ZOEY WAS DRIVING ME CRAZY, and she was completely oblivious to it. She walked around the apartment in tank tops without a bra. She snuggled up close on the couch and smelled so damn good I thought I’d lose my mind. And every time I looked up, she was watching me. Instead of dropping her gaze, those damn lips would curl into a knowing smile.
There’s a warning on the Viagra commercials about calling your doctor if your erection lasts longer than 4 hours. I had a constant hard-on in Zoey’s presence to the point that I was in pain. I wondered, on more than one occasion, if I should consider this a medical emergency.
I jerked off every chance I could get, but to no avail. It’s like my dick knew the difference between Zoey and my hand and it didn’t want my hand. It wanted Zoey.
Tonight was my first night off in a long time. I was tempted to lock myself in my bedroom with a lot of porn on my phone, but instead, I asked Zoey if she wanted to watch a movie.
“Just let me get into something more comfortable,” she disappeared into her bedroom.
I grabbed a beer and watched as she emerged from her room wearing yet another thin tank top and a pair of cotton pink pajama bottoms.
“How’s the new job?”
She stretched her arms above her head, giving me a tantalizing view of her bare breasts beneath her top. “I love it so much.”
My voice sounded gruff. “Frank treating you okay?”
“He’s nice.”
The Frank I knew scared grown men. “Okay.”
Her pants hung low on her narrow hips. They looked like they’d slide off with ease.
I forced myself to look up at her face. “What movie do you want?”
Her smile made my dick twitch, but in its defense, everything she did these days made it twitch. “I get to pick?”
“Anything you want.”
I fiddled with my phone while she worked the remote, trying not to check out the smooth outline of her bare breasts beneath her tank top.
The movie started. I settled back on the seat. Without saying a word, she shuffled over on the couch until she was snuggled against me.
She would be the death of me.
I reluctantly lifted my arm so that her head was resting on my chest and her arm wrapped around my waist. I rested my arm along her side.
Why did this feel so damn good? I was not a touchy-feely kind of guy. I didn’t do cuddles. Except with Zoey. I rested my chin on the top of Zoey’s head, loving the way her soft hair felt on my face.
I couldn’t follow the plot of the movie. There was a plane and people. And lots of shooting. I stared blankly at the screen, but I could only think about how good she smelled. I slowly flexed my hand over her hip. Then against my will, my hand did a slow circle, rubbing her hip through her thin pajama bottoms. My cock jolted when she snuggled tighter into me. Growing bolder, I ran my hand down her leg and back up over her small hip. Her hand tightened around my waist. I ran my hand up and down her back, again and again, each time going lower, until I was smoothing my touch over her tight little butt. Her breathing changed. Became slightly erratic. I stared unseeing at the screen, only able to concentrate on how her tight body felt beneath my hand.
“Zoey.”
She tilted her head back, showing me her face.
I debated as I studied her. This was such a bad idea, but my willpower was at an all-time low. Every reason I had used to keep me away from touching her vanished. I wanted one kiss.
I lowered my mouth to hers. Finally. God. She tasted like cherries and sweet goodness. She moaned, and I shamelessly used that opportunity to deepen the kiss. I wrapped my hand around her neck, loving how her pulse was hammering beneath my fingertips. Her skin was so smooth and soft. I wanted to devour her. Worship her.
I lifted my face a couple inches above hers. “Tell me to stop.”
Her mouth was swollen. Hot desire flamed in her gaze. “I know you don’t want to have sex, but maybe we could do other things?”
Other things. My mind flooded with all the possibilities. She had been the focus of my fantasies for so long that making them a reality was a temptation I couldn’t resist.
Before I changed my mind, I scooped her up and deposited her on her back. In less than a heartbeat, I was kneeling on either side of her, whipping my shirt over my head. “I think that’s the best fucking idea you’ve had since IKEA.”
Her laugh shot straight down to my cock, making it strain harder against my jeans.
Whoa. Slow down, boy. You’re not a fucking horny teenager.
But I felt like one. And I had only one thing on my mind.
When she saw my chest, the laughter died and was replaced with curiosity. She glanced up at me. “Can I touch you?”
I nodded, then watched as she tentatively put her palm flat on my stomach and then smoothed her touch over my skin.
