WHEN RYAN WENT AWOL for two nights straight, it had terrified me that he was avoiding me. The first day he told me he was going out, I thought it was just for a couple of hours. I waited for him until I couldn’t keep my eyes open but I didn’t hear him come in.
The next day, he didn’t even come home from practice. I stressed all day. I made dinner for him and didn’t eat until it was obvious he wasn’t coming home. Then all the doubt came in. What if he was sick of me? Wanted me gone?
That anxiety turned to true fear as the hours ticked by. What if he had been in a car accident and was lying unconscious in the hospital? I sat for hours on the couch in the dark, waiting for his return. When I heard the keys in the door, my heart had literally leaped into my throat. I was so thankful, so unbelievably relieved that he was okay, it didn’t even matter that he had been gone all day long. I was so grateful that he was safe.
I still didn’t know why he had left. After we had shared that kiss, everything was confusing. And then he said he thought we were better off as friends, which made things more clear. I felt feelings for Ryan that I hadn’t felt for anyone else before, but it didn’t exactly surprise me when he told me he didn’t want to take it further. He had set some clear boundaries for us and even though it disappointed me, it didn’t surprise me. But when he had avoided me that had hurt. Everything was so confusing so I was just constantly looking at him to take the lead. If he wanted to kiss me, I would kiss him back. If he wanted to be friends, I would be grateful for that too. But him not wanting to see me, that made me feel really bad.
THE NEXT MORNING, all was right in our little world. I woke up and cooked breakfast for him and then went over my list for IKEA again.
Ryan sat beside me with his food. “What are you doing?”
“Just going over my list.”
“For the bathrooms?”
“Want to see what I’m going to go with?”
He leaned close to look at my phone. “Let’s see.”
I scrolled through all my bookmarks, explaining to him in detail my plans.
He glanced up at me. “You’re good at this.”
I looked at the phone. “I kind of am.”
Someone knocked on the door.
“It’s probably for you,” he said.
“Is that your way of saying you want me to answer the door?”
“Maybe.”
I swung open the door and there stood Bianca. She was taller than I remembered. Cold blue eyes looked me up and down.
“Is Ryan here?” she asked me, looking over my shoulder.
She looked both gorgeous and feminine with her perfect blonde hair and artfully applied make-up.
“Yes.”
She widened her eyes at me. “I’m his PA.”
“I know,” I said, stepping back. I looked over my shoulder. Ryan had stood up.
“Ryan,” Bianca said warmly. “So nice to see you again.”
Ryan gave her a smile. “Hey, Bianca. I thought you weren’t starting until tomorrow?”
“I was,” she rushed forward and shook his hand. “But I wanted to get a head start on the job!”
Ryan’s smile looked confused. “You didn’t have to do that.”
She beamed up at him. “I wanted to say I’m thrilled to be working with you. I’m possibly your biggest fan.”
“Thank you.”
I followed slowly and then slid onto my seat.
She continued to smile at Ryan as she pulled out a huge notepad out of her bag. “So, I know you have a game tonight, but I thought if you had time, we could go over some things.”
Ryan sat down beside me. “Sure.”
“So, first, I guess I should ask you, if you have any specific requests for me?”
“No.”
She didn’t take her intense gaze off Ryan for a second. “Well, I’ve thought this through and I have talked to other PAs and I’ve come up with a plan to best support you in your career.”
Ryan nodded.
“Great.” She looked around. “So, let’s start with marketing and media. I’ll be building your website, and taking over all your social media sites for you, including Twitter and Instagram.”
Ryan glanced at me. “Zoey takes care of my Instagram.”
The smile on her face didn’t slip. She looked at me. “Well, Zoey, what kind of background do you have?”
“What do you mean?” I hated how unsure my voice sounded.
“What kind of photography classes have you taken? Have you done any marketing or PR?”
I shook my head.
She turned that megawatt smile towards Ryan. “I can’t stress enough how important it is to have your brand consistent and effectively communicated to your fans.” She paused and looked at us both. Neither of us spoke. “Well, perhaps then, as a compromise, Zoey and I could share the role of an admin for your Instagram account.”
Ryan cleared his throat. “Let me think about that.”
“Sure. We can take that off the table for now. Perhaps we should talk about how I can help you on a personal level.”
“Okay.”
“One thing you should know about me is that I’m professionally trained in cooking delicious organic macrobiotic meals geared toward emphasizing endurance, strength, and clean health which is critical for a top athlete such as yourself. So, I would be happy to purchase your groceries and cook for you.”
Ryan sat back. “You don’t have to do that.”
She touched her throat and giggled. “It would be my honor. Besides, I’m going to be here already. Now what about laundry and dry cleaning? I know for a fact that all other PAs do that for their athletes.”
