Beckett crossed his arms on his knees and rested his forehead there. Cold from the concrete steps in front of Eden’s door had seeped through his pants and frozen his ass half an hour ago. But he was going to fucking sleep here if that was the only way to get her to open the door.
After forty-five minutes of trying to talk to her, he was now reminding her he was still there every five. If he’d known this was how he was going to spend his night, he would have stopped to pick up a blanket and some water.
He lifted his head. “I’m still here.”
Beckett didn’t even wait for a response, just put his head back down.
Footsteps shuffled on the sidewalk behind him. The hair on his neck prickled. Ah, fuck. Beckett lifted his head and glanced over his shoulder. Two men stood three feet away. It was almost eight p.m. now and the streetlight shone at their backs, so Beckett couldn’t see much of them.
“What’s up?” he asked congenially, as if he sat on stoops in the hood in his suit all the time.
“Who are you, man? And why you been sitting here?”
“Friend of Eden’s.” He sighed and shifted to put his back against the iron railing. “And I’ve been asking myself that for a while.”
“Friends let you in. We don’t like you hanging here. This is our territory. Take your fancy ride and get.”
“Sorry, I’m not going anywhere.” To ease the sting of confrontation, he said, “Don’t worry, I’ll keep it down. Don’t want the cops coming to bust up my party.”
“You’re stalking,” the shorter guy said. “You can go to jail for that.”
“I’m waiting,” Beckett told him. “Big difference.”
“Fuck this, man.” The taller guy stepped over Beckett’s legs, jogged down the stairs, and pounded on the door. “Yo, Eden. You want me and Arturo to get rid of this guy for you?”
“Yes,” came from behind the door. The first word he’d heard in over an hour.
Tall guy stopped at the bottom of the stairs, hands on hips. “You heard her.”
“Tell me something,” Beckett said. “When you and your girl are having a fight, do you listen to everything she says?”
“Nah.”
“And don’t you both say things you don’t mean?”
“Sho.”
Beckett lifted his hands with a shrug.
The tall guy turned back to the door. “Eden, are you sure you don’t want to come out and talk to this dude? He’s been out here a long time, and it’s like twenty-nine degrees.”
“Yes,” she said. “I’m sure.”
“Twenty-five, feels like nine,” Beckett corrected, “and I didn’t bring my snow-camping gear.”
“Would you all leave me the h-hell alone,” she yelled. “Some of us h-have to work tomorrow.”
The catch in her voice told Beckett she’d been crying, and that cut at his heart.
“Ouch,” tall guy said.
“Whoo-wee,” short guy added. “What did you do to piss her off? She’s always in a good mood.”
“I’m special like that.” Beckett pulled at his hair, which was sticking up in all directions. Then called to the door, “And it’s only eight o’clock.”
They all stared at her door for an extended moment, and when it didn’t open, tall guy crossed his arms and asked Beckett, “What you do for a livin’ to buy that fancy Porsche?”
“I play hockey.”
“Hockey?” He shifted and angled his head to get a better look. “How come I don’t recognize you?”
“Probably because we wear helmets, move real fast, and are usually covered in cuts and bruises.” He held out his hand. “Beckett Croft.”
The expression on tall guy’s face went from skeptical to no shit in a split second. He laughed and took Beckett’s hand. He did some kind of secret hood handshake and slapped Beckett on the shoulder, laughing. “Look at this, Arturo. Beckett Croft is in our hood. You had a great game tonight, bro.”
And the conversation progressed from there. But only for about two minutes.
Eden’s door flew open. “Stop. Just fucking stop already.”
Her hair was up in a ponytail, and she was in sweatpants and a sweatshirt. And she’d definitely been crying. Her face was red, her eyes puffy.
Beckett’s heart plummeted to his stomach. He should let her go. She didn’t have room for this kind of turmoil in her life. Neither of them did.
“Robby and Arturo, thank you for checking on me, but get the hell out of here.” And she turned back inside, leaving the door open.
Robby sucked air through his teeth. “Good luck with that, bro.”
Beckett sighed and stared at the door while the other guys retreated.
“Twenty-five, feels like nine,” she called from inside. “Come in or stay out, but close the damn door.”
Kennedy was back. The tough chick who’d put him in his place that first night. Beckett sighed, stepped into the basement, and closed the door behind him.
She was sitting at her desk with her back to him, elbows planted on the desktop, hands clasped near her mouth. “You lied.” She shook her head. “I can’t do lies.”
Now she only sounded half-tough. And half-shaky. “Baby, I didn’t lie.”
She cut a look over her shoulder.
“I swear I was going to tell you about her tonight at dinner.” He slid off his blazer and laid it on the bed, then moved to the corner and sat. With his forearms braced on his knees, he clasped his hands. “What’s really going on, Eden? This reaction is pretty extreme. I understand the initial fear that I might have been married, but once that was cleared up…”
“You first. Why wasn’t she the first thing you told me about? Why wasn’t she the only thing you talked about?”
