They told me that it was going to be all right.
I wished I could believe them, but I couldn’t take the chance that they were wrong.
Jessie sighed as she poured the line of silver across the basement, trapping me inside.
Kelly looked furious, standing near the stairs, hands in fists at his sides as rainwater dripped off him onto the floor.
“Maybe it’s for the best,” Gordo muttered. He looked tired. “Until we can figure this out.” He shook his head. “I….” He’d spent the better part of an hour digging around in my head, saying he was shoring up whatever walls he could to keep his father out. I could see by the look on his face that he didn’t think it’d do much. It didn’t help that by the end I was snarling at him, telling him to get the fuck out of my head. The moon was pulling at me, and my emotions were all over the place. I wanted to curl up away from everyone. I wanted to lash out at all of them. I wanted them to leave me alone. I wanted to make them bleed.
“It’s not his fault,” Kelly muttered. “He didn’t do anything wrong.”
“We know,” Joe told him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “But we can’t take the chance. Not until we can be certain he won’t hurt anyone—”
“Fuck you,” Kelly snapped. He shoved Joe off him. “You didn’t give two shits about him when he was taken, so don’t act like you give a damn about any of this now.”
“Kelly,” Joe said, eyes wide and wounded. “That’s not true. We were…. It was hard. On all of us.”
“Really?” Kelly said. He laughed, and it was such a heartbreakingly hollow thing. “Did you lift a finger to help me?” He looked around wildly. “Did any of you besides Gordo and Ox? Or were you too goddamn busy licking your own wounds to care that he was taken? Because I came to you. I begged you to do everything you could. To call everyone you knew. And do you remember what you told me?”
Joe clenched his jaw.
“You said maybe it was for the best,” Kelly said. “That maybe this was the way things were going to be. That you needed to help Chris and Tanner before you could even consider helping anyone else. I didn’t need my Alpha, I needed my goddamn brother, and you said no.”
“Uh-oh,” Tanner said. He inched toward the door. He didn’t make it very far before Chris grabbed his arm. He looked down at Chris’s hand before lifting his head again. He sighed. “I wish I wasn’t so used to being naked in front of a lot of people like I am now.”
“Thanks for sharing,” Chris muttered. “Now shut up so Kelly can yell at us some more. I think we kind of deserve it.”
“That’s not fair,” Joe said, sounding shocked, as if he’d never heard his brother speak to him this way before. And for all I knew, he hadn’t.
“Isn’t it?” Kelly asked. “Because it sounds to me like you’re making the same mistakes Dad did. Out of sight, out of mind. Isn’t that right, Gordo?”
“Kelly,” Ox said, the warning in his voice clear.
Gordo’s expression shuttered closed. “That’s…. Jesus, Kelly.”
Kelly ground his teeth as he started to pace. “Aileen said we were broken. Divided. That we couldn’t hope to do anything about this unless we fixed what was wrong with us. And you’re all standing there after you’ve put a fucking bandage on a gushing wound and congratulating yourselves because of it. We can’t do this. We can’t keep going on this way.”
Carter tried to reach for his brother, but Kelly glared at him. “Dude, I know you’re upset—and it’s pretty badass, if I’m being honest—and we’ve earned you yelling at us, but I don’t know if it’s fair that you say we didn’t care. We did.” He glanced at me. “I can’t speak for everyone. But I know I did.” He put a hand over his bare chest, right above his heart. “Right here. It hurt right here. And maybe we were confused, and maybe we were scared. I know that’s not an excuse, but there it is.” He shrugged as he dropped his hand. He looked at me again. “I’m sorry, Robbie. For everything. I should have done more for you. For him.”
Kelly nodded tightly, still riled up and rigid. “This isn’t working. It’s a half-life. It’s not real. We’re pretending like everything is as it used to be.” His voice broke. “And no matter how much I wish it was, it’s not. This is how we are now. This is our reality. And if we can’t do this together, then we’re going to die alone.”
And with that, he kicked apart the line of silver and crossed over it to me. I tried to protest, but he wouldn’t hear it. He sat down on the cot next to me, glaring defiantly at the pack as if waiting for them to tell him off.
They didn’t.
They just stood there for a long moment.
The timber wolf moved next. He huffed out a breath, sounding annoyed, before he left Carter’s side, walking toward Kelly and me. He stepped gingerly over the silver, snapping at his own back paw when it caught a small part of the powder. He came over to me. He looked me up and down, and I swore he rolled his eyes before he laid his head on my lap, blinking up at me slowly. I hesitated a moment before gingerly patting the top of his head.
“What the fuck,” Carter said faintly.