Ryan gave me a trapped look. “I can do my laundry.”
“Ryan,” she reached forward and touched his hand. “Please. I’m here to serve and make your life easier.”
“Are you going to have time for all that?”
She flicked her hair. “You have no idea how organized I am. I can do all that in my sleep.”
“Okay.”
“So, since I will work from here, do you have a desk or someplace I can set up? Preferably I would like an office, but if that is an issue, a dedicated table would be fine.”
“We have another spare room. We’d just need to get you some furniture.”
“Leave that up to me. If you show me the room I can buy the desk myself.”
“Yeah. That’s fine.”
Her eyes lingered on Ryan. “Now, is there any chance I can go to some of your games? I can’t stress how important it will be for me to be an intermediary connection with the media, other PAs and other family members of the team.”
“I can arrange that.”
She shook her head and smiled. “I knew you’d be perfect to work with.”
Ryan’s phone rang. He glanced up at Bianca. “I need to take this. Just give me a minute.”
“Take your time,” her voice lilted in a fake sing-song.
We watched as he walked out of the room towards his bedroom. Bianca leveled me with a look.
“So, Zoey, what are you doing here so early?”
She scared me. There was something dangerous about her. “I’m staying here.”
One perfectly manicured eyebrow went up. “You live here?”
I nodded.
“But you’re not dating Ryan, are you?”
“No.”
“Are you related to him?”
“No.”
Her eyes narrowed. “So why are you here?”
I really didn’t want to tell her. “It’s a long story.”
She crossed her arms. “Well, anything related to Ryan is now my business. So, please enlighten me how someone like you can be living with someone like Ryan.”
Someone like me? “We’re friends.”
“So this is a temporary arrangement?”
“Yes.”
Her lips curled. “Part of my job is to protect Ryan from people who use him and take advantage of him. It’s my job to clear away all the blood-sucking leeches. He needs to steer clear of people bad for his image.”
“I’m not using him.”
“That remains to be seen.”
She hit every nerve in my body. My greatest fear was that I was taking advantage of Ryan and his generosity.
Ryan walked into the room. He looked between the two of us. “What’s going on?”
Bianca shook her head and took a deep breath, smiling. “Nothing. Zoey and I are just getting to know each other.”
Flight kicked in. I got off my stool so fast, I almost fell. Without looking at Ryan, I walked into my bedroom and shut the door. I put my ear against the door. I could hear them talking.
“I’m so sorry, Ryan. I don’t think Zoey likes me that much. I was just trying to get to know her, and she was so rude.” A shaky laugh.
Ryan sounded shocked. “Zoey was rude to you?”
“Please. Just let it go. She needs to get to know me better. I’m sure this is a huge change for her.”
I hated her so much. I walked to my bed and curled up on my side.
A couple minutes later, there was a light knock on the door. I sat up on my bed.
“Come in.”
The door opened. Ryan looked around the room and then at me. “How’s it going?”
“Is she gone?”
“Yes.” A long pause. “What happened?”
“I don’t think Bianca likes me that much.”
“Funny, that’s what she said about you.”
“I wasn’t rude to her.”
“Look,” he ran his fingers through his hair. “I think we need to give her a chance, okay?”
I didn’t trust her, but I also had no right impeding on Ryan and his world. “Do you think I’m bad for your image?”
He gave me a quizzical look. “Of course not. Why would you even ask me that?”
“Are you going to let her take over your Instagram account?”
A smile played on his lips. “You really want to be the one to take photos of me?”
More than anything. “Yes, but only if you want me to. It’s another way I can help you.”
“Then I’ll tell her you’re in charge.”
Relief. “Okay.”
“Speaking of which, Krista just called me. The team is doing a skate for kids’ charity event next Sunday. You might want to post some pictures of that.”
I felt myself brighten. “Yeah, okay.”
“So, do you know how to skate?”
“No.”
“Come on, let’s go.”
I scrambled off the bed. “Where are we going?”
“You can’t live with a hockey player and not own your own pair of skates.”
AN HOUR LATER, Ryan and I were standing in Sports Mania, a huge mecca of a store that sold every kind of sporting goods imaginable. If the clerk could have, he would have bent over backward serving Ryan. I sat on the bench, and Ryan knelt in front of me, tying up a pair of black skates for me. I studied the top of his head. His hair looked so thick and soft and my fingers itched to touch it.
“How do they feel?” His blue eyes glanced up at me.
“Weird.”
“Try walking on them.”
I unsteadily got onto my feet. They didn’t feel normal at all. I walked up and down while Ryan and the clerk studied me. “Do they pinch anywhere?”
I walked awkwardly back to Ryan. “I don’t need skates.”
“How am I going to teach you to skate if you don’t own skates?”
“Can’t I rent a pair?”
