“How is she?” Dax asks quietly, leaning against the doorway of the bedroom in this unfamiliar house, his huge frame taking up the space.
“Asleep, finally,” I reply, my fingers lingering on Lena’s hair as I gaze down at her. My heart is heavy, my throat constricted as I try to prevent the sadness from pouring out of me. I need to be strong. I have to be strong for her.
“I’m glad she’s resting now.”
“She’s exhausted,” I say quietly, stroking her cheek. Her face is still blotchy from all the crying she’s done over the past few hours since finding Mum dead. “When she climbed into bed, she barely registered me in the room with her, Dax. She’s been so lost in her own pain, so exhausted from the grief…”
My voice trails off as I lean over and press a delicate kiss against her temple. Right now she’s curled up into a tight ball beneath the duvet cover. She’s made herself as small as possible in self-comfort just like she used to do when she was younger, when she would wake up from a nightmare.
“I’m sorry, Kid,” Dax says, his voice cracking in sympathy. I blink back my tears, refusing to let them fall. I will not break in front of Lena. Not today, not ever.
“She’s heartbroken. Confused. She can’t understand why mum killed herself,” I continue, the words bitter and sarcastic on my tongue. I hate lying to Lena, but what’s the alternative? Telling her the truth? How can I tell her that our psycho brother is back and he killed our mum with his bare hands? That he strangled her, robbing her of breath. How can I tell Lena that he left a note reminding me that we’ll never be free of him, that he will follow through on his threats just like he promised he would? How can I tell her that she could be next? That her own brother would snuff out her young life just to spite me.
My hand falls away from the soft strands of her hair and my shoulders drop. As much as I want to curl up on the bed next to Lena and forget the past few hours. I can’t. I’m not sure that I’ll ever sleep again knowing I’m to blame for my sister’s grief, knowing he’s out there just waiting to strike.
“Kid—” Dax begins, reading my body language and the defeat I feel.
“This is my fault,” I say, each word cutting me open a little bit more. I grit my teeth, willing myself not to cry.
Sighing heavily, Dax doesn’t respond with words, he simply steps into the room and takes my hand pulling me up into his arms. I press my cheek against his broad chest and breathe him in, my fingers curling into the material of his top as I try my hardest to hold in all these emotions threatening to spill out of me.
“No. Don’t do that. Don’t you even think about taking the blame for this. This is not on you. It’s always been him,” he whispers vehemently into my ear, his arms tightening around me.
I don’t answer. I can’t. The tears I’ve held inside all day begin to fall and I can’t stop them or the muffled sobs that follow. Dax’s kindness, his love and concern, unravel me.
“L—ena,” I sob, shoving my hand over my mouth, not wanting to break here, not wanting to wake her.
“I’ve got you,” Dax says as he wraps his arm around my shoulder, and guides me from the room and further along the hallway in this house I’ve never stepped inside before tonight. I turn into his side, burying my tear-streaked face into his chest as I attempt to swallow down the sobs, concerned that she’ll hear and wake up.
“Take the room furthest on the right. I’ve got it ready for you all,” a kind, female voice says as Dax hesitates in the hallway unsure where to take me.
I blink back my tears, swiping at my cheeks, trying to focus on the pretty blonde woman before me. I remember her from the photos in Hudson’s other house. She’s just as beautiful in the flesh. For a moment I wonder what she makes of all of this. This is her home, and we’ve brought trouble and heartache right to her front door.
“I appreciate it, Louisa,” Dax rumbles, hugging me to his side tighter and pressing a kiss against the top of my head. “We’re sorry to intrude like this.”
Louisa nods, her eyes kind, if a little wary. “You’re not intruding when you’ve been invited. Besides, the kids are with their Grandad this weekend.” She hesitates, her eyebrows pulling together in a frown as she looks at me. I can tell there’s more she wants to say but must think better of it. “The others are downstairs in Hudson’s office if you need them.”
“Will you tell them I’m staying put with Pen, that they should come up as soon as they’re done?”
“Of course, I will.” Louisa flicks her eyes to me and gives me a gentle smile. “I’m sorry for your loss.”
Swallowing hard, I nod, not able to even thank her because how can I explain that I’m not crying for my mum, but for my sister’s pain. Stepping around us, Louisa heads towards the stairs at the end of the hallway that lead downstairs to the main portion of the house. This is the guest wing; it alone has five bedrooms, or at least that’s what Hudson explained when we arrived an hour ago. I guess I was paying more attention than I thought at the time. The fact we’re in the Freed’s home and not at the Breakers’ flat is telling. When Beast suggested he bring us here instead of back to their flat, not one of the Breakers questioned it. Were they expecting more from David? Isn’t killing my mum enough for one day? That thought makes me tremble and Dax looks down at me with worry.