Elizabeth came next. She had a thin, worn robe wrapped around her shoulders. It was far too big for her, and it dragged on the floor. Ox bent over and lifted it as she crossed the line of silver before letting it fall once she was clear.
She sat down at her son’s feet, leaning against the cot. She looked out at the others, not saying a word. She didn’t need to. Her silence spoke volumes.
Gordo nodded slowly. “I’ll go get blankets.”
Joe said, “I’ll help you. I should check on the Omegas too before we settle in for the night. Make sure we won’t have any more issues.” He followed Gordo up the stairs.
Ox didn’t say a word.
He was watching. Waiting.
Carter came next, though he was trying not to seem too eager. He told the wolf in my lap to move. The wolf ignored him. Carter tried to push him out of the way. The wolf growled at him without opening his eyes. Carter sighed and sat next to him on the floor. The wolf turned his head and pressed his nose against the side of Carter’s head. “Yeah, yeah,” he muttered. “I get it.”
Jessie sat next to Elizabeth.
Chris and Tanner hesitated. They looked at each other, having a conversation without saying anything out loud. They nodded at the same time. They crossed the line of silver, approaching me warily, like they thought I would lash out at them.
But they came anyway.
They breathed a sigh of relief as Carter pulled them down next to him.
“Finally,” Mark said. “Finally.” He walked over, shorts hanging low on his hips. He ran his hand over the top of my head before settling down against Jessie, laying his head on her shoulder.
Rico remained next to Ox, scowling at the floor.
Ox looked at him.
Rico sighed. “I hear you, alfa. Just… give me a moment, okay?”
Ox nodded.
Rico took a deep breath. He raised his head, looking directly at me. He said, “Robbie.”
“Yeah?” I asked, feeling overwhelmed. They were choosing me. After everything, they were choosing me. And even if Rico didn’t, it was at least a start.
“You better not steal the blankets like you used to do,” he said. “Cabrón. Always stealing blankets like you’re the only one who gets them.” He was still cursing me under his breath as he crossed the silver toward us. He didn’t come near me, but I thought it was enough.
And still Ox didn’t come.
For a moment I thought he wasn’t going to.
That it’d been too much.
That I’d been too much.
But he knew what was in my head. Of course he did. He said, “In a moment, Robbie, I promise.”
It wasn’t long before Gordo and Joe returned, arms full of blankets and pillows. They were careful not to let them drag in the silver, stepping over the broken line with exaggerated steps. Chris and Tanner were yawning as they took a blanket from Gordo, standing in order to lay it on the floor. Joe threw the pillows on top of it, and Mark and Jessie were the first to lie down on it. Gordo snorted as Mark raised a hand toward him. He pulled his shirt off, leaving him in only a white tank top and shorts. Mark sighed as he curled around Gordo, fingers trailing over the stump at the end of his arm.
The others settled, leaving space for those of us who remained.
Kelly stayed beside me on the cot.
Only then did Ox cross over. His steps were slow and measured. He never looked away from me.
He said, “I dreamed of this. All of us together again. And it hurt. It doesn’t hurt anymore.”
I blinked rapidly.
He lay down next to Joe, kissed the side of his head.
“You ready?” Kelly whispered to me, though everyone could hear us.
I shook my head. “Just give me a moment.”
He did.
But it didn’t take long.
There was a space left open just for me. All I had to do was take what was offered.
Even in the face of everything, they were giving me a gift.
I stood from the cot, feeling all eyes on me. I held my hand out for Kelly. He took it without hesitation. I settled down on the blanket next to Carter. He pulled another blanket up and over us. I lay on my side away from him and barely flinched when I felt his hand on my waist. “No homo,” he said. Then, “Well, maybe some homo. I don’t even know anymore. And before someone says anything, shut up. Robbie, just so you know, my morning boner won’t be for you. Mostly.”
“Love,” Elizabeth told her oldest, “I’d rather not hear about such things, if it’s all the same to you. Though I’m glad to hear you’re open to… new experiences.”
“What?” Carter asked. “What new experiences?”
“So close,” Jessie said as she yawned.
“Jesus Christ,” Kelly muttered. He lay down next to me, his back pressed against Ox.
And though we weren’t whole, not by a long shot, a quiet energy crackled around us. I was on the precipice again, and the void was still there, but I wasn’t alone. Instead of jumping, I took a step away from it.
Carter tightened his arm around my waist.
Ox’s hand was in my hair.
Kelly lay facing me. We shared a pillow. We were warm. We were safe. We were together.
Kelly reached up and pushed my hair out of my face. He was about to pull back, but I didn’t let him. I took his hand in mine and held it between us.
