His thumb drags circles over the back of my hand. Tension makes the caress rough and fills the silence. His head is bowed, and I stand before him on restless legs, staring at his dark wavy strands.
My skin’s beginning to burn under the path of his thumb, and I reach a tentative hand out, fingers easing through his curls in an attempt to soothe whatever’s going on inside.
He captures my wrist and rises to his feet. “I need a drink first. You want something?”
“Sure. Water would be good.” I step away to let him pass by, and I flinch when the door slams shut behind him, a sure sign I’m not meant to follow.
I scoop up my clothes and get dressed, nerves not letting me stay still, doubt taunting me. But I try not to question the morning. I’d done what I wanted. I slept with him, and now he was opening up—something else I’d wanted. But I can’t shake my uncertainty in it all. In him.
One thing this morning accomplished is that he felt more real. No longer some illusion, some unattainable dream. And while the thought of him still excites me, some of the mystery’s gone. But I like that; it makes me want more.
But those marks, maybe this morning had been the illusion. I’d let myself forget the truth about him.
I run my fingers through my hair, forcing out knots, stopping myself from thinking any further. And then I leave the room and walk to the kitchen with my heart in my throat.
He’s got his hands braced against the countertop. His long defined muscles and hauntingly beautiful tattoo on his back are on full display, until he turns towards me.
The look on his face makes me pause, but then the lines ease, and his jaw unclenches.
He nods to the stove with a hint of a smile pulling at his lip. “Waiting on the water to boil.” The faint steaming hiss of bubbling water rises from the silver kettle, but he removes it from the stove before it whistles. “Do you want some tea?”
“Tea?” I’m not sure why this surprises me so much. “What type of tea?”
“I don’t know, black.” The box he lifts up looks tiny in his grip, and he shrugs as he hands it to me. “Here, I don’t pay attention.”
“Sure, I’ll have a cup.” I take the Lipton box from him and remove two tea bags. “I’m not picky, just curious about what tea you like.”
My amazed smile only grows larger when he takes out two mugs and pours the boiling water into them, and then he reaches for the bags in my hand.
“My grandmom always bought this type. So I do to.” He dips the tea bags into each mug. “Do you want sugar?”
“Please.” I step beside him and take the cup he offers.
He pulls out a bag of sugar from the cabinet above us and two spoons from the drawer in front of him.
We make our tea in silence, but I sip my hot drink to cover my giggle when he scoops spoonful after spoonful of sugar into his steaming mug. He shoots me a knowing grin and scoops one last heaping spoonful into it.
“It’s good this way,” he says before taking a sip.
Maybe it’s his smile, or maybe it’s the soft look in his eyes, or maybe it’s just how simple the whole thing is, but somehow he puts me at ease.
I feel lighter as I sit at the kitchen table that’s actually a card table with folding chairs. The mug heats my hands and warms my body, driving away the chill. But as he sits, my eyes settle back on his shoulder, back to those marks.
“Do you know who Tony Valdez is?” He questions with a bemused curiosity scrunching his nose.
“Maybe.” I hate being put on the spot. His name sounds familiar though. “He played football, right?”
“Yeah.” He nods. “He was one of the best in the NFL. And the best player Eastern’s ever had.”
“I knew I knew that name.” I smile, proud that I was right.
“That’s Tatum’s Uncle.”
I nod, unable to read the quiet way he’s watching me.
“All of her family is like that, good at what they do. They—well, let’s just say the Valdez name is a big one where I’m from. They’re connected to everything.” He finishes his tea in two gulps, and I wince, feeling the heat of my own burn my throat. “We didn’t officially meet until my freshmen year of high school, but I knew her before from around. Never thought she knew me, but she told me later she did. She’d seen me at the football camps I was in.”
Knots form in my gut, slowly twisting and pulling as his voice became softer, his gaze more distant. The fondness is clear in his words.
He shakes away whatever memory has him smiling and continues, “It was her uncle’s camps. He didn’t really run them, but he’d always show up at least once, usually at the end of them. I only got to go because my Grandmom cleaned their offices. She cleaned their homes too sometimes, when they needed extra help or some shit, I don’t even know.” He looks directly at me then. “Point is, we were connected, crossing paths before we ever really met.
