I SAT in the parking lot outside the office tower and tried to call Krista again. It went to voice mail. I knew she was avoiding me, and she had every right to be livid, but I also needed to know what was going on. Yesterday, someone from the league had asked me down for this meeting. My only hope was that Krista would also be here.
Once I got into the office, they ushered me immediately into a boardroom. To my disappointment, Krista was not there. Only one older gentleman sat in the room.
“Levi Ziegler.” He stood up and shook my hand. “My name is Harrod Buchnard.”
Without speaking, I sat down across from him.
“Can I offer you some coffee or something to eat?”
“I’m good.” I tugged at the collar of my dress shirt, wishing I hadn’t tied my tie so tight. It felt like it was constricting me.
“Well, let’s get to work.” He smiled and opened a file. “You probably already know why you’re here.”
“I have an idea.”
“I’m the president of an independent review committee that is a watchdog for our professional hockey league. We are a neutral party that wants to ensure athletes are not being taken advantage of by team owners or sports agents.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Then you need to do a review of Scott Spears.”
“We looked at all the evidence given to us.”
“No one talked to me,” I interrupted. “There wouldn’t be an investigation if you had simply talked to me.”
“Excuse me?”
“No one has asked me for my version of things.”
“Well, that’s why you’re here. Shall we begin?” He looked down at his file. “We understand that Ms. Taylor came to Mexico with the intention to sign you. Drugs were involved, your marriage also occurred on the same night, and we have video footage of her promising to get you signed as a hockey player.”
I didn’t even blink at him.
He made a noise in his throat. “Did either of you sign a prenup?”
“Neither of us remember that night. It was just a mistake.”
“When you married Krista without a prenup, it made you legally liable to share your future income with her.”
I leaned forward. “Krista is the reason I am going to have a future income. Everything she has done, she has done without payment. All the costs have come out of her pocket, and I’m not even signed yet.”
“We call that grooming.”
I couldn’t keep the shock off my face. “You’re sick.”
He looked at me over his reading glasses. “Trust me, Mr. Ziegler, we take these accusations very seriously.”
“Scott was the one who asked me for money but refused to help me with my career. Krista hadn’t even signed me yet, and she helped me secure a contract until December—which, incidentally, didn’t benefit her at all.”
“How would you categorize her relationship with Mark Ashford?”
“Excuse me?”
“Would you say they are more than professional?”
I felt my nostrils flare. “You realize you’re talking about my wife.”
“Was this marriage a mistake, or is she your wife? Which one is it?”
I leaned back in my chair. “It’s complicated.”
He shut the file folder. “Thank you for your input.”
I shrugged. “Is that it?”
“For now.”
“Do you want to hear my side?”
“At this point, we’re just fact-checking.”
Which meant they didn’t want to know the truth. Frustration rolled over me. “What happens now?”
“No one is questioning your level of talent. That’s actually what is so curious. No one in the league has been able to get near you. We can’t determine if it was Mr. Ashford, Ms. Taylor, or Mr. Spears who was blocking those overtures, but regardless, we feel you haven’t been given a fair chance.”
“I want to play for the Wolves. That’s my first choice.”
He ignored me. “We’ve appointed you a neutral sports agent who will take you through the next steps.”
“I don’t want to go anywhere. I like it here.”
He avoided my gaze. “Your contract with the Wolves has been dissolved. In light of what has transpired, we really feel you’d benefit from a little space from this team and Ms. Taylor.”
I stared at him as emotions washed over me. There was mostly anger, but underneath all of that was fear and resignation. “Do I have any choice in this matter?”
“For the remainder of this year, you can play for any team in this league except the Vancouver Wolves. And you can hire any agent except Scott Spears and Krista Taylor.”
“For how long?”
“For how long what?”
“When can I come back here and play?”
He stood up. “The earliest you’d be able to come back here is next fall. The league wants you to understand that you have choices.”
“I understand that, and I’ve made my choice. I want to play here.”
“That’s the only choice you don’t have.”
I felt like hitting him, so I started to move towards the door.
“One more thing, Mr. Ziegler,” he remained seated at the table.
I stopped, not looking back at him. “What?”
“We strongly advise that you don’t speak to either your agent or the owner of the Wolves. At least until this matter has been decided.”
“Seems like you’ve already made your decision.”
“For you, yes. Circumstances are still pending for the other two parties.”
I gave him a dirty look before I moved out the door.
IMMEDIATELY AFTER THAT MEETING, I headed over to Krista’s office. I found her sitting at her desk.