We watched each other without saying a word.
I was nearly asleep when Rico said, “Bambi’s convinced I’ve slept with half of you. She wouldn’t tell me which half, but since there are more men than women, that means she thinks I’ve sucked some dick. It’s not that I’m scared of dick, but I don’t know how I feel about balls hitting my chin, you know?”
Chris and Tanner burst out laughing even as most of the rest of us groaned.
“What?” Rico demanded. “It’s a very real concern. Gordo, what do you do when you get beard burn from Mark on your balls? That has to suck. Ha. Suck. See what I did there?”
I heard him squawk as it sounded like he got a face full of pillow.
I didn’t dream that night.
The day after a full moon was always a lazy day for wolves. We would be sluggish and slow, the power the moon held over us fading. It never hurt, not like the hangovers that seemed to affect humans, but the lethargy kept us from moving around too much.
Couple that with the night I’d had, and I didn’t feel like moving. I didn’t want to think. I was warm and sleepy, and there was an arm curled around my waist. I reached up and lazily traced my hand up the back of the hand to the arm.
“I said no homo,” a voice whispered in my ear.
My eyes flashed open.
Everyone else was gone aside from the bastard behind me.
Carter burst out laughing as I tried to pull away. He held on tightly, his growl rumbling in my ear. “I know you don’t remember, but you love cuddling with me. Promise. You always said as much. Pissed Kelly off to no end.”
“Let me go, Carter.”
“Nah,” he said easily. “Just a little bit longer. Need to get my scent on you some more. Make you smell like pack. Are you into watersports? That’d make things quicker if you are. I could just whip it out and—oof!”
He exhaled heavily into my neck as I elbowed him in the stomach as hard as I could. I turned to glare at him, and he was curled up, arms wrapped around his belly.
“Not cool, dude,” he wheezed. “You gigantic dick. I was just trying to be your friend!”
Chris appeared in the doorway to the basement.
“You said you were going to piss on me!”
“Whoa,” Chris said, immediately turning around and heading back upstairs. “I do not need to know that. Is that a wolf thing? No one told me that was going to be a wolf thing. Joe! Joe! Do I have to let your brother piss on me or what?”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Joe shouted, sounding outraged.
I thought about lying back down, but Carter was only wearing boxer briefs and was scratching his junk as he yawned so widely his jaw cracked. He saw me watching and trailed a hand toward the top of his boxers, waggling his eyebrows.
Before I could murder him, Ox appeared in the doorway, completely dressed. His arms were crossed over his chest, and he looked stern.
“Crap,” Carter muttered. “You were serious.”
“I’m always serious,” Ox said.
Carter sighed. “You know, you take this Werewolf Jesus thing a little too far.” He twirled his hand in the air above him. “Take this bread, all of you, for it is my body. Eat of me and—”
“Your little brother doesn’t seem to mind eating my bread.”
Carter looked horrified, even as Joe screeched incredulously.
Ox grinned. “Anything else, Carter, before we begin? I could tell you about how Joe likes to—”
Carter shook his head. “Nope. In fact, I’d really rather not hear you say anything ever again. I heard enough through the walls when you and Joe started knocking buttholes, or whatever it is guys do to each other.” He frowned. “Not that I care about that kind of thing, but how does that work? Do you guys just bend over and push your asses together to—”
“Get up,” Ox told me.
I didn’t like the sound of that. “Why? It’s still early. I want to go back to sleep.”
Ox shook his head. “Not this morning. We have work to do and we’re getting started now. Get dressed. Everyone will meet behind the house in ten minutes. Don’t make me wait.” He turned and went back up the stairs.
“What are we doing?” I hissed at Carter.
He put his arm over his eyes. “Werewolf Jesus is going to work us. Took what those witches said a little too much to heart. Pack unity, blah, blah, blah.” He dropped his arm and looked over at me solemnly. “When we do trust falls, I promise to catch you.” He reached for me. “I’ll always catch you, Robbie.”
He was laughing again as I tackled him. It didn’t take long before I was pinned below him, breathing heavily.
“Kelly!” he yelled. “Your mate is trying to get all up on my junk. It’s unbecoming for a man of my political position. My constituents won’t like this very much at all!”
I prayed the day would be over quickly.
It wasn’t.
By the time we finished, I was convinced the only reason we’d done any of this was so everyone could take a turn kicking my ass. The Alphas stayed out of it, as did Kelly and Rico (though I was sure Rico itched to pull out his gun), but everyone else was fair game.
Elizabeth moved like liquid smoke, her movements so close to dancing that I thought she was toying with me. I bloodied her nose and squeaked out an apology before she flung me into a tree. That caused a hairline fracture in my arm that healed almost immediately, and she spat a thick wad of blood on the ground before saying, “Lucky hit.”
