We stood on the dirt road in front of the house, watching a plume of dust rise up behind an old sedan as it drove toward us.
Bambi and Dominique had left already, heading back into town. Bambi said it’d be easier if they weren’t there, that it needed to be pack.
I didn’t like the sound of that, especially when Jessie told me Aileen and Patrice were witches.
Kelly was pale as he stood next to his brother. Carter looked as if he would have punched anyone who spoke to them, so I didn’t try. I thought I was being honest, but I’d fucked up. I didn’t know how to make things right.
With any of them.
The car stopped in front of the house.
A woman climbed out of the passenger side, a lit cigarette dangling between her teeth. She was older and worn, her skin wrinkled. But through the smoke came the stench of magic unlike anything I’d ever smelled before. It was rough and wild and made me sneeze.
The driver was a man with bone-white skin. He wore a fedora and sunglasses that covered most of his face. Pale red hair stuck out from underneath his hat, and when he took off his sunglasses, I saw his face was covered with rusty freckles. His magic felt cleansing, like it was made of white light.
Aileen coughed around her cigarette, a wet hacking sound. “Well, shit,” she said. “This is more fucked-up than I expected. You feel it?”
Patrice nodded. “Deep. Dark. Heavy. Dis isn’t gonna be easy.”
She sighed. “Yeah. We’ve got our work cut out for us. Let’s see what we see.”
“It’s best before the full moon,” Aileen said, leading us into the woods. “I’m not a fan of how close it is now, but we should try to get it over with. Don’t need to have this one turn into some kind of rage monster if we can avoid it, eh, Robbie?”
She smiled at me.
It didn’t make me feel any better.
She was plucking leaves from the bushes around her, folding them into her hand and crushing them together. I grimaced when she opened her hand again and spit into the pile.
“It ain’t pretty,” she said when she saw me watching her. “A little bit of dirty magic. But it’ll have to do. No promises, boyo. It might be too far gone.”
“What might be too far gone?” I asked, not liking the sound of any of this.
She laughed until she saw I didn’t get the joke. She looked slowly over at Gordo. “You didn’t tell him?”
Gordo shrugged. “We got busy. Family problems. And it’s Ox’s birthday. Almost.”
She snorted, exhaling a plume of smoke. “That right? Salutations, and all that. But I thought something was up. You’re all jumbled. Out of sync. Keeping secrets. That never works out for anyone.”
“That’s one way to put it,” Rico muttered.
Aileen arched an eyebrow at him. “Is it? Because it’s coming off of you almost more than anyone. Got a problem, Rico?”
“Several.”
“Then get over it. At least for today. We can’t have the negativity. It’ll mess things up. A pack divided is a pack that cannot stand true. We just drove two days to get here to help you sorry bunch. You’re not a little bitch, so stop acting like one.”
He looked outraged as Chris and Tanner laughed behind him.
She plucked a couple of small red berries from a bush, crushed them on top of the leaves and her spit. Seeds and juice squirted out between her fingers. They were poisonous, so I recoiled when she held the mess out toward me and said, “Eat this.”
“You spit on it.”
“I am aware.”
“Then I decline,” I said. And then, because she was a powerful witch, I added, “Ma’am.”
Rico sounded like he was choking and was angry about it.
“Hmm,” Aileen said. She looked down at the wet pile in her hand. “I suppose I can get a slice of cheese and wrap it in it. That’s what I do for my dogs.” She squinted at me. “Would that help?”
Every wolf growled at her.
“That’s speciesist,” Tanner said. He blinked. “Wow. Now I understand prejudice. That’s eye-opening. Damn. I have fucked up a lot in my life. I’m going to start making amends first thing tomorrow. After Robbie scarfs down the spit berries like a good boy.”
“I’m not going to eat that,” I told her. “It’s weird, I know, but I have this thing where I don’t eat out of people’s hands after they’ve spat on them.”
“You ate cat poop once when you were shifted,” Elizabeth said mildly.
I gaped at her.
She shrugged. “Don’t look at me. I tried to stop you.”
“Dis pack,” Patrice said, shaking his head. “Just when I tink I have dem all figured out.”
I recovered. “I don’t know what you’re trying to do to me, but I don’t—”
Aileen cut me off. “Sorry, boyo. We’re not here for you. Or at least not just you. There’s not much more we can do that Gordo and your pack haven’t already tried. I’m afraid that until we can get to Livingstone, you’re going to be as you are now. This is about Kelly.”
“Oh,” I said weakly. “No one told me.”
Kelly was stiff beside me.
