Sera spent the day curled up on the couch with her legs tucked under her, watching television while I did what I could for Luca via my phone and my laptop. She’d showered after the doctor’s visit as I’d hovered outside the door to make sure she didn’t try to scrub off her skin again, and seemed happy to be in her own clothes, but otherwise she was rather quiet, and I let her be. After rifling through her suitcase that morning and seeing what she was wearing now—black, baggy cotton pants and a Ramones T-shirt—I found that Sera’s style was a little bit punk and a little bit classic vintage. Old concert T-shirts, loose patterned pants and skirts, baggy jeans with strategically placed tears, belts, boots, platform sneakers, plaid dresses. Quite a difference from the seductive costume she wore at the club. And yet, much like her pink hair, I liked this look on her.
Finished with my work for now, I got up from the desk, glancing over at her as I joined her on the couch. She kept her eyes on the show she was watching, not looking at me even when I touched her foot. “How are you doing?”
She gave me a quick glance. “I’m good. Thanks.”
“Are you hungry? Would you like me to order dinner?” She didn’t answer me. “Sera?”
After a moment, she hit the mute button on the television and set the remote on the coffee table. “Enzo, where is my money?”
I didn’t pretend not to know what she was talking about. I’d found a large wad of cash folded up inside of a canvas tote bag that was rolled up on top of her clothes. It wasn’t a lot, but it was enough for her to support herself somewhere else for a month, maybe two, along with the pay she’d tried to collect from the club when she was taken. It was money she’d wanted to use to leave me. To run away. “I put it somewhere safe for you.”
“I’d like it back.”
“It’s safe. You don’t need it when you’re with me.”
“I still want it back.”
“I told you it’s safe.”
Changing position, she turned to face me. Took a deep breath.
No.
I knew what was coming before she even started to speak.
“Enzo, I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. I really have.”
No.
“But I’d like to ask you to release me from our agreement.”
“No.”
She must’ve expected my answer, for not one iota of surprise flickered across her face. “Enzo, please. I don’t think this was a good idea.”
“Sera, if this is about what happened to you, I’m not going to push you into anything physical. Not until you’re ready.” I paused. “I’m trying very hard to be patient.”
“That’s not it,” she said. “I mean, that’s not all of it.”
“Then what?”
“It’s just…” She looked away, gathering her thoughts before her beautiful eyes came back to me. I willed myself to be still. “This was a mistake.”
“No, it isn’t.”
“Enzo, please. I just want out.”
No.
“I want to leave. This was a bad idea, and I was stupid to take you up on it. And I apologize. I don’t want your money. I don’t want anything. I just want to leave. I don’t feel safe here.”
“You don’t feel safe with me?”
“No.”
An aching chasm opened in my chest as color rose in her face, and I knew exactly what she was talking about. “I didn’t know you were a virgin, Sera. You can’t blame me for that.”
But she was shaking her head. “No. No, that’s not it.”
“Then what the hell is it?” I was growing impatient with this conversation.
She threw her hands up in the air. “Enzo, I know next to nothing about you except that you’re one of Luca’s soldiers, and your life is exactly what I’m trying to escape.”
“What do you want to know?”
Her eyes softened. “Enzo, it’s too late.”
“WHAT do you want to know?”
She shook her head, the ends of her pink hair brushing her shoulders.
Leaning forward, I jabbed my hands into my hair. This wasn’t fucking happening. Resting my elbows on my knees, I forced down my panic. “I’m sitting here, offering to tell you whatever the fuck you want to know about me. The least you can do is give me a fucking chance. So tell me what you want to know.”
At first, I thought she wasn’t going to answer. I glanced over at her. Her chest rose and fell with quick breaths. Her jaw was set stubbornly, but then our gazes clashed, and I saw a flash of uncertainty in her eyes. “Something,” she finally said. “Anything!”
A flicker of hope sparked within me. “All you need to do is ask me, Sera.”
She crossed her arms over her chest and gave me a hard stare. “Okay. Tell me. How many other arrangements like this one have you had with women? Or men, for that matter?”
That was easy. I stared back, hoping she would see the truth in my eyes. “I’ve never done this before.”
That seemed to take her aback. “So, this isn’t a thing with you? Taking women off the streets and offering them money to have sex with you?”
I smiled at the surprise in her tone. “No. This isn’t a thing with me. I prefer the emotional distance of escorts. Plus, they’re a lot less expensive. I only have to pay them for one night at a time.”
“Then I don’t understand why you’re doing this now. With me.”
“What is there to understand? I wanted you, Sera. And after you tried to run from me, this was the only way I could have you.”
