I WATCHED as Ryan walked into the bedroom and shut his door. Jensen was obviously a real sore spot for him. I stared at the box and the phone. I couldn’t believe Jensen had bought a phone for me. Ryan may not want me, but Jensen was making it clear he did. When Jensen had hit on me, it had marginally eased the humiliation of this morning. But it was also making this situation so much more tricky.
If I outright shunned Jensen, it could reflect poorly on Ryan. If I engaged with Jensen, it would feel like an outright betrayal to Ryan. Not that it would matter in the long run. I mean, how long would I even be part of this world? Once I was back living in a shelter and working at a fast-food joint, Jensen wouldn’t give a shit about me. I needed to negotiate this carefully, so I didn’t make things worse for Ryan.
The interviews had sucked. I had loved Diane, but the moment I heard she barely knew how to text, I knew she would never get hired. But when Ryan told me they were going to offer the job to Bianca, my heart sank. Bianca looked at Ryan, like she was a barracuda about to devour her next meal. She had that kind of high, intense energy and frankly, she scared me.
I looked towards Ryan’s bedroom. Things had gotten weird between us. We needed to get past it and have everything go back to normal. The phone in the box buzzed.
I lifted the lid and looked at the phone. There was one text message. It was from my one and only contact typed into the phone.
Jensen: Hey Zoey
I sat there staring at the phone for a long moment.
Zoey: Thanks for the phone but I need to get this back to you
Jensen: Why?
Zoey: Way too much. You might expect me to eat dinner with you if I keep this
Jensen: Ha! No, I only wanted to have the opportunity to talk to you
Zoey: What is your address?
Jensen: Are you coming over? 😀
Zoey: I’m sending you the phone back
Jensen: What am I going to do with a pink phone?
Zoey: You should have thought of that when you bought it
Jensen: To be honest, and please don’t hold it against me, I got it for free when I helped out with a charity event
Zoey: For real?
Jensen: And I only added a prepaid phone sim card
I chewed on my nail and stared at the phone. It was so nice. It was the nicest thing I had ever owned.
Zoey: I should still send it back
Jensen: Keep it. Please. You don’t need to go for dinner with me, but I want you to have it
Zoey: Why are you being so nice?
Jensen: I already told you. You’re different
Zoey: You know I can’t ever go out with you
Jensen: Because of Ryan?
Zoey: I won’t go out for dinner with someone who is a dick to my friends
Jensen: Ouch
Zoey: Where should I send your phone?
Jensen: Keep the phone. Please?
Zoey: I’ll think about it.
Jensen: I was going to save this for dinner, but you need to know that you’re the most beautiful woman I have ever seen
I blushed. And shook my head.
Zoey: Bye
I WANTED MORE than anything to try out the guest bedroom, but I felt like it was an assumption that Ryan would allow me to sleep in there. Perhaps Ryan wanted to keep it fresh and perfect for his future guests. My gut clenched. Perhaps, he didn’t want me to get too comfortable. I would sleep on the couch until he told me otherwise.
After a nap on the couch, I cleaned up all the empties and loaded the dishwasher from the night before. Ryan’s door was still closed. I decided that I would cook dinner. After everything he had done for me, I wanted to give back.
It was difficult with my sling, but I managed to marinate some chicken breasts and put them in the oven. I sat in the kitchen and played with my phone. It was so nice. I took a couple of photographs of the kitchen. Maybe I should take some pictures of the guest room and print them off, so I would always remember what it looked like. Dinner was close to being finished, and I was debating waking up Ryan when he wandered out of his bedroom.
He had on a pair of gray sweats that hung low on his hips. He was looking at his phone and carrying his t-shirt. My mouth went dry. His chest and core muscles looked photoshopped. His abs had the six-pack and those v-muscles that disappeared into his pants. His shoulders were strong and broad. His arms so muscular. He looked sleepy, comfortable and totally mouth-watering.
Without thinking, I lifted the pink phone and took his picture.
His eyes raised to me.
“Did you take my photo?”