“I know.” She sounded frustrated. “I get things are moving fast, and there are many moving parts, but I wasn’t kidding when I said this could be a problem.” She turned to Joe and Ox. “Get your house in order, Alphas. You’re not helping anyone the way you are now.”
“We’re trying,” Joe said quietly. “It’s complicated.”
“Is it?” she asked. “Because as far as I can tell, you’re all together once again. It may not be like it was, but it’s a start.” Then, without looking at him, she said, “Rico, stop scowling.”
“I’m not,” Rico said, scowl deepening.
She flicked him in the forehead. “Stop it.”
He growled at her, sounding more wolflike than any human I’d ever heard.
“Eat this,” she said to me again, holding out her hand.
I gave it one last try. “But if it’s about Kelly, maybe he should be the one to eat it.”
“Oh, that’s right!” she exclaimed. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“Really?” I hadn’t expected that to work.
“No. Not really. Don’t be ridiculous. Do I need to get the others to hold your mouth open? I’ll massage your throat to make sure you swallow.”
“Bet he’s never heard that before,” Carter muttered. Then he looked at me. “Have you ever heard that before? I mean, I know Kelly is ace and all, but—”
“Enough,” Patrice said. He turned to me. “Dis is your mate.”
I looked down at my feet. “So I’ve heard.” I winced as Kelly sighed. “That came out wrong. Do you really think this could help him?”
“I don’t know,” Aileen admitted. “But we’re running out of options. What do you think Robert Livingstone is doing right this second? Licking his wounds? Biding his time? He’s not, boyo. He’s planning. What, we don’t know. Hell, we don’t even know where he is. But you were taken from him. Whatever he had in mind for you, whatever he was grooming you for, he’s had to course correct. Out of sight is not out of mind with him. We don’t know what he’ll do, but he won’t stop.”
I felt sick. “All those wolves in the compound. Will he hurt them? There are children there. Cubs.”
She hesitated.
And that was enough.
I grabbed the mess from her hand and shoved it in my mouth. I bit down, grimacing at the taste. I swallowed, and almost immediately my stomach cramped. Before I could say anything else, Aileen stood in front of me, her palm inches from my face as she muttered under her breath.
The cramps increased as she pulled her hand away and blew a quick breath in my face.
“Shit,” I muttered as I bent over, clutching my stomach. “What did you do to me?” The grass at my feet swayed side to side as if in a breeze. But then it started rubbing against my boots, leaving green smears against black leather. I yelped and hopped back, trying to get away from it. I looked up, and all the colors of the forest started to bleed together. “Um. What?”
Aileen was squinting at me, and I squeaked in horror as her eyes began to move around her head. The left went to her forehead. The right settled just above her lips. “I might have dosed him a little too much.”
“Ohhh shiiiit,” I breathed as her lips flew away from her mouth and settled in a tree branch overhead. “Your mouth is a bird.”
“We must hurry,” Patrice said, grabbing me by the arm and jerking me through the trees. “Get to da clearing. Now, Bennett pack. As if your lives depend on it.”
By the time we reached the clearing, I was convinced the ground was lava and that Rico was going to die.
He wasn’t amused when I threw him over my shoulder.
“You’ll melt,” I snapped, hopping over the crack in the earth filled with boiling lava. “I know you don’t like me, but I won’t let you die.”
He pounded his fists on my back. “I swear to god, I will end you. Chris! Give me my gun!”
“Nah,” Chris said, seemingly unaware that his nose had migrated to his chest above his right nipple. “Think that would be a bad idea.”
I jumped over another lava hole. The clearing ahead looked safer, so I set him down. “There,” I told him, leaning forward until my cheek grazed his. “You’re safe.”
He shoved me away. “Pendejo. Don’t touch me, you fucking weirdo.”
Aileen pressed down on my shoulders. I sank to the ground as the grass danced around me. I grinned goofily at Kelly as he sat across from me, his knees bumping into mine. “I don’t love you,” I told him. “And I know that makes you sad. But I like your face. It’s a good face. You should keep it.”
His lips twitched. “I’ll keep that in mind.” He touched the back of my hand. “I like your face too.”
I puffed out my chest. “I worked hard on it.”
“Cute,” Aileen muttered. “Ox, behind Robbie. Joe, behind Kelly. Everyone else, spread out, but make sure you’re touching a member of your pack. You need the connection.”
The others formed around us. Carter and the timber wolf sat near Kelly. Carter put his hand on Kelly’s knee, and the timber wolf laid his gigantic head in Carter’s lap. Elizabeth sat on the other side of Kelly, laying her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes. Joe knelt behind them, hands in Kelly’s hair.
