“Nikki?”
I sniffle, wiping my eyes on the back of my shirt sleeve. I’m glad I bought this thing at a store sale and wouldn’t mourn it being ruined with blotches of tears.
The thing is, I kind of spent the whole morning and some of the afternoon crying like a crazy lady behind a tree in a nearby park.
I just couldn’t go back to Jay looking like shit—though that’s an epic failure on my part—and I had to think about a lot of things. Such as how desperate I am to beg Daniel.
And I am desperate.
Extremely so.
But I broke any semblance of professionalism between us by bringing up his wound. The wound he hid so well that normal people would never have noticed.
Hell. Even his mother didn’t, and I suspect Astrid didn’t either, considering how much she always liked to shove food in his face.
But then again, I was never normal when it came to Daniel.
I was either obsessed, completely unhinged, or desperate.
Just not desperate enough to go beg him.
He wouldn’t take me back anyway, not when he looked two seconds away from strangling me—and not in a fun way.
Maybe if he cools down, I can muster the courage to talk to him? That’s the plan anyway. I think he’s better to approach when he’s not in his devil suit, channeling the Lucifer in him to make other people’s lives hell.
And that time is usually at night.
For that, I need to make him a nice meal and take it to his flat—that is, if he didn’t put my face and name on the “call the police once spotted” dial.
Trying to remain positive, I spent the afternoon grocery shopping for dinner and shushing my inner sinister voice that told me no amount of food will make him agree.
It’s the reason behind these fresh tears, but anyway, screw that voice.
I won’t know until I try.
Jay trots in front of me, wearing his Minions pajamas and socks, proudly displaying an obsession he never outgrew.
“You’re back early.” Instead of sounding happy, he frowns. “Are you okay?”
“Of course.” I touch his forehead. I called him a few times and he said he was better, but I have to personally make sure. “Your fever is really gone.”
“You thought I was lying to you?” He narrows his little eyes on me. “Are you sure you’re okay? You called me so many times today and even came home early. Are you in trouble because of me?”
“What? Of course not.” I take the shopping bag to the kitchen.
“You’re lying to me, Nikki. I’m a man now; you can tell me if something is wrong.”
“Oh, my little rascal is a man?” I turn around and attack his sides. “I didn’t realize, knowing how ticklish you are.”
He breaks out in laughter and runs away. I catch up to him and wrestle him to the sofa, tickling him until he’s about to lose his breath.
He loves this game a bit too much, but I can’t do it for long or I’ll aggravate his asthma.
“This is oddly domestic.”
I freeze, thinking I’m probably losing my mind. That velvety deep voice can exist anywhere but here.
In my home.
My eyes must resemble a deer caught in the headlights as I stare at him. Wide. Unblinking.
He stands in the middle of the living area like the Grim Reaper with a sole target.
Me.
I slowly ease off Jay and smooth down my wrinkled skirt. “D-Daniel? What are you doing here?”
“The door was open. Might think about locking the thing in the future, considering you live in a shithole.”
My cheeks redden at his easily delivered harsh words. He’s not even looking at me. His entire attention is on Jay, who’s straightening up and squaring his shoulders, which is extremely comical when coupled with his Minions outfit.
“No one invited you to this shithole.” Jay stands in front of me like a protective shield. “And who are you?”
“Nicole’s boss, who’s pissed off at her.”
“Does that mean you’ll fire her?” There’s a note of caution in Jay’s tone.
“Already done, Minion.”
I wince as Jay stares up at me with a hint of betrayal. “You said you had no trouble. Why did you lie?”
“That’s kind of been her modus operandi since we were kids,” Daniel supplies unnecessarily.
“You’ve known each other since you were children?”
“Since about your age, kid.”
“Daniel!” I shake my head.
“It’s sir to you.”
“You’re no longer my boss.”
“Depends.”
My heart skips a beat and I hate it. I hate how I’m irrevocably out of control when it comes to Daniel and his words and his actions and his presence. But what I hate the most is that there isn’t a way to tame or tamp down my reaction to him.
It’s always meant to cross every line.
Every limit.
Every logical barrier.
“You said you’ve known Nikki for a long time,” Jay says in a contemplative tone. “That means you can let her keep her job.”
“Again, it depends.” Daniel continues staring at Jay as if he’s contemplating what to do with him, and I’m not sure why the mama bear in me is demanding I protect Jay from his watchful gaze.
