“What are we doing here?”
The sound of Cecily’s spooked voice makes me smile. I don’t mean to. It just happens.
A lot of things about her make me smile. Whether it’s her silly psychoanalyzing of fictional characters, her attachment to said characters, or the expression she makes when she’s caught off guard.
Like right now.
I hop off my bike and throw the helmet into the hands of an awaiting Ilya. He nods at me, then at Cecily, whose brows have lifted to nearly touch her hairline.
She doesn’t blink or react as I grab her hand and start to guide her into the mansion. It isn’t until we’re at the threshold that she physically shakes her head and draws us to a stop.
“Seriously. What are we doing here?”
“Didn’t you ask the other day why I never bring you here?”
Her throat works with a swallow and her hand grows slack in mine. She’s so close that I can see the tiny freckles dusting her cheeks, the smudge of darker roots in her silver hair, and breathe in her scent.
Fucking water lilies. I never thought I’d be as entranced by a scent as I am with Cecily’s.
I’ve never liked anyone enough to focus on them, to want to learn more about them, to engrave myself so deep beneath their skin that they can’t remove me unless they cut themselves open and bleed.
And yet, those are the exact thoughts I’ve been having about this woman.
“That was…just a figurative question.” She stares at Ilya, who’s following close behind. “Does he take everything so literally?”
My guard nods. “When it comes to you, I’m afraid yes.”
“We need to fix that about him.”
“Stop talking about me as if I’m not here.” I grab her chin and rotate her attention back to me. “Do not speak to Ilya when you can ask me.”
“Oh, please. You need help.”
My fingers flex on her throat and she shivers, going slightly up on her tiptoes, which is usually an invitation for me to fuck her brains out.
“Behave.” I groan deep in my throat, then I take her hand in mine again, because if I don’t stop touching her throat, I’ll be tempted to throw away whatever I’m trying to do and eat her out for dinner.
We’re not two steps in when she stops again. “I was only wondering. We don’t have to be here.”
“I don’t see why we shouldn’t be, and you weren’t only wondering. You felt left out of an important part of my life, the Heathens, and you’re here because you’re not my dirty little secret.”
Her lips part the slightest bit, like whenever I do something unusual and she’s stunned into silence.
I use that chance to drag her in with me.
She’s still shocked about my words and actions during these past two weeks. Ever since Annika and Creighton came back without either of them being hurt, I’ve found time to focus on more important things.
Like getting to know Cecily more. Yes, there’s still more to find out about her, despite all the snooping around and reading her journal.
I stopped doing that after I found an entry about me. Whatever her feelings for me are, I prefer to hear them from her instead of cheating and having access to thoughts she keeps for herself.
We still spend our nights at the cottage, but we go out, too. Once, I took her to a restaurant, and another time, she planned a mini-date on the beach. But mostly, we prefer our alone time at the cottage, where no one can interrupt us.
The other day, I convinced her to swim in the lake, and she held on to me for dear life the whole time, afraid of the monsters in the water.
Little does she know that I’m the worst monster in her life. She might be starting to understand me and get used to me, but I always have this feeling that I’ll fuck it up in some way. Maybe I’ll do something that will make her hate me, become insufferable about it, and then everything will go to hell.
Because the truth remains, Cecily is still scared of me sometimes. She still views me as the one who stalked her, coerced her, and barged into her life without leaving her a choice.
She’s choosing her battles by being this accepting. Deep down, if she was given the choice, she’d never choose me.
Which is why she’ll never fucking have that choice.
We part from Ilya at the entrance, and I take Cecily on a tour through the Heathens’ mansion. Little by little, her apprehension subsides, and she studies her surroundings intently, her hand going slack in mine.
“This place is huge,” she comments after we walk around for a while.
“You say that as if it’s the first time you’ve been here. Didn’t you sneak in with Anni a few times?”
“We didn’t go through the whole mansion, and to my defense, I didn’t want to. Anni and Ava are a bad influence.” She rubs the side of her nose, looking so adorably embarrassed. “Did you see me back then?”
“I have always seen you.”
Her hand grows hot in mine before she clears her throat and, in a desperate attempt to change the subject, she points at the door we’ve stopped in front of. “Is this your room?”
I nod, opening it, and she releases my hand to explore the place, her inquisitive eyes sparkling like every time she learns something about me.
