22 years old
“Cheers!”
Everyone clinks their glasses again before slamming back the shots of colorful alcohol. I’ve lost count of how many rounds we’ve had between the dancing, the karaoke singing, and the dinner we had somewhere along the way. I am celebrating my freedom and new adventure. I graduated from college. I own Rosen Records. I, Mia Rosen, am a women CEO in a fast-paced music world. Once that list from York came through, I was going to hit the ground running, doing whatever it takes to build my very own empire. My eyes slide to Spyder and Becks, each of who look happy and are enjoying the celebration just as much as me. It’s our party. I may have put forward the business efforts, but it was their talent that sealed the deal. A hand squeezes mine, and my gaze swings over to Tabbi.
“Woooohooo!” She pushes another shot into my hand, and we both knock them back. “Can you believe we finally graduated? Tell me this was not the best decision you’ve ever made.”
“It so was. I’m glad I listened to you,” I tell her, my smile genuine. Taking a chance on a study-abroad program was the best thing I’ve ever done for myself.
“Hey, don’t do that,” Tabbi shakes her head at me, “you’ve been happy all day. Mia, you get to finally let it all go. The pain, the suffering, the humiliation, it’s all over.”
I nod. “I know. It’s just weird at the same time. For so long, I let the past define me. I lived to serve them, and I completely forgot about myself. I can see it now.” My shoulders lift, and my smile falters. It’s only been a week since the meeting, and I haven’t really had time to process. Afterwards, we jumped right in to setting up meetings for Rise Above for promotions, and we had our graduation to plan. Monica heads back to Sydney soon, and Silvia already returned to England. We were all growing up and moving into our adult lives now.
Tabbi leans toward me, a mischievous smile on her lips. “Well…you won’t be here on your own at least.”
My head twists to the side to look at her. “No!”
She grins, nodding. “Yup. I’m staying, bitch!!!”
“Oh my god, what happened? When did you change your mind?” I jump up excitedly and hug her.
“Well,” she glances off to the side, and I see Manning lift his glass in our direction, “Manning made me an offer I couldn’t refuse.”
My mouth drops. “You’re going to live together? You. Miss, I’ll never commit for long-term and living with a guy is a death sentence?”
Tabbi’s head falls back, she laughs so hard. “Ok. Okay. I did say those things. I don’t know though, Mi, it just works. He gets me, and I felt terrible about leaving him. I wasn’t excited to go home at all. That has to mean something, right?”
My eyes roam her face, and I can see the way she is glowing. Tabbi is in love, even if she doesn’t know what to call it. “Yeah,” I nod, “I think it does.”
“Besides, you’re one to talk. You’re moving your whole life here.” She nudges me, and my cheeks turn pink.
“For work!”
“Yeah, for work.” Tabbi giggles and wraps her arm around my waist, turning us both toward the section of the bar where Becks and Spyder are standing. “Those two have fawned over you since you walked into their lives. I know one is more brotherly affection…but the other…”
“Becks? Tabbi, you already know how he asked to keep things light, and I agreed to that.” I shake my head, trying to brush away what she’s insinuating. My pulse beats unevenly when Becks’s dark eyes find mine from across the room.
“I know what you told me, and I know what he said, but Mi, if you saw the way he looks at you when you aren’t looking…I just think there is more there worth exploring. Maybe he felt inferior because of your history with ZDouche.” Tabbi nudges me.
Her words are making my skin prickle with nervousness. Yes, I gave Becks my virginity, but we both agreed to keep things light. Him, because of his career taking off, and me, well, because I did have a lot of shit on my plate at the time. I was also somewhat betrothed at the time, confusing I know. We have continued being friends, and I’m scared to try and cross that line again. I am moving my life to New Zealand, but not just for Becks. It’s also for Spyder, for Rise Above, and any future clients I may have. Mostly, it’s for me. Having Tabbi make me question my motives is making my heart hammer in my chest and my hands feel sweaty.
“I love Becks and Spyder. I want the best for them because they have been amazing to me, but I’m scared.” I turn to her, leaning in, so only she can hear my confession.
“You are a strong and brave woman, Mia. Use that kick-ass attitude that you brought to the meeting. Take matters into your own hands.” Tabbi gives me that last little nugget before striding off and back to Manning.
I sip my drink and let the cool, cranberry liquid slide down my throat. I let my gaze touch on everyone and soak it all in. Emotion swirls in my chest, and I can feel myself starting to get anxious. I need some air. Setting my glass down, I make my way to the back patio and join the smaller crowd out there. Smiling politely, I head over to the most secluded corner and close my eyes, reminding myself to breathe in and out.
“Did Tabbi tell you her news,” Becks asks from suddenly next to me. My head turns toward him and the smile melts off his face when he looks at me. “Woah, Mia, are you okay?” His hands cradle my shoulders as he turns my body toward his.
His concern only makes me feel more ridiculous for the way my chest is starting to feel heavy and my throat tight. I don’t know if I want to laugh or cry. Shout or dance. Looking at the man next to me doesn’t make me feel any calmer because, deep down, I know. I know that if I gave in, Becks would pursue me. He might have suggested that things stay less complicated between us, but I know it was for my sake. Becks and Spyder have witnessed my lowest moments, usually with tequila involved, where I word-vomited my past, my broken heart to them. Tabbi is right, and there is a very good chance that Becks backed off because, all this time, I did, in a way, belong to Zander. Now things are different, and I’m terrified that Becks will change things. I want to move on, but like always, I’m scared that one day, they will walk out of my life.