Her eyes flashed with emotion when she caught sight of me standing in the doorway. “You’re not supposed to be here.”
She wasn’t the only one feeling emotional today. Right now, I was vacillating between frustration and rage. “Want to tell me why you weren’t at my meeting with Harrod Buchnard?”
Her eyes widened. “You met with the actual president of the IRC?”
“Did you know about my meeting?”
“I knew they would contact you. I’m not supposed to be discussing this with you.”
I ignored her protests. “They are talking all sorts of crazy about how I need a new agent and how I can’t play for the Wolves.”
She stood up and crossed her arms. “Yeah. I know.”
“The league has no business telling me what I can and can’t do.”
Her voice rose a notch. “That’s where you’re wrong. They oversee the league on all the sticky matters, and they have a lot of power. You don’t mess with them.”
Frustration rolled over me. “Am I supposed to let everyone make choices for me about my future?”
She swallowed. “It’s not normally like this, but when things go this public, they are forced to crackdown.”
“They are telling me I have to leave this team, Krista,” I shot back. “Can they even do that?”
She paused. “They can. If you want to play hockey, they get to call the shots.”
“I want to stay here. I don’t want to leave.” I don’t want to leave you. I searched her face for any sign that this news upset her, but she dropped her eyes to her desk.
“Levi, you need to stick with your dreams. You’re so close.”
“What about you?” I forced myself to ask the question. “What about us?”
She avoided my gaze. “I should never factor into your decisions.”
Anger washed over me. I was pissed that they were asking me to leave, but I was more pissed that she didn’t seem to care. “They said I could play for the Wolves next fall. Why don’t I just sit out the rest of the season here and wait it out?”
I wasn’t just asking about hockey. That question was all about her and me and our future together. A future I didn’t even realize I wanted until now. My heart pounded in my chest while she stood completely silent for a long moment.
Her voice was subdued. “We don’t even know if Mark will still want you, especially after this. And legally, I’m not supposed to talk to you about hockey. I’m not supposed to talk to you at all.”
“They can’t tell a married couple not to speak.”
“We’re not really married.”
“I have a marriage certificate that says otherwise.”
She ignored that. “They can tell you to stay away from me if they believe you were unfairly influenced by me. You need to do what they say. If you want a hockey career, you need to play by the rules. This is the one time you really need to get in line, okay?”
Her words felt like a sucker punch. “So what? You want me to leave Vancouver?”
She couldn’t look me in the eyes. “Yes. I think that’s for the best.”
I tried to think of something to say, but words failed me. I couldn’t believe she was kicking me to the curb, but at the same time, it was a familiar feeling. My entire life I had been shuffled from place to place to suit the people around me. Why would now be any different? I gave her one last, long look and then, without speaking, I walked out.
I FOUND Mica in his backyard. He took one look at my face and brought me over to the woodpile. I chopped enough wood to last them a month before I finally ground the ax deep into a stump and found Mica sitting around a brightly burning campfire.
“It’s nice when the rain lets up,” he told me.
I sank down on a chair beside him.
“You feel better?” He handed me a beer.
“Nope.” I leaned forward and looked at him. “They told me I can’t play for the Wolves.”
“Heard that.”
“And I’m being appointed a new agent.”
“Charlie told me that too.”
“No one gives a shit about what I want.”
He looked back at me. “What do you want?”
“I don’t want to leave her.”
“And?”
“She told me to leave.”
He raised his beer to his lips. “You both made some interesting choices together, and these are the consequences.”
I felt my stomach tighten so hard it ached. “And we’re supposed to live with them?”
He leaned forward. “Krista’s fighting to save her career. She can’t do that with you in the picture.”
I felt my jaw tighten at this unexpected news. I knew the last few days had been rough, but I didn’t know her career was in jeopardy. I felt the urge to get up and find Harrod. “How bad is it?”
“It’s bad.”
I leaned forward. “I want to do something.”
“You can. You can go and thrive elsewhere. That will make her case stronger.”
“So that’s it?”
“For now, that’s all you got. Best you can do is make sure you have a hockey career when this is over.”
I knew he was telling me the truth, and I knew I would leave for her sake. I looked around his backyard as defeat washed over me. For a moment I debated packing it all in and heading back to Mexico. I didn’t want to start over again with a new team, a new city and new friends, but if it helped her in any way, I would play hockey elsewhere. “I shouldn’t have bought my truck. I jinxed it.”
“You having it shipped?”
