I moved back to Sugarland Creek because I was ready to right my wrongs.
Years spent feeling guilt, anger, and deep grief turned me into a bitter person. A self-destructive man.
A man whose ugly past consumed him until I managed to crawl out of the darkest hole I’d ever fallen into and finally realized I was wasting my life. One Lyla didn’t get to live.
I couldn’t save her, and I can’t change that she’s gone, but I can get a second chance with Jase.
Falling for his ex-girlfriend could fuck that up, but I’m screwed either way.
Even if I deny myself happiness with Noah, there’s no guarantee Jase will let me back into his life. I’ve learned firsthand how short life can be, and I’ve lived with enough regrets.
Nothing will stop me from trying like hell to be the dad he deserves, but I also want to be the man Noah deserves.
Keeping our relationship a secret may be the final nail in the coffin for Jase, but I’ll tell him myself when it’s time and hope he’ll understand.
At my age, I’m not naive to think it won’t bother him. He’s an adult now too, and I need to treat him like one. He’ll be upset, and I’ll give him all the time he needs to figure out if he’ll accept us.
Then, when Noah and I decide what we have is real and not just a fling, we’ll tell people.
But I already know it’s real.
It’s the most real thing I’ve felt since the day before Lyla died.
And although I’ve put my adrenaline-chasing days behind me, this is one high I can’t say no to.
I’ve officially relapsed. A feeling I haven’t had in ages, and if I’m not careful, it’ll send me spiraling. But it’s worth the risk to give in to the first craving I’ve wanted in a decade.
Looking at Noah, I see the sun rising on a cool autumn day.
Fallen leaves on the ground crunching when you walk on them.
The scent of caramel pecan and pumpkin spice wafting through the air in early October.
She’s my favorite time of year.
And now, she’s mine.
I’ve resisted kissing her all night to avoid crossing that line after determining we’d be friends. Her getting jealous about the receptionists only cemented that our “friendship” wouldn’t work.
Especially when I wanted to do more than stand up for her when Jase grilled her about Dylan.
And even more so when I saw that kid touching her.
How could I ever just be her friend when I want to be her everything?
It was then I decided even if we couldn’t be together in public and had to keep it a secret, it was better than not having her at all.
I’ll deal with the consequences later. Even if they ruin me.
When I help Noah into her truck, my plan is to hold her hand and drive her home. Then I’ll walk her to the door, peck her cheek, and wish her sweet dreams.
But the reminder of living my life to the fullest now echoes in my mind, and I know I can’t go another minute without tasting her lips.
So I lean over the middle console, cup her jaw, and tilt her face until her eyes lock with mine. Her surprised expression fills me with amusement because, between her body language and snarky comments, she’s wanted me to kiss her all night.
Now she looks like a deer in headlights.
“I want one thing to be clear. Just because we’re takin’ things slow and not tellin’ anyone doesn’t mean you aren’t mine.”
Before she can respond, I brush the pad of my thumb along her lower lip, and like a magnet, my mouth breaches hers.
The instant warmth jump-starts my heart, and I snake my palm around her neck, needing more. My fingers slide up the back of her head, grabbing a fistful of hair as my free hand slides between her thighs.
My thumb finds her clit, and when I rub it over the fabric, she releases a throaty moan, and I growl at her eager whimpers. Our tongues battle for control as short, breathy gasps echo between us. Her soft lips taste like heaven, and when I take her face in both palms, I deepen our connection.
“Mm. You taste like Buttery Nipples.”
She smiles against me. “Go lower to taste somethin’ even sweeter.”
“Fuck,” I whisper, moving my mouth to her ear and pausing my movements. “We need to get outta here before we get ourselves another PDA warnin’.”
I halfway expect Ian to return with his stupid flashlight and catch us a second time.
She giggles, and the sound goes straight to my already hard dick.
“At least we didn’t break into anythin’ this time.”
“We? That was all you, Goldie. I was just there for the ride.”
She arches a brow. “You sure didn’t mind when I fell to my knees.”
I swallow hard at the memory and shake my head at her deviant tone.
“Fuck no, I didn’t. But your brothers could come out here any minute, and I’d have to explain why my hand is in your panties, and your lipstick is smeared all over my face.”
Her little smirk makes me grin as she wipes my mouth and scruffy jawline. “There, no one would be the wiser.”
I bring my thumb up and lick her sweet juices off it. “Let’s get ya home.”
“Are you sure you don’t wanna come in?” Her taunting voice has me second-guessing my decision not to as she unlocks her front door. Her cottage is behind the main Hollis house but is hidden by trees, so there’s still privacy. The only other building nearby is the barn with their personal horses.
“No, but I’m not gonna anyway.” I lean against the doorframe once she opens it. She stands between my legs, and I capture her waist, pulling her closer. “If at any time you have doubts or change your mind about this, you tell me. Got it?”
“You tryin’ to break up with me already?”
“No,” I say with a humorless laugh. “But I don’t want there to be a power imbalance between us because I’m older.”
“You work for me, Mr. Underwood. So if there’s an imbalance, it’s because you’re datin’ your much younger boss.”
I lick my lower lip, amused with her thought process. “Mr. Hollis is my boss.”
“Okay, so technically he is…but in actuality, everyone works with my schedule, includin’ you.” Then she points her finger at my chest. “So I am, in fact, your boss, which means I get to tell ya what to do.” She pokes me with each word for emphasis. “And I’m tellin’ you to come inside and have your dirty way with me.”
I thumb her chin, tilting her head up so I can brush her lips with mine. “You’re a bad influence on me, Noah Hollis.”
She goes up on her tiptoes until our mouths collide. Her warmth sends a chill down my body as she fists my shirt and presses her breasts against me.
“You’re bein’ a stubborn mule,” she murmurs when we’re only an inch apart.
My hand slides down and grabs a handful of her ass, pulling up her dress with the movement and feeling her thin cotton panties. “One of us has to be rational.”
“Your dick wants to stay.” She wiggles her body against me, and I hold her hips firmly in place to stop her.
“Exactly, and that’s the opposite of goin’ slow.”
She sticks out her lower lip in a faux pout, and I shake my head.
“We didn’t go slow the first time,” she reminds me.
“And you deserved better than a hookup in a camper, so I need to make it up to you now.”
“Okay, fair enough. Wine and dine me, then fuck me against every inch of my house. Deal?”
I cough, choking on air and shock. “Deal.”
She smiles, and I kiss her forehead, lingering for a moment to inhale her floral shampoo. “Sweet dreams, Goldie. I’ll call ya tomorrow when I finish at the Monroes.”
It takes all my willpower to walk back to her truck and not change my mind. I want nothing more than to bury myself deep inside her all night, but I’ve never been good at relationships. If I’m risking everything for happiness and love, I’m doing it right this time.