I groaned as the small tree I’d crashed into fell over.
Jessie came next. She zigzagged toward me, left, right, left, and Ox said there there there, and I pivoted to the side as she brought the staff from over her head. It hit the ground where I’d just been standing, the tip digging into the earth. Before she could lift it, I kicked down on it, my heel striking the middle of the staff, snapping it in two. Jessie lurched forward but stayed on her feet as I hopped back.
“Oh shit,” Tanner breathed.
Jessie frowned down at the broken staff. “I made that myself.”
“I’ll find you another stick in the woods,” I said, feeling lighter than I had since I came to Green Creek. Carter choked but covered it up quickly. “Shouldn’t be too hard.”
She bent over and picked up the broken half. She stood slowly and banged the two pieces together twice before testing their weight. “Huh. This works too.”
And then she was moving again, bringing down the staff in her right hand first. I went left. But she was there with the other staff, and I barely moved out of the way in time. She jumped back, and before I could recover, she moved in again. Against my better judgment, I was impressed. She flung her arm out in a flat arc and I ducked, going down to one knee.
That was a mistake.
She used my position to launch herself off me, her right foot on my thigh as she jumped over me. I didn’t have time to turn before she brought down one of those fucking sticks on the back of my head. I grunted as I fell forward, stars flashing angrily across my vision. I was down on my hands and knees, and she stood above me, pointing a broken piece of her staff at my head.
She was panting, but her smile was wild and beautiful. “Not bad. Still could use some work.”
I nodded, and she held out a hand to help me up.
I took it.
Ox said, “Good. That was good, both of you. Carter.”
I barely had time to recover before Carter bellowed and rushed toward me.
“Oh no,” I whispered before a wall of muscle knocked me off my feet.
Chris and Tanner moved as a team (“An absolute unit!” Rico announced grandly), and it wasn’t hard to see that they fed off each other. They always seemed aware of where the other was, and I thought about pulling my punches with them but was convinced not to hold back when Chris picked me up over his head and slammed me down onto the ground like he was some kind of fucking wrestler. I bounced heavily and lay there, blinking up at the sky. They stood above me, silhouetted by the sun.
“You gonna just stay down?” Chris asked.
“Yes,” I managed to say. “If it’s all the same to you, I think I’m okay where I’m at.”
“Nah,” Tanner said. “I’m not done.”
“Oh. Well, since you put it that way. Fuck you.”
It went on for a few more minutes before Joe said, “Enough.”
By then it had devolved into an all-out brawl, and Tanner had me in a headlock while Chris was trying to climb onto my back to punch my kidneys. We all stopped immediately, staring at the Alphas, breathing heavily.
Ox and Joe were watching me, arms across their chests. Chris jumped off me, and Tanner removed his chokehold. I sucked in a breath, my throat sore. “Are you sure?” I panted. “Because I could do this all day.”
“You’re crying,” Chris pointed out.
“I’m not crying. My eyes are sweating!”
He patted me on the top of the head. “Uh-huh. Keep telling yourself that.”
“Children,” Mark said, looking toward the sky with his secret smile.
Gordo snorted. “You’re just pissed off he got a hit in.”
“Head back to the house,” Ox said. “You’re free for the rest of the day.”
Thank Christ. I wanted to find a tree to collapse under and stay there for the rest of my life. I was probably going to die.
“Not you,” Ox said as I tried to slink away. “Kelly, Chris, Tanner, you all stay too.”
Rico frowned. “Alfa, maybe we should—” He stopped when Ox shook his head. He shot me a glare before spinning on his heels and stalking back toward the house.
“What a little bitch,” Chris muttered.
“Don’t worry about him,” Tanner told me. “He’ll come around. I think.”
The others began to drift away, following Rico. Elizabeth and Jessie giggled with each other, looking back at me before laughing again.
Carter and the timber wolf stood next to Kelly. Carter was speaking in low tones, his hands on his brother’s shoulders. Kelly nodded at whatever Carter said. Carter kissed his forehead before glancing at me. He bared his teeth and drew a finger across his throat in a clear warning. The timber wolf woofed at me, as if agreeing with Carter, before they walked after the others.
“Kelly, Robbie, with me,” Ox said. “Tanner, Chris, stay here with Joe until I call for you.”
And with that, he turned and started to cross the clearing, expecting us to do as we were told.
We did.
Kelly fell in step beside me as we left the others behind. “You did good.”
I snorted as I rubbed my neck. “I got my ass kicked.”