I tilted my head back when heavy hands fell on my shoulders. Ox looked down at me, and he was the biggest man in the entire world. His head was surrounded with a halo of stars. He looked like a god.
I was distracted from this thought when Gordo crouched next to me. His tattoos glowed fiercely, and the raven in the roses jerked its head from side to side. He reached up and delicately wrapped his hand around Mark’s throat. The wings of the raven twin fluttered.
“Where’d your other hand go?” I asked sadly, looking down at the stump pressed against my knee. “You lost it.”
Gordo grunted. “Long story, kid.”
“Do you miss it?”
He sighed. “We’ll talk about it later.”
“Okay. Oh, hey, Tanner.”
Tanner grinned at me as he leaned against me. “Hey, Robbie.”
“Sorry I almost murdered you.”
“Um. Thank you?”
I nodded. “I don’t know you either, but you seem like a nice guy. I wouldn’t hurt you unless you were trying to hurt me. You too, Chris.”
Chris shook his head from the other side of Tanner. “It was magic, man. We get that.”
“Rico doesn’t think so. But don’t tell him I said that. He’s standing right there.”
Rico glared at me as he stood behind Tanner. Jessie rolled her eyes and pulled him to the ground. She held her brother’s hand, and Rico grumbled under his breath as he hooked his chin over Tanner’s shoulder. “At least we’re not all naked this time.”
That sounded like a good idea, but Ox stopped me before I could take off my clothes. I looked back up again, and I swore he was the center of the entire universe. His face was the moon, and I wanted to howl for him to hear me.
“Alpha,” I whispered to him.
He brushed a lock of my hair off my forehead. “Little wolf.”
Aileen and Patrice circled around us. Patrice’s lips were moving, but no sound came out. He was bathed in a white light that seemed to emanate from within. The rusty freckles on his face swirled on his cheeks.
“This isn’t going to be easy,” Aileen said. “Not after everything you’ve been through. I can’t promise anything will come of this. You’re fractured. There are cracks. Unless you believe in one another, believe in your pack, it will remain that way.”
Rico opened his mouth as if to speak but snapped it closed. He shook his head instead.
I startled when Kelly took my hands in his. He was watching me with those blue, blue eyes. Something stirred deep within me, something primal and brutal. I wanted to tear apart everything that would ever hurt him. It was grass and lake water and sunshine.
I said, “I’m sorry.”
He said, “For what?”
I said, “I don’t know.”
He said, “That’s okay.”
Before I could tell him it wasn’t okay, that I wished I could be the man he needed me to be, the man he remembered, that I didn’t think anyone had ever looked at me the way he was now, Aileen said, “It begins.”
And I—
—am alone.
(not alone here we’re here we’re)
i look up at the night sky.
it’s bright.
so many stars.
the brightest are red and pulsing.
others surround them like beacons in the dark.
i reach up to touch them.
they don’t burn me.
it’s the surface of a lake.
the stars ripple.
they laugh.
they howl.
they sing.
they say
(BrotherSonLoveFriend)
and
(packpackpack)
and it hurts.
it hurts.
it hurts because i can’t find them.
i can’t reach them.
i can’t touch them.
these stars are
“Hey,” Kelly says, and I say “Hey” back.
He’s smiling, and it might be the best smile I’ve ever seen.
I dreamed of this, I think. Once.
It’s familiar, like we’ve been here before.
“What is this?” I ask as we walk through the woods.
He laughs, taking my hand in his. “It’s nothing. Just… why do you ask so many questions all the time?”
I bump my shoulder against his. “I need you to come with me. That’s what you said. You have to know how that sounds. All mysterious.”
“It’s… goddammit. I’m not trying to be mysterious.”
I don’t believe him, but it doesn’t matter because there is nowhere else I’d rather be.
He says, “I know,” like he can hear my thoughts. Maybe he can. It wouldn’t be such a bad thing. Having someone know me like that.
He
(here here here)
stops. Grimaces. His face contorts. He says, “It hurts, Robbie.”
“No,” I tell him. “It can’t hurt. Not like this. You have to say it isn’t anything bad. That you hope it’s good. That I’ll think it’s good. That’s how it’s supposed to go. That’s how it’s supposed to—”
His back snaps viciously as his face turns toward the sky. His mouth is open, but no sound comes out. The cords in his neck stick out sharply. His eyes are wide, and he’s gripping my hand so hard, I think the bones will turn to dust.
But I don’t try to pull away.
I can’t.
I won’t.
Not now.
Not ever.