She’s had the same reaction whenever I’ve offered her a tidbit about my past, my parents, and my vision. Anything about me, really.
A part of me wants to believe she’s genuinely interested in me, but that would be foolish, considering all the subtle pulling-back gestures.
Such as not saying my name during sex or keeping her distance in public as if not wanting to be associated with me.
We’ll work on those one at a time until she’s well aware that there’s no way out that doesn’t lead back to me.
That her rebellions are futile and she’ll only belong to me.
After looking around the minimalistic room, her shoulders hunch. “There’s nothing here.”
“That’s where you’re wrong.” I motion to her right. “There’s a bed.”
She smiles, but she shakes her head while fingering one of my college books. “You have a crazy sex drive, you know.”
I come behind her and wrap my arms around her middle, reveling in how she trembles in my hold. I’ll never get used to the feeling of her having this reaction whenever I touch her.
“That doesn’t seem to be a problem when you beg for it,” I whisper near her ear and I’m rewarded with another shudder.
Her fingers flip through the pages in an uncoordinated rhythm, her neck tilting to the side slightly, baring the translucent skin of her throat. I can’t resist the need to mark that skin, to suck on her blood so she’s flowing inside me.
But before I can lower my head, Cecily slaps a hand on that spot and spins around. “No, nope. I told you I’m visiting my parents tomorrow, and if I do that with a visible mark the size of the ocean, my father will probably conduct a search and seize.”
My hand splays out on her lower back as I push against her so that she’s trapped between me and the desk. “Is he that scary?”
“No. Well, maybe a little. We were always so close, and he doesn’t respond well to guys touching me.”
“Looks like I have my work cut out for me.”
“Don’t do anything.” She flattens her palms on my chest, touching, exploring, imploring.
Her advances have become a bit more daring in the last couple of weeks, but still not sure or confident enough. She only touches me when she’s either holding on to me or wants to stop me. No time in between.
“I really would rather not piss off Papa.”
“Take me with you, and I’ll change his mind.”
“No way in hell,” she blurts. Then, seeming to think better of it, she says more calmly, “He just needs time before I can tell him all about it.”
My jaw clenches and it takes everything in me not to tighten my hold on her waist. “Are you sure he’s the one who needs time and not you?”
She swallows, her touch growing unsteady. “I just don’t know how to explain your background to my parents.”
“Did you have to explain Annika’s?”
“She’s different. She won’t be inheriting a mafia empire and she never really liked that part of your lives.”
“And I do.”
“Isn’t that true?”
“My background and who I am changes nothing, Cecily. If you think you can use that as an excuse to leave me, then you have no fucking clue who you’re dealing with.”
“Seems that I perfectly do, considering your threats whenever something doesn’t go your way.” Her lips purse. “You need to stop doing that. This isn’t how relationships work.”
“Then how do they work? By hiding me from your parents like I am the dirty little secret?”
“I never said that.”
“You don’t have to. Your actions speak louder than your words.”
“Can’t you understand my perspective? This is new to me, like I’m sure it’s new to you. Would you take me to see your parents?”
“Tomorrow if you like.”
Awe and surprise mix and clash on her face. “You…would?”
“I don’t see why not.”
“But aren’t you supposed to marry a Russian? Someone like Maya?”
“That’s a preference and in no way mandatory.”
“Wow. You really would introduce me to your parents.”
“As I said, you’re not my dirty little secret. I’m not embarrassed of you, which can’t be said about you.”
“I’m not embarrassed by you, Jeremy. I just…need to come to terms with all of this on my own before I involve other people.”
“Is that what you truly believe or are you just too scared to admit to what we have?”
Her face blanches, and it’s all the answer I need. I release her and step back, forcing her to let go of me.
She takes a step forward, but whatever she has to say is interrupted when the door barges open and hits the wall from the force of it.
Nikolai strolls inside, followed closely by his cousin Gareth.
“Ever heard of knocking?” I say in a tone that doesn’t hide my displeasure.
“You zip it.” He holds up a hand that will be fucking broken in about a second, along with his ribs because he’s shirtless again.
Gareth remains at the door, watching the scene intently while his unhinged cousin circles us with the aura of a lion. “What do we have here? I placed a bet and called the guards liars when they said you brought a girl—who isn’t your sister—over. Looks like I lost a few bills, but this shit is worth it. I say, why her, Jer? You said she was dull and more boring than a nun.”
