Holy fuck.
It took several breaths for the white-hot haze in my vision to clear. I’d just survived the most unexpected and intense orgasm of my entire life.
Thinking of Joanna in the shower had gotten me to the edge but seeing her standing there in those thin pajamas—eyes wide and her nipples straining against the fabric—I was so shocked I could only say her name. When she’d responded with a simple “Yes,” I’d lost my fucking mind.
Kissing her, stroking her, filling her with my cock was incredible. How many times had I imagined what it would be like when I’d finally found her? How many times in the last two days had I thought about it?
My body felt slack with the tension I’d been carrying released, but my dick was still semi-hard and inside of Joanna. It dawned on me that I was likely crushing her, so I shifted my hips and slipped out of her, lying at her side. I rested my forehead against her as I still struggled to regain normal breathing.
I had just fucked Joanna. Bare and completely unexpectedly. I opened my eyes to see hers still closed. I felt different. I couldn’t explain it. Sure, post-sex relaxation was a thing, but the usual unease I carried with me seemed to dissolve. I thought back on the last time I had felt this way.
Never.
“Hey, stalker, what’s up?” I smiled.
Joanna’s small hands lifted to cover her face. “Oh my god, stop.” She laughed, and it made my heart flip in my chest. I wanted to hear that laugh again—light and breathy.
“I’m mortified,” she admitted, taking a peek at me with one eye.
“Fuck, I’m not.”
“I totally invaded your privacy. I am so sorry. I swear, I thought I could just brush my teeth without you even knowing.” She could barely look me in the eye as she spoke.
“Not quite the ninja you thought you were?” I couldn’t help giving her some shit.
“Apparently not.” She glanced at me, and I shifted my weight to hover over her a bit.
I leaned down and kissed her lips, then her face, and neck. As I pressed my lips to her throat, I felt a moan vibrate through her.
“That was intense,” I said. “I hope it wasn’t too rough.”
Joanna shifted slightly, and I sensed tension creep into her body.
“Joanna, I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?” Slight panic hinted in my voice.
“No. God, no. It was great. It’s just . . .” She looked at me, her eyes searching mine.
I waited, hoping she’d continued because I felt incredible, but her sudden hesitation was making me worry.
Finn.
Thinking of my brother while my dick was still out and I had Joanna still warm and underneath me made my jaw tick.
When she didn’t continue, I asked, “Are you seeing someone?” I couldn’t look her in the eye if she was going to destroy me.
“Oh, no, definitely not. I was dating someone a while ago, but it’s definitely over. It’s just that we didn’t use anything, and I’ve never had sex without a condom before.”
A sigh of relief left my chest.
“Me neither,” I shared. “I don’t know what came over me.”
She looked at me skeptically, but a smile crept across her pretty face, making her eyes light up, and I noticed she had a few subtle freckles across the bridge of her nose. So fucking cute.
“A first for both of us, I guess,” she said.
I liked the sound of that. Too much. The sudden need to be Joanna’s first and last everything felt big.
“Let’s get you cleaned up,” I tried.
Joanna didn’t wait for me, but rather went into the bathroom to clean up. I looked down at the water my hair and body had dripped all over her bed. It was soaked.
From the floor, Bud glanced up at me. His goofy expression looked annoyed that we’d woken him up.
“Sorry, dude,” I offered with a shrug. He groaned and looked away.
Moments later, Joanna came out, scooped up her pajamas, and slipped back into them. She glanced from her bed, wet spots and all, to mine.
Pulling the sheets down, I gestured to my bed. “Drier over here,” I said, trying to hide the smile on my face.
She nodded and offered a quiet, “Thank you.”
I slipped into the bathroom to clean up, and when I stepped back into the small, dark room, Joanna was tucked under the covers. Quiet, insistent alarms were pinging in my head. I had never slept—actually fallen asleep—with a woman. Ever.
I moved under the covers on my side. Joanna was facing me, her hands tucked under her pillow. She looked tired but content and fucking gorgeous. Her hair splayed over her shoulder as she blinked up at me with wide, steady eyes. I matched her position, facing her with my hands under the pillow. We were only a breath apart, and she didn’t move. I breathed her in.
Her smoky green eyes were searching my face but I couldn’t tell what she was thinking. I felt like my whole world was tilting. Did she feel it, too?
I reached my hand up to brush a strand away from her face. “You are so beautiful,” I said.
She looked down and smiled. Rather than answering, she scooted forward, moving under my chin. I shifted my body to lie on my back, tucking her body against me.
I wanted to be an honorable man. I knew that Finn loved Joanna, but I couldn’t help but feel like something was shifting here. Allowing myself this tiny moment, I rubbed my hand up and down the soft skin of her arm. I took one last inhale of her and drifted to sleep with the warmth of her body against me.
The stench of smoke and death curled in my nostrils. The field was black, and the wind kicked ash into my face. I could hear Mendez calling for me, pained screams of “Doc” over and over, but I couldn’t find him.
“I don’t wanna die out here, man.” He sounded distant, but the words clanged inside my head.
Vomit rose in my throat and burned as I choked it back down. I couldn’t find anyone who wasn’t already dead and broken. Panic made my heart slam against my ribs, and sweat pooled at the base of my spine.
I looked down at my shaking hands. The Valkyrie wings on my forearm burned and before my eyes, began to char and peel away. I tried to cover them with my other hand, but it was useless as the skin deformed.
Up in the distance stood a fierce warrior—her misty green eyes intense as a laugh bubbled out of her.
My body jerked, arms flailing. My pounding heart matched the ringing in my ears. It took a minute to realize I was in bed.
Alone.
Thank fuck she wasn’t here to see that. Get your shit together, Marine.
My wave of relief was replaced by surprising disappointment. Her side of the bed still smelled like the citrusy soap she’d used, and being alone, I allowed myself a deep inhale. I didn’t want to think about the dreams and why I kept having them. Joanna was my fantasy come to life, but she was haunting me. What the fuck was that about?
I had to stuff it down, control the situation. We had another long day of hiking and guiding today, and I couldn’t let my batshit crazy fuck it up for everyone.
