All day I felt great. Fucking fantastic.
The sun was warming the mountain air, and the skies were clear. It would be a great day to help outfit some new fishermen. Fisherwomen. All people interested in fishing.
I’d even booked a guide tour when a dad came in with his two sons, looking for some new equipment. They’d just moved to Canton Springs, a town over. I popped my head into Finn’s office to tell him. He looked up from his phone, mumbled something that sounded an awful lot like, “Big fucking deal,” and continued working.
What the fuck was his problem?
Maybe he knows.
I swallowed hard, knowing I needed to clear the air with my brother. I was determined to tell him I had very real, very deep feelings for the woman he was in love with. Finn didn’t make it easy on me—he’d been giving me the cold shoulder, hobbling around me in his walking cast, barely making eye contact. When he did, he could have frozen hell with the glares he shot my way.
Work consumed me all day. Energy buzzed through me, making me more productive than I had been in months. Files that needed to be made, calls to vendors, follow-ups with potential clients. When I sat back from my desk, I breathed out. I felt good—productive and content. I was also really fucking excited to see Joanna again.
I was about to call her and see if she wanted to have dinner with me when Finn’s large frame filled my office door. His face was noticeably kinder.
“Hey, Linc. I just got off the phone with Jo. Wanna grab some dinner later?”
“Uh, yeah, of course.” I frowned a little at my phone. I was really hoping to take her out on a real date, but Finn and Joanna were close, and if I was going to make this work, I had to accept that.
“I was thinking maybe tacos at Robles, yeah?”
I nodded at him, still unsure about this Jekyll-and-Hyde routine he was putting me through.
He moved to leave but paused.“Sorry I was pissy today. Misunderstanding.” He stepped away with a soft thunk of his walking cast.
Misunderstanding? What had he and Joanna talked about?
Unsure if I was supposed to drop it or mystically know what the fuck he was really crabby about earlier, I decided to let it go for now. Finn and I could work out our bullshit over a few beers. But not tonight.
“Holy balls, this is good,” Finn mumbled around a mouthful of tamales. Robles hummed around us with the chatter of a busy restaurant.
“Mmm-hmm,” Joanna agreed with a closed-lipped smile. A little mouthful of food pushed out her cheek, and she nodded in agreement. So fucking cute. She had ordered tacos al pastor. And beans and rice. And a tamale. I smiled to myself, loving that she had an appetite.
The place had a steady business, but we were able to get a small booth within a few minutes. Finn had folded his large frame, tucking himself into one side. I slid in across from him.
Without hesitation, Joanna leaned left, scooting herself next to me in the booth. My body warmed at her closeness.
Joanna and Finn started working out some details about the upcoming guided tours. None of them were particularly demanding—all were easy day trips along the river.
I usually didn’t handle the customer side of guiding—I was much happier handling the business and limiting my interactions with the public. Finn’s personality was much better suited to schmoozing guests. He cared a lot about making each trip memorable, and he was the face of the business, without a doubt.
Leaning over their plates, they conspired over secret access points along the river, new places they needed to check out, where fishing had been hot in the weeks before.
Finn slid his leg out, rubbing his calf against mine. My eyes flicked up, meeting his as we both jerked our legs back.
“Sorry, dude.” Finn tipped his chin and cleared his throat. A smile quirked the corner of his mouth.
Is he trying to play footsie with Joanna?
I sat up a little straighter in the booth, tilted my body slightly closer toward Joanna as she stifled a small giggle.
“I can pay a visit to Mr. Johnston. Maybe I can sweet-talk him into letting us try his leg of the riverbank. With only three people, I don’t think he’ll put up much of a fuss,” Joanna said.
“That’s brilliant.” Finn’s eyes sparkled at her.
As they continued plotting, I was happy enough to get a good look at this beautiful woman beside me. Even in a whisper, her voice was confident, strong. I watched her full lips as she conspired with Finn. Enthusiasm radiated through her, and the buzz it gave her had a leg bouncing under the table. Unable to resist, I tipped my hips open slightly, allowing my thigh to rub against the outside of hers.