“Not a chance.”
A little kid, with stars in his eyes, nervously approached Ryan. “Hi Ryan, can I please have your autograph?”
While Ryan chatted to the kid, I undid the skates. By the time I had my boots back on, another dozen people crowded around Ryan. I decided to look around the store. Not that there was a lot to look at. It was all snowboards, skis, bikes, and everything else I had no use for.
I wandered around the clothing section. A lot of yoga pants and athletic wear. I bet Bianca wore stuff like this. I bet she had matching workout clothes. She was exactly the chick I imagined Ryan would date. What if they fell in love? They could work out together. The thought depressed me. I had a feeling that I would move out sooner than later.
I looked at the winter coats. They looked so warm and inviting. I looked over my shoulder. No sign of Ryan. I slipped on a pink waterproof, goose down filled jacket that had the most beautiful fake fur-lined hood. Maybe I could afford it? It would be amazing to have a coat this warm while living on the streets. I looked at the tag and my heart sank. It was three hundred dollars making it completely out of my price range. With a sigh, I shrugged out of it and put it back on the rack.
I wandered back to Ryan, whose group of fans had diminished. He glanced at me.
“Ready to go?”
We walked to the counter, and the clerk rang in the skates. “That will be three hundred and twelve dollars.”
The memory of Bianca telling me I was using Ryan flashed through my mind. I couldn’t let him do it.
“Don’t spend that much money,” I rushed before he handed over his credit card.
“You need skates.”
I shook my head, looking into his eyes. “No. I don’t.”
“Zoey.”
“It’s just a waste of money.”
“We have the charity event. You absolutely need skates.”
I shook my head. “Let’s go, okay?”
“Come on,” his voice was teasing. “Let me splurge on you.”
I swallowed. This was hard. “I’m not a bloodsucking leech.”
His eyes widened. “Zoey! What? Of course you’re not.”
“Let’s go.”
“Why won’t you let me do this?”
I stubbornly stayed quiet.
“Zoey, come on. Please?”
“If you’re going to spend that much money, buy something I need. I don’t need skates.” My face was bright red. “Please, let’s go.”
He went still. “What do you need?”
“Nothing. Let’s go.”
“Why did you say that?”
The clerk was staring off into space, trying not to look like he was listening. But he totally was. I stared at Ryan. Here he was trying to do something so nice for me. And I was blowing it.
I leaned forward and Ryan bent his head down, so I could whisper in his ear. “It’s cold on the streets. And if you’re going to spend $300 on me, these skates aren’t going to keep me warm.”
He pulled back his head and understanding dawned on his face as he looked at my ratty faux leather jacket. “I’m such a fucking asshole.”
“No. You’re not.” My eyes got a bit misty. “You’re the nicest person ever. But when I leave, I will not be skating and it seems like such a waste of money. I don’t want you to spend money you don’t need to.”
He looked at the clerk. “Where are your winter jackets?”
“Right over there, sir.”
Ryan put his arm on my back. “Come on.”
“No,” I protested, as he steered me to the coats.
“Let’s get you a coat.”
My eyes burned with humiliation. “No. I’m not letting you buy me anything. Not a coat. Not a pair of skates.”
He walked away from me, rubbing the back of his neck. Then he turned. “You know, I grew up on a farm. We weren’t rich, but we always had lots of food and we had warm clothes. I don’t think of these things. I don’t know what it’s like to be cold or not be safe.”
I looked around to make sure no one was listening. “That doesn’t mean you have to fix things for me.”
“Zoey,” he looked frustrated. “I have so much money. I never worry that I will run out. It’s just there. I will never run out of money that is how much I have. I don’t have a clue how you’ve survived and thrived as well as you have, but it’s humbling to witness.”
He was going to make me cry. “Well, I don’t expect you to take care of me. You’ve already done too much.”
“You know what makes me happy?”
I shook my head.
“These days, fuck all. I’m living the dream, right? Fantastic job, a nice apartment, any woman I want, more money than I can spend. Fame. But I feel nothing. I feel like something is missing. But lately, the one thing that makes me feel good about life, is when you let me help you.”
I went still. We stared at each other.
“Why?”
He gave a short laugh. “I have no idea. But I’m going to be selfish and ask you to please make me happy. Please pick out a coat.”
“You’re the least selfish person I know.”
He lifted a black ski jacket. “How about this one?”
I shook my head.
He lifted up a navy one. “This might look good on you.”
I eyeballed the pink jacket. Maybe I could pay him back? “I’ll let you buy me a coat if I put it on the list.”
“Deal.”
I pointed at the pink coat. “Then I pick that one.”
He paused and blinked. “It’s pink.”
I reached out and stroked the fur-lined hood. It reminded me of cotton candy. “I know.”
