One of the few things Papa taught me is that water and oil never mix.
You can jam them together, shake them for eternity, but the moment they’re in a static state, they each retreat to their respective worlds.
That’s what Astrid and I are. Water and very flaming oil.
Ever since I first met her when we were fifteen, she was this free spirit who rebelled against what was expected and couldn’t care less about her aristocratic blood.
She has Uncle Henry’s fortune, name, and connections at the tip of her fingers, but never made use of them.
If anything, she abhorred them, and our life, and me—rightfully so considering I acted like a bitch toward her.
All because of the twat sitting beside me.
We dressed up, or I did anyway, pulling a dress over my head and covering my arms with the shawl.
Daniel is only in some shorts he grabbed from the wardrobe. His hair is a beautiful mess of light brown locks, falling over his forehead haphazardly.
His expression is still sleepy, bored even. His stance is definitely the latter judging by how his long legs are stretched, crossed at the ankles, and he has both his hands interlinked behind his head.
In this position, his abs contract, visible for anyone to see. Namely Astrid, who’s been pacing for the past ten minutes.
Is it wrong that I want to momentarily blind her so she doesn’t look at him? Yeah, it probably is. Doesn’t mean I’m not thinking about it.
“Sit down, you’re giving me a headache worse than my hangover.”
Astrid comes to a screeching halt and glares at him. She’s shorter than me, has long brown hair, and eyes so green they compete with the brightest grass.
She’s wearing simple short overalls and white tennis shoes. Nothing fancy, nothing flashy. This has been her fashion sense since we were teens.
Even though she’s now a renowned artist and married into the richest family in the country, nothing’s really changed about her looks or how she handles herself.
“Oh my God, look at that. You actually have a voice that you could’ve used to, I don’t know, call and tell me you’re in England after eleven years of leaving the country. That’s a decade and one year. Not a big deal or anything.”
“I didn’t know you added drama queen to your hobbies. As your friend, I must tell you it doesn’t suit you.”
“And it suits you?”
“I’m not the one screaming the whole house down and scaring my staff away, Bug. They’ll drink tea in your honor and call you a crazy hag behind your back.”
“I’m talking about your endless excuses to not come home.”
“Home is overrated.”
“And so is your reason for not coming to England.” She flops on the chair opposite us, crossing her arms like a stern teacher. “Now, let’s talk about another important issue. Have you grown tired of shagging your way through the States so you settled for her?”
My cheeks heat. For some reason, I remained invisible from their conversation and I’m not sure why I thought that would continue until she screams her head off and leaves.
I don’t know why I was slightly relieved that Daniel extended his lash of sarcasm to her as well.
“Her is Nicole,” he says and I startle, then I smile, fighting the urge to get up and kiss him.
Astrid be damned.
She narrows her eyes on me and speaks with pure mockery. “Don’t I know it?”
“Then use it.” There’s no hint of sarcasm in his tone as he straightens, cradling his head, probably because of both the hangover and the injury.
Astrid twists her lips in disapproval. “Are we really not going to address the elephant in the room?”
“Your drama queen tendencies, you mean?” Daniel asks with an innocent smile that creases his cheeks with gorgeous dimples.
“Her!” She points at me. “What is she doing here? And why are you fucking her of all people?”
“For the last time, her name is Nicole. She came with me—more accurately, I dragged her here against her will. And who I fuck has nothing to do with you last I checked.”
My lips tremble and I tighten my hold on the shawl, my fingers digging into my palms.
I’m checking to see if I’m dreaming.
If this is one of those fantasy subconscious things where I picture Daniel picking me.
There’s pain in my palms.
So this is real.
He’s actually taking my side over Astrid’s. His best friend Astrid.
The Astrid who always came before me. Whom he befriended upon minutes of meeting her while he glared at me for years.
“Are you listening to yourself? She’s the bitch Nicole, Dan! The ‘you’re a loser, go wank a pole’ Nicole. The ‘you’re not good enough to breathe the same air as me, try in two decades’ Nicole. The ‘I’m going to suck off Levi to get back at Astrid’ Nicole. Have you forgotten what she’s done?”
I wince at the reminder of my mean track record. And I’m once again struck by how much I changed and she didn’t.
Oil and water. That’s what Astrid and I were and will always be.
“Obviously, you haven’t.” Daniel isn’t the least bit fazed. “And here I thought those spawns of yours deleted some of your memories.”
“I’ll never forget her.”
“Kinda obsessive, but okay, Bug. Are you done?”
“I’m not done until she leaves.”
“Stop talking about me as if I’m not here.” I stare at her, my voice surprisingly calm.
“I’m not talking to you.”