This motherfucker.
Cecily’s face goes red, a different shade from the color that covered her cheeks when these two came in. That one was embarrassment mixed with discomfort. This one is anger.
And yes, I did say she was dull and fucking boring, but only to deflect Gareth’s and especially Nikolai’s interest from her. This asshole likes to fuck around a lot, and Cecily was simply not going to find a way onto his list.
That incident happened long before I chased her in the woods and metaphorically staked a claim on her.
“You were duped, Niko,” Gareth says with a knowing smile. “You can be really slow sometimes.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” He glares back at his cousin, who’s still nonchalantly studying the scene, probably sensing that I’m approaching the point of an explosion the more Nikolai keeps talking, or even existing, near her.
Not getting a reply, my friend, who’ll soon lose those friendship privileges, slides closer to Cecily. “Your name is Cecilia, right?”
The red has slowly disappeared from her face, but she’s turned cold both in expression and voice. “Cecily.”
“Tomayto, tomahto.” He stares at her funnily. “You’re close with lotus flower, aren’t you? You have this whole shared love of unicorns, cakes, and saving animals.”
“Lotus what?”
“Brandon,” he says as if the correlation is a given.
It’s subtle, but I notice the exact moment Cecily’s body goes rigid and the way her expression changes from discomfort to mama bear mode.
Nikolai has always given a bad impression. Always. Not only is he violence on steroids, but he’s so deranged that he gets a bad rep wherever he goes. Cecily, like everyone else on the island, has heard of his brutish, merciless methods and his knack for beating up people for sport.
Generally, no one aside from us feels comfortable in his company, which is the reason for her unease ever since he barged in.
However, the moment he brought up her friend, fucker Landon’s twin brother, she slid seamlessly from fear to protectiveness. This girl isn’t afraid when it comes to her life, and she’d do anything for those she considers family.
“What about him?” she asks with a tinge of stiffness.
Nikolai is oblivious to the change in her, because he grins. “We can exchange information. I’ll give you shit on Jeremy and you do the same about lotus flower.”
She pauses, her gaze sliding to me with a full-blown glare as if she’s seriously contemplating the option, but then she shakes her head. “I have nothing to tell you about Bran.”
Nikolai stands in front of her and tilts his head to the side, as if meaning to stare into her soul and peel off the information he needs. “Not even a tiny bit? Think again, because I have all the deets about the girls Jeremy’s dated.”
I fling him back by his nape and throw him against his cousin. “Take him and leave.”
“Why?” Gareth pushes him back inside. “This is getting fun.”
I’m about to grab Nikolai again, but he slips away last second. “Stop throwing me as if I’m a ball, motherfuckers.”
“We have no time for you. Fuck off.”
“Actually.” Cecily steps forward and stands beside me. “We do. Didn’t you bring me here to meet your friends?”
No, I fucking didn’t.
In fact, I kept her away from this place so she wouldn’t see these assholes.
“What she said.” Gareth smiles at her. “We’re having dinner in a bit. Will you join?”
“No,” I say.
“Sure,” she says at the same time.
I glare at her, and she glares right back. I lean over to whisper, “We only have dinner, just the two of us.”
“Not today,” she whispers back.
“Don’t fuck with me, Cecily. We’re leaving.”
“No, we’re not. I thought I was more boring than a nun.” She flips her silver hair and strides in Gareth’s direction. “Did you mention dinner?”
“Yeah. We can have the chef add any dishes you want. Wait till Kill sees you.” Gareth smirks. “RIP, Jer.”
I flip him the bird, and he merely grins as he walks beside Cecily and Nikolai occupies the other side, hounding her for answers to his earlier question.
She doesn’t answer him, but she doesn’t shoot him down either. Instead, she engages the bastard by divulging some harmless information about Brandon.
I follow close behind them, contemplating who to kill first and whether there should be blood or not.
Who am I kidding? Of course there will be blood. Now, I just have to make sure it’ll pour out from all their orifices.
I start by shoving them away and gluing her to my side during the whole evening, but that barely lasts when she starts drinking with them and Killian joins in with his girlfriend.
Cecily flat-out refuses to leave once Glyndon gets here, despite my and Kill’s joint effort to take our girls and disappear into the night.