I stood there frozen, unsure why I had done so. ‘I thought it would be a good shot for Instagram.”
He thought about that as he walked to the island. And then, “Yeah, sure. Are you making dinner?”
“Just some chicken.”
He tapped his fingers on the island. “I told you I would get you a phone. I didn’t even have a chance to go buy one.”
He sounded frustrated.
“I don’t need to keep this one.”
“You realize that phone is worth over a grand.”
“Jensen said he got it for free at a charity event.”
Ryan’s eyes darkened. “When did he tell you that?”
“He told me in a text.”
He went still. “You want to go out with him?”
Did I want to go out with Jensen? In another world, in my old world, I would die to be noticed by someone like Jensen. Now, today, all I cared about was not hurting Ryan’s feelings. “I won’t go out with someone who isn’t nice to my friends.”
“You told him that?”
“Yes!”
He tilted his head and studied me for a long moment. “Can I see the photo?”
I handed him the phone.
He stared down at the photo for a long time. “No one will want to see this photo. I’m not even smiling.”
I walked around the island and peeked over his shoulder. Ryan looked like some sort of sex god in the picture. He was unaware of the camera. Just being himself, with those muscles and bed hair. I swallowed hard. “Your female fans might like it.”
He handed me the phone. “I like the poetry of you taking shirtless photos of me, using the phone that Jensen gave you.”
Before he refused, I quickly said, “I will need to log in to your Instagram account. What is your password?”
“Probably the same one I use for everything else?”
“Which is?”
“Hat trick.”
“What is it with all these unoriginal passwords?” I logged into his account on my phone. “Ryan! You have over 9,000 followers on Instagram.”
“Is that good?”
I stared at him dumbfounded. “Considering you’ve only posted 4 photos, that’s exceptional.”
He yawned. “Well, you’re in charge of the account now. Do what you want.”
I posted the photo of him with the caption “Just got up.”
I set my phone aside. “Ready to eat?”
RYAN CLEANED up the dishes while I played with my phone on the couch.
He sat down on the other end. “Want to watch a movie?”
“Okay.”
“What do you want to watch?”
I shook my head. I didn’t care. I liked that we were watching TV together. “You pick.”
“Do you like scary?”
“Whatever.”
I watched as he scrolled through the shows. “So, do you like your new room?”
My entire body froze. “What do you mean?”
“The room you decorated. It’s your room now.”
I swallowed. “For real?”
He glanced at me. “No. I’m going to make you sleep on the couch.”
“It’s for your guests. I don’t want to wreck it.”
He looked bemused. “It’s a bedroom, Zoey. And it was always for you.”
What did he mean, it was always for me?
“It was?”
“Why do you think I got you to decorate it?”
I honestly couldn’t remember the last time someone had been this kind. I wanted to say something to him. To thank him. But my throat was so tight no words came out.
He grinned. “How about a thriller?”
“That’s fine.” I no longer wanted to watch a movie. I wanted to go lie in my new room. But I had already told Ryan I would watch a movie with him. He clicked on the movie and then turned off the lights.
THE MOVIE WAS SO SUSPENSEFUL, I thought my body would snap in half. The music escalated the tension, I could feel myself coil tightly like a spring. In the kitchen, something rumbled behind us, and without my permission, my body went flying. One minute I was on my side of the couch, the next second I was landing on Ryan.
He grunted.
Oh my god.
I scrambled hard, fighting to get off him.
I felt a huge hand wrap around my back, pulling me against him. He sounded amused. “You’re shaking.”
“Something made a noise in the kitchen,” I sounded breathless.
“Stay,” he said, pulling me off balance against his hard chest, “I’ll protect you from the fridge.”
I lay there rigid against him, feeling his breath rise and fall beneath me. He was radiating heat. “That was the fridge?”
“The ice maker,” he sounded amused.
I felt so awkward. I knew we were crossing some weird line, but we had our clothes on. I wasn’t used to being touched. When was the last time someone had held me? Hugged me? I mentally reviewed my life, and I recalled my social worker hugging me one Christmas, but it hadn’t felt like this. Part of me wanted to move off, but the thing was, I felt safe. More protected than I had ever felt in my life. And then, I couldn’t take the tension any longer. A long sigh escaped me as I let myself sink further against Ryan’s warm body.