“These camps, they brought people from all over the state. As you got older, you could only go if you were invited. I was always invited, even though I didn’t play for my school at the time. I didn’t question it then.” He waves it away with a shake of his head and scoots his chair forward. “Anyways, after one of these camps, one of the older boys invited us all back to his place for a party. I didn’t really like him, but I liked the group, and he was a wealthy little shit so there was plenty to drink and,” he hesitates, that careful look back in his eyes, “party favors. Stuff I could never afford, but these rich kids, well they party differently. So I’m loaded at this party, when in walks Tatum, screaming at the asshole throwing the party. I guess they were dating. Some of the others, they’re laughing at the two of them fighting. I don’t even remember what they were yelling about, but then that boy hits her and everybody just stands there. So I stepped in and laid him out. They all want to do something then, like I’m the bad guy.” He touches above his eye, where a faint scar cuts across his dark brows. “Somehow, we both made it out of there with only some scrapes. But that was the start.”
“You were a freshmen?” I want to make sure I get the timeline right; it seems young to go to a party like that.
“It was the end of the summer before ninth grade, Tatum was going into tenth.” His eyes spark as he smirks. “I was always big for my age. We went to different schools, but we kept crossing paths. She needed me. That ex kept bothering her, and he had it out for me. But there was more to it, I liked her. I always had.” He cuts his eyes to me, checking in, and those knots in my stomach pull a little tighter. “So we started dating, and I got to officially meet her family, most of them anyways. She’s got a big family.”
He trails off as a car door slams.
“That’s TJ.” He leans back in his seat, absently scratching his bare chest. “He said he was bringing pizza. You hungry?”
“No.” I want to be selfish and pull him away, demand him not to eat till he tells me the rest.
The kitchen door opens and snaps shut behind TJ. He’s got two large pizza boxes in his hands, sunglasses covering his eyes, and his hair is pulled back in a low, messy bun.
“She’s here?” He slides the boxes onto the counter, and his smile spreads as he looks to us. “Damn, Rose just called asking if you were. I told her no.” He slides his phone out of his pocket. “I’ll text her back now. Something about your mom freaking out.”
“Oh, I’ve got to go.” My stomach drops and I stand up, looking to Drew. “I forgot about calling my mom. She’s probably worried.”
“She’s at your dorm.” TJ laughs, and I snap my head to him.
“What? My mom’s there, right now?”
“That’s what Rose said.” He holds up his phone. “What should she tell her?”
“Tell her, I’ll be there soon. Can you take me home now?” I look back at Drew. He’s still sitting.
TJ laughs. “You want me to call a cab?”
“No, I’ll take her.” He rises to his feet and nods to me. “Let me get dressed.”
TJ quiets down, staring after him as he walks out of the room, but his message is hidden under his dark sunglasses.
I pick up the tea mugs and bring them to the sink.
“How long have you been here?” TJ asks from beside me.
I shrug, unsure if I’m the joke causing him to laugh.
“What do you think your mom wants?” He pulls out a piece of pizza and sits on the counter.
“I don’t know.” It has me worried that she’s here.
“Here,” he pulls a hair tie off his wrist covered in leather bracelets, “you’ve got some serious bed head.”
“Thanks.” I accept the tie and pull my hair back in a messy bun like his.
Drew walks to the front door dressed in a white tee and dark jeans.
“Will you be back before practice?” TJ questions him.
“Maybe. Don’t eat all the pizza,” he orders, holding the door open for me.
I slide into the passenger side of his truck, my thoughts elsewhere.
He pauses with his hands on the ignition. “Did you have plans with her today?”
“Not really, but we usually text in the mornings. Maybe she’s just worried.” I can’t convince myself, though. It’s only mid day, an unanswered text shouldn’t make her drive here yet.
I can see in his eyes, he’s not buying my excuse either, but he nods and starts the truck, pulling out of the driveway.
“Well, I…” He lets out a long stream of air. “Fuck, I wanted to explain last night before anyone else does.”
“Go ahead then.” My head is pounding already.
“I was talking about you, not her.” He’s frustrated already, voice rising. “I shouldn’t even have gone. I should have stayed at Theta.”
“What happened?” The drive to the dorms is short with very little time for explanations, and he’s not making any sense.