The way she said it conveyed the message that Eden believed Lily should be the center of his world. He was glad to know they shared that value, but there was a big puzzle piece missing in the picture that made up Eden Kennedy.
“I’ve filed for full custody of Lily, and the hearing is coming up soon. Her mother hasn’t contested it so far, and I don’t want anything to change that, so I’m keeping Lily very under the radar until the hearing is over and custody is finalized.”
“Were you married?”
“No. Her mother was a woman I had a casual night with on the road when I was nobody, still making next to nothing. I was a stepping-stone on her way up the professional athlete chain to bigger, flashier stars. And I was fine with that.”
“Why isn’t she fighting you for custody?”
Beckett shook his head and looked at his hands. “Kim wants what a lot of women who chase after professional athletes want—money, fame, a lifestyle. Lily wasn’t planned, and a kid gets in the way of a lot of things. For Kim, Lily got in the way of finding a sugar daddy. She’s got herself a very rich football player right now. Taking Lily back would jeopardize all that.”
Eden’s expression compressed into agony, and she rubbed her eyes. “God, I hate people sometimes.”
Beckett got that. In her job, he could only imagine what she saw on a daily basis. “That’s not even the worst of it.”
“What does that mean?”
“I didn’t know Lily existed until she was almost two and a half, and Kim showed up on my doorstep looking for child support. When she thought I was nobody, there was no point in tracking me down. But after news got out that I’d signed a nice contract, she was all over me. I told her I wanted a paternity test, but one look at Lily, and I knew. She looked a lot like my nieces as babies. I told Kim I’d give her child support without lawyers if she gave me visitation. She was all too happy to hand Lily over to someone else. I learned later she did that a lot. For extended periods of time.
“By the time the paternity test came back, confirming Lily was my daughter, I was already head over heels in love with her. I filed for joint custody but had to fight Kim for it—not because she wanted Lily, but because she wanted my money. When Lily was almost four, Kim and I hit a rough patch with visitation. She kept making excuses why Lily couldn’t see me—playdates, birthday parties, vacation. I hadn’t seen her in a month when a stranger showed up at my door with Lily.”
Beckett would never forget that day. Never forget the sight of his daughter. Just the memory enraged him. “She was wearing torn, filthy clothes, had scrapes on her knees, hands, and face, knots all through her curls, a green runny nose and was coughing like a seal.”
“Shit,” Eden whispered and pressed her forehead to her hand.
“The woman who brought her turned out to be Kim’s aunt and told me Kim had dropped Lily off with her over three weeks before and vanished without a word since. When I took Lily to the doctor, she had bronchitis, pneumonia, double ear infections, pink eye, and was so dehydrated, she had to be hospitalized for two days. Once again, after the fact, I later found out Kim had gone on a Vegas bender with an Argentinian soccer player, which was why she kept telling me I couldn’t see Lily.”
He paused and studied his hands. “I told Kim that if she tried to take Lily back, I’d have her arrested for child endangerment and neglect.” His stomach knotted. “The thought of doing that to Lily’s mother still makes me sick, but I would have done anything to keep Lily away from her.”
A moment of silence passed. The room felt heavy with sadness and turmoil. “It’s ugly, heavy stuff, and we already have a fistful of challenges facing us. I don’t want to give up and let go. I’m crazy about you. But I don’t want to hurt you either.”
She took a deep breath, and air hiccupped into her lungs, the way Lily’s did when she cried hard. Thankfully, that hadn’t happened in a long time.
“This”—she gestured toward herself—“isn’t all your fault.” Her voice was soft but flat, like she’d gone numb. “I mean, most of this isn’t your fault.” She didn’t look at him. Her gaze lowered to her desktop and the textbook there, her fingers toying with a corner of the page. “My last boyfriend…was abusive.” She lifted a shoulder as if to discount the horrendous statement. “But that isn’t what’s held me back most. If it had just been the abuse, I’d have moved on by now.”
Her breathing grew shallow, and a tear leaked from the corner of her eye. Beckett was at a total loss, with no idea how to manage his own sudden rage while being considerate of Eden’s distress. He felt as inept as he had the first time he’d taken Lily in his arms.
Beckett leaned forward and reached for her, but Eden lifted her hand in a stop gesture. “I need to get this out.”
“Okay.” He clasped his hands between his knees.
“I was…”—she cleared her throat—“pre—” Her voice cut out. She closed her eyes and tried again. “Pregnant. I was…pregnant.”
She paused to take a breath as if the words had been monumental to get out. They sent a cold trickle of dread down Beckett’s spine.