But I don’t need to, because the blue of his eyes slides to me, slowly, suffocatingly. “A word.”
I glance down at Jay, then back at Daniel again. I wish I had the luxury of telling him he can shove it where no one can see, but I don’t, so I motion at Daniel to follow me onto the small balcony and shut the door behind us, locking out a curious Jay inside.
It isn’t until I’m nearly chest to chest with Daniel that I regret my choice of place.
His bergamot, lime, and male scent envelop me with intrusiveness that steals my breath.
I can’t help noticing how a few rebellious strands of his hair have left the rest and fallen over his forehead. Or how his suit looks as perfectly pressed as it did this morning.
His face, however, appears blank. It’s nothing like the savage devil who fired me without listening to anything I had to say, but it’s not welcoming either.
The rusty railing digs into my back in my hopeless attempt to keep as much space between us as possible. It’s disastrous enough without us having to touch.
Daniel cocks his head toward the glass door. “Is he mine?”
I nearly choke on my spit. “W-what?”
“Is the boy mine?”
“No!”
“Is he yours, then?”
“What the hell, no! He’s my brother.”
“Official papers indicate as such, but maybe you had your mother adopt him to take the heat off you?”
“She was in prison, Daniel. How could she adopt anyone?”
“Just putting all the possibilities out there considering who his legal fucking father is.” His eyes darken and his posture turns as rigid as the metal at my back. Heat creeps up my cheeks, and it’s entirely due to the damn audacity of this man.
“Jayden’s father and everything about him is none of your business.”
“Are you sure you want to put it that way? I heard you’re in the middle of a custody suit and need a steady job as much as scientists need to start searching for a stupidity cure.”
“How did you…? Wait, was it Aspen?”
“Doesn’t matter. Your employment status does.”
I bite my lower lip but remain silent.
He watches me for a beat, maintaining merciless eye contact as if his reason for living is to make me squirm. I don’t, holding my own and staring right back.
It’s exhausting, though. Being Daniel’s target, his nemesis, his enemy has always been so fucking tiring and I’m not sure just how long I’ll be able to take this.
How long before that final nail is dug into my coffin?
Daniel raises a brow. “Aren’t you going to convince me to take you back?”
“Are you willing to be convinced? I thought I was incompetent and the worst assistant you’ve ever had.”
He lifts his arrogant damn nose in the air. “I’m in the mood for charity. So thank your lucky stars and start the convincing session. In case you’ve forgotten, my time happens to be the goose that lays golden eggs.”
“Why don’t you spare us both the trouble and tell me what you want? Surely you came all the way here for something.”
A small smile grazes his lips and a hint of his dimples appear on both his cheeks. “You were always a clever little minx.”
“Glad to shatter all the blonde stereotypes.”
“Not all.” He watches me closely. “What are you willing to do to have the permanent assistant position as well as legal advice?”
“Anything.”
“Including becoming my sex toy?”
My heart drops to my knees and I clutch the railing behind me in a death grip. “N-not that.”
His face remains unchanging. “Why? You have a boyfriend who would oppose the idea?”
“I oppose the idea. I don’t want to sleep with you.”
Or anyone for that matter.
“Why not?”
“It’d kill our professional relationship.”
“We never had any sort of professional anything, Nicole.”
“I just…can’t do it.” Please don’t make me do it.
I nearly beg but swallow the words at the last second.
“Do I disgust you that much?” There’s no accusation in his tone. It’s flat, almost deadpan.
“Maybe tales of your endless shagging does.”
“You might want to wipe that jealousy off your face. You’re drooling with it.”
“You’re the last man I would feel jealous of, Daniel. You’re nothing but a mere blip in my past.” Lies, lies, and more lies.
I feel no different from young Nicole who spouted nonsense left and right. And that’s dangerous.
That would lead me down a destructive path similar to the one from back then.
“I see.”
He’s still speaking in that toneless way, no inflection whatsoever. His face is just as closed off, an absolute mask that I can’t read what’s lurking behind.
A metaphorical weight squeezes my windpipe, and panic starts to settle in. For all of my brave talk, I can’t lose this job.
Maybe if I close my eyes and pretend—
No. Nope. That’s not going to happen.
“Daniel, I—”
“Start by making me dinner,” he cuts me off. “You’ve been doing it for a week anyway. I should’ve suspected it from the Lolli name. Bit predictable, no? You had to include your lollipops.”