She stilled, without breaking the conversation, and pressed her leg into me. A ribbon of heat wound up my leg and settled between my thighs. I could feel my cock thicken.
Heat crept up my neck as I tried not to think about how Joanna’s trim body felt pressed under me. With Finn here, and in a public restaurant, I needed to focus on something other than the way she made my blood run hot.
Feeling bolder, I scrubbed my palms over my thighs, leaving my right hand below the table. I slowly moved it over, finding the outside of Joanna’s thigh. Gently, I inched my fingers over her muscled thigh and slowly dragged my hand along the outside edge of her leg. When I glanced at her, I saw the pulse in her neck quicken and felt her leg press farther into my palm. With a squeeze just above her knee, I ran my hand up her delicious thigh again before bringing my hands above the table.
This incredible woman is going to be the death of me.
That was for damn sure.
Needing to stretch, I excused myself to use the bathroom.
Walking back, I noticed that the restaurant’s dinner crowd had filled in and the ambient noise was rising steadily. Forks clanked, glasses wobbled, a barking laugh from a table in the back. Without warning, tension wound around my neck, and a buzzing filled my ears. I suddenly felt hotter, and my chest got tight. Behind me, a server bobbled her tray, and when it came crashing to the ground, I almost fucking lost it.
I stormed past Joanna and Finn in the booth, bumping into Fred Castle as he was standing, and headed straight outside to the truck without a word to anyone.
Don’t let her see you lose your shit.
Sucking in air, I was bent over, hands on my knees behind my truck. I felt like I was trying to breathe through a straw, and panic rose in my gut.
Don’t let her see you lose your shit. Don’t fucking do it.
My heart was pounding, and small black dots began to fill my vision. My feet felt tingly, and I knew if I didn’t get myself under control, I would pass out in the middle of the parking lot like an asshole.
I felt a wide palm between my shoulder blades and heard Finn’s deep voice in my ear. “Breathe, two-three-four. Hold, two-three-four. Out, two-three-four. C’mon, man. You gotta do it with me. Breathe, two—”
I focused on Finn’s voice, trying to follow his commands. This wasn’t the first time Finn had been around when I lost my shit. He knew that the breathing technique was about the only thing that was going to pull me out of it. My chest heaved and finally—finally—I got a breath that felt deep. After a few more rounds of breathing with Finn, the spots moved out of my vision, and I didn’t feel like I was quite so deep underwater.
I straightened with Finn at my side.
“You got it, man. You’re all right,” he said.
I nodded as he pulled me into him, clamping down hard on my shoulder.
“I left Jo inside,” he said. “I figured you didn’t want her seeing this if it got really bad.”
Really bad. Finn had been around enough to see a full-fledged panic attack, and it wasn’t ever pretty. Usually, it meant me freaking the fuck out and tearing out of wherever we were, desperate to get away. Once, it’d happened at The Pidge and I ended up coldcocking some guy who didn’t move out of the doorway fast enough. Definitely not one of my finer moments. Thankfully, these episodes were pretty rare.
“I appreciate that.”
“What happened, Linc?”
“I’m not sure. I just wanted to stretch my legs and then everything seemed really loud and close and…fuck. I don’t know, man.” I hung my head. A tension settled between my shoulder blades, and I knew I’d be tight for a few days after that.
“All right. You good?”
“Yeah, thanks.”
“‘Course. You know I’ve got you.”
A rocky lump formed in my throat as I looked at my little brother, and I fought hard to swallow it down. When I left, he’d been such a wide-eyed little kid. In the years I’d been back, I realized how much he’d grown, changed. That little kid was gone, but in his place stood a man who was strong and kind and loved by everyone in this town.
I was the damaged one—too fucked up to manage even a simple dinner in town. Plus, the fact that he’d protected Joanna from my meltdown had grateful tears burning at the edges of my eyes. I squeezed my hand tighter on Finn’s shoulder and cleared my throat.
Another few deep breaths and I saw Joanna push the door open and walk out into the parking lot. Her brow was furrowed, and she searched my face for answers. I couldn’t look her in the eye—fucking coward.
“Hey.” Her eyes were still seeking mine. “Toss me the keys. I’ll drive.”
