Dax stiffens, his hands tightening over my own. “He’ll never get close enough to you, Kid. You won’t need to fight back. We’ll protect you. This time we’ll do it right.”
I frown, my body vibrating with frustration, with anger, regret and fear. “Don’t you understand? I can’t be vulnerable anymore, Dax. I need to know how to defend Lena, to kill David if it gets to that point. When it gets to that point.”
“You don’t know what you’re asking of me,” he replies, his gaze flicking behind me.
I turn to find Xeno, York and Zayn entering the room. All three look as haggard as I feel, the beauty of our coming together as a group tainted once again by my brother. If nothing else, his timing is on point. He ruined that special moment in the basement three years ago when I first laid eyes on the mural, and he’s tainted our love once again today.
“Titch?” York asks, immediately reading the situation and not liking it one bit. “No!”
He begins to shake his head, already responding to my unspoken words. He sees it in my eyes. He sees the change in me, my intention, my rage, my determination to end this once and for all.
Climbing off Dax’s lap, I stand my ground and fix my gaze on Xeno. Of the four, I know he’ll understand how I’m feeling. It wasn’t so long ago that he wanted to kill my brother himself, that he was willing to sacrifice his own life to protect me despite my protests.
“Tiny?” he questions, flicking his gaze between Dax and me.
“I was wrong before. This has changed everything. David’s too dangerous. When he comes for me I want to be prepared. He doesn’t get to live. Dax is going to help me make sure of that.”
“The fuck, Dax?!” York exclaims, scowling.
“I haven’t agreed to anything,” he replies, but when I cut a look at him over my shoulder he sighs heavily and I know he’d do anything I ask, even teaching me how to kill my brother.
“Pen, this is grief talking,” Zayn says, stepping towards me. The look he gives me is one of regret and sorrow, as though what happened today is as much his fault as it is mine. “Tomorrow you’ll see clearer.”
“No!” I snap, shaking my head. “It isn’t grief. This is self-preservation. This is realisation. This is me growing the fuck up. Even if David was thrown behind bars he’d find a way to get to Lena, to you all, to me. This only ends when he’s dead. I’m just sorry I was too stubborn, too fucking self-righteous to see that before now.”
York shakes his head, stepping towards me. “It’s vengeance. You’re too good for that. Too fucking pure, Titch. Don’t sully your soul, don’t darken it for that monster. Trust me when I say there’s no coming back once you head down that road.”
“I disagree. This is Tiny being smart,” Xeno says, earning him glares from York and Zayn, and a sigh of resignation from Dax.
“You can’t be fucking serious! What happened to your mantra ‘I kill so you don’t have to’? Has that suddenly changed?” Zayn snaps, his shoulders tensing as he glares at Xeno. “You were willing to fly to Mexico, into certain death, to try and kill that fucker, and now you’re okay with Pen seeking him out and doing the same? Do you want that on your conscience, Pen’s light snuffed out because she killed her brother when it should’ve been one of us?”
“I didn’t say that. Fuck, you know that I don’t want Tiny to step into the darkness,” Xeno replies, glancing from Zayn to me despairingly. “I don’t want you with blood on your hands even if it belongs to that cunt. Of course I fucking don’t!”
My heart constricts at his words, at his dedication to us all, at the love I see blazing in his eyes as he stares at me. It hurts him to love so completely, to fear for us, to feel our pain, but he does it anyway. “Xeno, I know that, but you understand why I need this. Don’t you?”
He nods. “Yes, I do. I understand only too well.” Stepping towards me, Xeno scrapes a hand through his hair. He stops before reaching me, the shaking in his hands telling me that he’s close to losing control. Swallowing hard I meet his gaze and grit my jaw, drawing on the last reserves of strength inside of me. I need to be strong, not just for Lena, but for him, for all of them.
“I need to do this.”
“I will always step in, Tiny. I will kill for you. I will take David’s life and bear the burden of it. I will always be that man because I fucking love you, just like I love you all,” he says, looking between us.
