By the time I make it downstairs, the party is almost over. Sara has left with Red and the rest of the football douchebags have also disappeared into the night.
Only my stepbrothers are left flopped on the couches in the den. I stand in the hallway, listening to their conversation.
“That was some party,” Jessie says.
“Some pussy, you mean,” Kameron says laughing. He points the remote at the TV and changes the channel to sport. Typical.
“Yeah, well. Jessie wasn’t the only one to get his dick wet tonight.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah.” Joshua’s playing it cool but I can tell that he really wants to tell Jameson’s secret. Maybe it’s out of vindictiveness or maybe out of jealousy. I don’t want to seem big-headed but I’ve seen the way all of my stepbrothers look at me and it isn’t even one bit wholesome. I guess they must have a thing for curvy redheads, or maybe it’s just because I look so different to their momma. Who the hell knows?
“You gonna tell us or what?”
“What,” Joshua says, laughing and surprising the hell out of me. He’s just dangling the suggestion but not delivering the information. I wonder what his game is.
“Joshua doesn’t know shit,” Kyle says. “He’s just playing his usual games.”
“I know plenty,” he says. “But I’m gonna protect the girl’s honor, okay?”
There is a chorus of oohs at Joshua’s chivalry and a warmth swells around my heart too. I would never have believed that Joshua would be decent like this. The way he spoke to Jameson upstairs and the way he’s acted toward me since my arrival would have suggested the complete opposite.
These are his brothers and I know that they share pretty much everything, so his secrecy is just completely unexpected.
“Well, whoever she is, and whoever’s dick got wet, will remain a mystery,” Kyle says.
“Not forever, just for now.”
There’s the sound of someone getting to their feet and I take a step back from the door and bump into the console table. A vase wobbles and a picture frame holding an image of Janice surrounded by her five sons falls flat on its face. It feels like a bad omen but that’s not my concern right now. I’m about to get sprung for snooping. Kameron emerges from the den, his eyes scanning me with interest. Do I look disheveled? I didn’t even check my appearance before I left Jameson. Instinctively, I run my hand over my hair, finding it fluffier than usual. I hope this doesn’t give anything away.
“What are you doing out here?” he says.
“Going to back to the pool house,” I say. I start to walk and Kameron grabs my wrist as I pass him.
“Is everything okay, Mais?”
I nod, looking down at where his long thick fingers circle me. “Yeah. Everything’s fine,” I say.
“You enjoyed the party?”
I nod, avoiding his eyes.
“You sure?”
“Yes. I’m just tired.”
“Okay,” he says, releasing my hand. “You let us know if you need anything, okay? Actually, you really shouldn’t be staying out there by yourself. Why don’t you take the spare room while our parents are away?
“Spare room?”
“Yeah. It’s just across from Jameson’s.”
My face must reveal my confusion because Kameron shrugs. “I don’t know why Mom insisted you have the pool house. She said it was for your privacy but I’m not sure I believe that.”
“She was worried about us all living in such close proximity,” I say.
Kameron nods. “Turns out her worries weren’t unfounded.”
“Okay. I’ll get some of my things.”
It doesn’t take me long to pack a small bag of personal items. Just enough for tomorrow. I avoid the boys and climb the stairs, opening the door to the spare room and sneaking inside. It’s a really nice room. Bare floorboards painted white with a huge oriental style rug. A big bed complete with white lace–trimmed quilt and plenty of pillows.
I’m going to feel like sleeping beauty tonight.
I take a shower, which is really needed, and settle into bed. There is still the rumble from the boys talking downstairs and the occasional burst of music from Jameson’s TV. I should go in to make sure he’s okay. It’s my mission after all and the reason I got myself into trouble earlier too.
My finger goes to my lips as I remember Jameson’s kiss. I sigh as I recall my surrender to my pleasure and his.
I’m a fool for all of this. I know it. A fool who should know better than to go looking for affection in places that it shouldn’t be given. A fool for seeking comfort in the wrong arms.
The trouble is that they didn’t feel like the wrong arms, they felt perfect. Kyle, Kameron, and Jameson are all so different but in some ways they feel the same; safe and secure in a way that only comes with knowing someone for as long as we have known each other. History brings a foundation, even when it’s a family history.
My heart wants what my head shouldn’t crave. My body wants more than any stepsister should desire from her stepbrothers, but sometimes we don’t get to make choices. Sometimes fate finds us with plans that are out of our realms of understanding.
There’s a soft tap at the door and I sigh, considering ignoring whoever is out there. I really can’t face anyone now. My mind is too muddled and my heart too burdened with worry, but if I don’t, they may worry and I don’t want to cause that.
I slide out of the warmth of the bed and pad to the door. When I open it, I find Kyle outside.
“Maisie. I’m happy Kameron suggested you stay here. It was a good idea.” I don’t miss the way his eyes widen at the sight of me in my cream lace slip. I know it doesn’t leave much to the imagination but it’s really comfortable to sleep in.
“I’m happy too…it’s a really pretty room.”
