BLUE
Scar tries to help me clean, but I insist that she go enjoy the last fifteen minutes of her birthday, before the clock strikes midnight. Besides, there isn’t much to do.
I toss the leftover pizza in the fridge, tie up the garbage, and round up all the balloons to store them in the laundry room. I’ve just blown out the last candle when an angry knock hits the door.
It’s funny how I can tell such a thing—that the person on the other side of the door is angry.
My steps are quiet as I creep to the window to peek out, only to find it’s Ricky whose nearly given me a heart attack. Well, at least that explains the angry part.
Our last communication was a string of frustrated text messages after he took his sweet-ass time getting Scar and Shane from school. It ended on a bad note and neither of us had reached out to fix it. So now, I have a pissed Ruiz on my porch, rattling the security door with his fist again.
What now?
I turn off the alarm I’d only set a little bit ago, before snatching the door open to glare at Ricky.
“It’s late. What do you want?”
He doesn’t wait for an invitation before letting himself in, reminding me I’d forgotten to lock the security door after West and the others took off.
“We need to talk,” he insists.
“You were just here picking up Shane thirty minutes ago. Why didn’t you just say what you needed to then?”
“Because that was before I ran into fucking Tommy Navarro, Blue. What the fuck were you thinking?”
I shrink into myself and I hate that I do, letting him make me feel small.
“I… did what I had to do,” I confess, pushing strands of hair behind my ear. The gesture makes me look insecure, unsure of myself.
Damn, I guess I’m a little of both right now. My visit to Tommy was supposed to stay between me and Tommy. I suppose I should’ve known better than that.
“So, you get on my case about being two fucking minutes late to get them from school, then you go do some dumb shit like this?” he snaps. “You’ve gotta be smarter than this.”
“I did what I had to do,” I repeat.
He doesn’t get to judge me. As someone whose lived his life exactly the way he wants to, with zero regard for how I, or anyone else feels about it, I’m allowed to do what I think is best for me and my sister without his two cents.
“FYI, I paid the rest of your debt, plus interest, because there’s always fucking interest,” he seethes. “You know Tommy! Which is why I don’t understand what was going through your head. Tommy’s not the kind of guy you go looking for. He’s the kind who comes looking for you. And when he does, you get lost.”
Okay, so I made a bad call going to see him, but where the hell else was I supposed to turn? No one can sit here and babysit me and Scar twenty-four-seven. So, I made a choice. Albeit a desperate one, but it was the only one I had at the time.
“You two were friends once. He can’t be that bad,” I reason.
“B, that was kid shit. Things change. You, of all people, should know that.”
I feel the sting in his words. Whether he means for me to or not, I feel them. In his eyes, I’m one of those things that’s changed.
He looks away, as if hearing and agreeing with that thought.
“You need to tell me what the fuck’s going on.”
“Keep your voice down,” I whisper.
“Then don’t make me say it twice.”
He’s staring again. This time there’s a coldness to the look that hadn’t been there before. It’s telling of his state of mind right now. He’s not in the mood for me to be evasive and guarded.
I waver a bit, knowing West and I agreed to bring Ricky into the fold completely, but I also know him—what a hothead he can be, how he’s known for acting without thinking. There’s a chance that something I say will trigger him to do something reckless, and I’d never forgive myself if that were to happen.
“I already know this is about Vin’s shady ass, but I need to know why. What did he do or say that made you think you needed to buy a gun from fucking Tommy Navarro?” he practically hisses.
I freeze, feeling so, so torn.
“I—”
What if he goes looking for Vin? What if that leads to him getting hurt or worse?
“I… want to tell you, but… I need you to promise me something first.”
The request makes him grow even more annoyed with me than he already was.
“Just tell me.”
“Only if you promise,” I repeat. “I need your word that you won’t… react,” I force out, deciding that’s the phrase that best fits. “Promise me you won’t hear what I’m about to say and then go out and do something stupid.”
His jaw clenches and a sharp sigh leaves him, but then he nods, and I suppose that’ll have to do for now.
My hands are shaking, and I know he sees it. He sees everything, notices all my nervous habits.
“When Vin came by that night, he… made threats,” I confess.
I haven’t even given Ricky the details and, already, I see his rage spike. He wants to speak, wants to let that rage out, but he seems to be mindful of the silent vow he just made.
“He wants me to end things with West, but he wants it done in such a way that there’s never any chance of us fixing the relationship. And, apparently, I have two months to get it done.” I pause to think. “Well, a little less than that now.”
“Why two months?”
I shrug. “Beats me. He wasn’t exactly up to a Q&A when we finished. But he made it clear that, if I didn’t comply, there would be consequences.”