“I went to the party at Tate’s sorority. All the Sig brothers were there, too, and she was hanging on that guy you know from your daycare thing.”
“Scott,” I supply the name.
“Yeah, Scott,” he agrees. “But there was this other guy, a younger brother. He was wasted and said something to me, but I didn’t pay attention until Scott stepped in. That’s when I realized he had been talking about you.”
“Brody?” My headache is now a throbbing pain in my stomach. “What did he say?”
He lifts his shoulders like there’s a weight on them. “He doesn’t matter. It was Scott who pushed me. Pretty much said that I’d mess up, and he’d be there for you.” His knuckles turn white as he grips the steering wheel. “I was so close to hitting him again, then Tatum shows up and thinks it’s all about her. It all just went to shit. I let her pull me away from him because I know I can get in trouble for fighting, but when she found out why we were fighting, she broke down and…” He shakes his head as he pulls into the parking lot of my dorm. “I had to get her away from everyone, so I took her to her room.” He throws the truck into park and turns it off. “I swear it was only to talk, to calm her down.”
I meet his eyes for a moment, wanting to see the truth in his pleading look. “And the scratch?”
“She was mad. I had to stop her.”
Behind him, my mom appears, walking towards us from the front of the building.
“From what?” My jealousy morphs into worry.
“From hurting—” He shakes his head. “I had to calm her down, and the best way is to hold her, to keep her still, and she scratched me. She didn’t mean to, and she calmed down after that.”
“Okay.” I know there’s a lot missing from the story, but my mom is almost at the truck.
“Wait.” He grabs my arm as I open the door. “You said once that you trusted me, do you still?”
I stare at his hand on my forearm and take a moment to recognize what it is I feel. It’s all confused and jumbled, but there is trust there, and I nod.
“I’ve always been honest with you. Even when you haven’t liked what I said, I’ve been honest.” He pushes the point, not letting me go.
“I know.” I try to smile at him, but I don’t have much energy to reassure, not when my moms close enough that I can see her red eyes and watery smile.
He follows my gaze and lets me go.
I get out of the truck and hurry to her. “What’s wrong?”
“Are you okay?” She asks at the same time, wrapping me up in a brief hug before pulling away to look at me with a wrinkled nose. “Have you been out all night? Why isn’t your phone on?”
“I left it here by mistake.” I can’t think of an excuse.
“Rose didn’t know where you were either. I was so worried. But you’re okay?”
“I’m fine.” Except for the guilt I feel for making her worry.
She smiles, her eyes glistening with relieved tears. She clears her throat and looks next to me as Drew approaches. “Was this who you were with?”
He stretches out his hand and introduces himself, “I’m Drew. It’s nice to meet you Ms. Shaw.”
She’s got a cautious smile, but I can tell she’s interested in him, and she shakes his hand. “Drew.” She looks towards me. “Is he the one who helped you with that birthday party?”
I nod and feel his eyes on me.
“Well, it’s nice to meet you. Maybe you can help me out by making sure my daughter keeps her phone on her from now on.”
“Yes, mam.”
I cut my eyes to the stranger who’s taken over Drew’s body.
“You must think I’m crazy—” She giggles and pat’s her hair. Good lord, he’s gotten to her too. “—showing up here. I was just worried, it’s not like Brook not to call, but everything is okay?”
I meet her eyes and the pain in them has me reach out to squeeze her shoulder. There’s something she’s not saying, I know. “Yes, I’m fine.”
“I apologize, Ms. Shaw,” He’s laying it on thick, and I almost groan.
“That’s okay. It’s just with everything that’s happened—”
“How about we go get something to eat,” I interrupt her and she knows why.
“Sounds great.” She plasters on a smile for Drew. “Will you join us?”
“He has practice,” I answer for him. “And I need to shower first. Let’s go back to the dorm.”
“I’ll talk to you later then,” his smooth voice pulls me back around.
After our eyes meet, I’m locked in place. This morning had changed things, and there was still more to discuss. I didn’t know how this goodbye should go.
“Yeah, I’ll go find my phone, you’ve got the number right?” He hadn’t used his new phone to call me yet, so I wasn’t sure.
He nods and steps towards me, his hand cupping the back of my head as he presses a gentle kiss to the corner of my mouth. He pulls away slow, eyes still steady with mine. “I’ll call you tonight.” He waves to my mom as he steps away. “It was nice to meet you Ms. Shaw. Have a good lunch.”