“You could’ve just asked me out to dinner. Like a normal guy.”
But that would’ve given her more of a chance to turn me down. “I’m not normal. And neither is my life.”
“So you’ve never loved anyone? Never been in a relationship?”
“I didn’t say that.” She waited for me to say more. I didn’t want to. “It’s not important.”
But I’d piqued her interest. “I’d like to hear about it anyway.”
I scrubbed my hand over my face, feeling the growth of stubble on my jaw. I didn’t like talking about my wife and son. That was a different time. A different me. Well, maybe not so different. But I could tell by the look in her blue-gray eyes that she wasn’t going to let this go. “I was married. Once. When I was young. And we had a son.”
“Where are they now?”
“They’re not here anymore.”
I saw the way she tried to hide her surprise. “What happened to them?”
“They’re dead,” I said flatly, biting down on the pain that threatened to rise from the depths of my core, where I kept it shoved down in my own personal hell. “And it was my fault.” I hadn’t said that out loud since my wife’s funeral, but I felt the heaviness of that statement weigh me down until I felt like it was crushing my lungs. It was the truth, and there was no escaping it.
Her hands flew up to cover her mouth. “Oh, my god. Enzo, I’m so—”
“Don’t,” I told her, cutting off what she was about to say.
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t look at me like that. Don’t feel sorry for me.”
She lowered her hands back down to her lap. There were tears in her eyes. For me? Or for the innocent woman and child I’d killed? Well, technically, I hadn’t killed my son. But he was dead because of who I am. “What were their names?”
“Sera, I don’t want to talk about this.”
There was a flash of hurt in her eyes that she quickly tried to hide. Biting her lower lip, she looked away.
With a heavy sigh, I said, “My wife was Alessandra. And my son’s name was Elliot. He was three when he was shot by a stray bullet that was meant for me. He died in my arms. My wife went crazy after that, and she died a few months later. And I don’t ever want to talk about it again.”
Sera stared at me, unmoving, her eyes wide and glassy with unshed tears. She didn’t try again to tell me she was sorry, or any of the other things people say when they don’t know what to say in the face of your grief. And for that I was grateful. It made me want to hit the person who was saying it. They couldn’t possibly understand what I’d gone through. What I was still going through every fucking day.
Slowly, she rose from her end of the couch and walked over to me. I didn’t realize how tightly wound I was until she tried to move me. Taking my hand, she pulled my arm away from my body and sat down sideways across my lap, forcing me to sit up and make room for her. Her flowery coconut scent washed over me, and I closed my eyes and breathed her in, feeling some of the tightness leave my chest. I realized then that I didn’t remember what Alessandra had smelled like. Or the way she’d felt in my arms.
My heart began to pound, and I suddenly went cold. How could I not remember my own wife?
Sera wrapped her arms around my neck and leaned against me, pressing the softness of her curves against my chest and tucking her face between my neck and my shoulder. She didn’t say anything. She just held me.
Gradually, I felt the stiffness leave my muscles, and I leaned back against the couch cushion, taking her along with me and pulling her tight against my body. I found the pain was bearable so long as she held me together, and I was afraid that if she let go, the guilt and rage would burst from me, and I didn’t know what I would do.
We sat for a long time as I silently battled my demons. She didn’t ask me anything else, only offering her touch to help me get through it.
If only she knew that the man she was trying to comfort was the one who had pulled the trigger.
My bloodied hands wandered up and down her back, and when she didn’t protest, I slid them beneath the hem of her shirt until I felt her warm, smooth skin. I had no right to touch her. She was still so innocent. Without sin. And I was a monster. But I needed this. I needed her.
I moaned when I realized she wore nothing underneath, my blood rushing to my cock until it swelled against her hip. “Sera.” I skimmed my mouth along the side of her throat. “Stay with me.” Her pulse fluttered against my lips as she took a shaky breath. “Stay with me, and let me show you how good we could be together. Let me make you happy.”
She pulled away until she could look at me. “How would you do that when you represent the exact thing I’m trying to escape?”
I did. But I wasn’t her father. My prison would be much more pleasurable. “Just give me a chance,” I told her. “That’s all I’m asking.”
Her eyes wandered over my face. When they stopped on my mouth and the tip of her tongue shot out to wet her lips, my heart began to pound.
Carefully, I leaned in and brushed my mouth over hers. It was barely a touch at all, but I heard her breath catch and felt her start in my arms, like she’d been hit with the same jolt of electricity I had. I didn’t retreat, but I also didn’t push her. If I scared her away now, I didn’t know that I’d ever get her back. So I did nothing else but gently taste her sweet lips with my lips and tongue, teasing her until she began to respond.
