How do I get myself in these situations? Fooling around with Henry was fun, but now my heart feels conflicted. Looking at him through the glass between the lobby and the garage as he talks to the mechanic, I can’t seem to decide if he looks more like my friend’s dad or the man I want to sleep with. Which is a real problem because my brain seems to be getting off on the idea that those two things are the same.
The car will take over an hour, and we’re both too anxious to sit around anymore. The town is small, with one long strip of stores that includes a dollar store, a thrift store, and a greasy diner. We walk slowly down the street, stopping every few doors to look inside. We’re not talking about what happened last night or this morning, and I don’t know how to approach the topic. Yesterday, it felt easy. A simple proposal. Now, I’m trying not to let my emotions get involved.
But I want Henry to take me all the way. Things between us were so natural it only makes sense. I’m comfortable with him, and he made me come harder than I’ve ever made myself come alone. I didn’t even know my body was capable of feeling something so intense.
So, no. I don’t want to lose my stupid virginity to some other random guy.
At the end of the strip mall, we come to a store with darkened windows and seedy looking lights. It takes me a moment to realize it’s an adult store. When I look back at Henry, I see a nervous expression on his face as he turns around to go back the way we came.
“I want to go in,” I say, feeling stubborn.
“Absolutely not.”
“Uh…you’re not my dad,” I huff back. “I’ve never been in a sex shop, and I want to see it.”
“Laila,” he says, his tone sharp. “I’m not about to walk into a seedy adult store in the middle of nowhere with my daughter’s best friend.”
“Oh, but what we did last night was okay?” I ask with a cheeky grin.
“Last night was different.”
My shoulders slump and my head tilts. “How?”
“You’re being very argumentative today.”
“Well you’re being very boring!”
He looks like he wants to pull his hair out. “Boring?”
“Yes, boring. It’s just a store. I’m not asking you to get naked right here.”
One eyebrow lifts as he stares at me. Finally, I turn on my heels and rush straight into the store. I hear him cursing as I disappear behind the two-way mirror. The inside of the store is dark and smells like fake cherry air freshener. There’s a man standing behind a tall counter with plexiglass up to the ceiling. He takes one look at me and glares curiously. The bell on the door chimes again as Henry enters behind me.
“You don’t listen,” he whispers harshly.
“I don’t have to listen to you, first of all. You’re not my dad.”
Henry’s eyes dart up to see the man behind the counter. I can practically feel the discomfort oozing off of him. He’s not happy at all to be in here.
So I continue. “Unless you’d like to play that role. I can call you daddy and you can put me over your knee.”
Henry’s eyes practically glow red as he stares at me. Before he can grab my arm or drag me out of the store, I turn away and walk down the long aisles. Everything sort of hits me at once, and it’s like sensory overload. The aisle I am walking down is a magazine aisle, and while some of them have tasteful breasts and women in lots of makeup with big blonde wigs, there are others with spread eagle, close up shots. I’ve never even seen myself this close up and the whole thing sort of shocks me.
Quickly, I walk down through the jungle of naked lady parts on display, waiting for Henry to follow me. At the end of the aisle, I’m met with a wall—a wall of dildos. Floor to ceiling, the packages come in every shape and size. There are pink ones and skin color ones. Dildos with suction cups at the end and dildos that look like rabbits…for some reason. They are petite to gigantic to double-sided—wait, double-sided?
“See anything you like?” Henry asks, standing off to the side with his arms crossed, looking smug and too satisfied with himself. I must look as terrified as I feel.
“I have no idea,” I mumble. We’re in the store alone, aside from the man behind the counter, who, thank God, hasn’t offered to help us with anything. He probably thinks we’re just a kinky couple who stopped in to spice things up.
“What? Don’t have one of your own at home?”
“I thought this was too inappropriate for you,” I snarl. “You can wait outside while I…shop.”
“If you think for one second that I would leave you alone in this store, you’re insane. For one…the man behind the counter hasn’t looked back down at his dirty magazine since you walked in, and two…this is all too entertaining.” He starts to laugh, and I want to punch him.
“All right smarty pants, which one do you think I should pick?”
“I don’t have the foggiest idea.” He grabs one off the wall. “Look, this one is Bluetooth enabled.”
“Bluetooth? Does it play music?”
“I assume,” he says, scratching his head, “that you could give controls to someone else.”
“Oh,” I say, then when it really sinks in, I repeat myself. “Ohhhh.”
“What the hell is this for?” I ask, picking up one with actual bunny ears.
I hold it with the ears facing the back, and Henry laughs. Then he takes it and slowly turns it around so the ears are facing the front. “That makes more sense,” I say with a giggle. “I have a lot to learn.”
“Yes, you do. But that’s the fun part,” he replies, walking next to me as we take in the array of options. “You’re not supposed to learn it all in one weekend with one guy, Laila. You’re supposed to learn what you like, maybe even on your own,” he says as he picks up a simple, non-threatening bright pink vibrator. No Bluetooth. No bunny ears.
“What if I don’t want to learn it with a bunch of different people?” I ask, taking the package and biting my lip.
He doesn’t answer for a moment, his eyes landing on my lips as he seems to lose his train of thought.
“Laila, you’re a beautiful girl, and you’re smarter than you give yourself credit for. You don’t need me to teach you anything. And this thing between us…it can’t happen. I can’t risk losing my daughter now.”
“I understand,” I mumble, looking down. I hate it, but I understand. It’s not fair for me to come between him and Kirsten just because my boyfriend dumped me, and up until today I’ve been too chicken-shit to ask for what I want. And maybe he’s right. Maybe I do need to learn things on my own for a while.
I buy myself the pink vibrator, and I don’t even blush when I take it up to the counter. When we get back to the mechanic, the car is ready. We’re back on the road by lunchtime, but with every mile we put under our tires, I feel what could have been slipping away.