“Good. Then we protect Lena and Titch. We keep them safe until David’s dead,” Yorks adds, focusing on me. “You don’t have to get involved. You don’t have to blacken your soul.”
Xeno shakes his head, turning his attention to York. “You’re missing the point, York. Tiny needs to be able to defend herself. She needs to be able to do that. She feels powerless. We can help her to find strength.”
“You’re implying we’ll let David get close enough to hurt her!” York roars back, frustration and fear winning out in the moment. “That ain’t gonna happen!”
Xeno strides over to York and grabs hold of his upper arms. “For better or worse, Tiny walks in our world now, and we all know how fucking dangerous it is. David isn’t the only one she needs to worry about. You know that.”
“But—”
“I know you’ll walk into the fires of Hell to protect her, York. We all would, but sometimes that’s not enough. She needs to be able to protect herself.”
York throws his hands up in the air, dislodging Xeno’s hold, and glances at Zayn who blows out a frustrated breath. The look that passes between them is a mixture of frustration, understanding and defeat.
“Xeno’s right,” Dax says, finding his words as he stands behind me.
“Not you too?” Zayn questions.
Dax reaches for my hip, and when I don’t pull away, wraps his arm around my waist and hauls me back against his chest. “At the very least, we teach Pen how to protect herself. If that means knowing how to kill a man should she ever find herself in a position when that’s the only choice she can make, then that’s what we have to do.”
“But we can and will protect Pen and Lena,” Zayn insists, scraping a hand over his face as though trying to rub away what he’s seeing, hearing.
“It isn’t enough,” I say, repeating my words to Dax earlier. Zayn flinches, my honesty cutting him deep, cutting them all. I see the invisible lashes and the pain my words cause. The truth hurts. It really fucking hurts.
“Pen—” he begins, but I cut him off.
“I have to claw some power back. I have to. This will help. Will you help me do that?” My eyes fill with tears, but I blink them back as I look between Zayn and York. I have to have their agreement too. It’s important to me that they’re behind me on this. “Please?” For a moment neither answer, then altogether they nod. “Thank you,” I whisper out, my body sagging with relief as a wave of exhaustion washes over me, the last reserves of energy that was keeping me upright leaving my body in a rush.
“You need to sleep,” Dax whispers against my ear, guiding me the couple steps back to the bed on heavy limbs. Sitting down on the side of the bed, Dax helps me take off the hoodie I’m wearing, leaving me in York’s shirt that I’d borrowed earlier today and my own loose fitting trousers. He strips down to his t-shirt and boxers, York, Xeno and Zayn following suit, an unspoken agreement that we’ll be spending the night together. All of us.
“What if Lena wakes up?” I mutter.
“Gray has the room next to Lena. He’ll come and get one of us should she wake up,” Zayn says, closing the distance between us.
“He’s still here too?” I ask as he drops to his knees and removes my trainers and socks.
“Yes,” Zayn confirms, looking back up at me. His fingers slide upwards from my ankles, over my calf muscles, and across my thighs as he reaches for the waistband of my trousers. Lifting my arse slightly, Zayn pulls down my trousers, discarding them before placing his hands back on my bare thighs. He sighs, his head dropping for a moment as his tan hands, dark against the lighter shade of my skin, begin to massage the tension from my muscles. I watch, transfixed. His hands are a contradiction, capable of such tender kindness and such bloody violence.
“Where’s Beast?” I ask, realising that I haven’t thanked him for tonight.
“He wanted to report back to Grim,” Xeno explains, climbing onto the bed behind me, the warmth of his bare chest heating my back. “He doesn’t like leaving her alone even though we all know that she can handle herself. Gray offered to stay in his place,” He begins to massage my shoulders as Dax and York climb beneath the covers. I feel the heat of their gazes burning my skin as they watch us.
“Are there any leads?” I ask.
“Apart from the note left for you, nothing of consequence. The cameras dotted around the housing estate haven’t worked for years. It looks as though the local council’s money only stretches to prettying up the estate on the surface with the regeneration of the area, and not ensuring the residents safety. There are no prints at the flat. No eye witnesses as far as Beast’s men have been able to find out so far. Nothing,” York explains heavily. He shifts on the mattress, frustration clear on his face.