She kissed me back with tentative brushes of her lips, gradually allowing me more and more access to her mouth as my hands began to rub her back, soothing her even as my blood began to burn. I couldn’t hold back my moan when I felt her tongue begin to tentatively explore my mouth. She tasted sweet. Like the honey in the tea she’d drank after lunch. I wanted to toss her onto her back and rip her pants off and throw her legs over my shoulders, but I pushed the thought out of my head, allowing her to set the pace.
When she broke off the kiss, I pressed my lips along her jaw, making my way over to the delicate lobe of her ear. She shuddered, goosebumps running down her spine beneath my hands when I sucked it into my mouth and played with the diamond stud with my tongue. “Let me show you, baby,” I whispered into her ear.
Her head fell back as I made my way down her throat. When I reached the sensitive spot between her neck and shoulder, she rolled her hips, rubbing her ass along the hard length of my sex, her body knowing instinctively what to do despite her lack of experience.
I growled deep in my throat and sank my teeth into the muscle, just hard enough to hurt a little. I was burning alive, dying to be inside of her, and I stood, taking her with me, the only thought in my head to get her in the bedroom before I caught myself. I froze and searched her face, looking for any sign of fear. “Let me take you to bed. I swear I won’t do anything you don’t want me to. At any time at all, if you want me to stop, I’ll stop.” Blood pulsed through me with every hard beat of my heart as I waited for her answer. “Let me help you forget, Sera.”
After a long time, she nodded. “Okay. But—”
I shook my head. “You don’t have to say anything. If you want to stop, we stop.”
Her eyes searched my face. Then she leaned in to kiss me again, wrapping her arms tight around my neck.
I wasted no more time getting her into the bedroom, breaking off the kiss as I climbed onto the mattress and laid her out beneath me. “Are you hurt? Are you hurt anywhere?” The doctor only told me there was nothing wrong with her that wouldn’t heal, but she didn’t go into any details.
She shook her head. “I don’t think so. The doctor said this was okay if I felt up to it.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.” Leaning over her, I brushed her pink hair from her face and spread the soft strands out on my pillow. “You have to tell me if I hurt you. Promise me.”
“I promise,” she whispered.
Reaching over my head with one hand, I pulled off my shirt and threw it on the floor, then settled myself on top of her. Her thighs opened to make room for me, and her hands fell to my shoulders as I began to kiss my way down her throat, reaching for the bottom of her shirt and lifting it until the smooth skin of her stomach was exposed. I ran my tongue along her ribs to the underside of her breasts. Slowly, like I was unwrapping a precious gift, I lifted her shirt higher, much as I had earlier, until her dark mauve nipples were exposed, following every inch of skin I revealed with my mouth. “Take this off,” I ordered.
Sera lifted her upper body until I could pull her shirt off and toss it onto the floor with my own. Then, with a quick glance at her face to make sure she wasn’t freaking out, I added her pants to the pile.
When I had her naked and spread out before me, her expression clouded and she didn’t seem to know where to look, her hands automatically moving to try to cover herself. Gently, I took them within my own. Her skin was still red where she’d scrubbed it with cleanser. And she was still a little thin. But to me, she was perfection. “So fucking beautiful,” I murmured. “Sera…” Her name was said on a reverent breath. “…you’re so goddamn fucking beautiful.”
Her eyes locked onto my face and unlike her, I didn’t look away. “You stun me with your beauty,” I told her. “You take my fucking breath away.”
Her lips parted at my words, her arms relaxing her sides.
Releasing one of her hands, I pressed my palm flat to her belly, just above the soft curls between her thighs. Taking my time, I slid it up between her breasts until I could feel her racing heart. “There were times, this past week, when I wondered if I’d ever be able to touch you like this again,” I admitted.
“I did too,” she whispered.
I raised my eyes from her breasts until they clashed with her gaze. “It fucking terrified me.” Our eyes connected as an unspoken communication passed between us.
Lowering my hips between her legs, I took one hard nipple between my teeth, rolling it around on my tongue until she moaned and squirmed beneath me. Then I released it and did the same with the other side before kissing my way down her stomach. I needed the taste of her on my tongue.
“Enzo…”
Her voice was shaky. Unsure.
Not now. Fucking hell, baby. Don’t tell me to stop now.
Draping her legs over my shoulders, I ran my tongue between her wet folds until I found the sweet spot that made her hips buck.
“Enzo!”