My lips fall open, then closed. “Start? And then what?”
“We’ll figure it out along the way.”
“I told you I’m not going to sleep with you.”
“It’s called fucking. I doubt any sleeping will be happening. And we’ll see about that.”
“No, we won’t. Why the hell do you even want me?”
His lips press in a line, but that slight show of affection quickly disappears. “No reason. It’s just a business transaction.”
I wish I could throw him over the balcony from this height and watch his gorgeous face get smashed to pieces. I hate how small he can make me feel.
How insignificant.
“Business or not, I won’t be doing it. The sleeping or the fucking.”
“You said a crude word. That’s progress.”
“That’s a warning. Don’t come near me.”
“Not while you’re so uptight about it, but you’ll come around.”
“No, I won’t, Daniel.”
“It’s sir to you.” He opens the balcony door. “And I’m hungry. Make the dinner quick.”
I wish I could make his death quick, but oh well, it doesn’t work that way in real life.
Jayden is waiting for us inside. He was pretending to do homework and play with Lolli earlier while he watched our every move.
Or Daniel’s, to be more specific.
He approaches us while carrying Lolli as a weapon, which she can be under certain circumstances. “Are you going to let Nikki keep her job?”
“Depends on how well she does. And stop calling her that, it’s juvenile.”
“Maybe if you stop having her call you sir. It’s demeaning.”
I suppress a smile, impossibly proud of my baby brother. The little rascal is so mature for his age.
Daniel raises a brow. “Jay, was it?”
“Jayden. You didn’t get the okay to call me Jay.”
“Not asking for it in this lifetime.”
My brother lifts his shoulder. “Your loss. When I become something important in the future, you’ll want my favor.”
“Doubt it.”
“I’m going to make dinner,” I announce, putting a halt to their bickering.
“Is he invited?” Jay cocks his head to Daniel like he’s a fly that won’t go away.
Daniel fixates him with a stare. “It’s one of the conditions for her keeping the job.”
“Nikki’s food is a luxury that not just anyone can afford.”
The corner of Daniel’s eye twitches and I’m not sure if it’s displeasure or amusement. “I can.”
“Do you pay her extra for it?”
“He does,” I answer on Daniel’s behalf as I put on my apron.
“How much extra? As much as the expensive restaurant you dine at?”
“Jay!”
“Well, it’s the same level. He has to pay well.”
“I will.” Daniel slides his gaze to me. “Double Katerina’s.”
My fingers pause on the strap and I stare at him, dumbfounded. Did he just say my food is worth double what Katerina—a professional chef with a few restaurant chains under her belt—cooks?
“Not enough?” Daniel muses. “Triple it then.”
Holy…
“Still not enough?”
“No, it’s fine,” I choke on the words.
“Silly.” Jay scrunches his nose at me. “You could’ve gotten more. Never say it’s enough.”
“That’s right. You’re intelligent,” Daniel tells him.
“I know.”
“How well do you do in school?”
“Genius level. Other kids can’t keep up with me.”
Daniel raises a brow. “I see arrogance runs in the family.”
My brother crosses his arms over his chest after releasing a fussy Lolli. “How well did you do in school?”
“Not well, but that doesn’t matter since I became a partner at twenty-nine. You just have to use the system to your advantage and fuck it over.”
“And how do you do that?”
“By continuing to be smart about it. You have the brain; just direct it toward the right path.”
I stand there in awe about the conversation between them. They’re even sitting down now, on the shabby sofa that seems so small with Daniel occupying it.
Lolli hops between them and, surprisingly, Daniel pets her. No clue why I thought he’d be indifferent to animals. Probably because he never had pets.
Jay laughs when our cat flips over, showing her belly to Daniel, which is a sign that she not only trusts him, but she also likes him.
Someone is entranced after their first meeting.
A shiver goes through me at the view.
Is he mine?
Daniel’s question from earlier strikes me again, and although Jay is neither his nor my son, I don’t know why a twisted part of me is wishing for that.
It’s the same part that I’ve been trying to purge from my life since I was young.
Stinging moisture gathers in my lids and I quickly whirl around and dab at my eyes with the back of my sleeves.
What the hell am I doing?
It took me years to tuck away those unrequited feelings and all the pain that came with them.
Years. Damn years. And it still feels as if I’m stuck at the same point.
I get busy making dinner, opting for fish today since it’s Jay’s favorite. I also make white rice balls and sprinkle them with a mixture of Indian spices.