“You did good at getting your ass kicked.”
“Gee. Thanks. Glad to know I made a great punching bag so they could work out their aggression.”
Kelly stopped me by grabbing my arm. I glanced down at his hand before looking up at him. “It wasn’t like that.”
“Tell that to my spleen.”
He winced. “Point. But Ox wouldn’t have given you more than he thought you could handle. He was testing you, sure, but it wasn’t just about that.”
I looked toward the Alpha walking into the tree line, hands clasped behind his back. “Unity.”
“Yeah. Ox is big on… well. He and Joe learned from our father. Dad was big on the pack as a team. That we had to depend on each other to anticipate what one of us might do.”
“Did we do this before?”
He smiled ruefully. “All the time. You fight different. Scrappier. You used to be so worried about hurting one of us.”
“I broke your mother’s nose,” I said dryly. “And then immediately apologized.”
He shrugged. “You wouldn’t have even tried before. At first when it was you against her, you refused to touch her. You said you could never hit a queen. That made her weirdly happy before she would use it to beat you up.”
“What about you?”
He squinted at me. “What about me?”
I motioned between the two of us as he dropped his hand. “Did we….”
He laughed quietly. “We did eventually. You always tried to make excuses not to touch me. You said you didn’t want to hurt me.”
I closed my eyes. “It wasn’t because of that.”
“I know. Now. And it’s endearing. But back then? I was fine with using it against you. Come on. Ox is an Alpha, which means he doesn’t like to wait. He’s kind of a dick like that.”
I didn’t protest when he took my hand, pulling me along.
Ox sat with his back against an old oak tree. His legs were crossed in front of him, his hands settled on his knees. He nodded for us to sit with him.
Kelly went first, sitting at his left, facing him. He patted the ground next to him. I hesitated before joining him.
Ox looked off into the trees. In the distance, I could hear the faint sounds of Carter bitching at the timber wolf and the wolf’s answering snarl.
“You think he’s ever going to figure it out?” Kelly asked Ox.
Ox’s lips twitched. “One day. I just hope we’re all there to see it.”
I was confused. “What are you talking about?”
Ox shook his head. “Later. You did well, Robbie.”
I struggled not to preen at the praise. I failed miserably, if Kelly’s laugh was any measure.
“Aileen and Patrice,” Ox continued. “They think we’re fractured. And they’re right.”
“Rico needs to pull the stick out of his ass,” Kelly snapped. “He’s only going to make things harder if he—”
Ox held up his hand, and Kelly fell silent. “I’ve already talked with him. It’s going to take time, but I don’t know if that’s something we have. And it’s not just him.”
I jerked my head up. Ox watched me with a calm expression.
He said, “Our father, he brought us here. Me and Joe.” He looked off into the distance again as he spoke. “I thought it was mostly for Joe, because of what he would become. I thought the only reason I was there was because of what we meant to each other. But now I think he was preparing me as well. I don’t know how he knew or even what he knew, exactly, but he saw something in me that no one else had, aside from my mother. My daddy, he….” Ox shook his head. “It doesn’t matter what he thought. Not anymore. It hasn’t for a long time, though there are days when I’m still haunted by him. But I know the difference now between ghosts and reality. And know which is true.” And then he said, “Robbie, I failed you. We failed you.”
“Oh, hey, no, you don’t have to—”
“Listen.”
My mouth snapped closed.
He said, “After the hunters came and tried to take over Green Creek, we were angry. We turned it into something positive. To rebuilding the town, to taking care of the Omegas and Carter and Mark.” His eyes filled, a swirl of violet and red that made me sweat. “This… thing that I am now, this power that I have, it’s more than I ever thought it could be. And I don’t take it lightly. I can’t. I won’t. Too many people depend on me. On all of us. Thomas, he… he told Joe that being an Alpha was more than being in charge. An Alpha is a unifier. A protector. That he or she must be willing to give everything for his pack.”
“Even his life,” Kelly whispered.
Ox nodded. “Even that. And I wanted to tear down the world. My pack had been hurt. They’d been changed. Mark and Carter found control in their tethers—”
“Gordo and Kelly,” I said. Ox looked surprised. “Tattoo on Mark’s throat. The raven. It’s the same as the one on Gordo’s arm.”
“Okay,” Ox said slowly. “And Kelly and Carter?”
I plucked at a blade of grass. Without thinking much about it, I handed it to Kelly, pressing it against his palm. “Carter’s always aware of where Kelly is. He turns to Kelly whenever he enters a room. I don’t think he knows it. It’s just….”
“Instinct,” Ox said.
“Yeah. Or something close.”
Ox nodded. “Good. You’re observing.”