“Fuck,” Dax murmurs next to him.
“Someone must’ve seen something. They couldn’t have interviewed everyone on the estate already. It’s only been a few hours,” I say, turning to face them both. My gaze latches onto Dax’s. “What about those kids who were hanging about the estate when we visited Lena a few weeks back? They’re the type to see all kinds of shit, right?”
Dax nods. “It’s a good place to start. I’ll go back to the estate tomorrow. See if I can speak to them.”
“You do realise that even if they did see David, they ain’t gonna tell you jackshit, right? No one saw anything because everyone turns a blind eye. David has a reputation. You’re not the only one scared of him, Pen,” Zayn points out, his fingers stilling on my thighs as he looks from Dax to me. “Aside from the fear your brother instils in people, there’s a code on the street. You know that.”
Dax scowls, his face darkening. “I don’t give a fuck about the code. If those kids know something, I’ll find it out.”
“Dax, they’re just kids…” I say, swallowing down the nausea I feel at the look on his face. If I can barely tolerate their violence against men, then how the hell will I deal with violence against kids. The answer is I won’t. I can’t. No matter how I feel about my brother and what I want to do to him, I draw the line at hurting kids. “No.”
His gaze meets mine and I see that muscle flexing in his jaw as he grits his teeth, then he nods his head, a flutter of shame shadowing his features. “There are other ways to be persuasive.”
“I agree, there is,” Xeno says. “Dax, you’ll head back to the estate first thing. See what you can dig up.”
“I’ll go with him,” Zayn adds. “We can swing by our flat and make sure it hasn’t been turned over or bugged or some shit.”
“Is that why we came here tonight?” I ask, stiffening beneath their warm hands.
“Yes. We couldn’t risk taking you both back to our flat just in case David knows where we live. There are plenty of people who would back your brother. We’ve got to be smart,” Xeno explains, confirming what Dax had said earlier.
“Beast made the right move bringing us here. It gives us a little bit of time to get our heads straight, sort out a plan and make sure the flat’s clear,” Zayn says.
“And what is the plan?”
“Hudson’s brothers, Max and Bryce, left an hour ago to head back into the city. Tomorrow they’re meeting with some contacts of theirs who run the larger shipping ports along the south coast to see if they can put some feelers out. It’s likely David arrived in the country by boat in one of the smaller ports, otherwise Interpol would’ve picked him up if he’d come in via the airports or Channel Tunnel.”
“I see.” My head drops back against Xeno’s chest as he works his fingers across my shoulders, they curl over, reaching my clavicle as his thumbs dig into the tight knots. I let out a moan of appreciation.
“How long will we stay here for?”
“Long enough to make sure the flat’s secure, put out some feelers and move your things from the Academy to our place. A couple days, max,” Dax says, casting a look over my head to Xeno.
“Wait. You want me to move in?”
“There’s no way you’re staying at the Academy after this. Of course you’re living with us, permanently,” Xeno says, his voice brooking no arguments. He presses a soft kiss against my temple to temper the abruptness of his response.
“But Lena…” I begin, wanting so much to move in with them, even if the circumstances overshadow the warm feeling in my stomach. It’s all I’ve ever wanted, to live with them, to never be parted again.
Zayn squeezes my thighs gently in reassurance. “…Will move in too.”
My eyes fill with tears as I look down at him. “She’s not your responsibility,” I whisper, my voice catching as reality settles in.
“She’s your family and that makes Lena our family too,” he counters.
“Zayn’s right,” York adds, drawing my brimming eyes to him.
“You don’t have to do this. You don’t owe me anything.”
York makes an annoyed sound. “You’re so used to handling everything yourself, but that stops today. Let us help you. We want to do that. Fuck, Titch, haven’t we made it clear enough? We. Love. You.”
“I know, but—”
“No buts! When people love and care for each other they step the fuck up. Lena needs you, but she also needs a roof over her head. Right now that’s going to be too difficult for you to do on your own. We’ll help you to give her that, okay?” he continues.
