I blink, trying my hardest to ignore the annoying buzzing that’s slowly taking away my relaxed, dreamlike state. I turn, reaching for my phone absentmindedly, closing my eyes as I lift it to my face.
I’m tempted to ignore the call, to lock my phone and put it away, but something doesn’t feel right. Deep down, I can feel that something is off. My hands tremble as I answer the call and bring my phone to my ear.
“Is this Amara Astor?”
The woman on the phone sounds calm and professional. Far too professional to be calling me in the middle of the night, and her tone just worries me further. “Speaking,” I say, my voice soft, laced with fear.
“I’m calling from Regency Hospital. Your phone number was saved in Mr. Simmons’ phone as his emergency contact.”
She pauses, and I swallow hard. “I’m his daughter,” I tell her. “What happened to my father?” I sit up, tears welling in my eyes. The sheets fall away, and Noah turns in his sleep, reaching for me.
“Your father is in critical condition, Ms. Astor. The doctor will be able to tell you more.” There’s hesitation in her voice, almost like she wishes she didn’t have to make this call at all.
“I’ll be right there.”
I end the call with shaky hands, feeling sick. Months. I’ve been ignoring him for months, and now I might lose my chance to ever speak to him again.
“What’s wrong?” Noah asks, his voice sleepy. He sits up and places his finger underneath my chin, making me face him. “What happened, Amara?”
I wrap my arms around his neck and hug him tightly, falling apart in his arms. “It’s my dad,” I tell him, letting my tears fall. “He’s in the hospital, and I know I need to move, but I’m scared, Noah. I’m so scared.” I choke back a sob as Noah tightens his arms around me, one hand tangling into my hair.
“What did the nurse say?”
“Just that he’s in critical condition,” I manage to tell him.
Noah nods and rubs my back. “Come on, I’ll take you. You won’t be alone, baby. I’ll be right there with you. Whatever happens, whatever we find at the hospital, I’ll be right there with you.”
I nod, but I can’t stop shaking. I can’t control the dread I’m feeling. The regret. Noah was right all along. I had so many chances to see him, to speak to him, and I took it all for granted. I had something I can see Noah longing for every single day. I saw it in the way he idolized my grandfather, the way he looks at photos of his parents. I saw it, and I still took my own father for granted.
It’s all I can think about as I rush to get dressed. Part of me doesn’t even want to go to the hospital, scared of what I’ll find. I’m not ready to face the possibility of not having a father at all. I’ve been so consumed by hate and anger, but I never realized how much of a luxury that was.
Noah is quiet as he drives me to the hospital, but the way he clutches the steering wheel tells me he’s worried too. Something about the look in his eyes tells me he’s lost in his own past. He won’t tell me how he lost his parents, but it wouldn’t surprise me if it was a little similar to what I’m experiencing now. A phone call. A visit to the hospital. I might be going through a lot tonight, but so is Noah. Despite that, he’s here with me. I will myself to cling onto that feeling, the love we share. It’ll carry me through anything.
“We’re here,” he whispers, his hand reaching for mine. Noah entwines our fingers, his grip tight. “It’ll be okay, Amara. Don’t think about the past, or any of the choices you’ve made. You’re here now, and that’s all that matters. Focus on the present. The past can wait.”
I look into his eyes and nod. “I love you, Noah. If not for you…”
He smiles at me and leans in to press a kiss to my forehead. “If not for me, you’d still have pulled yourself together and made it here. I’m glad I got to be the one to drive you, though. Are you ready?”
I nod, and Noah presses a kiss to my forehead before stepping out of the car. My eyes follow him as he walks around and opens the door for me, holding out his hand. I take it and hold on for dear life, using him to anchor myself.
I’m trembling as we walk in, my mind replaying the last time I saw my father. I told him I didn’t know if I wanted him in my life, and I regret it now.
“If he’s in critical condition, he’ll likely be in the ICU,” Noah says, point at the signs. He leads me through the hospital, stopping at the nurse’s station.
The nurse’s eyes widen when she sees Noah, a smile lighting up her face. “Dr. Grant,” she says, a twinkle in her eyes. Her smile transforms her tired expression and makes her look a decade younger, despite her gray hair.
He smiles back, his arm wrapping around my shoulder. “Hi Susan,” he says. “It’s been a while.”
She nods. “You’re no longer a rookie, huh? It seems like a lifetime ago that you worked here.”
Noah smiles. It’s the first genuine smile I’ve seen on his face tonight. “It was only three years ago, but it sure feels like forever ago, doesn’t it?”
She nods. “What can I do for you, sweetie?”
He looks at me, a reassuring look in his eyes. “My girlfriend’s father was admitted to the hospital. We’d like to see him. Can you point us the right way, please?”
She looks at me, a kind smile on her face. “What’s your father’s name, darling?”
I straighten, keeping the panic at bay as best as I can. “It’s Peter Simmons, ma’am.”
Noah tenses next to me, and I turn to look at him to find him frowning, his eyes on the wall behind Susan. “Everything okay?” I whisper. He doesn’t look at me. Instead, he stares into space, lost in thought.
“Your father was transferred out of the ICU,” Susan tells us, giving me his room number. “Based on what I can see here, he seems to be out of danger, but he’s being monitored closely. You should be able to go see him.”
I breathe a sigh of relief, feeling conflicted. “Thank you,” I whisper, my hand slipping into Noah’s. I turn to follow Susan’s directions, but Noah stays rooted in place.
“Noah,” I murmur, pulling on his hand. He looks at me, but it’s almost like he’s looking straight through me. I don’t know what he’s seeing, but the way he looks at me scares me. He’s never looked at me that way before, almost like I’m a stranger.
Noah nods at me, snapping out of it. He falls into step with me as we walk toward my father’s room, but I can’t shake the feeling that everything is wrong. I can’t escape this sense of impending doom, and my intuition is never wrong.