Complete surrender.
In response, his big hand gently patted my back. Comforting me.
So I lay there. Huddled against his chest, with his arm around me. He smelled so good. Warm and clean, faint expensive soap and Ryan. All rolled up in one. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt this good. I snuggled up harder against him, wanting to burrow myself further into his embrace. Friends cuddled, right? During intense movies? Except after that, I wasn’t even aware of the movie. I shut my eyes and matched my breath to his.
I woke up to the credits rolling. I lifted my head looking at the TV.
“I fell asleep.”
“You did.” His voice rumbled in his chest, vibrating me.
“What happened?”
“You snored.”
“Did not.”
“No, but the bad guys won. They killed everyone.”
“Really?” What a horrifying ending.
I could hear the smile in his voice. “No.”
Now I needed to sit up and get off him before he asked me to move, but my bones felt like soft spaghetti. All limp and soft.
“Want to watch another one?”
I nodded. Unable to speak.
He messed with the remote and then said, “This one?”
I wasn’t even looking at the screen. “Yeah.”
“Hang on,” he said, “I’m just going to stretch out.”
I tried to sit up, but he held onto me, and then he pulled me back against him, so we were lying length-wise on the couch. My back curled up against his chest and he tucked an arm around my waist.
Another long sigh escaped me. Regret pierced my heart. I wished this was my life. My real life. Again, I was just living in some sort of dream that was destined to come to an end. The nicer this life got, the harder it would be to go back to my old life. At some point, I would have to wake up from this dream.
“Are you comfortable?”
“Yeah.”
My eyes drifted shut. I woke up a few times when he laughed at something in the movie, but I hovered slightly below consciousness.
Again I woke up. The TV was off and the room was dark with only the dim light from the kitchen. I was flat on my back. I opened my eyes. Ryan was on his side, his head propped up on his arm. He was staring down at me.
“Is the movie over?” I whispered.
“Yeah,” his eyes traveled over my face and stopped on my mouth.
“How long have I been asleep?”
He smiled, “Awhile.”
“You should have woken me.”
I felt his hand move, so it rested on my stomach. Suddenly my heart was hammering in my chest. I stared up into his face.
“Zoey.”
I swallowed hard, my lips parted so my uneven breath could come in faster. “Yeah?”
He swore so softly, I almost didn’t hear him and then his mouth was just above mine. “Tell me to stop.”
A little sound came out of me, but it wasn’t me telling him no.
His lips were like a whisper as they skimmed my mouth. My heart fluttered so hard, I thought it would come out of my chest. I lifted my mouth closer to his and then his kiss was coaxing, soothing, a brush, teasing. I was certain the couch, the room, the world was spinning. He was savoring my mouth like it was a fine wine and then he delved deeper. Exploring. I was drowning in torment. My whole body was melting. I could feel his big hand, now under my shirt, warm on the bare skin of my stomach. His hips pressed against my side, and I felt his arousal, big and hard, against my hip.
All I could think was, Ryan. Ryan is kissing me. Ryan wants me. I want Ryan.
His tongue. It was making my head spin. I felt drugged. So much longing and desire throbbed through me.
A jarring noise sounded from the background.
I mewed when Ryan lifted his head, listening.
“Is that your phone?” I sounded so out of breath.
“That’s your phone.”
Our eyes met. There was only one person who knew my phone number. Jensen.
“Ryan,” I said again, feeling panicked. Terrified that he would stop kissing me.
He moved with speed and grace. One minute he was beside me. The next minute he was standing beside the couch.
He looked down at me and said, “You should get that.” And then he was walking out of the room.
My entire body jerked at the sound of his bedroom door shutting. I looked at my phone.
Jensen: Hope you have a good sleep.
I put my hot face in my hands. I had no idea what I was doing anymore. The only thing I knew was I wanted more of those kisses.