“Your skin is so soft but these muscles are so hard.” With fascination, she dragged her fingertips over each muscle.
I captured her hand in mine. “Zoey, are you sure you want to do this?”
She squinted. “Well, I’m not sure what we’re going to do.”
Anything you’ll fucking let me do.
“What do you want to do?” I dipped my head, so I could trail my mouth along that sweet neck.
“What are my options?”
I paused and then smiled against her skin. She made everything different and new.
“Well, you could let me explore your body?”
Please say yes.
“With clothes on or off?”
I had to take a couple deep breaths. “We could try it with clothes on first?”
I laid my hand flat on her stomach.
“Yes,” she was breathless.
Thank you, God.
I kissed her delicate mouth with a patience I didn’t feel until I felt her relax beneath me. My hand slowly moved up her rib cage, pushing up her tank top to reveal creamy white skin. Her breast was small, just like she was, with the pertest nipple I had ever felt. I kissed my way down her neck, loving how she gasped. And then I caught that tiny pebbled nipple in my mouth. She arched against my mouth. I sucked and savored, teasing her with my stubble.
“Ryan,” she sounded breathless.
I moved my mouth to her other neglected nipple while the fire raged inside of me. My hand slowly, leisurely drifted down her body. I pushed it beneath her pajama bottoms.
Her entire body jerked up when my fingertips slid between her delicate folds. Her mouth opened against mine, my kiss forgotten, as I gently explored. God, she was silky smooth, hot, and wet. If I didn’t have a taste of that, I might lose my mind.
I went back on my haunches and grabbed her bottoms, tugging them down her hips.
Her eyes were so big. “What are you doing?”
She looked fucking gorgeous, lying there, her t-shirt pushed up to her chin. Her pink nipples hard and wet from my kisses.
“I thought we might try some exploring without your clothes.”
She nodded, wordlessly. Watching me with trust in her eyes while I pulled the fabric completely off her legs. Her legs slammed shut.
I kissed one sweet knee. “Tell me what you want, Zoey.”
She shook her head and swallowed. “I don’t know.”
“Do you trust me?”
Big eyes, on my face, so full of trust. She nodded.
I ran my big hands down the sides of her thighs. God her skin felt so smooth, so soft. I parted her knees, opening her to me.
Her breath hitched in her throat. So did mine. She was pink and delicate and so fucking perfect, I almost lost my head. I slowly traced a finger down her pink folds. Her ribs were rising and falling as she dragged each breath into her lungs. Her thighs trembled. I slowly, gently circled the delicate bundle of nerves. Her back arched, her eyes shut as she made a noise that went straight to my cock.
I moved so my face was up against the apex of her thighs.
She lifted her head in alarm. “What?”
She looked so innocent, so fucking fuckable, I almost couldn’t take it.
Forgive me, Zoey, I just need a few moments here.
I dragged my entire tongue up her sweet wetness. Oh God, she tasted like carnal candy. I wanted to bury my face there and never come up for air. I swirled my tongue, sucking, stroking, feasting on her. She tasted like heaven and I had just died and gone to my happy place.
Her moan brought me back to reality. I lifted my head. She was panting, eyes burning bright. A look of transfixed disbelief covered her face as she watched me.
“Tell me this is okay.”
“Keep going,” she choked out. “Don’t stop.”
She didn’t have to tell me twice. I drew her soft pink folds into my mouth, sucking until she jerked up against my mouth. My tongue found her bud, and I circled it, loving how my chin was rubbing into her wetness. She whimpered.
“Has anyone done this to you?” I lifted my face, looking up at her.
“No, no one,” she gasped as my tongue traced around and around her pink perfect nub.
I nuzzled deep into her. I needed, so badly, to fuck her with my mouth. I impaled her with my tongue, circling around the inside of her entrance. I realized there was a chance I would blow my load in my jeans, but in that moment, I didn’t give a fuck. I was so addicted to her taste, the noises she made, the way her narrow hips jerked up. I was relentless, plunging my tongue in and out of her. The sounds she made. Her entire body quivered. She was so close. So wet. Satin perfection. I pushed my thumb up into her, stroking, invading her, claiming her. I found her g-spot and grazed it, lifting my head to watch. Her unseeing eyes were so big, her mouth a perfect O. She was so slick, so luscious, I considered teasing her more, but I wanted, more than anything, to watch her orgasm. My invading thumb expertly stroked her and then she bucked back. She arched, quivering like a bow, and with a pitiful little scream, she came all over my hand.
