might be beyond me. I was going for something edible.”
Amara sighs, and my eyes fall closed. I miss her. These two weeks without her have been horrible. “I’ll help you. I love baking,” she says hesitantly.
“Would you really? Gray told me they’re flying in tomorrow, so I wanted to make the cake today. Do you… do you think you could come over to help me?”
I half expect her to say no. She hasn’t texted me since I saw her at her house, and I don’t blame her. She and I… we’re impossible.
“Yes, text me the address. I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”
“You’re the best,” I tell her, a mix of giddiness and nerves washing over me. I’m excited to see her. It’s only been two weeks, but it feels like a lifetime.
I’m restless as I text her the address, looking around the house to check if there’s anything I need to tidy up. I frown when I realize that I barely even use the house. All I do is eat and sleep. I don’t even remember the last time I watched TV.
The doorbell rings, snapping me out of my thoughts. I’m oddly nervous as I open the door, but my every thought melts away when my eyes land on her. She’s beautiful. She always looks stunning, but she looks especially breathtaking in the black dress she’s wearing tonight.
“Hey,” she says, and that smile… it makes my heart skip a beat. Amara’s eyes roam over my body and I take a step back, swallowing hard.
“Hey,” I murmur.
She walks into the house, and her floral scent lingers as she walks past me. Amara pauses in the hallway, her eyes drifting over the family photos. “Wow,” she says, tracing the edge of one of the photos with her fingertips. “You look just like your dad. I’d love to meet him one day. And that must be your sister? She looks just like your mom.”
I look up at the photo of the four of us and swallow hard. “Yeah, that’s my sister,” I say, my voice soft.
Amara turns to look at me, her brows raised. “What’s wrong?” she asks, her confusion obvious. So she doesn’t know, huh? I assumed she knew about my past, like her mother and grandfather do.
“It’s nothing, sweetheart. Come on, I’ll show you around.”
Amara holds up a grocery bag and grins. “I brought supplies. Show me where to put them.”
I nod and lead her to the kitchen, suddenly feeling self-conscious. My house is nice enough, but it’s nothing like hers. It’s tiny in comparison, and most of our things Aria found at garage sales. I can’t help but wonder if she’s comparing me to Gregory. I can’t even imagine what type of place that guy must live in, and I know I don’t measure up. Today it’s more clear than usual that she and I are from very different worlds, and it doesn’t sit well with me.
“You’re quiet,” Amara says as we walk into the kitchen. “Aren’t you excited about the proposal?”
I turn to look at her, taking in her blue eyes and her red hair, the freckles on her nose that are only ever visible when she isn’t wearing makeup. She’s beautiful. Everything about her is beautiful, right down to her soul. She deserves the best the world has to offer, and I’m not it.
“I’m excited, and a little sad too. I always expected Aria to come back home, you know? And now she won’t. I miss her. She’s the only family member I’ve got left, and I guess I’m feeling a little lonely. I’m happy for her, though. She deserves this.”
Amara’s eyes widen in shock. “I’m so sorry, Noah. I see… that’s why you looked so sad when I asked about your parents in the hallway. I didn’t realize.”
I lean in and brush her hair out of her face, my fingers lingering longer than they should. “I don’t talk about my parents, so there’s no way you could’ve known. They passed away when I was quite young,” I tell her as I unpack the groceries she brought.
I frown at one of the tiny bottles she brought. “What’s this for?” I ask, wanting to change the subject. I hate talking about my parents, because it always leads to pity, and I don’t want it from Amara.
She stares at me and bites down on her lip, hesitating before she forces a smile onto her face. “Noah, that’s vanilla. Are you kidding me? How were you going to bake a cake without it?”
I smile sheepishly. “I was just going to google it and hope for the best.”
Amara looks outraged, and I can’t help but chuckle. She leans in and snatches the bottle from me. “Okay,” she says, shaking her head, “you clearly cannot be trusted with this.”
She bumps her hip against mine, and I move aside to give her more space at the kitchen counter. She smiles at me and I sigh. I want this. I want this with her. I want to stand in the kitchen with her, doing the most mundane tasks. I want her in my house, in my space. Fucking hell. I can see Amara being my wife.
