After an eventful day at the ranch and being out in the heat, I’m exhausted. My nerves are on fire, knowing this moment was coming. Noah and I couldn’t speak about anything personal with her family and everyone else around, so we resorted to texting. I’d let her know how proud I was of the hard work she put in to make this a successful fundraiser. She’d asked how things with Jase went last night, and I gave her a quick recap of visiting Lyla’s gravesite and some of the things he said he went through after I left. Then she asked if she and I were still talking after the fundraiser. As much as I wish I could put this off for another few days, I can’t. Noah deserves to know what’s going on and not be left wondering.
I rub my sweaty palms down my jeans, take a deep breath, then knock. I didn’t bother parking at The Lodge this time. Instead, I leave my truck behind her house between two trees.
When she answers, I quickly step inside, and she closes the door behind me. Her thick golden hair is tied up in a messy bun, and her face is freshly washed of the makeup she wore today. She’s traded her olive-green sundress and cowboy boots for comfy sweat shorts and a tank top.
She takes my breath away.
As I inhale sharply, my heart hammers as I contemplate doing what I know I have to do.
“Hi.” She smiles hesitantly.
I wrap her in my arms and push her against the door. My mouth finds hers, and I eagerly thrust my tongue between her warm lips. She fists my shirt and arches her body into mine. My cock throbs as she pleads for more.
“Noah…” I mutter her name under a pained breath. “We should talk first.”
“No.”
“Goldie.” I bury my face in her hair, wishing I could avoid the pain I’m about to bring to both of us.
“Not if what you’re gonna say will break my heart. Make love to me first. Just be here with me right now. We’ll worry about everythin’ else after.”
We haven’t slept together since the rodeo, but I can’t say no to her. Not this time.
She knows this is goodbye.
I cup her face and bring my mouth back to hers. Our tongues battle for more, and she moans when I tip her head back to deepen the kiss.
My hands lower to her ass, and I lift her with our lips still fused. As she wraps her legs around me, I walk us to her room, then lay her on the edge of the bed. Standing, I remove my shirt and stare at how gorgeous she is.
“Are you sure you want this?” I place my elbows on either side of her and slowly suck on her neck. “You can change your mind.”
“I wouldn’t stop if the world was under an alien invasion, so keep undressin,’ cowboy.”
Smirking against her skin, I say, “Yes, ma’am.”
As I unbutton my jeans, I attempt to kick off my boots, and when I eventually remove them, I take off the rest of my clothes.
“Not a bad view from where I’m sittin’.” Noah bites her bottom lip, gazing up and down my body.
“Your turn, Goldie.”
I slide my fingers into the band of her shorts, but instead of yanking them off, I inch them down and kiss her bare thigh. Then another inch and kiss her other thigh.
“Sir, we’re gonna be here till dawn if ya keep this up. I’ve waited weeks for this. I’m gonna combust at this point…” Her pleas come out in pants as I continue my sweet torture.
“Patience, my love. I’m not rushin’ this, so you’re just gonna have to deal with it.”
She groans, lifting her hips as if to entice me. She’s commando, so her pussy is on full display.
“Touch yourself. Get your clit ready for me.”
She obliges and rubs between her legs, breathing hard as I work my way to her ankles before finally tossing her shorts.
“Look at you. Fuckin’ stunnin’.” I kneel between her thighs, spreading her wide for me as she continues to play with herself.
Before she can complain, I lift her left leg over my shoulder, then thrust two fingers inside her wet cunt. Her lips part into a perfect O as she arches her back and groans.
“Take off your shirt, baby. Let me see all of you.”
She manages to maneuver herself just right so she can pull it above her head. I reach up and pinch one of her pierced nipples.
As I drive my fingers deep inside her, I thumb her clit and lean in closer. With her leg propped up, she’s stretched open nice and wide for me.
“Goddamn, you’re so close,” I murmur, then wrap my mouth around her breast.
Her little whimpering noises mixed with her moaning have me rock-hard. She digs her hands into my hair, threading and pulling as I twist my wrist and sink deeper to her G-spot.
“Oh my God, right there.” Her head falls back as she breathes through the anticipation.
I alternate between kissing and sucking her breasts. Selfishly, I want my marks all over her skin so that she’ll never forget me, no matter what.
“You ready to come, my love?”
“Yes, please…I need to.”
“You want my fingers or mouth?”
“Yes.”
I chuckle as I press my lips to her heart, feeling it pound against me.
Kneeling between her legs, I slide her closer and dive into her sweet cunt. Flattening my tongue, I lick up her slit and taste her sweet juices. While I thrust two fingers deep inside, I blow warm air over her clit before sucking on it.