“I was going to use it against you at first,” I admitted. “When I thought you were all crazy.”
Kelly arched an eyebrow. “We kind of are.”
“Weaknesses,” Ox said. “You were looking for weaknesses. What did you see?”
I hesitated. Then, “Not much. I thought about going for the humans first, but Jessie literally knocked that idea out of my head.”
Ox laughed softly. “She tends to do that.”
I took a deep breath, choosing my words carefully. “If there’s any weakness, it’s you.”
Kelly gasped, but Ox ignored him. “Explain.”
“You’re an Alpha,” I said, “which means you’re willing to sacrifice yourself for your pack. But it goes further with you. With all of you. And if I… if I wanted to hurt you, hurt your pack, I would exploit that.”
“Our pack,” Ox said. “Because you’re part of this too.”
“Am I?” I couldn’t hide the bitterness in my voice.
“Yes, Robbie, you are. We fucked up. Rage is a fire that burns bright and fierce, but it sucks all the oxygen from the air around it. In the end, it dies. I didn’t expect that. I thought we would storm the compound in Maine. I thought we would force Michelle to stand down and Joe would assume his rightful place as the Alpha of all. If that meant her death, then so be it. But life is funny. We were distracted—I was distracted. That fire continued to burn, but it was already dying. I was still angry, but it felt distant. It didn’t help that we were at one end of the country and Michelle at the other. We put all our resources into fixing what was broken here and spreading the word around to the packs who would listen about what had happened. Some believed us. Some didn’t. Michelle had already begun to fracture the truth, telling those around her who would listen that we’d been infected, that we were a threat to wolves all over the world.”
I tried to reconcile that with the Michelle I thought I knew, and I was troubled when I found it wasn’t difficult at all. I could see her doing just that. I didn’t think her cold, but I knew she could be ruthless.
Ox nodded as if he knew what I was thinking. “I didn’t waste my time on those who wouldn’t believe us. I may come to regret that someday, but I think it’s going to come down to one simple edict. If they’re not with us, then they’re against us. And if they’re against us, then God help them.”
“What are you going to do?”
“We’re working on it,” he said. “Do you remember when I told you that one day I would be asking you about Caswell?”
I could only nod.
“It’ll be soon,” he said. “Things are in motion. Patrice and Aileen were right when they said we don’t stand a chance if we’re not united. But we will be, and the time will come when we will do what we must.”
A chill crawled down my spine, filling me with ice. “There are children in Caswell.”
“I know,” he said simply. “But what I don’t know is what’s happened in Caswell since you left. What Livingstone has done, if anything.”
“He wouldn’t hurt them,” I said, horrified, both at what Ox was implying and the fact that I was so quick to defend a man such as Livingstone.
“You can’t know that,” Kelly said quietly. “Not after what he did to you.” He swallowed thickly, looking away. “Or to me.”
“Michelle might not even be in control anymore, if she ever was,” Ox said. “I don’t know what he has on her or what he promised her, but he won’t stop.”
“At the bridge,” I said suddenly, thinking hard. “He said….”
What do you think you could do to me? Don’t you see how easy this was for me? No matter where you go, no matter what you do, I will find you, Gordo. And I will take everything until you return what belongs to me.
“What did you take? Me?” I shook my head. “Or Gordo?”
“I don’t know,” Ox said, sounding frustrated. “I don’t know if it’s a person or a thing or a place. He could mean Green Creek, though Gordo doesn’t seem to think so. Too much happened to him here, and even though this is a place of power, I don’t know if that’s what he’s after. But it won’t matter if we’re not together. He’ll find the weaknesses. The cracks between us. And he’ll exploit them.” Ox laid his head back against the tree. “I can’t have that happen. Not again. They were angry, Robbie. After what happened with Chris and Tanner. But when it came down to it, when we found our chance to move on you, every single person in this pack didn’t hesitate. You’re ours. We’re all a little fucked-up, and we make mistakes, but when it counts, we’re together.” He sighed. “I’m just sorry it didn’t happen sooner. You deserved better from me as your Alpha. And as your brother.”
I flung myself at him, and he caught me effortlessly. His hand came to the back of my head as he held me close, whispering in my ear that I was home, home, home, and he would never let me go again. None of them would. He loved me, he loved me, he loved me, and I squeezed my eyes shut, letting it wash over me, that little voice in the back of my head whispering packpackpack.
Eventually I felt together enough to pull away without embarrassing myself further. Kelly was rubbing my back, and I wiped my eyes. He was sniffling too, and I snorted when he sneezed suddenly. I heard footsteps approaching from behind us, but I didn’t look up. I was worried it’d set me off all over again.
