MY LEGS WOBBLED as I walked away from Ryan. I felt drunk on lust. That kiss had changed everything. It made me feel something I had never felt before.
Until now, Ryan’s kisses had been safe and gentle. I had lost my mind when he pinned me against the wall and pushed his body against mine while he kissed the life out of me. He had shown me a dominant, masculine side of himself and I had loved it. I shivered just thinking about it. He had been completely in control of me, and instead of scaring me, it made me want to beg for more.
Except he didn’t want to give me more.
I told myself it didn’t matter. I had taken enough from him. Shelter, food, clothing, his time, and protection. I was the person that Bianca warned me I was. Hell, if he didn’t want to have sex with me, I needed to stop being so greedy and I needed to respect his decision.
I tried walking past the dance floor, but Justin grabbed me and pulled me to join him in a crazy line dance. It was easier than sitting at the same table as Ryan and trying to act normal. I danced four line dances and then let Dylan try to teach me how to two-step.
Each time I stole a peek at Ryan, his eyes burned hot, watching my every move. Mica sat with him. They didn’t talk, but they drank. And the entire time I danced, every time I looked over at Ryan, he watched me. The possessiveness of his gaze reminded me of the intensity of his kisses.
Two hours later, Mica appeared at the edge of the dance floor and motioned for me to come and talk to him.
“Ryan needs to get back to the hotel.”
I didn’t even hesitate. “I’ll grab my coat.”
Ryan was incoherently drunk. Mica put his arm under Ryan and all but carried him out to the cab.
“You guys have a fight or something?” Mica’s voice sounded amused.
I looked over at Ryan. His eyes were shut and his head was against the window of the cab.
“He’s passed out,” Mica added.
“We didn’t fight.”
“Ah,” he nodded. “I get it.”
“What do you get?”
“Be patient with him.”
“I’m not impatient. I don’t know what I am, but it’s not that.”
“The guy is like a flag twisting on a pole. He just needs to sort himself out.”
I had no idea what he was talking about. “What pole is that?”
“You’re the pole.”
“I don’t understand what that means. Is that some Russian metaphor?”
He laughed. “You making fun of my English?”
“I don’t know what it means to be the pole.”
The cab pulled up to the hotel, preventing Mica from explaining himself further. I watched as he paid the driver and then dragged Ryan out of the cab.
We slowly walked across the lobby and up to the room. He lay Ryan down on the bed and looked at me. “You can take it from here?”
“I’ll keep my eye on him.”
“Remember, we have to be in the lobby at noon.”
“Okay.”
“Call me if you need help.”
I WOKE up to the sound of a shower running and the sun pouring into the room. When Ryan walked out, wearing nothing more than a white towel around his muscular waist, my mouth went dry. That body had pressed against mine, those hands had held my neck, those lips had moved on my mouth.
My stomach felt weird, but in a good way.
I felt light-hearted as I got ready. How had I not noticed how sexy Ryan was? After last night, he was all I could think of.
I couldn’t seem to take my eyes off him. I didn’t understand what had shifted, but everything about him seemed different.
Had his shoulders always been so muscular?
Why had I never noticed how his blue eyes seemed to sparkle with silver flecks?
And his lips. I stared at those lips, remembering how they felt against my own.
BY THE TIME we left for the airport, I realized something was off.
Last night he couldn’t keep his eyes off me. Today he refused to make eye contact. Not even one tiny glance. I chalked up his mood to being hungover. But when we arrived at the next hotel, he stopped in front of one room and handed me a keycard.
“What is this?”
“The key to your room.”
My heart sank. “You got me my own room?”
“I’m right next door and my room adjoins to yours. We can keep the doors open between the rooms.”
I knew I sounded childish, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself from mumbling, “You’re sick of me.”
My head bent over as I tried to unlock the door. It wouldn’t open.
He took the plastic keycard from my hand and the door clicked open. “Nope.”