“Yes, you are if you keep throwing jabs my way.” I straighten my spine. “If you want to say something, say it to my face. You never shied away from that before.”
“Okay then, we’re doing this.” She pauses for dramatic effect. “What the hell do you want from Daniel when you always considered him worse than dirt under your Louboutins? Did you hear about his success and picked up gold-digging as a side job?”
“I never asked for a dime of his money. I’m his assistant, not a gold-digger.”
“She’s your assistant?” She directs her question at Daniel, then stares at me. “You’re an assistant. Wow. How the mighty have fallen.”
“If you intend to make me feel small, it won’t work. I already adjusted to my new life and nothing you could say or do would have an effect on me.”
“That’s good and all, but why Daniel? You hated him. You fucking spiked his drink and raped him!”
I can feel Daniel stiffening beside me as my fingers turn clammy. I stare at him, dumbfounded.
He told her I raped him?
I…raped him?
My limbs start shaking and my throat closes. It’s an unconscious reaction whenever the R-word is mentioned.
It’s probably unnatural. Such as my panic attacks, and broken spirit.
A spirit that’s only getting back to life recently.
A spirit that I thought I lost a long time ago.
“I told you that wasn’t the case, Astrid.” His voice raises for the first time. He calls her by her given name for the first time, too.
“Then what was it? You drugged him and me that night, Nicole! Levi saw it on the cameras. You told me so yourself.”
“It’s not…” I trail off, unable to get the words out.
“Then what was it?” Astrid asks.
“I fucked her.” Daniel jerks to a standing position. “I followed her and kicked out Chris because the bloody thought of him or anyone else touching her put me in a murderous mood worse than a serial killer’s. Because she’d been driving me fucking crazy for years and right then, I could pretend it was the drugs that made me do it. And that night? The night you had an accident and nearly died was the happiest night of my fucking life up until that point. Up until I abandoned her in the middle of the fire and found you drowning in your own blood. So she didn’t rape me, Astrid. She didn’t even come after me. I followed her, kicked out the lowlife who was there, and I fucked her until I lost count because I wanted her since I knew what wanting someone fucking means.”
Astrid’s lips open in a wordless gasp. I’m two seconds away from crying like a baby.
The words he just said have gone past the confinements of my ears and are slashing their way to my bleeding heart.
He grabs my hand and I feel like I’m floating on air as he pulls me to his side. To his strong, hard, and very warm side. His arm wraps around my waist, fingers digging into my hip as if he’s making sure I remain there.
“She’s with me now and that’s that.”
I can’t stop looking at him, at the seriousness in his features and his tone. At the way his jaw is set and his lips are in a line.
I want to kiss those lips.
To get on my tiptoes and let the world see that I’m with him.
That I’m his.
That he’s mine.
I can tell Astrid is lost for words, as much as me.
Before she can formulate an answer, Jay trots down the stairs. “What’s with the commotion? Some of us are trying to sleep.”
Astrid’s head whips toward Jay and she narrows her eyes on him. Then at me. “Is he…”
“My brother.” I begrudgingly rush to him and put my arm around him, scared something will happen to him.
“And who are you?” Jay peeks past me, his inquisitive eyes studying her.
“Daniel’s best mate,” she says assertively, apparently not having revoked Daniel’s friendship rights after all he said.
“In that case, you’re fine. Dan’s friend is my friend.” Jay pushes past me and offers her his hand and a wide grin. “I’m Jayden, nine years old. I already skipped a few grades and will probably skip more and become a genius who finds a cure for cancer or human stupidity. I haven’t decided which one is more urgent yet.”
Daniel and I smile, but my ex-stepsister laughs. “You sound like you’d have fun with my children. I’m Astrid.”
“Nice to meet you, Astrid. I have an important question, do your kids like Minions or not? Because that’s a deal-breaker.”
“They actually do. The majority at least.”
“Let’s go meet the majority then.”
I squeeze his shoulder. “Another time, okay? Astrid must be busy.”
“No, I’m not.” Astrid’s face is unreadable as she watches me. “Let’s have breakfast together.”
“All of us?” I ask, unsure.
She gives me a strange look. “Yes. I insist.”
I’m not stupid enough to think Astrid invited us to her house as a peace offering.
She might not have been the bitch type, but she was always the “protect who I care about” type. The “mess with who I love and I’ll cut you” type.
No clue why I think she’ll dress me in a clown’s clothes and tell her kids to spray me with her precious paint.
It’d make so much sense, seriously.
The whole twenty-minute trip to her house doesn’t.
A big, warm hand grabs mine that I’ve been hiding with the other one between my thighs. I stare at Daniel as he interlinks his fingers with mine, keeping his attention on the road.