Kyle nods, sliding his hands into the pockets of his black jeans. “So, did you enjoy the party?”
“Yeah, it was good.”
He cocks his head to the side, blue eyes appraising me. “I didn’t see you much. You disappeared.”
Shit. Does Kyle suspect what happened between me and Jameson? Would he even care? This is all his plan after all. I don’t know if I should be sharing this with him. It’s not just my secret after all.
“Yeah, I was mingling.”
Kyle smiles. “I’m glad to hear that. It’s good for you to make lots of friends in your first few weeks. These are the days you find the group of people who will stay with you for your whole time at college.”
“I’m trying.”
He leans against the doorframe, removes a hand from his pocket and reaches out to touch my face. My eyes drift closed, relishing his touch and remembering what it felt to be in his arms. “You look so beautiful,” he says. “Like a painting from a bygone era.”
“I think I should say thanks.” I smile.
“Can I come in?”
I really want to let him. I really want his fingers to move from my face to my nipples and then between my legs. I want to know what it feels like to sleep in his arms because I’m sure it would be amazing. Warm and safe and just what I need.
But it’s too risky and I’m too conflicted. “I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
Kyle’s fingers drop to my neck, tracing my collar bones until I shiver. “I want this, Maisie. I want you, more than I think you know.”
“Want sex?” I say, knowing in my heart of hearts that this is all he wants.
He grips my chin, forcing my eyes to his. “Yes. Sex. Of course sex. But you. The whole of you.”
I blink, finding my heart to be a liar. I can feel that he means it from the passion in his voice and in the touch of his hand.
“Okay,” I say.
I take a step back and he follows, closing the door behind us and locking it.
“We have to be quiet, or everyone will know.”
“That’s what I want, Mais,” Kyle says. “We only have days now to bring this together before Mom is back and there will be no opportunity. Kameron is still so certain that none of this will work and the rest of my brothers, well, they’re so far from even considering it.”
My face must give something away because Kyle’s expression turns curious. “Did something happen with…” he looks up thoughtfully “…Jameson?”
Fuck. I knew letting him in here was a bad idea. “I don’t kiss and tell, Kyle. You should know that.”
His hand goes to the top of my arm and squeezes gently. “You know that I won’t be mad, right? You know that this is what I want.”
I shake my head, still not understanding how he can feel okay about all this. “What about Jameson? Do you think he’ll be mad once he finds out about you and Kameron? This is all a big mess.”
“It’s not a mess. It’s just the steps that it’ll take.”
“Until what? You think that Joshua’s going to want this? Or Jessie? You think that Jameson wanted anything more than a chance to get off while he’s laid up in recovery? You think I can really be a part of this?”
Kyle moves slowly closer, his eyes focused on my mouth, until his lips graze mine. “I think anything is possible, Maisie. Anything providing we want it enough. Do you want me?”
“Yes.” I do. So much that my arms are covered in goose bumps and my heart is beating in my throat. So much that I lean in to kiss him again.
“And do you want Kameron?”
I think back on the night we were together, the intensity of the feelings. “Yes.”
“And Jameson.”
The feeling of Jameson’s hands on me, his cock inside me, is still fresh enough that I shiver from the memory. “Yes.”
“And Joshua and Jamie?”
I remember Joshua’s words in the den and the way his instinct was to protect me. He was tough on Jameson but maybe that was just because he was jealous. “I don’t know,” I say. “I just don’t know.”
“They want you,” Kyle says.
“You can’t know that.”
Kyle smiles and shrugs. “You think that girls are the only ones to share their feelings? I know my brothers better than anyone else. I know the dirty things they’ve thought about doing to you because they’ve spoken about it.”
“Dirty things are one thing,” I say, drawing back and perching on the edge of the bed. “I think that most guys would stick their cock into anything that was willing.”
“You don’t have a very high opinion of me, do you?”
“I was sitting in the room when Joshua was regaling everyone with the tale of a locker-room gang-bang. I know what goes on.”
Kyle sits next to me, placing his hand on my knee. “I’m not going to deny that we’ve all done things that we shouldn’t have, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t want something else…something meaningful.”
“I think you should go,” I say. “You being here is too risky…I will not be responsible for blowing this family apart. I’m here on shaky ground anyway.”
Kyle’s finger strokes the inside of my thigh. It’s tender and erotic and enough to make me warm. It would be so easy to let him stay the night. We could slide under the covers and do terrible and amazing things to each other and fall asleep in each other’s arms, but then where would we be? Maybe Jessie would try to find Kyle and his room would be empty. Maybe we’d be too noisy and our secret would be revealed. Maybe Jameson would be horrified and the promise I made to Coach would be worthless. There are just too many maybes.
I put my hand over his. “It’s not that I don’t want you, Kyle. You have to know that. I just…I…”
“I understand,” he says, putting his arm around me and kissing the top of my head. It’s sweet and affectionate and makes my heart ache for all the things that could be possible but should never be.
When he stands, I want to tell him to stay but I have to let him go.
I just have to.
And when he leaves, I slump into bed with tears burning in my throat.