“Why the fuck did you bring her here? Now, Glyn won’t budge,” Kill asks me as the two of them play some stupid card game with Nikolai and Gareth.
“I honestly have no fucking clue why.” I sip on my vodka and shoot glares in her direction that she subtly ignores.
Killian slides his drink across the table. “I’m going to teach those motherfuckers a lesson.”
Then he stalks over to the game, kicks Nikolai away from his girlfriend’s side, and glues himself to her. Killian’s idea of teaching them a lesson is cheating, not even bothering to cover his tracks.
Both Gareth and Glyndon call him on his shit, but he remains completely calm and even accuses them of cheating.
Cecily merely laughs at the circus, her shoulders shaking and her eyes gleaming.
Me? I’m fuming.
Not only because there’s no alone time tonight, but also because everyone else gets to see her half drunk, smiling, and happy.
Maybe I’m sick, but I want to trap all those emotions so they only belong to me.
While Kill is busy stealing cards and arguing with Gareth and Glyndon, Nikolai throws back one shot after the other and offers one to Cecily.
She drinks some of it, wincing, then grins wide. “Wow. This is strong.”
“My specialty, babe.”
That’s it.
I stand, not caring about how crazed I seem, and haul her up by the elbow. She’s slightly lethargic from all the drinking and sways, then lands against my chest.
“We’re leaving.”
“Noooo, I still want to play,” she slurs, her words barely coherent.
“Yeah, let her play, Jer. Don’t be a bore— Fuck!” Nikolai rolls on the floor when I kick him in the ribs. He’s had it coming since earlier.
“What the fuck was that for?” he yells, gripping his side.
“My leg slipped.”
“You lying fuck!”
I shrug, and when Cecily continues squirming, trying to slip out of my hold, I pick her up in my arms and carry her toward the stairs.
“Why did you do that? Nikolai is nice.”
“Shut up, or he’d look nicer in a casket.”
She groans. “Ugh. You caveman.”
Her head falls against my chest and her breathing evens out. She’s started to go to sleep at healthy hours lately. And even I have started to let myself sleep for more than two hours a night.
Once we’re in my room, I lock it with the key, then remove her shoes and cover her. I’m about to search for a remedy for her hangover when her hand grabs mine and pulls me down abruptly.
I nearly crash into her, but I hold myself back at the last second.
Her eyes open, green and glittery, and then slowly, too slowly, she asks in a vulnerable voice, “Am I as dull as a nun?”
That motherfucker Nikolai will die in his sleep for daring to hurt her, even with words.
I stroke her hair away from her forehead. “You’re not. You’re the most entertaining person I know.”
“But you said I’m dull.”
“That’s because I don’t want others’ attention on you.”
She blushes, her drunken face becoming all red. “But we didn’t know each other back then.”
“Doesn’t matter.”
“If I hadn’t applied to that site, would you have found another girl to chase? Like one of the girls you dated?”
“I didn’t date anyone before you.”
“But Nikolai said—”
“Nikolai was baiting you to get the information he wants. Don’t believe everything he says.”
She grins so delicately and elegantly that I want to pause this moment and tuck it in my heart where no one but me can revisit it over and over.
“What if…what if…we’d never met?”
“We would’ve sooner or later.”
“How do you know?”
“You were always meant to be mine, Cecily.” Nothing else could explain this raging need to own her, keep her, and never let her leave me, even if I have to sacrifice a limb for it.
Even if she hates me because of it.
She calms the beast I spent years hiding beneath the surface. She tames and placates him like no one else has been able to.
I’ve always been shackled by an inheritance to one of the most powerful organizations and that means I’ve needed to count every step. Strategize every plan. Plot every decision.
Not with her.
She’s the only person whose company I feel free in. There’s no sense of duty nor a weight on my shoulders.
There’s just me and her.
Cecily Knight is the calm in a loud, chaotic world.
A glittery look covers her eyes, and I think she’ll fall asleep, but she lifts her head and brushes her lips against mine, softly, slowly, as if it’s the first time she’s done it.
“I’m going to miss you when I’m in London.” Her drunken voice floats around me like a gentle breeze.
And then she closes her eyes, and her chest rises and falls in a steady rhythm.
I remain frozen in place for what seems like an hour.
Fuck me.
How can a mere chaste kiss and those words affect me this much?
Looks like I won’t let her do this, after all.
