“We don’t have time to prepare for the greatest moments;
they just simply find us when we need them most.”
“Hey, Char, will you just get me an iced mocha?” I ask her as I undo Jack’s car seat.
“You got it.” She spins and walks into Nikki’s Coffee, her blonde hair flowing in the wind and Josh right on her heels.
Jack stirs, and I stop moving, watching him slowly come out of his nap. I can’t believe that I made this little boy, he is the epitome of perfect. I brush his chocolate-colored waves out of his eyes as they flutter open.
“Where are we?” Jack’s sweet voice sings in my ears.
Smiling at him, I say, “Getting coffee for a bit, and then we’ll head home. Okay, bud?”
Yawning, he nods his head as I finish undoing his straps.
As if he wasn’t sleeping moments ago, he hops down out of his car seat, grabbing his Paw Patrol backpack, and shouts, “I’ll race you!” as he takes off for Charlotte.
I grin ear to ear and shut the car door, taking off after him. “You’re going to lose!”
I let him get a nice lead, so he thinks he’s winning, and then I take a few long strides to catch him, hooking my hands under his armpits and lifting him into the air like he’s flying. He erupts in giggles, and the couple walking past us beams at him. You just can’t help it; his laughter is contagious.
I settle him down on my hip and step inside. Charlotte is already in our booth with our coffees and Jack’s chocolate milk. She puts her phone down as we approach.
“Hey, big man. Have a nice nap?” Charlotte asks.
I set Jack down onto the booth, and he clambers right over, practically ripping his milk from her hand.
But before she lets go, she lifts her brows and says, “Manners.”
He rolls his eyes with a full smile. “Chocolate milk, pleeeease.”
Her resolve immediately fades, and she gives in.
Smiling, I slide into the booth next to him, and a wave of guilt hits me that I can feel happiness while my mom lies in a hospital bed.
My phone starts buzzing immediately, pulling me out of my thoughts. But I have a feeling I know who’s calling, the same call I always get. I ignore it, not wanting to have the same conversation with the person on the other line that I have already had a thousand times. I down a couple of big gulps of my coffee and close my eyes, sighing.
Charlotte’s hand covers my own, and I realize I might have sighed louder than I imagined, and she leans in to whisper to me. “You can’t keep avoiding their calls. You’ll regret it. It’ll be okay, Lu.” She squeezes my hand before returning it to her own cup.
The bills never end. I get one paid off with my tips, and then, bam, another one pushes me further into debt. I’m drowning, and I can’t break the surface. My mind drifts as I watch Charlotte and Jack play with his toy dinosaurs that he dug out of his backpack.
I miss my mom so much. I know she’s still here, but she’s not at the same time. She can’t smile, she can’t laugh, she can’t live.
With my mind still lost in the depths of my fears, I barely hear Josh join our table. He scoots in next to Charlotte, draping his arm over the back of the seat.
His eyes search mine, and his brows furrow. “Everything okay?”
I glance at my phone without even realizing it. “I—” I don’t want to lie to him, and I don’t really want to lie to myself. God knows I do it enough.
He sighs, and I’m guessing Charlotte told him more than she was supposed to. “It’ll be okay.”
“That’s what I keep hearing.” It comes out deadpan. I don’t know what else to say.
The doctors avoid making eye contact with me when I visit. Either out of sadness for my mom’s condition or sadness for my own. My visits used to be daily and then every other day. But the more she fades, the harder it is to see her. Now, I force myself to go at least once a week, on Sundays.
I haven’t been able to sleep since she went into a coma, but it’s gotten worse these last couple of weeks.
Jack is my only light right now. Of course Char and Josh, too, but it’s different. I’ve been throwing myself into school and going through the motions at work. But living with Char and Josh helps me in more ways than one. With bills, with someone to watch Jack when I can’t. I don’t know where I’d be without them.
I refocus on what’s actually in front of me and tune back in just in time to see them looking at me questioningly.
My word fumbles out. “What?”
Char’s eyes soften, and I see the pity in the corners.
“Don’t, okay?”
Her head tilts in a silent plea, but I shake my head.
“Do you want me to watch him tonight? You guys should go do something,” Josh offers.
Char instantly lights up, clasping her hands together. “Oh, please. Come on, Lu. When was the last time we had a girls’ night? We could get all dressed up, maybe go out?”
It is tempting. I’m so busy with work, school, and Jack that I rarely make time for myself.
My lips just begin to lift into a smile when she launches herself at me over the table top, wrapping her arms tightly around my shoulders.