“Oh boy,” Tanner said. “I understand now what Rico meant when he said years ago it smells like feelings. This is intense.”
“Good?” Joe asked Ox.
Ox nodded. “We’re getting there, I think.”
Joe jerked his head toward Chris and Tanner. “Hey, Kelly. Can you help me with something back at the house? I probably need Ox’s help too.”
I wondered if anyone had ever told Joe he was subtle. If they had, they were lying.
“Sure,” Kelly said, going along with it like it wasn’t completely obvious what was happening. “I can do that.” He glanced at me. “I’ll see you back at the house?”
I didn’t want him to go. I wanted him to stay and shield me from what was about to happen. But I couldn’t let him do that, even though I was terrified. He squeezed my hand again before he followed Ox and Joe toward the clearing. He looked back at us once, an inscrutable expression on his face. I didn’t know who he was worried for, me or Chris and Tanner. Probably all of us.
“So,” Chris said awkwardly after a long silence. “What’s going on?”
“Jesus,” Tanner muttered. He shoved Chris, who squawked at him. “Way to make things weird.”
“Hey! I’m trying! You do something if you think you’re better than me.”
“Fine,” Tanner said. “I will. Just watch.”
“Oh, this will be good.”
Tanner looked down at me. “Robbie.”
“Tanner.”
“Do you want to murder us?”
Chris coughed roughly.
“Um. I don’t… think so. No?”
Tanner looked relieved. “Good.” And then he tackled me.
It took me a lot longer than I care to admit to understand he wasn’t trying to hurt me. In fact, as soon as he rested his entire weight on top of me, he relaxed and sighed. “That’s better. And man, if you tell anyone what I’m about to do, I will deny it and make fun of your hair behind your back.”
“What? What are you going to do? And what the fuck is wrong with my hair?”
“It’s too long and stupid,” Chris muttered. “You need to cut it. Original Flavor Robbie hated having long hair. Robbie 2.0 looks like a hipster douche. I swear to god if I see a man bun at any time, Tanner will hold you down while I light your head on fire.”
“Get off of me!” I cried, trying to shove Tanner away, but he was dead weight, and it was damn near impossible. He ran his hands up and down my sides, huffing out short, quick breaths against my neck and the side of my face. It dawned on me that he was trying to get our scents to mingle. I didn’t smell like them, and I was pack, which would have irritated the wolf in him.
I sighed.
“There,” Tanner said after what felt like the longest nonsexual rubdown ever. “That’s better.”
“You should feel bad about what you just did.”
“Nah,” he said, hopping up. “I mean, maybe. But nah. Chris, go for it. Make sure you really get it in there.”
I barely had time to flinch before Chris jumped on top of me, doing the same. His movements were almost frantic, and it wasn’t as strange as I expected it to be. Granted, anyone who came across us might have thought otherwise, but thankfully we were alone.
Once Chris had gotten his fill, he rolled off to the side, lying next to me on the grass. “Wow,” he breathed. “That does feel better. Joe was right. And you can never tell him I said that.”
“Trust me,” Tanner said, “we’re not going to talk about this ever again.”
“Thank Christ,” I said, scooting over slightly as Tanner lay down on my other side. He folded his hands over his stomach, and we watched the clouds go by.
I waited, not sure what was supposed to happen. What they needed from me beyond what they’d already done. I owed them everything, and I couldn’t find the words to tell them as much.
Chris didn’t seem to have this problem. He said, “I like being a wolf. Yeah, it took some getting used to, but all in all, it’s not so bad.”
I was cautious, unsure of where he was going. “Would you have….” I couldn’t finish.
But he knew. “Taken the bite anyway?” Tanner asked. “Maybe. One day. Getting older sucks. My back always hurt from working in the garage, and my eyesight was getting pretty bad.”
“I knew it,” Chris said. “You were always squinting at everything.”
Tanner shrugged. “Now I don’t have to worry about it. Sure, I mean, I have to turn into a slobbering giant every time there’s a full moon, and I accidentally hunted a deer and was eating it raw before I realized what I was doing, but I can punch through walls now, so it’s pretty much a fair trade-off.”
“Dude went to town on that deer,” Chris whispered, even though it was pointless to do so. “It was so gross. Like, entrails everywhere.”
“That you ate,” Tanner retorted.
“I have a thing for guts when I’m shifted,” Chris said as if it were nothing. “Don’t hate.”
Tanner laughed. “Don’t hate. Listen to you. You’re in your forties. Start acting like it.”
“It’s not—”
“Why are you doing this?”