He stays there, between my thighs, eliciting pleasure, warmth, and the most important feeling of all.
Peace.
He peeks at me and I smile. It’s not forced or remotely fake.
If he’s with me, I can do this.
Or at least, I try to think of it as such.
He’s changed into khaki trousers and a polo shirt that gives him that preppy yet hot look. Daniel always hovered on the line between good and bad.
He can be the most mischievous troublemaker and the coldest jerk, depending on who he’s dealing with.
We arrive at Astrid’s house—or more like, mansion. Pretty sure this was an old castle and they renovated it into this modern setting.
Jay is practically jogging to Astrid’s side as soon as the cars stop. He doesn’t stop talking to her on and on like a chatterbox. I envy his easy-going nature sometimes. How he finds it easy to express himself. It’s so different from when I was a child—reserved and acting by the rules.
I’m glad he, at least, gets to live his childhood to the fullest.
“Mummy!” A small figure with light brown hair slams into her leg, then stares at Jayden with awe. “You found a prince, Mummy!”
“Sort of.” She laughs, then leans down so she’s almost eye level with him. Her expression is soft and loving as she kisses his cheek. “Brandon, this is Jayden. He loves Minions, too. Do you want to show him your collection?”
“Yes!” Brandon grabs Jay by the arm and practically drags him inside, then stops and waves at us. “Hi, Uncle Dan and beautiful lady from Mummy’s pictures.”
Then he disappears with Jay in tow.
I stare at her. “You have pictures of me?”
She clears her throat. “Some old things in the family album.”
“I thought Uncle Henry would’ve gotten rid of them.”
“Only the ones with your mum,” she says dismissively, leading us out back.
However, I can’t stop thinking about what she said.
Only the ones with your mum.
As in, the ones where it was only me stayed?
I never thought I would face Astrid again, but now that I am, I can’t help feeling the crushing guilt about the past. I caused her accident, although unintentionally, made her feel unwelcome in her own house, and competed for her father’s love.
Not only was I insufferable, but I also made it my mission to hurt her. And I hate the past me, I hate how much I went at her throat because of how insecure I was.
I want to apologize, not only for my behavior but also for the fact that Mum stole Uncle Henry from her and her mother, killed her mother, then attempted to kill her. I have so much to apologize for, but I’m not sure if that will have any effect on her.
She was always assertive in who she hated and I was at the top of that list.
My thoughts are scattered when we reach a gazebo in the garden, painted with a shock of colors. Transparent stars dangle from the ceiling like fallen angels.
That’s where the breakfast table is set up with all types of food that could feed an army.
Something travels in our direction at supersonic speed and I flinch. Daniel, however, catches the ball with his foot and even dribbles it.
“I see you haven’t lost your touch, Sterling.”
“Nice shot, Captain.” Daniel grins at Levi who’s approaching us while carrying Brandon.
Wait. Didn’t he go with Jay just now? How is he—
As Levi gets close, I can see that the child is a spitting image of Brandon, but he has a small mole beneath his left eye. And he’s wearing a sports jersey, unlike Brandon who was in light green shorts and a button-down.
Levi has grown up into a hard man. His boyish beauty has become all masculine, but his mane of golden blond hair is still as bright as ever.
He leans down and kisses Astrid on the lips, openly, with tongue.
Jeez.
My cheeks heat and I try to stare anywhere but at them.
“Get a fucking room.” Daniel wrenches the child from Levi’s arms and whispers, “Don’t you hate this, Lan?”
“I’m used to it.” Brandon’s clone, Lan, lifts a shoulder. “Uncle Aiden says Mummy and Daddy like making babies.”
“Your uncle Aiden is right.”
“Your uncle Aiden is a twat, Landon,” Levi says, finally pulling away from his school style make-out session with Astrid.
“Uncle Aiden isn’t a twat. He only says the truth. Besides”—Landon furrows his brow—“you made Glyndon, who’s spoiled and unnecessary.”
“I told you to not call your sister unnecessary, Lan,” Astrid says in a teacher’s voice.
“But she is.”
“Go to your room and reflect on that.” She pulls him from Daniel’s arm and puts him to his feet.
Landon shakes his head and stalks away with his hands linked behind his back like an old man, grumbling, “She’s still unnecessary.”
“He’s definitely taking after Aiden.” Daniel laughs. “My condolences in advance for when he becomes a psycho.”
“How could you say that, Bug?” Astrid sounds mortified and rightfully so. Even though Levi was the wild card, Aiden was the one who exhibited destructive energy in everything he did. He was silent, broody, and with clear sociopathic tendencies.