No backing out now.
I try to pry her death grip off of me, and she begins tickling me. I can’t help the bubbling laughter that follows.
“Stop! Stop! Okay, you have me for two hours outside of the house. Then, I want to be back home and in bed. So, what’s the plan?”
She ponders the question for a second, and I can see the wheels burning rubber in her mind.
She takes another second longer, considering what I imagine is a thousand ideas before it all spills out of her mouth. “Okay, I say, let’s get all dolled up and check out that new bar on Fifth Avenue. Or we could go to Fireflies?”
Fireflies is a club downtown. It’s always packed, and you have to wait for, like, an hour just to get in. But it’s beautiful inside. The ceiling is covered in twinkly lights, which not only set the vibe, but are also gorgeous to look at. On top of that, the floor has built-in lights that react to your steps. And the staff always dresses up in themes. It’s such a fun place. I’ve only been once, but it was one of the most fun nights I’ve ever had.
With my mind made up, I smile at her. “Fireflies.”
She’s the one who showed me the club in the first place, and it’s her favorite way to spend a Saturday night.
Her smile stretches across her face, wrinkling her eyes. “Oh, thank God.” She huffs a laugh out, clearly satisfied with my decision.
The arm of my shirt gets tugged twice. When I look down, Jack is leaning against me, an urgent plea in his eyes.
I lean in, whispering to him, “What’s wrong?”
His big brown eyes suck me in. He sits up as tall as he can, pushing his lips against my ear. “Mom, I have to poop.”
I can’t help the giggle that escapes me. He’s grown up around Char and Josh. He’s known them since the day he was born. Yet he feels the need to whisper about going to the bathroom.
“Okay, come on, buddy. Let’s go potty,” I say as I slide out of my seat.
Little fingers grab ahold of my hand as I take my first step toward the restrooms. The smallest action that absolutely wrecks my heart. This boy has me, heart and soul, wrapped around his fingers.
We head into the women’s empty restroom, and I help him get up onto the toilet.
He starts humming. It sounds familiar, but I can’t place it.
“What are you singing?” I ask him.
He snickers. “Uncle Josh was playing it when he picked me up.”
Oh no.
His humming continues, and a few moments later, the lightbulb burns so bright in my mind that it bursts.
My hand flies to his mouth, smothering the hums.
I’m going to kill Josh.
“Honey, you can’t sing that song. That’s an adult song.” Oh dear Lord, please don’t sing that at school.
I don’t care as much if he uses swear words when he gets a little older. But it’s probably frowned upon in his classroom.
Those big puppy-dog brown eyes plead with me. “But, Mom, Uncle Josh lets me sing it!”
Are you kidding me?!
“We will talk to Uncle Josh after this. Are you done?”
I save my anger for Josh. Jack doesn’t know any better.
“Yeah.” He nods his head so sharply that I worry he’ll get whiplash.
I grab some toilet paper and hand it to him. After he’s done wiping, we get his pants re-situated and leave the restroom with my heart still beating too fast from my freak-out.
When our booth comes into sight, I can see some guy talking to Char, standing next to our table. And by the looks of it, she is enjoying every second. She’s leaning forward on the table, her chin in her hand.
I finally catch a few words as we approach. “See you tonight then.”
What?
Char notices me and turns her attention to Jack and me. “This is Laura and Jack. Laura’s the one coming out with me tonight.”
All right, Char, good for you.
His curly brown hair falls lightly on his forehead. And when his eyes meet mine, my breath catches. His eyes are so blue; they’re mesmerizing.
“Hi, I’m Cam. Charlotte and I met in her class today. I’m really glad you’re coming out tonight. Save a dance for me?”
Jack’s tugging at my hand, probably wondering who this guy is.
“Yeah, sure,” I mumble not quite sure how to flirt anymore.
His full lips tilt into a half-grin. “Good. I’ll see you later, Laura.” His body has turned to me completely.
“See you then,” I mutter a little too eagerly.
His full-on smile reveals an almost-perfect set of white teeth. With that, he turns on his heels and heads out the door with his coffee.
I watch him leave, and Jack is practically shaking my arm like a toy at this point.
“Mom, who’s that guy?” Jack jumps up into the booth next to Charlotte.
With no answer, I nod my head to her. “Char?”
After one last glance at him, she turns to me. “He and a few teammates came in today to promote their upcoming game. One of the players is from around here, I guess. He said the team will be there tonight. When I tell you that they could all fit in with the Hemsworth level of hotness, I am not kidding. Like, oh my God …” Her voice trails off.
