THE GUARD BEGAN to cough and King Helmut gave him some space to breath.
“Thank you.” The guard closest to me grabbed me and pulled me into his huge gorilla arms. “You saved my little brother.”
I hugged him back. “You’re welcome.”
The staff all cheered and to be honest, I didn’t know what I felt inside of me. I knew I’d heard his voice again. It was Paul’s voice, but it’d spoken for the first time in the language I knew. It didn’t make any sense as Paul wouldn’t have saved this man’s life. He would have let him rot and die.
Unless, what if this man….?
I shook my head. No, it can’t be. King Helmut trusted all his men. There is no way this guy was a traitor, working with Paul trying to get close to King Helmut. I could see it in his eyes, he wasn’t a dark person. He had gentle eyes that begged me to save him. Queen Margerite’s voice entered my thoughts. Our minds play tricks on us in times of desperation.
“Elena, are you okay?” Emanuel asked me.
I nodded. “I’m just tired.”
He smiled. “Do you know what you did tonight? You saved a man from a horrible death.”
I nodded. “Yeah, I know.”
He wrapped his big ogre arms around me. Why hadn’t I had this ability a couple of months ago? I could’ve saved him.
My entire body felt drained but I still managed to sob silently. Brigitte’s voice was right next to me in a flash.
“I’ll take her to her room,” she said.
“No, it’s fine. I’ll take her,” Emanuel said and lifted me up like a small child, carrying me to Lucian’s room.
He didn’t speak one word and tucked me in Lucian’s bed like a father would his daughter. “Sleep tight,” he whispered and left.
The next day I found the entire lobby set out for a feast. The entire palace, including the staff and guards, all sat in normal clothes around a long oblong table.
Queen Margerite was finally awake and was sitting next to King Helmut. She saw me standing on the stairs and she got up.
Her arms were reaching out to me as she came near. “Our little miracle worker finally woke up.”
I smiled and gave her a hug.
When the hug broke one of the guards stood right next to the queen. He gave me a warm smile.
“Thank you for saving my life last night.”
I frowned. “That was you?”
He chuckled and bowed his head in shame.
“You’re welcome,” I said but couldn’t help but frown. His hair was blond and I knew I’d saved a man with dark hair. Nothing made any sense.
I sat on the chair closest to Queen Margerite and enjoyed the feast with all the staff. It was a beautiful gesture that they celebrated Christmas with all of them together.
Isabel was right, King Helmut was one hell of a ruler. He didn’t deserve to lose both his children.
I even helped with the dishes and around five I went back to Lucian’s room. I fell onto his bed and wished with all my heart that he was here, right now, with me.
My mind didn’t want to play that trick.
A soft knock came on the door.
“Enter,” I said and the queen’s head popped around the door. She gave me a smile and entered.
She had something wrapped up in her hands and I grunted softly which made her laugh.
She came to sit on the bed. “It’s just something small, it didn’t even cost a thing, but I’m sure he would want you to have this.”
My heart stopped for a couple of seconds as she said that last part, and I knew it was something that used to belong to Lucian. She handed me the gift and I tore the paper. I found a leather journal and I had no words when I saw the letters L.M. engraved on the front.
“Are you sure about this?” I asked her softly.
She nodded, got up, gave me a soft kiss on my head and left the room.
I sat there for a couple of minutes just looking at the journal in my hands. I gently stroked the top of the leather, then brought it to my nose and took a sniff. It smelled like leather, nothing like him, but his words were written in these pages, his thoughts. It was the most amazing gift anyone could ever give me.
I opened the first page and started to read. The version of his voice in my head was still not quite his, but it had to do for now.
Most of it was about the friendship he had with Blake and how he worried about him as he was clearly starting to change.
When my eyes stung I held the book close to my chest for a couple of minutes and closed them. When I opened them again, I put the journal away and felt like I needed fresh air.
I wrapped Lucian’s blanket around me and went to sit outside on the balcony. The snow had stopped and the air was cold, but the stars shone beautifully in the sky.
I craved his arms around my body and closed my eyes and pretended that the blanket was his warmth, his arms, and that he was here with me. I snuggled my face deeper into the blanket and took in the scent that was left of him. I felt so tired.
The wind caressed my face softly and I realized that I was still sitting on the balcony. The blanket had really started to feel like arms around me and even the chair that touched my back felt human. I froze as lips touched the inside of my neck.
“I miss you so much,” he said, and I turned around. My eyes were huge as I stared at him. I wanted to say something but the words were gone. How was this possible? This couldn’t be real.
His thumb touched my cheek softly. “Shhh, don’t cry,” he whispered. “I’m here now.”
I didn’t think twice and I grabbed his neck and planted a kiss on his lips. They felt so real, he was really here. I didn’t want to stop kissing him and I never wanted him to leave me again.
I needed to breathe and our kiss broke. “How is this possible?”
He chuckled. “The same way Queen Catherine haunts you.”
“It’s different Lucian. It’s not the same.”
“It is sweetheart.”
“No, I dream…” I stopped and closed my eyes. “This is a dream?”
He nodded. “Something like that.”
“Then I never want to wake up.” I buried my face in his neck and took in deep breaths, filling my lungs with his scent.
“As much as I want to stay with you like this, I can’t.” He pulled me gently from him so I could look at him.
“I can’t live like this, Lucian. It’s too hard.”
He smiled. “You know that isn’t the truth, Elena.”
I closed my eyes. Of course he knew about Blake and how I felt about him. “It was a mistake. It should’ve never happened.”
He chuckled. “You don’t have to explain to me, Sweetheart. You need to live your life.”
“I can’t.”
“Yes, you can.” His smile disappeared and sadness filled his eyes.
“Don’t go.”
“Not yet.” His hand touched mine and our fingers curled around one another. He brought them to his mouth and kissed my hand softly. “You’ve got to help Sammy and Becky.”
“Lucian, I can’t.”
“Elena…”
“No, he chose not to come with you that day. He knew that I was in trouble, and if you tell me that it’s because of his darkness, I swear I will wake up.” I didn’t mean any of it, but I didn’t want to hear this from him.
“You’re bluffing.” He smiled.
“Okay fine, I’m bluffing, but I’m not going to help them.”
“I found everything. And…” he struggled to speak. He couldn’t say it.
“What is it? What did you find?” I wiped my stupid tears away again.
“I can’t tell you. You need to find the truth for yourself.”
Suddenly, the wind knocked the door open and I woke up. I was cold and Lucian was gone. I cried again. Why does he want me to do this?
“Otherwise the truth will never be known.”