I waited for him to say something else, but he didn’t.
I walked into my room and the first thing I did was open the middle door that joined my room to his. Then I sat on the bed and waited for him to open his door.
The lock clicked, and he opened the door, but just a crack. That inch of space to his room wasn’t an invitation to talk or hang out. It was a this-is-open-for-emergency-but-don’t-bug-me kind of inch.
I fretted. Was this the end of our friendship? When we returned to Vancouver, would he ask me to move out? That kiss had changed things. Is this where things got weird and now he wanted to get away from me?
The whole thing stressed me out. I curled up on my bed and worked through a thousand scenarios that involved me heading back to the streets. I mentally made careful plans on how to stay safe. I needed to remember how to be street smart or I wouldn’t last a day.
We didn’t speak for the rest of the night.
THE STREET WAS PITCH DARK. The street light offered faint protection from the thing that chased me.
I woke up fighting through a maze of dread and darkness.
“Hey, Zoey. It’s just a dream. You’re safe,” Ryan’s voice soothed. He had me hauled up against his bare chest and big arms wrapped around me.
“What happened?” I managed to ask. My heart pounded fiercely from all the adrenaline coursing through my veins.
“I heard you cry out.”
Eyes shut, I clung to Ryan, working to draw long breaths into my chest. “You came.”
“What’s that?” His lips grazed my forehead.
“You came to wake me.”
“Of course.”
The dream had torn away my protective layers and exposed me for how I really felt. Scared, I couldn’t stop the words from tumbling out of me. “Please don’t be mad at me.”
“Zoey.”
I opened my eyes and stared into his. “I’ll move out. I’ll get a job. I’ll get out of your way, but please be my friend. You’re my only real friend and it makes me so sad to think you don’t want to hang out with me anymore.”
“Zoey, I’m not mad at you.” He hesitated and then added, “I’m mad at myself.”
“I think you’re mad at me too.”
He squeezed me closer. “I needed to clear my head.”
“Is it clear now?”
“Who the fuck knows.”
“Can we go back to normal?”
“Whatever that is.” His eyes dropped to my mouth. “You good? You think you can sleep?”
“If I promise not to touch you, can you stay here?”
“I should go back to my room.”
“You can trust me, Ryan!”
He eased me off his body and dropped a quick kiss on the top of my head. “It’s me I don’t trust.”
“So you’re not mad at me?”
“Nope. Not mad.”
He walked across the room.
“So, we’re friends?”
He turned and looked back. “No matter what, Zoey, we’ll always be friends.”
My heart eased a fraction when he left his adjoining door wide open. It wasn’t what I wanted, but it was probably more than I deserved.
I lay curled around one pillow with my eyes glued to the open door. I needed to become a better person. The type of woman Ryan wanted in his life. I needed to get a job, learn to stand on my own two feet and find a way to realize my own dreams. Maybe then, I’d be worthy of having Ryan Parker in my life.
AFTER THAT, things went back to normal between Ryan and me. Mostly. He joked around, teased me, talked and made eye contact again. But it still felt weird between us. Or maybe I just felt weird.
The problem was, I wanted more kisses from him. And not chaste, sweet kisses. I wanted the pin-me-against-the-wall ravishing kisses that made my head spin and my knees weak.
I knew he didn’t want to have sex with me, but it didn’t stop me from thinking about it.
All. The. Time.
Even worse, he seemed to be oblivious. He was friendly and patient but there was zero attraction in his eyes when he looked at me.
It depressed me. I told myself that I needed to let it go, but I seemed incapable of not thinking about him that way.
WHEN WE WERE IN A CAB, driving back to our place from the airport, Ryan’s phone rang.
“It’s for you,” he said, handing me his phone.
“Hello?”
“Zoey, it’s Krista. Have you been doing work for someone by the name of Frank?”
“Frank, the accountant?”
“Yes.”
“I’ve been helping some players with their receipts. They all use Frank.”