“Oh goody, a whole team of class-A Greek god D-bags.” I roll my eyes.
Although she isn’t wrong about at least one of them being crazy hot.
“I’m still going to dance with him tonight though.” I laugh.
Might as well have some fun for my one outing a year.
Char and Josh toss their cups, and we make our way back to our car when I remember what happened in the restroom.
Once we are safe and sound and buckled up, I get out the DVD player for Jack to watch with the big headphones to drown out this conversation. Jack grabs my hand and holds it as his feet start to kick back and forth against Josh’s seat.
Jack is singing along to Frozen II by the time we’re five minutes into the drive.
With his attention elsewhere, I focus mine on the J boy up front behind the wheel. “Hey, Josh, question for you.” My mom tone comes out without even trying.
He looks at me in the rearview mirror. “What’s up?”
I cock my head to the side and squint my eyes. “Tell me why my son was humming the melody to ‘Bloody Valentine’ by Machine Gun Kelly when we were in the restroom earlier?”
His fists wring the steering wheel, and he offers an apologetic smile. “Hey, go easy on me. Jack never, never jams out with me. But sometime last month, it accidentally came on because of shuffling and whatever, and he just started dancing. So, I left it on.” He bounces his gaze from the road to me in the mirror, waiting for my response.
Little liar. He’s never been able to lie to me since we were kids.
“Only once?”
His lips twitch—his tell. “Welllll—”
“Josh!” I smack the headrest of his seat.
He just laughs. “He loves it! You should see him sing and dance to that song. You’d be playing it, too, if you knew how much of an MGK fan he is!” He tosses his phone to Char, who immediately laughs and scrolls through his music.
“Don’t you dare, Charlotte!” I keep my mom voice in use.
“Oh, lighten up, Lu. He seriously does love it. Just once. Come on.” She turns completely around in her seat, awaiting my decision.
Okay, but is it bad that a part of me really wants to see him do this?
Curiosity gets the best of me.
I roll my eyes. “Once. One time. That’s it.”
Char whips back around with a huge grin on her face.
I turn to Jack and lift the headphones off and pause the movie. “Hey, bud. Josh says he has a song to play for you.”
His eyes instantly light up. But then dim back down. “B-but you said this is an adult song and I can’t sing it.”
My heart sinks. At the end of the day, if some song with a few swear words in it makes his eyes light up like that every time, then I don’t really give a fuck if he wants to do it.
I cup his cheeks in my hands. “Go for it, buddy.”
Char hits play, and the beginning notes flood and boom in the speakers.
Jack instantly starts bobbing his head in the chair. Josh is singing right along with him, and Char is recording it all on her phone. I guess this will be hilarious when he’s older.
He sits up straight right before the words start and then follows right along with MGK.
They finish the rest of the song. I’ll give it to him—for a five-year-old boy, he killed it. Just got to get a few more of the words down, and he’ll be set.
After I put Jack down and say good night, I can’t help thinking of my mom. If she were awake, she would’ve laughed so hard at his concert in the car. She was always strict with me as a kid about cursing. But she would pay Jack to run up to me and cuss, just to laugh.
I really miss how she brightens everyone’s day.
She’s going to pull out of this, right? She has to.
Knock, knock.
“Yeah?”
Char comes in and plops into bed next to me. “Shall we get ready for our night?” She lays her head on my shoulder, nudging me every two seconds, reminding me of Jack.
“Yeah. I don’t have a dress though.” Anxiety settles into my chest, and I just want to cancel all of tonight’s plans if I can’t find something I feel confident in.
I suddenly remember that the one club dress I do own, I lent out to a classmate of mine. She got drunk and puked all over it. And I definitely didn’t want that back.
She rolls over, propping her chin in her hand. “Oh, don’t you worry. You know I own too many.” She hops out of the bed and offers me her hand.
She leads the way to her room and informs me that she will be doing my hair and makeup tonight. Just to make sure I look my best. It’s a blow to the ego because, apparently, I can’t do that myself.
Although she’s not wrong.
We pass Jack’s room, and I decide to sneak a peek at my sleeping angel. I crack his door open and laugh silently. His mouth is wide open, and there is a river of drool running down his hand.
Having him so young was definitely challenging, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I take one last look at my baby boy and close the door.
Then, I let Charlotte pull me to her room to get ready.
She whips a bottle of vodka out of God knows where and pours two shots. “Here’s to a night of fun, hot guys, and no regrets!”
Hot guys and no regrets don’t usually go in the same sentence.