Her moans and hair gripping get more aggressive as I bring her closer to the edge. She begs louder and arches her back as I focus on massaging her pussy. As desperate as I am to be inside her, I want to hold on to this moment for as long as I can. The way she trusts me to please her and exposes her vulnerability to me in a way I’ve never had before has me eager for this to last.
She gasps and tightens around me, finally giving in to the pleasure and screaming through the high. She comes undone so beautifully, I fight the urge to sink back inside and watch her do it all over again.
“Holy shit.” Her chest rises and falls as I lean over her and capture her mouth.
“You ready for me, love?” My dick jerks between her legs as she lifts her hips.
“God, yes. I’ve been ready.”
I shake my head with a chuckle. “Move up the bed a little.”
Once I’m between her thighs, I position myself against her opening, then slowly slide in. Noah inhales sharply as I grip her hips and watch our bodies mold together.
“Breathe, baby. Let me in.”
She’s tense as I fill her. Finally, she exhales and wraps her legs around me.
“You okay?” I rest my forehead on hers as she digs her nails into my skin.
“Yeah. I’m good.” She sniffs, and I notice the wetness on her cheeks.
No, she’s not.
Though I’m tempted to pull out and hold her in my arms, I know she needs this as much as I do. We need one more night together, just us with no outside noise. Our connection won’t go away just because we can’t be together.
With the pad of my thumb, I wipe under her eye and press a kiss there.
“I’m so sorry.”
She nods, keeping her eyes low.
“I need you to move, please,” she whispers under a pained breath. Her pussy squeezes my cock as she lifts her hips.
I’ll give her anything she asks, even if it hurts.
As we move together, I tilt up her chin until she looks at me. “You feel so good, Goldie. Fuck, I can’t get enough of you. You ready for more?”
“Hell yes.”
I lean back on my knees, grip her hips, and slam harder until she’s gasping for air. Her little whimper screams between moans have me on the brink of exploding.
Without warning, I pull out and roll her over. “On your knees and stick out your ass for me, baby.”
Wild blond hair falls from her messy bun as she rests her face on the bed and parts her legs. I smack a palm against her cheek, and she yelps.
I stroke my cock as I swipe my finger through her wet slit. “If I recall, last time you said you wanted it fast, hard, deep, all-consumin’, slow, painfully slow, then deep and hard again. That still apply?”
My taunting voice has her smiling as she looks at me over her shoulder. That’s exactly what I was hoping it’d do.
“How do ya remember that?”
I tease my cock against her opening, covering the tip with her juices but not sliding in. She groans, pushing her hips out higher.
“I remember everythin’ about you, Noah. There’s nothin’ about you I’m gonna forget. Not the way you lick your lips when you’re nervous or aroused. Not the way you wrinkle your nose when you’re unsure of or don’t like somethin’. Not the way you cock your hip when someone’s pissed you off. And definitely not the way you beg for me. So tell me what you need tonight, and I’ll give it to you. Anythin’.”
Her cheeks tint pink as a small smile appears across her face. “Tonight, I want your all-consumin’ love and passion. I want all aspects of you—from rough to sweet. Don’t hold back.”
I kiss the swell of her ass, then thrust inside and give her exactly what she requested.
Our bodies are slick with sweat as we slam into each other. I wrap an arm around her and squeeze her breast until she’s unraveling for a second time. Between her telling me how good it feels and whispered chants of more, more, more, I’m nearly combusting, but if this is our last time, I’m savoring every perfect moment of being inside her.
“Let me ride you.” She rolls over, and I position myself in the center of the bed.
Noah climbs over me and easily slides down my cock. She rocks against me with her palms flat on my chest as I grip her hip with one hand and rub between her legs with the other.
As I watch her, I memorize every inch of her sexy body. The swell of her breasts, the pinkness of her nipples, the tan line around her chest and shoulders from wearing tank tops outside, the smooth way her neck merges with her jawline, and her delicate ears. Every inch of her calls for me to touch, and keeping my hands off her will be torture.
She throws her head back and grounds her hips as she chases another release. Her lips part as she moans, and I reach up to pinch a nipple as she breathes through it.
Wrapping an arm around her waist, I hold her to my chest as I roll us over and pin her underneath me.
“Jesus Christ.” She laughs, hooking a thigh over my waist. “I didn’t ask for whiplash mode.”
I chuckle, thrusting back inside until I’m seated in deep. “Keep that up, sweet girl. I’ll change my mind and bring you to hell with me.”
Before she can respond, I ruthlessly pound into her. Skin smacking and breathless pleas surround us in blissful harmony. I bury my nose in her hair, inhaling her sweet scent I’ll miss. She claws at my arms as if she’s trying to scratch her way under my skin.
“You’re so perfect for me, Goldie,” I whisper against her ear. “So sweet and bold. I will never stop lovin’ you.”
