“EXCUSE ME,” I said. “Are you blind? What do you call that thing that was in the throne room a couple of minutes ago?”
She gave me a sarcastic look she had no right to give. She’d left. She deserved everything that was coming to her.
Anna came back with some clothes and dropped them on the couch. She glared at her mom and then at me and left. Ungrateful little brat.
“Thank you, darling.”
Darling? I shook my head again and took the clothes that were lying on the couch. The jeans were a bit too long and I rolled up the legs. The shirt and jersey were long too, but at least they kept me warm. I hated winter and I hated the cold, but it was warm here.
“I know what it is you’re thinking, but the dragon in you should have never awoken.”
I laughed again. “The dragon in me…” I whispered. “I’m so sick and tired of the crap that keeps on happening to me.”
“Elena I know you are angry, believe me this wasn’t how we wanted you to find out about Paegeia and who you are.”
I shook my head in disgust. She didn’t know me at all, how could she possibly know who I was now. I was only two years old when she’d left. I’d needed her just as badly as that brat, Anna, did.
“I know you think by leaving you…” She stroked her face hard. “Believe me, I know seeing Anna doesn’t help, but I’m not as selfish as you think and I do love you, that is the truth. I’ve thought about you every single day.”
I wiped away another tear. “Spare me. Just tell me what you told Lucian, or must I guess the way he did, too?”
She looked down at the carpet. “You don’t need to guess.”
“Is there something that can claim Blake?”
She nodded.
“Where is it?”
“It is sitting right in front of me.”
I looked behind me and found an empty table pushed against the wall. I turned back to her because she didn’t make any sense. Then it hit me, as if it was a hand that had slapped me across the face. She was referring to me. I started to laugh. “What? If you haven’t noticed, I’m a dragon. And one that resembles him.”
She looked up at me sternly. “I told you before, you’re not a dragon, Elena.”
“Then what am I! Cause I know you saw that dragon a couple of minutes ago too.”
“It’s not what it looks like. She was never supposed to wake up. You have to get rid of her.” She got up and leaned on the kitchen table with her back facing me.
She? “What do you know about her?”
“It doesn’t matter anymore, what matters now is you, you have to get rid of her, Elena.”
“How do you suppose I do that, I can’t kill her! I’ll die too.”
She turned back around. “No, you won’t. But I promise you if you ascend and she is still inside of you, you will die.”
“Then so be it because I’m not getting rid of Cara. She’s the only being that truly understands me.”
Tanya gasped. “Cara.” Tears glistened in her eyes.
“You do know her?”
She didn’t nod but the expression on her face and the tears glistening in her eyes told me she knew who Cara was. I had a horrible feeling that the story behind her and me wasn’t a good one. “What did you do, Mom?”
She was silent for a few seconds.
“My sister was so happy the day Irene told Robert that his son’s Dragonian would be coming from their bloodline. It’s the only thing she ever wanted, Elena.”
“Your sister…” I thought hard. “You mean the queen.”
Tanya nodded.
“That never happened. She died before she could?”
“That’s not entirely true. She had a child. But nobody could know about the baby. We still didn’t know who was going to betray them and therefore everyone was a suspect, except me. I shared a dent with Katie, I would never have betrayed her like that,” she said and wiped away another tear as she spoke about the rider she’d left alone to die.
“Before her belly grew too big, we told the council that we were going on a quest in order to enhance Katie’s hearing ability. They had no clue it was a lie because dents don’t have to go on quests to enhance anything.” She sighed and bit hard on her lower lip. “We couldn’t tell Robert about it either because we didn’t know who was going to betray them. Jako found out when the baby was born and he promised to keep our secret. We were going to let another woman claim the child as hers and she would be sent for to come and live in the palace, that way the baby could always be close to them and when the danger was over, the truth would be revealed. That was the plan, but the circumstances we found ourselves in after the child’s birth made it impossible. Two weeks later we found out that the little one was sick. An infant that small will die if a Swallow Annex tries to heal it, so I had to watch my sister say her goodbyes to the one thing she wanted the most in the world.” She shook her head. “I couldn’t.” A tear rolled over her face and dropped from her chin. She didn’t even wipe it away. “Irene gave me a foretelling when Cara’s egg hatched, she said one wouldn’t make it, but two might. I never knew what that meant until that very moment. I knew what had to be done and I sacrificed Cara to keep my sister’s baby alive. I gave both children the Calupso potion. One that would draw the essence of the sick child into the strong one. Cara didn’t have her human body yet, and if it worked, she would turn into their child, meaning that their blood would flow through her veins and the stronger one would die.”
I remembered what she’d said earlier. That I could claim Blake. She’d sacrificed Cara to save the queen’s baby. The air was sucked out of my lungs. What the hell was she saying?
“What?” I whispered.
“You’re that baby, Elena. Your mother loved you so much.” She looked away and I took another deep breath.
“No,” I jumped up. “Dad would’ve told me.”
“He tried.” Her tone turned harder as she tried to reason with me. She got up too and just watched me as I paced up and down her living room with the huge oak growing through it. “When you were ten, he told you the truth. You cried so much and you didn’t want to accept it. He called me and asked me to wipe it clean from your memory. He never tried it again, he was always afraid you would react the same way.”
I stopped in my tracks as I remembered that night on Interstate 40. Dad wanted to tell me about something important, he wanted to take me out to dinner but he didn’t get the chance. Then his stories of Paegeia that I couldn’t remember suddenly came back.