“We weren’t married, but he was a family friend, my dad’s work colleague. My parents liked him; we’d been dating over a year. I thought— Doesn’t matter. I was wrong. He wanted me to have an abortion. I refused. That was the first time he hit me.” She licked her lips. Took a breath. “I wrote it off to the stress, the shock. I thought him wanting the abortion was a phase and that he’d come around. But while I was waiting, he was drinking. When he drank, we argued. And when we argued—”
“He hit you,” Beckett finished, barely able to keep his fury in check.
Eden nodded and took a deep, shaky breath, then blew it out the way a sprinter would after a hard run. As if it had taken all her energy to get that much out. Her hand was shaking. And Beckett ached to take her in his arms, but his own hands were clenched so tight, his fingers had gone numb.
“I should have left him sooner.” Her eyes closed on a look so agony stricken, Beckett saw the next blow coming, and he couldn’t do anything about it. “But my parents adored him. And I’d finally found a window of approval in their eyes.” She shook her head. “I waited too long. I was packing my things when he came home early from a business trip. We got in the same old fight over the abortion. To get him off my back, I told him it was too late to have one. He was livid. I’ve never seen anyone so angry. He…backhanded me across the face, and I fell down a flight of stairs…”
Her voice faded into anguish, and Beckett couldn’t take it. He dropped to his knees, covered her thigh with his hand, and squeezed gently. Then waited while she pulled herself together enough to go on.
“The placenta was damaged,” she said softly, “and the baby died.”
“Eden…” He had no words and ended up pressing his face to her arm.
“I was over five months along, so even though she’d passed, I had to give birth to her. And they let me hold her after. She was a little bigger than my hand.” Eden opened her hand, palm up. “Her feet reached my wrist. And, God…” She closed her eyes. “She was perfect. So utterly perfect.” She opened her eyes and the slightest smile played on her lips. She even had hair, this wispy little crown of blonde…” She covered Beckett’s hand with hers and curled her fingers around it, her gaze distant. “I named her Summer, because she was due in July.”
After a moment, when she didn’t go on, Beckett lifted his hand to her head and pulled her into him. He kissed her hair. “Baby, I’m so sorry.”
She nodded. Another quiet stretch passed before she said, “Lily was sitting five rows down from me and Gabe at the game. I kept trying to ignore her, but I couldn’t. She’s so small and blonde, and God, she’s radiant… I kept thinking how Summer would be two years old now…”
He pulled back. “God, I wish I’d known my sister planned to bring the girls tonight. The team saves a certain section for family tickets.”
Eden didn’t meet his eyes. “I’m sorry. I thought I’d found a way to deal with it and move on. But I obviously haven’t. And Lily…she’s too…” Pain etched her brow. “I’m not ready…”
“Hold on.” He took her chin between his fingers and lifted her head until her gaze met his. “You don’t have to make that decision right now. And you didn’t really get to know her. I have yet to meet someone she doesn’t instantly wrap around her little finger, including every damn member of my team.”
A smile quivered on Eden’s lips but disappeared within a second. “You’ve worked hard to get her to a good place, Beckett. I don’t want to do anything to mess that up.”
He threaded one hand into her hair. “You won’t. You can’t. My family and I have created the strongest base she could ever need. She’s solid and secure and happy, even with all the turmoil in her background. Even with my crazy schedule. She’s not that fragile. And neither are you.” When Eden’s gaze lifted to his, he said, “You are one of the strongest women I know. And you don’t have to move forward alone.”
She sighed but didn’t resist, giving Beckett hope.
He glanced at his watch. “Why don’t you come pick her up with me?”
She gave him an intensely skeptical look.
“It would really help me out with my sister,” Beckett said, begging a little. “She was so pissed when I met up with her after she’d gone after you.” He winced, remembering. “If the girls weren’t with us, I’m pretty sure she would have decked me.”
Eden huffed a surprised, amused “What?”
“She said I should have told you about Lily. Told me I screwed up something that could have been special. She really liked you.”
“She couldn’t. We talked for two minutes.”
“You make big impressions in a short amount of time. Think about our first two minutes together.”
That got the stress in her expression to soften, and the first real smile he’d seen all night lightened her face. “There’s my girl. I knew she was in there.” He kissed her forehead. “What do you say? Come meet my family?”
“I don’t think—”
“By now, Sarah’s probably got my parents all pissed off at me too.” He lifted his brows and gave her his best hopeful plea. “Come on, be a lifesaver, baby.”
“I can’t. That’s too—”
“Hey, we agreed we’ve got a thing here.”
“I think we agreed we both wanted this to be a thing, not that it actually is a thing.”
“This is definitely a thing. And when people have a thing, they meet family and friends. So meet them. If it doesn’t turn out well or you feel weird or Lily still causes you more pain than pleasure after you’ve spent some time with her, then we’ll, you know, call off our thing. And you can say you tried. Really tried.”
She got a pained look on her face. “Your family’s going to think I’m—”
“Beautiful, sweet, smart—”
“A nut case,” she countered, making him laugh.
“Believe me, I know my family. And they’re going to love you.”