Every now and then, I slide my attention to the living area to find Daniel engrossed in my brother’s homework. It seems he’s struggling, too, judging by the deep frown on his forehead.
He was always a slacker in class with a complete “fuck the world” attitude. He probably only passed them because he thought falling behind was a nuisance.
And yes, I shouldn’t know this much about him, but it’s a disease.
I’ve come down with the Daniel flu, and apparently, it’s chronic.
Every time we make eye contact, a weird frisson goes through my body, as if it’s about to possess me.
And I always break it first, desperate to escape his pull in any way possible.
“Dinner’s ready,” I shout once I’m done.
Jay shoots up from the sofa like a lithe tiger, followed by Lolli, who’s mewing her head off.
I put some fish in her bowl and she gets busy eating and ignoring everyone else.
My brother and I transport the dishes to the living area, where Daniel is still sitting, legs crossed as if he’s a king and we’re his servants.
Twat.
I move to sit opposite him on the floor, but Jay snatches the position and I’m forced to take a seat beside Daniel on the sofa.
I try not to get sucked into his warmth or look at him as I reach for my utensils.
The keyword being try.
The air is always sucked up from my surroundings whenever he’s in the room, the building, the school, city, country, world.
Sometimes, just the thought of him existing somewhere on earth is enough to steal my damn oxygen.
“It’s so good, Nikki!” Jay exclaims, stuffing his face with rice.
I reach over and remove the rice grains that are stuck to his lip. “I’m glad you like it.”
“I don’t like it, I love it.” My brother glares at Daniel, who’s eating in an eerily silent manner. It’s like he’s afraid to make any motion or make any sound. “What about you, Daniel? Any comments?”
My boss swallows with difficulty. “It’s food.”
“It’s not just any food. It’s Nikki’s and it’s the best you’ve ever had. Admit it.”
“It’s good,” he manages to say.
Lolli, who finishes her serving in record time, strolls into the room with the grace of a lioness and rubs herself against Daniel’s leg.
I see the exact moment when his face scrunches up as if he’s about to get sick.
And I see now why he never talks or moves and doesn’t like to be interrupted while he eats. It’s like he considers meals a battle he has to go through alone and with no external stimuli.
“Good isn’t even a compliment,” my brother grumbles.
Daniel starts to get up, probably to go throw up what he ate. I quickly pull a lollipop from my bag, open the wrapper, and stuff it between his lips when he opens them.
He stares at me for a beat, the lollipop still frozen in his mouth. And then for a moment, a brief moment in time, his expression softens.
For a brief moment, I see the stars in his shiny, bright eyes. The same eyes that looked at me and didn’t hate me.
But it’s gone when he crunches on the lollipop, not bothering to suck on it first. When he swallows, he throws the stick to Lolli who runs after it.
“Peaches.”
My heart flips and falls to my stomach. I can’t stop looking at him, at the dip in his chin and the small teases of those gorgeous dimples. Or what’s between them, his glistening lips.
“The lollipops always have a peach flavor.” He cocks his head to the discarded stick.
“I know right?” Jay says after chewing a mouthful of fish, seeming to have forgotten about the earlier subject. “She only ever buys those. Nikki is weird.”
Daniel’s gaze rakes over me with so much heat that it feels like he’s melting my clothes while they’re on me. “She is.”
Then he goes back to eating, leaving me heaving.
Jeez.
He finishes the entire dish despite Jay’s chatter. I try to talk to my brother instead of Daniel to not distract him from eating, but he’s a very demanding rascal who doesn’t like being ignored by our guest.
“Go take a shower, Nikki. Daniel and I will do the dishes.”
“That’s okay.” I spring to my feet. “I’ll do them.”
“No. You prepared the food. It’s only right that Daniel and I do the dishes.”
“I paid for this food,” Daniel says in his haughty tone. “I don’t do dishes at a restaurant.”
“Yes, but you also don’t visit a chef’s house, so this is a compromise,” Jay counters and pushes me in the direction of the bathroom before Daniel or I can protest.
Suppressing a smile at my boss’s knitted brows and narrowed eyes, I get some clothes and head to the bathroom.
Since the walls in this building are so thin, I can hear them bickering over soap and whatnot.
I catch myself grinning as the water sprays over me and I grasp my white gold necklace. It has a pendant the exact color of my eyes. It has a dainty oval shape and is emerald-colored enamel over gold. This is the most valuable item I own, or more like, the only thing I kept from my previous life, along with the box it came in.