“Wait, what do you mean you wiped it clean?”
“I can erase some memories if needed, persuade minds if I have to.”
“You wiped away Dad telling me that I was King Albert and Queen Catherine’s daughter?” It sounded unreal.
She nodded.
“You didn’t just wipe that away, you wiped away everything he ever told me of Paegeia.”
“What?” She stared at me.
I started to pace up and down again, biting hard on the flesh inside my mouth, my hand tangled inside my hair. “I knew there had to be some explanation for why I couldn’t remember any of the details,” I murmured. I just never imagined it was something that would be so hard to swallow.
“I’m so sorry. I don’t have control over it completely if it’s someone I care for.”
I stopped in my tracks at her words. “You never cared for me, just like you never cared for Cara.”
“Don’t say that. I cried for my child every day, Elena. I still do. She was never meant to come back, but something awoke her that day. She’s not a Rubicon, she was a Thunderlight. The reason she turned into a Rubicon was because of who you are and who your dragon is. You turned into a Rubicon, because of the bond you share with Blake.”
“I don’t share a bond with him. He hates my guts,” I yelled.
She started to laugh. “How did he react when he saw you as a dragon?”
I squinted. Forcing my mind to remember when Blake ran into the cave the day Lucian died. He was shocked.
“You don’t have to tell me, I can see it on your face. A dragon always knows who his rider is.”
“No, he would’ve said something.”
“He’s dark Elena. The dragon part of him doesn’t want to be claimed, yet he saved you a couple of times, or so Lucian told me.”
I just stared at her. Lucian knew. The dream of Paul…did that really happen somehow in-between all the craziness? He was talking about Blake? He didn’t care that Paul claimed to be my rider. He didn’t care.
“It’s the good in him,” Tanya said. “The part that keeps holding on. He knows who you are, but Cara threw him off that path. I think she threw plenty of people off that path.”
“What do you mean?”
“Ever wonder why everyone you met ended up staring at you?” Blake’s unfinished story jumped into my mind.
“It’s because you look just like him, Elena. You have your father’s hair and soft eyes, but your mother’s grace and beauty.”
“How did I get past the Wall?”
“You were inside Cara,” she said. “Jako found us three days after. When he found Cara, he was so happy that she was still alive. I never told him what I did or why I left. He assumed so many times that Katie’s daughter was dead and I never corrected him because I wasn’t sure if it would work.” She looked at me as I found my way back to the couch. “A couple of months passed. It was the best time of our lives. Then it was time for Cara to get her human body. She was supposed to be a little girl of five and I was with her in the bathroom when the shift came. It wasn’t a five year old girl, Elena, she was only one. Jako knew immediately what I had done and everything went downhill from there. He tried not wanting anything to do with you, but for some reason you wanted nothing to do with me and just wanted him. So yes, he was your father in so many ways, but your true father was someone so much more, Elena. Your parents wanted you so badly and both had to deal with the fact that they might never see you again.”
I shook my head fast. It was spinning with so many questions that had finally gotten their answers. “Why did we move so much?”
“Other dragons found out about you, they just had to look at you once and they knew who you were. Not all of them wanted to protect you. Fox was one that was desperate to kill you, but there were twelve groups of dragons that vowed to protect you. They always found a way to warn your father, before they died. That is why he didn’t register us with the council. Because he couldn’t let them find you.”
Tears glistened in my eyes as I thought about my dad. How much he must’ve hated me in the beginning, knowing that I killed his daughter.
“You have to kill Cara, sweetheart.”
“Are you insane?” I yelled. “I can’t kill her. She is mine.”
“She’s not yours. Blake is your dragon and when he turns, Elena he will take you with him. Your bond was supposed to be made a long time ago, you weren’t supposed to wait like this.” She was starting to get angry now.
“Kill Cara, or I’ll do it myself.”
“She’s your daughter, still.”
“That isn’t my little girl in there, it’s something else.”
“I can’t kill her. I won’t kill her and I don’t care what happens to me.”
“Then your mother and father died for nothing.”
“Well, she couldn’t have loved me that much if she gave me away.”
Tanya slapped me across the face. “You have no idea what that woman went through when she gave you up. Now go to your room.”
“You’re not my mother,” I yelled.
“Finally.”
I turned around and just ran down the hall. I flew into the first room I found and fell on the bed. My cheek still hurt from Tanya’s slap. How dare she, how dare they? I didn’t understand any of this. Who I was, what I was supposed to do.
Tears flowed down my cheeks, but I refused to wipe them away. I couldn’t kill Cara, she gave me something I’d never had before: strength and courage. She’d gotten rid of my fear, she’d given me freedom. I would die if I killed her. She was mine and I loved her with all of my heart.
I fell asleep and found myself on that hill again.
Queen Catherine was waiting for me.
I ran to her this time. I’d never felt this much anger, betrayal and rejection before. “Why didn’t you keep me?” I yelled and she just stared at me.
Tears sparkled in her eyes and for the first time she moved toward me. Her touch felt so real, she wrapped her arms around me and squeezed so tight. “I love you so much,” she said and pushed me away so she could see my face. The kind Queen Catherine from the pictures stared back at me. She stroked my face gently. “You look so much like your father.” A tear rolled down her cheek and her head touched mine gently. “I would’ve done anything to keep you, my sweet, sweet girl. But I couldn’t.” She smiled. “You finally know the truth, I can rest in peace.”