Still is, from the rumors I read online. His wife and son might have tamed him a bit, but something tells me Aiden King will never change.
“Just the truth that you’re refusing to see. He just called his sister unnecessary,” Daniel says. “Where’s that ray of sunshine anyway?”
“With Jonathan,” Levi answers. “And you’re on limited time, Sterling. One more snarky remark and I’m kicking you out of my house.”
“Your jealousy is cute, Captain. Now, are you going to sit us down or do you need to keep watching Nicole like a fucking creep without actually talking to her?”
“So it is Nicole.” Levi scratches his chin. “I thought she was a ghost following you and was contemplating whether or not to tell you.”
“I found her at Daniel’s house.” Astrid crosses her arms. “Bed, to be more specific.”
He bursts out laughing. “I knew I was right to bet more.”
Daniel’s lips twist and for once, he doesn’t have some sarcastic comeback.
My spine, however, jerks into a line. “What…bet?”
“Knox told us you were Sterling’s assistant and we bet on whether or not he’d cure his blonde phobia by falling for you again.”
There was a bet going on?
About us?
“You knew about Nicole and didn’t tell me?” Astrid asks, astounded.
Levi grabs her by the waist. “Didn’t want to worry you, Princess. Besides, there was a fifty percent chance she would’ve gotten out of his life.”
“Still…” She stares at all of us, shakes her head, then goes to the gazebo, glaring over her shoulder at Levi and Daniel. “We’re not on speaking terms until your majesties decide whether or not I’m part of your life and should be privy to information like this.”
“Was she always a drama queen or is this a new habit, or maybe you fucking impregnated her again so she’s becoming emotional?” Daniel whispers to Levi.
“Call my wife a drama queen again and I’ll hit you on the head hard enough to knock out your few functioning neurons,” he tells him, then catches up to Astrid, puts his arm around the small of her back, and whispers something to her.
At first, her face is blank, but then her lips break out in a smile. I always envied the connection they shared since we were in school, and to see how strong they’re still going is heartwarming and heartbreaking at the same time.
They had their differences and familial feuds, but they stood up for each other.
Which can’t be said about me and Daniel.
But then again, our circumstances weren’t the same.
A few minutes later, we’re sitting at the table.
While Daniel, Levi, and Astrid bicker, I spend the entire breakfast silent, trying to force down bites of food.
This setting isn’t for me. The itch to bolt out of here and run the fastest I can is more urgent than anything I’ve ever felt.
Maybe I can go to another country and not be forced into a place where my only ally is probably Daniel’s dick.
Okay, maybe Daniel, too, but a part of me is unable to believe his sudden change of heart. Maybe this is a trick and I’ll be dragged and laughed at in front of everyone American-high-school style.
“Why aren’t you eating, Bug?” Astrid stares between him and his full plate.
“I only eat Nicole’s cooking nowadays.”
Her eyes flash to me. “You cook?”
I clear my throat. “Yeah.”
“And her food is the best thing you won’t have the luxury to eat.” Daniel lazily wraps an arm around my shoulder, killing the few centimeters between us. “Be jealous.”
Astrid twists her lips. “Why would I?”
“You can’t cook an egg to save your life. If Captain doesn’t feed you, you’ll be a skeleton.”
“That’s not true. Right, Levi?”
“Kinda is, Princess.”
“Hey!”
Both Levi and Dan burst out into laughter and continue teasing her until Levi reminds Daniel of his earlier threat.
Me, on the other hand? I’m caught by the weight of Daniel’s arm on my shoulder. By the way he glides his fingers up and down the bare part right beneath my short sleeve. By the ease and possessive way he does it, making everyone see instead of hearing about us.
If it’s only for this, coming to London, to home, to Astrid and Levi’s house is worth it.
I would go through a thousand awkward meals if he’s right by my side.
That thought soon vanishes and so does my small smile when a shadow falls upon us.
“Long time no see, Nicole.”
My throat dries and I feel myself falling.
Not even Daniel’s hold can keep me anchored in place.
One of the reasons I left and was ashamed to even look back is staring down on me with his usual calm that I only saw shatter once.
When he found out that my mother caused his first wife’s death.
Uncle Henry.
“I called him on the way here,” Astrid offers and her voice sounds far away, as if it’s underwater. “He wanted to see you.”
Why? Just so he’d blame me? Kick me while I’m down as she likes to do?
I can take that from her but not from him.
Not from the father figure who taught me how to ride my first bike and put a plaster on my knees when I fell down.
Only so I would realize I was only a substitute for his dear Astrid. A silver medal. A second choice.