“I guess.” I didn’t want to think of the logistics of moving. This was exactly why I never bothered to put down too many roots.
He slapped my leg. “If it’s meant to be, you’ll be back. But if you want to help her, you need to take care of your own shit. It won’t look good if you give up hockey for her.”
I knew he spoke the truth, and I couldn’t see any option other than to leave. “This sucks. You don’t have any other ideas?”
He reached into his cooler and cracked open another beer. “Yeah. Let’s get drunk.”
FIVE DAYS LATER, I stood in the doorway of Mark Ashford’s office. He sat at his desk and shuffled papers without looking at me. “You know we’re not supposed to talk.”
“You said at our first dinner that one day I might want to share with you because I trust you.”
He tossed his glasses on his desk and stood up. “Shut the door. Do you want a drink?”
“No, sir.”
We moved to the couches. He sat down on the couch across from me. “I heard you got a temporary offer in Buffalo until the end of the season.”
“I had nine long-term contract offers from different teams.”
He leaned forward. “And you picked a short-term contract with Buffalo?”
“I haven’t signed with them yet.”
“What’s the reason for your indecision?”
This was the reason I wanted to talk to Mark—to see if he could help—but it still was a struggle to share. “The woman I love is in trouble.”
He leaned back and digested that statement. “That problem is something Krista needs to figure out on her own.”
I shook my head. “I disagree. I think she’s been dealing with stuff on her own for most of her life.”
“No relationship benefits when it starts from a place of sacrifice.”
“I love her.”
His sad smile confirmed what I already knew. No one could help us.
“She’s my home,” I protested. “I want to be where she is. I want to play for the Wolves.”
“You know I can’t speak to you about your future. Nor can I make any promises or offers for next year.”
“No, but I’m allowed to tell you what I want. And I want you to save me a seat on that bench. I want to come back.”
He stared at me. “I heard you, and that’s all I can say.”
If he still wanted me as a player, he was hiding that fact. A feeling of foreboding washed over me. Why hadn’t I deleted that video? Why had I stupidly saved it? Now, because of my actions, my entire world had been decimated and I had taken down Krista’s career with me.
We stood. “I’m sorry I didn’t come to you sooner with the truth.”
Regret passed over his face. “When do you leave?”
“They want me to fly out to Buffalo tomorrow.”
He nodded slowly and then offered me his hand. “Good luck.”
I SPENT the day packing my stuff, leaving the apartment exactly as it had been when I got it. I stopped by Krista’s apartment and knocked on the door, but there was no answer.
I had already texted and emailed her my itinerary, but she hadn’t responded.
I took a cab to the airport and stood outside security until I risked missing my flight.
I called her one last time and got her voice mail.
I left her a message. “Hey, this is Levi. I’m just about to head through security. I was hoping we could say goodbye. I want you to know that I’m really sorry.” I paused as my eyes scanned the corridor one last time. To one side, a couple was tearfully saying goodbye. “Krista, I don’t want to go.”
I want to stay with you, damn it. I couldn’t say those words out loud, but I wished I could. She deserved that much. I paused and felt depressed as I watched the couple hug.
“Give me a call, okay? I’m worried about you. Please let me know you’re okay.”
“Levi.”
I heard her voice.
I spun around and saw Krista rush towards me. I opened my arms, and she flew into them. Something inside of me melted when I wrapped my arms around her and inhaled her scent.
“You came.”
“I wanted to say goodbye.” Her voice was muffled.
I hugged her long and hard, not wanting to let go. “I’m so sorry.”
She made a little noise and then pulled back to look up at my face. “I’m sorry too.”
Words escaped me. “I’m worried about you.”
She gave me a small smile. “Buffalo’s a good team.”
“I don’t care about that.” I care about you.
She lifted her hand and placed it on my cheek. “Go show the world how amazing you are.”
“What about you?” I turned my face and kissed the inside of her palm.
Tears glistened in her eyes. “I’m going to be fine. You need to go. Before you miss your flight.”
I crushed her into another hug. “This isn’t over between us. Not by a long shot.”
She slowly pulled from my arms. “Goodbye, Levi.”
There was so much I wanted to say to her, but the words were stuck in my throat. “Krista.”
She gave me a gentle shove. “Go. You know this is what has to happen.”
“I’ll call you.”
She took another step back. “Give it some time, okay?”
“How much time?”
The sad expression on her face was my answer. And then she was pulling her hand from mine. I stood, watching her, until she disappeared from sight.