If I thought Ricky’s expression was tense before, I was wrong. This is his tense face.
“The fuck kind of consequences are we talking?”
“He threatened to have Scar taken away from me. At first, I thought he just meant he’d call Child Protective Services on us, but then he promised I’d disappear after that,” I admit, adding the most sinister part next. “He mentioned something about already having bids on me, and how easy it would be to have someone take Scar off his hands, too, if he wanted. And… it all made me think of that word you used the other night.”
Ricky meets my gaze before I say it out loud.
“Cargo.”
His jaw’s thick and tight when he grits his teeth. I know he’s already regretting giving me his word he wouldn’t do something reckless, but he did. And I’ll hold him to it.
“So, that’s why I went to see Tommy. That’s why I was so upset when you were late the other day. Scar spotted a weird van lurking outside the school and I… I panicked,” I admit. “I walk around all day every day just waiting for the other shoe to drop, wondering if Vin will really keep his word and give me time to hurt West. Or will he just swoop in and take what he wants simply because he can?”
I’m quivering now, and I’m made more aware of it when my hand warms. Ricky squeezes it and the sudden contact centers me.
“Why am I just now hearing about this?”
“Because you’re not always the most level-headed person in the world,” I remind him.
He doesn’t argue with that, because he knows I’m right.
“Does West know everything?”
“Not about the gun,” I admit.
“But he knows everything else?”
I nod. “I wasn’t planning to tell him at first, thinking the best thing to do was run, disappear before things could get worse, but he caught me. When you guys beat me here, he’d already seen my bags packed in my room.”
Ricky’s brow quirked. “Run where?”
I shrug. “The only place I could think to go was my grandmother’s.”
“The deadbeat in Virginia?”
Those words would probably anger most people, hearing someone refer to their family in such a way, but he’s completely right.
“Yeah. Her.”
What I don’t say is that Virginia isn’t completely off the table. At least it isn’t for Scar. Every single day, sending her to live there sounds more and more appealing. Especially with creepy black vans popping up where they shouldn’t be.
“There’s more.”
Ricky’s brow does that thing again when he meets my gaze. “What is it?”
I glance down at the carpet before speaking. “We were so confused about how Vin ended up with the pic I sent you, but I think we figured it out, and you aren’t gonna like it.”
He squares his shoulders, and I can already tell he’s getting angrier. There’s a thick, throbbing vein in the side of his neck that tells me so.
“We already put two and two together and figured out Vin and Uncle Paul have business together, but… I think they listen in on our calls, see our texts and pictures that come through. It’s the only way he’d have that pic, the only way Vin could ever know some of the things he knows. But if yours is being monitored, that means your uncle had something to do with it.”
Ricky doesn’t say a word and I feel his wheels turning.
“Did Paul distribute phones to you guys?”
There’s a moment where Ricky doesn’t respond at all, but when he does, he nods and confirms what I already knew.
“Little over a year ago, he said he had reason to think the old ones had been compromised, so he rounded us all up and upgraded us,” he scoffs. “Now I know he’s the only thing that’s been fucking compromised. Shit.”
I grip his hand tighter when he tries to walk away, fearing he’s about to break his vow and go find someone to take this frustration out on. Like, Paul or Vin.
“Ricky, you promised.”
My words halt him and my heart’s racing, feeling like it’s climbed out of my chest and into my throat.
“We have to be smart about this. Scar’s safety is on the line if we let on that we have any idea what’s happening,” I explain. “All we can do is march to the beat of Vin’s drum for now, until we have another option.”
Ricky hates this—not being in control—but it is what it is. Welcome to my world.
“I won’t do anything stupid, but I need to get out of here. I’ve gotta clear my head.”
“Okay, but hang on a sec.”
I feel his stare follow me when I leave the room and disappear down the hallway. Then, when I return with the phone West picked up for him, he’s confused.
“I already put my new number into it, and the numbers of everyone else who knows what’s going on. It’s the safest way we can communicate with each other, but our old phones have to stay in play too. If we all just go radio silent, they’ll know something’s up.”
He stares at the device a moment and I’m not even sure he’ll take it. But when he shoves it into his pocket, my heart settles a bit.
“I trust you,” I remind him. “Which means I know you’re not gonna leave here and do something that’ll make me want to kill you.”
He smiles a little, and so do I.
“We’ll figure something out,” I add, realizing this is the first time I’ve been the one to speak those words. Usually, it’s West.
Maybe he’s wearing off on me, or maybe it’s just what I want to believe.
Either way, we’re all clued in on the truth now. Whatever happens next, whatever way this whole thing goes, we’re in it together.