I squeeze my eyes when I hear her choke up. Then I cup her face and slam my mouth down on hers. Our bodies move in sync as I pour my soul into the kiss that feels too damn final.
“Come inside me, Fisher. Please,” she mutters so quietly I almost don’t hear.
With one last thrust, I soar off the ledge and release everything I have into her.
She owns my heart.
My soul.
Every ounce of my love.
“Fuck, Goldie.”
More tears fall down her cheeks, but I don’t wipe them away this time. I lower my mouth and kiss each one.
I carry Noah to the shower so we can rinse off. We alternate between kissing and cleaning each other. Then I tell her more about Jase’s and my conversation: how he interpreted me leaving and growing up without me, losing his sister, Damien visiting and telling him the truth, his reaction to my confessions, and our plan for moving forward. I explain how Jase isn’t sure whether what he feels for her is real or not, and that even if he doesn’t, going behind his back and lying is enough of a betrayal to lose his trust once and for all.
There’s no easy way around this.
I tell my son, and he’ll no longer want anything to do with me.
If I don’t tell my son and he finds out about our secret relationship, he’ll no longer want anything to do with me.
The only solution is to break things off now before there’s a secret to find out.
I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t.
Hurting Noah is the last thing I want.
But in order to pick my son, I have to.
My heart beats out of my chest as I hold her in my arms, knowing I have to walk away from the love of my life.
“I wish I could hate you,” she whispers as I spoon her under the covers. After our shower, I got dressed, but she opted to wear an oversized T-shirt. “It’d make things so much easier. Then I could blast Taylor Swift breakup songs and binge on ice cream.”
“I knew you were a Swiftie,” I tease against her hair, hoping to at least get a small chuckle.
“Shush. If you’re gonna break up with me, at least say horrible things about me so I can feel the normal rage afterward.”
“There’s not one bad thing I could ever say about you.”
“Oh, c’mon. You owe me this.” She spins around until we’re face-to-face. “What is it you said before? I’m self-absorbed. Overconfident. Too bold.”
I brush a strand of her damp hair behind her ear. “I love those things about you.”
“Then…somethin’ else.”
Dipping down, I kiss the tip of her nose. “I wish I had died that day so you woulda been spared this pain.”
Her eyes bug wide. “Why would you say that?”
I shrug. “Because it’s true. Stayin’ alive has caused more people pain than if I had just died. Jase wouldn’t have felt abandoned, Mariah wouldn’t have had to divorce me, and you woulda never met me. Maybe Jase and you woulda worked out in the end after all. Who knows.”
“I hope ya don’t mean that. If you’d died, I woulda spent a lifetime alone, waitin’ for you to show up because you’re my soulmate.”
“You woulda met someone else. Someone much better than me. Someone without a tragic past. Someone who could always choose you, no matter what.”
Someone her own age.
She shakes her head furiously. “Not a chance in hell. Meetin’ you changed my life, and even if we can’t be together, you will still always be the one for me. I’d rather be alone than settle for second best.”
“Don’t say that. You deserve to be happy, and I know someone out there will do a way better job than I ever could.”
“I know you want that to be true, but it just isn’t.”
I tighten my arms around her for one more hug. “Don’t wait around for me. I need to be here for Jase. I can’t get distracted or lie to him any more than I already have. Please, I need you to move on. Find someone who can give you the life ya want. Get married, have babies, build your own little ranch family. We both know I can’t give you that.”
She swallows hard and pushes her fists against my chest. “Now you really are pissin’ me off.”
Good. Then she won’t hold on to hope we can somehow make this work.
“I’m twice your age, Noah. You’re smart enough to know we’d never be accepted by your family or even the town. What would your clients think if they knew you were datin’ your ex’s dad?”
“It wouldn’t be any of their damn business. And since when is our age difference an issue?”
I slide out from under the covers and grab my boots.
The longer I stay, the harder this’ll be.
Fuck, it already is.
“Answer me,” she hisses, sitting up on the mattress.
Once my shoes are on, and I pocket my phone, I turn and shrug. “It’s always been an issue, Goldie. I just ignored it. Perhaps I shouldn’t have, and things wouldn’t have escalated to now.”
She scoots to the edge of the bed and stomps over to me, jerking out her chin. “You’re full of shit. You’re tryin’ to be a good dad and do the right thing, and I get that, but you don’t get to devalue what we had just because you want me to move on. I love you, Fisher, and nothin’ you can say or do will change that.”
Those three little words wrap around my heart like a vise grip and nearly suffocate me to death.
I almost wish she hadn’t said it.
So goddamn stubborn.
But hearing them is equally beautiful and painful.
I’ll cherish those words until I die.
Silently, I cup her face, lower my mouth, and give her one last kiss before I walk out her door.