“I’m just.” I swallow and lift my head. Our eyes meet. Becks’s face softens. “It’s been a crazy week. I’m all over the place. And yes, Tabbi just told me she’s staying. I’m excited for her and selfishly, I’m happier because she’ll be with me too.”
“I don’t think that’s selfish. She’s your best friend. It’s natural to feel happy, and if it’s what she wants too, then there is no reason for guilt.” Becks’s shoulders lift and fall, his fingers massaging my shoulders gently.
“You always know what to say,” I tell him, giving him a grin. I like when he smiles back. My nerves subside and warmth fills my insides.
“So, everything is really over then?” Becks asks suddenly, and my breath catches.
My eyes wander over his face, taking in every detail. I look past the mask of confidence he always wears, the one that has served him well, while starting to be in the public eye, and I catch a glimpse of the sliver of vulnerability he is giving me.
I nod my head. “Yes,” I confirm quietly, “I’m moving on.”
It’s Becks’s turn to study me, and I wait while his dark and knowing eyes circle my face and focus on the way my body is now leaning toward him. Those dark orbs fall to my lips, and I fight to hold still, knowing that, once again, I’m at a crossroads, one that could potentially change my life. I didn’t lie, I am moving on. Kissing other people and trying a new relationship is opening myself up and moving away from my haunting past in Magnolia Hills. Becks leans closer, his hands moving to cradle my face. The warm, smooth skin of his lips brush against mine. I keep my eyes open, watching him, his eyes close, as he leans down again and brings his mouth to mine. He kisses me gently, and finally, I let my lashes lower. The minute my eyes close, all I see is vibrant gold.
I can feel the mattress dip on the other side of the bed, signaling that Becks is getting up. Like a coward, I stay burrowed under the covers, my arms wrapped around my naked torso, waiting for him to disappear into the bathroom. The drawer of his dresser slides open, and I hear him grab some clothes before closing it quietly. I feel moderately guilty that he thinks I’m still sleeping. Last night replays over in my mind, and I squeeze my eyes together harder. Becks steps into the bathroom, and the door shuts. A few seconds later, I hear the water start in the shower, and that’s my cue. I jump up from the bed and start grabbing my clothes off the floor and shoving them back on. I can’t even look in the mirror right now, knowing what I’m going to see. Messy hair, makeup that’s been half sweat off, and a layer of anxiety. I don’t regret sleeping with Becks, ever, but I don’t know what this means, and I’m a nervous wreck. Once my shoes are in hand, I sneak to the door and let myself out. I only get to the kitchen when I hear, “Busted.”
I turn slowly, and find Spyder, shirtless in the kitchen, waving a fork at me, while holding a plate of waffles. I glance back the way I came, realizing how guilty I look, knowing I have nothing to feel guilty about.
Taking pity on me, Spyder tilts his head toward the sliding glass door. “Come sit with me.”
I follow him out the door and sit in the plastic chair across from him at the table. Spyder takes a bite of his waffles while I hang in suspense, wondering what he’s going to say. Not that I haven’t thought of how this might affect Spyder, because I have. Clearly, Becks and I just haven’t cared enough not to cross the more than friends’ boundary after we talked to him. Spyder takes another bite, his crystal-blue eyes jump to mine. “Are you two a thing now?”
“I don’t know,” I tell him honestly. All Becks asked me was if it was really over, and I confirmed I’m ready to really move on and give it my all. Then that was all the talking we did. “It’s really over, and I want to move on.”
“And what did Becks say?” I grimace and Spyder chuckles. “Knowing my boy, he didn’t say much. That’s probably where your brains stopped working, and you both were thinking about his dick.”
“Spyder!” I laugh, before covering my mouth, hoping we aren’t being too loud. “It’s not like that. I don’t know what it’s like actually. I love you and I love Becks. I’m terrified to lose what we have. You guys have become my family.”
Spyder sighs, putting the fork down. He sits back, his face turning serious. “You aren’t going to lose us, Mia. We’re scared too. You are like the sister I never had. And now we’re taking this huge next step together in our careers and life, and yeah, I’m nervous. Becks and I have been friends for a long time. We both don’t come from families who support our music. And then there’s you. This little, feisty, and sweet girl who just fit all our broken pieces right away. And you know music. You love our music. And we’re giving our future to you. We all have our own ways of showing how much we love you and that we don’t want to lose this bond we have either.”
My head lowers. “So you’re saying Becks doesn’t want to lose me either and that’s why he slept with me?”
Spyder shakes his head. “I’m saying we both love you. And you aren’t going to lose us, no matter what you decide.”
I lift my eyes, and Spyder is waiting. I can feel the honesty in his gaze. He doesn’t want to hurt me. Becks doesn’t want to hurt me. They both love me; they just show it in different ways. And neither way is wrong. I get what I need from both of them at the end of the day. No one is forcing me to make a choice. There isn’t one. I have their unconditional devotion of family already.
“I’m moving on. I want to, and last week, I let the past go. I just don’t know how to be, without it hanging around my neck. I forgot what it’s like to breathe without worry. But I’ll get better. I’ll be better for you guys. I believe in you, your music, and this record label.” I reach forward and lace my fingers through his across the table.
“We’ll keep you on track, babe,” Spyder gives my hand a squeeze, his lips flipped up into a smirk, “no one hurts our girl.”
He goes back to eating his waffles, and we soon fall into an easy conversation. All my anxiety to flee from earlier vanishes. I can’t keep running from the unknown. Maybe being with Becks is supposed to teach me, not about moving on, but just being comfortable and content and loved. And that is what I’ve been missing the most.