They turned their heads toward me, but I stared resolutely at the sky. My hands clenched, and it was getting harder to breathe.
“Doing what?” Chris asked.
“You know what.”
“Acting like nothing’s wrong, and that we’re your friends, and we missed you and wanted you to be there when we ate a deer?”
Fucking idiots. “Yes.”
“Because it’s true,” Tanner said. He moved his arm over until it brushed against mine. I didn’t pull away. “Maybe not the nothing’s wrong part, but all the rest? Totally true.”
“You should be scared of me. You are scared of me.” It wasn’t heavy, the scent of fear, and it bent more toward uneasiness, but it was still there.
“Well, yeah,” Chris said. “You tried to eat us. It hurt.” He sobered a little before sighing. “Look, man. We can either dance around this or face it head-on. And the longer we put this off, the worse off we’ll be. Did you want to hurt us?”
“I don’t remember,” I reminded them.
“Oh. Right. Do you want to hurt us now?”
I shook my head.
“See?” Tanner said. “There you go.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“Why not?” Chris asked. “Because if anyone should be having a hard time with this, it should be the two of us. Not you. If anything, you should be groveling for our forgiveness. Go ahead. Grovel. A lot. We’re ready.”
My throat worked. “This is serious. You can’t treat this like—”
“We know it’s serious,” Tanner said. “It was our idea to be out here with you. Joe and Ox had nothing to do with it. We asked them for this.”
That surprised me. I thought the Alphas were trying to keep the peace, shoving us together even if they didn’t want to be here. “Rico—”
“Will come around in his own time,” Chris said. “He’s… he took it hard, man. Something about bleeding out in front of him, and dying, and all that junk. But he didn’t see what we did. He wasn’t there.”
“What did you see?” I whispered.
“Blank,” Tanner said. “You were just blank. Like no one was home.” He poked me in the arm. “It was awful. We knew then, as we know now, that it wasn’t you. It was your body, sure, but it wasn’t you. Gordo’s dad made you do this. Don’t ever forget that. And I know this is still all new to you and that we’ve had time to come to terms with it, but I don’t want you to think we were ever going to let you go. Chris and I, we had a long talk after. We decided to become the best fucking werewolves in the world so when it came time to drag your sorry ass back to Green Creek, we’d be ready.”
“We trained like a motherfucker,” Chris agreed. “I can do backflips. Which, honestly, is pretty pointless, but it looks really cool.”
I was shocked into laughter. Chris grinned at me, obviously pleased with himself.
“And no,” Tanner said, “we’re not here because of what Aileen and Patrice said. Or at least not just because of what they said. We’re here because you belong to us just as much as we belong to you. That’s what pack is, Robbie. It’s us being together. I’m not gonna lie. It’s gonna be hard. I don’t know what’s coming, but I know I’d rather have you by my side than not. And Chris feels the same.”
“Pretty much,” Chris said. “We didn’t…. We were pack when we were human. I thought I understood what it meant, and maybe I did. But now? It’s just… more. Like all the dials have been turned up as high as they can go. It sucked at first because everything was so fucking loud.”
“Car alarms,” Tanner mumbled. “The worst thing that’s ever happened to anyone ever. Gordo accidentally set one off at the garage.”
Chris snickered. “Tanner half-shifted and was barking at it.”
I laughed again. Tanner shoved me. “You’re both dicks.” He sat up, looking down at me. “So. We forgive you for the whole rawr-I’m-going-to-maul-you thing. And in return, you can forgive us for taking so long to rescue you like the damsel in distress you are.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“Why can’t it be?” Chris asked.
“Because I don’t know if I can forgive myself.” I closed my eyes. “And what happens if we get my memories back? I’ll have to relive what I did to you.”
“Maybe,” Tanner said. He grunted as he moved, twisting around before lying back down, his head on my thigh. Chris reached over and took my hand. We were connected, the three of us, by touch. It wasn’t a bond. There were not threads that pulsed and pulled. But I thought it could be a start. “But I think that’s a small price to pay, don’t you? Because the human version of me was pretty awesome, and I want you to remember me in all my glory. Oh, and Kelly too, but let’s pretend I’m what’s important right now.”
“You are,” I whispered, and he leaned into it when I carefully put my hand into his hair.
“We’ll figure this out,” Chris said, and on this warm summer day, here in the middle of the woods, I knew he was telling the truth. “I know it. And when we do, and when we win, we’ll be here. Together. We’ll rebuild what we had together, and no one will have to hurt ever again.”
“Unless we need to fuck some shit up,” Tanner added. “Because we will.”
That sharp scent of uneasiness began to fade.
And in its place was only a vast stretch of green, green, green.