“Okay,” I croak, so choked up with gratitude that I can barely speak. Even with Grim’s generous wage, there’s no way I could cover the cost of rent, bills, and food, not to mention all the things a teenage girl needs. “Thank you. I don’t know what to say…”
“You don’t have to say a damn word, Kid. We’re a family. Understand?”
“Yes,” I reply, letting out a long, steadying breath.
“Good. Now let us soothe you, Pen. We got you, okay?” Zayn murmurs, his hands firm but gentle, matching the pressure of Xeno’s fingers. I nod, and for long minutes the pair massage my aching muscles, easing some of the tension I feel. When my eyelids begin to droop, Xeno presses a gentle kiss against the top of my head.
“Get under the covers, Tiny.”
Zayn’s hands fall away, and he grips the mattress either side of my hips before standing. Leaning over, he presses a delicate kiss against my lips. “I love you, Pen,” he whispers.
“I love you too.”
Pulling back, he cups my cheek, pouring all the love he has for me into that one look. I wish I could fall into his night-time eyes forever, wrapped up in the weightlessness of his love.
“Sleep,” he urges.
With the little energy I have left, I crawl towards Dax and York and settle between them both. Instinctively, I press my cheek against York’s chest, wrap my arm around his waist and snuggle into his side breathing in the lingering scent of his aftershave. Heady notes of pineapple and jasmine waft over me and I relax into the richness of his scent.
“We’ll keep you safe. I promise,” he says passionately, brushing away the hair from my face and pressing a kiss against my forehead. We both know it’s his last attempt at convincing me that I don’t need to learn how to kill David.
“I know you will, and I love you all for it,” I mumble, trailing my fingers over the oak tree tattoo on his chest. “But please understand, I need to learn how to protect Lena, to kill David if that’s what it comes down to.”
“I do understand. Fuck, I do,” he replies, drawing me closer, hugging tight. Behind me, Dax spoons my body. His thick arm folding over both me and York, holding us both in that protective, loving way of his, knowing that it isn’t just me who needs his affection.
“Cute,” Zayn remarks from the side of the bed, as he looks down at the three of us. “Looks like I’ve lucked out on being the big spoon once again.” A smile plays about his eyes, a soft chuckle releasing from his lips to let us all know he’s just kidding.
“If you’re that bothered, you can spoon me. There’s plenty of room. This bed is huge,” Dax replies with a smile in his voice that draws the tiniest bit of laughter from me. Their brotherhood, their love for one another, warms my heart like nothing else. They don’t even realise it, but they’re my light in all this pain and darkness. They always were. Always will be.
Zayn sighs and slips under the covers behind Dax. “I draw the line at spooning you, big boy.”
“Afraid you might like it?” Dax asks, snickering as he nuzzles my neck. His cock hardens at our closeness, but he doesn’t act on it, knowing that what I need most in this moment is his unwavering comfort, and their warmth and affection.
“I love you, mate, but not that much,” Zayn retorts with a huff.
“Stop talking, Tiny needs to sleep. She needs rest,” Xeno admonishes, a clear instruction as to how he believes the rest of this night should go. In all fairness, as much as I love and adore them all, my mind isn’t on sex right now. I want safety, friendship, closeness. I want to fall asleep in their arms, in their warmth, so that tomorrow I can face the day and all the shit that’s bound to come with it. Xeno pulls back the covers and climbs in behind York. He tucks the pillow beneath his arm, propping his head up a little as York trails his fingers up and down my bare arm, pressing gentle kisses against the top of my head. I can feel his heart thumping beneath his rib cage. It thunders in love, compassion and solidarity.
“Close your eyes, Tiny. Sleep,” Xeno gently commands, watching me. My heart lurches, squeezing at the love he shows me, us. I know how hard it is for him to live with that love, and the pain it causes keeping it under control, but he’s stronger than he gives himself credit for. “We’ll all be here when you wake up and every day that follows for the rest of our lives.”
And without a shadow of doubt, I know that they will, but only if David isn’t alive to ruin it.