It was the sexiest, most alluring thing I had ever seen in my entire life.
Her entire body went lax, except for her breath. She panted like she had run a marathon. This is where I usually ripped open my jeans and fucked my way to oblivion, but instead, I crawled up the couch, lifting her so she lay on my chest.
I did big slow circles on her back until her trembling body calmed. Her breath evened and slowed. Total post-orgasmic bliss.
Meanwhile, my cock was so rock hard, I wasn’t sure it’d ever go back to normal.
She lifted her head and her eyes danced. “My turn.”
“Your turn what?”
“I want to do that to you.”
Oh, thank fuck. “You sure?”
She pushed herself up. “You’re vibrating.”
“I’m turned on.”
“No, I mean something on you is vibrating.”
My phone. In my pocket. There was no way I would answer. I glanced at the face of my phone before tossing it on the coffee table. “It’s just my mom.”
She frowned. “You should answer.”
No way in hell. “I’ll call her tomorrow.”
“It’s almost midnight. Moms don’t call this late unless they really need to talk.”
Fuck me. She was right. I picked up the phone and hit redial.
“Mom?”
“Oh, thank goodness you answered,” my mom sounded panicked.
“What’s going on?”
“I’m at the airport.”
“What airport?”
“The Vancouver airport.”
I watched, distracted as Zoey pulled down her tank top. “What are you doing there?”
“Carole invited me to join her in Las Vegas. And I got a cheap flight from Vancouver to Vegas, but I needed a flight to Vancouver.”
“Uh huh.”
“And I got the dates mixed up. My flight to Vegas isn’t until tomorrow night.”
Now Zoey was pulling on her panties. “Wait, what?”
“I need to come and stay with you for one day.”
“You do?”
“Is that okay?”
I rubbed my forehead with the back of my hand. Nothing like getting totally cockblocked by my mom. “Yeah, sure.”
“And I need you to come and pick me up.”
“Take a cab. I’ll pay for it when you get here.”
“Ryan Andrew Parker, I’m not wasting good money on a cab when you can come pick me up.”
I laughed, despite myself. “Okay. Give me 30 minutes.”
MY MOM WAS a flurry of activity, talking a hundred miles an hour. I half listened while trying to think of how to tell her about Zoey.
Finally, she caught her breath and asked me, “How are you?”
“There’s someone you will meet when we get to my place.”
“Oh,” she stopped. “A woman?”
“Yes.”
“Is she your girlfriend?”
“It’s complicated.”
“So it’s just a friend?”
“She lives with me.”
My mom’s face looked confused. “She’s your roommate?”
It didn’t sound right to call Zoey my roommate. I didn’t know what she was. “Sort of.”
“How did you meet?”
I didn’t want to get into all that. “It’s a long story.”
“Well, I can’t wait to meet her.”
“She’s kind of shy, so just go easy on her.”
“If she’s living with my son, I have the right to get to know her.”
“She was homeless.”
“Excuse me?”
I explained how we met and how she ended up living with me.
Mom sounded horrified. “Are you sleeping with her?”
“Mom!”
“Ryan, you have to admit this is very concerning from a mother’s perspective.”
“Just…you have to meet her.”
But when we got home, Zoey wasn’t around. She had put fresh sheets on the guest bed, stacked clean towels on the end of the bed, and had cleaned the guest bathroom.
“So where is she?”
I opened my bedroom door. Zoey was out cold. “She’s asleep.”
“In your bed?”
“I only have two beds, mom.”
“I guess I can meet her in the morning.”
I HAD an early practice and then a meeting with my personal trainer, so when I left the apartment, both my mom and Zoey were still asleep. How would their first meeting go? I ended up cutting my session short with my trainer, so I could get home.
It shouldn’t have, but it surprised me to find them in the kitchen cooking together. My mom had her arm around Zoey’s shoulder and spoke to her in a gentle tone.
“Exactly like that. You put a little twist on the end and it’s done.”
“What’s going on?” I dropped my bag at the door.
Zoey’s eyes shone. “Your mom’s teaching me how to make Butterhorns.”