Symbols appear on his throat, dirty things that split his skin and glow with a sick light. His mouth stretches farther than should be humanly possible, and I cry out as the snout of a wolf appears between his teeth, fangs bared.
Something’s wrong.
Because the wolf is sick.
The hair on its snout is patchy, the skin underneath dry and cracked. The tongue is coated with a thick film, and more symbols crawl along it. One fang falls out of its mouth and bounces off Kelly’s chest before hitting the ground.
The wolf is rotting.
Before Kelly swallows it back down, I catch the brief glimpse of orange eyes, dull and lifeless and I—
am alone.
he’s gone.
the stars are gone.
i am alone in the dark.
except.
a white wolf approaches.
there is black on its chest and back.
its eyes are red.
i am afraid.
i am not afraid.
i am both.
it circles me.
it doesn’t speak aloud.
it whispers in my head.
it says
(little wolf, little wolf, what do you hear?)
i don’t know. i don’t know. I DON’T KNOW I DON’T KNOW I DON’T
(you think yourself lost, but your pack is near.)
i scream in the dark.
the white wolf is gone.
all that’s left is the void and i—
—opened my eyes.
I was lying flat on my back, my head in someone’s lap.
I blinked.
Kelly stared down at me.
“What happened?” I croaked.
He tried to smile, but it crumbled. “Don’t worry about it. Just rest.” He traced a finger over my eyebrows, and I leaned into the touch. I was at peace. I felt safe. And warm.
It didn’t last long.
“—and we can’t help you, Alphas,” Aileen said from somewhere off to my left. “Not when you’re so broken. Your bonds—this pack—are stronger than any other I’ve ever encountered. You’ve got your missing piece back. But it’s not the same. There is dissonance. Much of it can be blamed on the magic in Kelly and Robbie. Even in Carter and Mark, though I think Ox has that mostly under control. But there is distrust here. In each other. In yourselves. You cannot hope to stand and fight for us all when you can’t even hold your own pack together.”
“We only just got him back,” Joe retorted, sounding pissed off.
“And it took how long for dat ta happen?” Patrice asked, voice soft.
There was no response.
“Shards,” Patrice said. “Pieces of a whole. But dere sharp. Dey cut. You slice yourselves even as you know it’s wrong.”
Joe tried again. “If Rico would just—”
“It’s not just Rico,” Aileen snapped. “Or Kelly. Or Robbie. You’ve been hurt. I get that. I do. Lord knows I do. But it’s coming from all of you. You are a pack divided. And divided you will fall. Because he will exploit it. Whatever he wants, whatever he’s after, he won’t stop. This is nothing but a setback to him. He’ll come again and again and again until either he wins or you stop him. The fate of all of us rests in your hands, and you are not ready.”
“Go easy, Aileen,” Patrice said quietly. “Even if dey weren’t as dey are, we don’t know what would have happened. It’s old, dis magic. Unlike anyting I’ve ever seen.”
She glared at him. “I know. But they’re not helping. They’re spinning their wheels. What exactly is your plan, Alphas? You let yourselves become distracted by the Omegas, you watched as a member of your pack was taken from you, and what have you done? How much longer will this go on before you decide to act?”
“Aileen,” Patrice warned as Ox and Joe looked contrite.
She sighed. “I know. I just… I thought the mate bond between Robbie and Kelly would be enough, even if it’s stifled. But it’s like it was for Gordo and Mark, only on a bigger scale. Richard Collins had his wolf stifled, shoved down and locked into a box. This… this is like Kelly has been stripped of his wolf. I’ve never seen anything like it. Done to witches, yes, but never a wolf. Do you even feel him like the others?”
“No,” Ox said. “Not… it’s not the same. With him or Robbie.”
I looked up at Kelly.
He was staring off into nothing.
“We may need ta figure something else out,” Patrice said. “Just in case.”
“But the Bennetts are our best chance. Our only chance. If they can’t lead, then who will? What hope do we possibly have? We’re running out of time, Patrice. All those witches that turned against us, that were taken out by the Omegas… our numbers are dwindling. And we’re just letting it happen.” She glanced at Ox and Joe. “Figure it out. Before it’s too late.”
“It’s okay,” Kelly whispered. “We’ll figure it out.”
I would have given anything to believe him.
They didn’t stay long after, saying they had other matters to attend to. It felt forced, and even though their hearts never stuttered, I thought they were lying. I could see the worried expressions on both their faces.
Before they left, Aileen pulled Kelly aside. He wouldn’t look at her when she spoke. I thought about listening in to what she was saying, but I didn’t. It wasn’t right.
I let them be.