And while I’ve been wearing the necklace since I first got it, I begrudgingly remove it and carefully hide it in a towel. I will put it in a box later.
Daniel can’t see it or he’ll get ideas.
Ideas even I don’t want to entertain.
I end up taking a long shower, allowing the muscles in my body to loosen up.
Once I’m done, I throw on a cotton robe, dry my hair with a towel, then step out of the bathroom.
The flat is eerily calm and I suspect that Daniel had enough of my brother’s antics and left.
But that’s not the case.
Jay is sleeping on the sofa, his limbs flailing in all directions.
Daniel is on the floor in front of him, and his shirt sleeves are pulled to his elbows, revealing his strong forearms. His tailored jacket that must’ve cost a couple thousand dollars is currently being used by Lolli as a pillow.
He doesn’t seem to care that it’s covered with hair, though, because he’s way too focused on Jay’s textbook. I’ve only seen him this concentrated on work-related stuff.
I must make a noise, because he starts to lift his head. “What’s this bollocks they teach kids these days…”
He trails off when his eyes fall on me. He takes me in from my feet, slowly dragging his gaze up to my waist and stomach, then lingers on my breasts before his eyes clash with mine.
They’re dark blue—a dangerous blue that makes me squirm—something I haven’t done for over a decade.
“Our education system is different from the American one,” I say in a hopeless attempt to disperse his attention.
“Everything is different here—bigger, louder, and less stuck-up than in London.”
“I still miss it. London.” I don’t know why I say it, and I resist the need to fidget under his scrutiny.
“Why did you leave it then?”
My gaze silently flits to Jay.
“Right. You were running away and still are apparently.”
Not knowing how to reply, I go to the kitchen, grab two beers, and offer Daniel one.
“I assume you don’t have premium whiskey here,” he says while examining the can of beer with distaste.
“You should be thankful there’s even beer.” I sit across from him, tucking my feet underneath me.
“That dire?”
“Don’t pity me.”
“I have a lot of twisted emotions toward you, but believe me, pity is not on the list.”
I gulp a mouthful of beer, sinking my nails into the can. I want to ask him what those feelings are, but I can’t.
Not after I said what I said on the balcony.
“I couldn’t raise Jay in England,” I whisper, reverting the subject back to my brother. “He…was neglected by his father to the point of abuse. He got asthma from the conditions he was kept in. So when social services came knocking on my door, I couldn’t say no. He was a few months old at the time.”
“That’s why you dropped out of Cambridge.”
It’s not a question, but a declaration.
“I had to use the rest of my trust fund to raise Jay, so I couldn’t afford Cambridge anymore.”
“You could’ve asked Uncle Henry for help.”
A ball the size of my fist clogs up my windpipe. “Uncle Henry hated Mum more than he hated the devil.”
“But he didn’t hate you.”
“Yes, he did. He couldn’t even look at me after she was arrested. I reminded him of her and it hurt him. It’s why I avoided his advances. I couldn’t just ask him for help to raise another child my mother gave birth to.”
I stare at Jay, thankful he’s a deep sleeper.
Daniel jostles the can of beer, then takes a small sip. “Did you know I was in New York before you came?”
“No. If I had, I wouldn’t have come here.”
A sadistic smile tips his lips. “I never took you for a coward who would run away from their past.”
“I’m not a coward. I just don’t like unnecessary confrontations.”
“So I’m unnecessary now? Not a very good sales pitch to get back into my good graces.”
“Does such a place even exist?”
“What?”
“Your good graces.”
“It does.”
“Shocker, considering you’re pickier than royalty.”
“I can be reasonable.”
“Not even if you were hit on the head with that word.”
He smiles a little, or more like smirks, before he takes another sip of beer.
Silence falls between us, heavy with unsaid words and vindictive thoughts.
We’ve been at each other’s throats so much that it feels wrong to have this small moment of peace.
But I don’t break it.
Don’t try to fill it.
Because I might have been drawn to his charming side, but I enjoyed Daniel’s silence as much as his words.
What I didn’t enjoy were his actions. Each and every one of them.
And he’s watching me as if he’s contemplating the best way to make me agree to his less than subtle offer.
Problem is, I can’t stop thinking about it either.
Even though I’ve completely closed myself off to that side of me.
But I could never close myself off to Daniel.