Maybe that’s what I am to Daniel, too. Levi has his dear Astrid, so he settled for me.
I jerk up so fast, four pairs of eyes focus on me. I try to keep my composure but I have a feeling that I fail as I blurt, “I have to go.”
My movements are stiff and uncoordinated as I practically jog out of the gazebo and to the house.
Where did Jay go again? We need to leave, like right now.
I spend a few minutes contemplating if going upstairs would be rude, then recalling I shouldn’t even be worried about that.
Steps echo behind me and I wish Daniel followed me and will now take us home.
No, I don’t mean that his flat or mansion have become our home. They aren’t.
They shouldn’t be.
When I turn around, however, it’s not Daniel who’s staring at me. Uncle Henry has followed me and is now closing in on me.
I turn around to run.
“Nicole, please.”
My chin trembles and I grab the handrail for balance as I slowly whirl around to face him.
Seeing Uncle Henry again is nothing short of being electrocuted. It’s been nine years since I last saw him, but the hands of time didn’t touch his strong bone structure and tall, broad figure.
Even the few white strands give him an elegant edge more than a sense of old age.
But the thing I could never forget about Uncle Henry? The way his green eyes hold the calm of Buddha, the wisdom of Confucius, and the kindness of Mother Theresa.
He made me feel safe.
Until safe wasn’t on the list of things I could have.
“How have you been?” he asks, oblivious to my near freak-out state.
“I’m f-fine.”
“Are you sure? If I make you uncomfortable…”
“That’s not it…”
“Then what is it?” He places a hand in his pocket and I’m glad he doesn’t invade the distance between us. “Last time you saw me, you ran away and I couldn’t find you again.”
“I had to protect my brother.”
“Jayden, right?”
“How… Did Astrid tell you?” She practically gave him a report on the drive here.
“It was Daniel, actually. He called me two days ago, told me he found you and your brother. He also told me that he’s bringing you to London, in case I wish to meet you.”
“He…did that?”
“Yes, and I’m grateful. I’ve been searching for you for years.”
“But why? Don’t you hate me?”
What resembles pain crosses his features. “I never hated you, Nicole. I admit that after I found out Victoria toyed with Jasmine’s breaks, caused her death, and nearly killed Astrid in that hit-and-run, my sole purpose was to make her pay.”
“She…died of cancer after giving birth to Jay.”
“I know. I visited her often.”
“You did?”
He hated her with a ferociousness that scared me, so to say I’m surprised he’s the one who visited her while she was in prison would be an understatement.
“Yes. I wanted to see her suffer. But it wasn’t the imprisonment or cancer that ate her alive, Nicole. It was the fact that you turned your back on her.”
“She turned her back on me first.” I fight the tears gathered in my eyes.
The main reason I let Christopher roam free is because I was scared of her, of the sacrifices she made for me, of how people would see us.
I was terrified of her reaction to even consider mentioning it.
If it was Uncle Henry, he would’ve fought for me. He wouldn’t have told me to swallow the knife with its blood.
“She hurt you when you only took care of us,” I continue in a broken voice. “She made me lose you for good.”
He takes one step forward. “You never lost me, Nicole. The day I let you walk out of my house is one of the worst regrets of my life.”
A bubble-like pressure deflates in my chest and I can’t control the lone tear that escapes my eye. “I’m sorry, Uncle. I’m so sorry I’m the daughter of the woman who caused you so much pain. So sorry.”
He erases the distance between us and wraps me in a fatherly hug. Uncle Henry is an aristocrat through and through, so showing any emotion is blasphemy, but he’s patting my head now.
And I cry like a baby.
I cry for losing him. For thinking he always wanted to get rid of me.
“It’s not your fault, Nicole. I’m the one who’s sorry I let hatred blind me from what’s important.” He pulls back, smiling. “It took losing you to realize you’re my daughter as much as Astrid is.”
“Uncle…”
“You can call me Papa or Dad, as Astrid does, whenever you’re ready.”
“You really forgive me?”
“There’s nothing to forgive. What Victoria has done is on her. You were a victim, too.”
“But…but Astrid doesn’t like me.”
“It’s because she only saw the mean side of you. She’ll get around as Daniel has.”
I bite my lower lip. “I don’t think he’s come around.”
He just likes the sex. He said it himself, that he enjoys fucking me out of his system.
A knowing smile covers Uncle Henry’s lips. “Yes, he has. But if he hurts you, just let me know.”
“Thank you.”
“No, thank you for giving me another chance.” He kisses the top of my head. “Welcome back home.”
My heartbeat roars in my ears and that’s not good for my stupid heart because it’s starting to believe this happiness is real.