“It’s going to be okay, Kid,” he says, pushing open the bedroom door.
“You can’t promise me that,” I reply as we step inside the room. He kicks the door shut behind him and guides me towards the large king-sized bed. Sitting on the mattress, he pulls me down onto his lap.
“It will be okay.”
“How? How can you promise me that now after what’s happened today?”
“We’ll find him. I swear on my life, we’ll make David pay.”
“He killed our mum, Dax. He murdered her to hurt Lena, knowing that her pain would tear me apart. This is because I stood up for myself, because I danced the way I did, because I fought back.”
“No—”
“Yes, it is,” I retort, cutting him off. “It’s just like Frederico said, I provoked the monster. David won’t rest until you’re all dead, until Lena is dead, until there’s just me left. I’ve got this sick feeling in my stomach. I know he won’t stop until I’m his.” And I mean that in the worst possible way. He’s already proven that he has no problem selling women into sexual servitude. David has always wanted me in a way a brother should never want a sister, so what’s to stop him from owning me in the same way. That night back at Rocks when I was a kid, I’d seen the truth of his depravity right there in his eyes, and I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that’s what he has planned for me.
“That isn’t going to happen,” Dax exclaims, but there’s no denying the fear that flashes in his gaze before he blinks it away. He’s thinking the same thing too. That David wants me as his sex slave. My stomach curdles and I swallow down bile as I push those thoughts away.
“You don’t know that.”
Dax wraps his arms tighter around me as if his presence alone is enough to ward off the evil just waiting to snatch me away from him. “I do. I do know that.”
“He managed to get to Mum, Dax!” I cry. My chest rattles with more emotion that I don’t want to set free, afraid that if I do, I might never find the strength to recover.
“I would die before I let him hurt you or Lena! We all would,” Dax replies, squeezing me tighter against his chest. I believe him, I do, and that only makes me more fearful, not less. I can’t lose him, any of them. I won’t survive it.
“No! Don’t talk like that. I wouldn’t be able to bear it!” Twisting in his lap and straddling his thighs with mine, I claw at his shoulders, my fingernails digging into the back of his neck as I press my forehead against his. For a moment, all I can do is hold on tight and stare into the eyes of the man I love. Dax is so fucking strong, so powerful, it would be easy to hide behind him just like I did as a kid. But I can’t. Not anymore. Today I may be torn apart by my sister’s grief, but tomorrow I have to be stronger. Stronger than ever before. I need to be able to defend myself, to protect Lena. I’m done feeling helpless when it comes to David.
“We’re not going anywhere, Kid. You have us for life, nothing and no one will take you from us, or us from you. I fucking swear it.”
Pulling back, I drop my arms from his shoulders and curl my fingers into fists in my lap as rage and violence bubbles just beneath the surface of my fear. I feel it clawing at my limbs, reminding me that I have a choice. I can choose to run, to hide behind the Breakers, behind Grim and Beast, or I can fight back. There really is no choice.
As Dax whispers words of love and comfort in my ear, I allow the rage and the violence to take hold. I let it become more than just a feeling. I allow it to spread like vines around my internal organs, squeezing tight, robbing my lungs of breath and my heart of human kindness. I started this by drawing my brother out. This time, I’m going to be the one to end it. “It’s not enough,” I mumble, trying and failing to articulate how I feel.
Lifting my chin so that I look at him, Dax’s eyes flare with concern. He rests his large hands over my fisted ones, their warmth a stark contrast to my coldness. “Tell me what you’re thinking, Kid,” he urges, watching me closely.
“I want you to teach me. I want the Breakers to teach me how to be strong.”
“This is just a blip—” he responds.
“A blip?” I spit the word out, regretting my reaction immediately.
“That’s not what I…” He heaves a sigh, then tries again. “I just meant that you can be vulnerable, you can lean on us. Do that now, let us be strong for you.” I shake my head, panic rising in my chest because he’s not getting it. “You’re already so strong,” he pushes on. “So fucking strong. I’m just saying that every once in a while you can break—”
“No,” I reply, cutting him off and hating the way my voice sounds so harsh. “I don’t mean it like that.”
“Then what do you mean? What are you saying exactly?”
Swallowing hard, I push away the girl who thought prison was the answer for David and replace her with someone far more ruthless, someone cutthroat, someone with claws and teeth not movement and passion. “I’m done being a victim. The second he left that note I knew.”
“Knew what?”
“That when he comes, and he will come, that I have to be ready for him…”
“Kid, listen—” Dax begins, his eyes flaring with understanding. He knows what I mean. He gets it now. Understanding leaches into his eyes, the grey-green swirling with worry.
“I want you to teach me how to fight back. I want you to teach me how to be like you all. I want you to teach me how to kill David.”