My mouth watered. I loved my mom’s Butterhorns. “Wow.”
I sat down at the island and watched them work. Zoey remained engrossed in her task and my mom worked around her, cleaning up. They seemed comfortable with each other and totally in sync.
Zoey slid the pan into the oven and my mom set the timer.
“I should go work,” Zoey smiled shyly at my mom. “Thanks for baking with me.”
My mom squeezed her shoulders. “It was my pleasure.”
I watched as Zoey disappeared into my bedroom and then turned to look at my mom.
“Well, you two seem to get along.”
“She’s absolutely lovely, Ryan,” my mom’s voice was soft.
I crossed my arms and nodded slowly. “I know.”
“I’d be proud if you dated someone like Zoey. She’s polite and gentle. Funny and intelligent. She told me all about how she grew up and her recent trials and yet now she has a job with your accountant and she told me about her dreams to become an accountant.”
“She’s come a long way.”
“And the way she talks about you, I can tell that she cares very deeply about you.”
I knew there was a “but” coming, and I didn’t want to hear it. “I have feelings for her too, mom.”
She wiped her hands on the tea towel. “Are you thinking of pursuing a relationship with her?”
I didn’t know what I was planning. “I don’t know. She’s become a huge part of my life.”
“You’re moving towards deepening your relationship with her.”
After last night, I couldn’t deny it. I wanted Zoey in my life and in my bed. Every single night. “Yes.”
She sighed. “It won’t work.”
“Excuse me?”
“If you want a romantic relationship with Zoey, it won’t work. Not right now.”
I could feel my entire body get hot. I never fought with my mom, but right now, I felt nothing but angry words bubbling up inside me. I worked to keep my tone neutral. “Okay. Care to explain that?”
She came around the island and sat down beside me. “Zoey needs to be on her own.”
“Not true. She’s been on her own her entire life.”
“What I mean is, if you sweep her up into your life and take care of her like you have been, the dynamic between you is always going to be uneven. The fact that you saved her will come between you.”
“I did save her. That isn’t going to change.”
“She needs to save herself. She needs to thrive. Stand on her own two feet. She needs to understand that she can do so, without help from anyone. Then she will be an equal partner to you.”
“I’d never treat her as anything less than my equal.”
“I know that. But she will always feel that way. She needs to feel empowered. Find her own success. Get her own apartment. Earn her own money. So that she can feel whole. She has so much gratitude and hero worship for you, it won’t work. She needs to stand on both feet if you want anything serious between you two to work out.”
I wanted to stand up and howl. This was the exact reason I had fought so hard not to take things further with Zoey. I had never been able to articulate it to myself, but somehow, I knew it wasn’t fair to cross those lines. A line I had crossed last night. And now, in one short conversation, Mom summed up weeks of internal debate and hot temptation. She explained me to me, in a way that no one else could.
I knew she was right. And it made me feel sick.
“What do you want, Ryan?” My mom stood up and wiped the counter.
That was a loaded question. “I don’t know.”
“Don’t pull that with me,” she chided. “If you don’t know what you want, you have no business sleeping in the same bed as Zoey.”
I wanted to live in Vancouver. I wanted to get along with my team. I wanted to take Zoey on trips during my time off and show her how big and wonderful this world was. I wanted to buy her things. And make her smile.
And I wanted to introduce Zoey to the wonders of sex. I wanted to give her orgasms in a hundred different ways. I wanted to fuck her into oblivion before I pulled her naked body against mine to keep her safe from the monsters in this world and her nightmares about those monsters.
I wanted to protect her from the Terrances of this world and use my money to buy her whatever her heart desired.
Which is exactly what my mom was talking about.
What I didn’t want was to push her out into the world. And I couldn’t imagine how lonely life would be without her in mine.
My voice sounded raw to my own ears. “I’m crazy about her, mom.”
There. I said it. The truth of the matter was out in front of me, and it didn’t help me one fucking bit. Because I knew it would only make everything else that much harder.
“Then give her what she needs, Ryan.”
“Tell me what that is.”
“She needs to be successfully independent.”
Except that. I didn’t want to hear that.
“What if she doesn’t want to come back?”
My mom’s smile was sad. “Then you need to be happy for her.”
“Do you think she will?”
“I think she will not feel confident leaving your side, so be gentle and encouraging.”