“Frank wants to meet up with you.”
“What? Why?” Panic seized me. Had I done something wrong with the receipts?
“He wants to talk to you about a job.”
“What?” I squeaked. “For real?”
Ryan looked at me.
“Why don’t I bring you to his office tomorrow and then we can go out for lunch.”
“Yes! A thousand times over.”
She laughed. “Wear something nice.”
“Okay!”
FRANK WAS a stern-looking man with tufts of long hair that decorated the sides of his head and black-framed glasses he constantly pushed up to the top of his head. He wore a pressed white dress shirt and his tie was boring but professional. His serious tone told me he was all business.
“Your receipt entry work is impeccable. Dylan, Justin and Ryan’s receipts were flawless.”
“Thank you.”
“Do you like numbers?”
“I like that they don’t lie.”
He sat back and gave me a second look. “Me too.”
“Doing those receipts wasn’t difficult work, you know.”
“Funny, all my clients would argue otherwise. They need you, Zoey.”
“They do?”
“I’d like to offer your services to them. We could contract out your services for $45/hour for your entry of their receipts.”
My heart stopped. “That’s so much money.”
“My clients can afford it. Compared to what I charge them, they won’t even notice. You can work from here if you want but I’d prefer if you work from home. I like my space. If getting to the office to pick up the receipts is an issue, we can send you what you need via courier.”
My heart was pounding so hard. “Okay.”
“I think I can offer you as much work as you want. Full-time hours maybe even more. You can choose how much you want to work. If you work more, that’s your call, but you won’t be paid overtime.”
“I will work all the time.”
“That’s up to you. We’ll provide a laptop for you to use with all the software.”
I stared at this man in adoration. “I will do everything in my power to impress you.”
“You already impress me. When can you start?”
“Right now.”
He cracked his first smile. “How about next Monday? That will give my assistant enough time to order your laptop and get it ready.”
“Who told you about me? Was it Ryan?”
He looked over his glasses at me. “If you saw how these players did their receipt entries last year, you wouldn’t ask me that question. The second I saw your work, I knew they had hired someone. I decided I needed you for all my clients because you make my life easier.”
I was barely breathing. “Oh.”
He motioned with his head. “Give Wanda your address and phone number on the way out.”
“Thank you.”
He was already bent over some papers. “Welcome to the team.”
KRISTA LIFTED her wineglass to my glass. “Congratulations, girlfriend.”
I felt so excited I almost couldn’t breathe. “I can’t wait to tell Ryan.”
She smiled. “How is my favorite hockey player?”
Dreamy. Sexy. Beautiful. The words slipped out before I could stop them. “I wish I could have sex with him.”
She coughed up her wine and then reached for her water. “Warn a girl, won’t you?”
I blushed. “Sorry.”
She stared at me, with a small smile. “So it’s finally happening.”
“What is?”
“Never mind. What’s the problem?”
I thought about it. “Ryan doesn’t think we should.”
“Ryan’s a boy scout.”
“What does that mean?”
“He’s mixing up his need to protect you with his need to fuck you. In his mind, they don’t go hand in hand.”
I blinked. “How do you know that about him?”
“How do you not?”
Was there really hope? Did he really want to step out of the friendship zone with me? It seemed like an impossible feat. “I don’t know how to make that happen.”
“You do what every other woman does when a guy gets in his own head.”
“Which is?”
She leaned forward. “Seduce him. I have a feeling it won’t take much to push him over the edge.”
“I don’t want him to do this against his will. I want him to want to sleep with me.”
“Sweetie, Ryan has wanted to sleep with you for as long as I can remember.”
“What?”
“He just thinks he’s not supposed to want to.”
“That’s crazy.”
“Show him that.”
I sat back in my chair. “I don’t know how.”
Her smile bordered on wicked. “That’s my specialty. Now listen carefully. I have a foolproof plan that no man can resist.”