I can feel her vibrating next to me as we walk back to the dorms. When his truck passes us by she bursts. “You didn’t tell me it was Andrew Fayden that was your new friend.”
I turn to her, but can’t help return her smile. “Aren’t you suppose to be lecturing me or something right now?”
“Oh sweetie. I just want you to be happy, and I trust your judgment.”
“You trust me? That’s why you came all the way here?” I was taking my frustrations at the morning out on her, I knew, but I couldn’t stop.
“That has nothing to do with trusting you. That’s about other people.”
I drop my gaze to the ground at the wavering sound of her voice. “I know. I’m sorry for worrying you. But mom, going a couple hours without returning a call shouldn’t make you come search for me.”
I reach for her hand when she doesn’t answer, giving into my sympathy for her. But when I look up at her, she won’t meet my gaze. “What are you not saying?”
“Don’t worry about it. I want to hear about your night. You stayed out with him? You two must be serious, I hope. You’ve barely talked about him. How long have you been dating?”
“Did they do something again?” I ignore her questions, seeing through her smiles. I stop us outside my room, blocking the door till she answers.
“They spray painted the side of the house.”
My eyes shut with the weight of her words. “What did it say?”
“Just the usual. I overreacted though when I didn’t hear from you.”
“Mom.”
“Enough. I don’t want to talk about it. Officer Bradford already came by the house this morning. He’s helping to clean it up. He told me I was overreacting, but he told me to come here because he knew I would worry otherwise.”
“Okay.” I open my dorm door. “Come in. I’ll shower, and then we can go home and help him clean up.” It wasn’t their mess to clean up; it was mine.
My mind replays the day, over and over, in distorted bits as I make my way home.
Die Lying Slut. It’s the usual that’s sprayed on the house. But only a portion of the red spray paint is left by time I got to my moms. I helped to paint over it, wishing she would just move already and get away from this town. But she won’t, because she wants London to know where to find her.
At least Officer Bradford is there. He’s kind to her and makes her smile. And I’m glad she has someone there when I can’t be.
Rose jumps up from the bed when I walk in. “Finally, I’ve been dying to talk to you. I couldn’t say anything when your mom was here. I didn’t get you in trouble, did I? I’m sorry I couldn’t come up with an excuse fast enough. I didn’t know where you were, and she even freaked me out some.”
I take a breath. “It’s okay, you don’t need to lie to her.”
“Okay.” She smirks and sits back on her bed. “But what happened with you? You came home with Andrew? You spent the night with him? How the hell did that happen?”
“He showed up last night—”
“Did you hear what he did though?”
“With him and Tatum?” I brace myself. “He told me. Did you happen to see my phone anywhere?” I look around the room, picking up books on my desk to check underneath, but I’d already looked everywhere before we left.
“No. Haven’t seen it, neither has Angel, haven’t talked to Jess, yet.” She scoots to the edge of her bed. “But he told you about him and Tatum? What did he say?”
I shake my head. “They just have issues.”
“Yeah, I’d say. But—” her voice drops and so does my stomach. “Girl, just be careful. I mean, I’m all for fun, but… she’s got serious feelings in all of this. You should have seen her.”
I can’t handle anymore. After everything, I don’t want to hear about her feelings. I can barely deal with my own, and I don’t need any more guilt piled on me today. “It’s not my fault he doesn’t feel the same.”
That silences her. “Okay. I know. You’re right.” She swipes her hand like she can throw it all out and then grins at me. “Now tell me some details. Did you finally do it?”
I drop to the bed. “He said he wants a relationship.”
Her mouth drops open. “No shit.” Then her ring tone, a song from The White Stripes, fills the room, and she lunges across her bed to reach it. “It’s TJ,” she says before answering. “Hey se— uh, yeah. She doesn’t have her phone. —Let me check.” She covers the phone with her hand and mouths that it’s Andrew.
I reach for the phone, and she hands it to me.
“Hello,” I say.
“Why aren’t you answering your phone?” He’s practically yelling to be heard above the background noise.
“I haven’t found it.” I’m paying more attention to the voices behind his. They’re yelling things to him, telling him to get off the phone. But they’re all full of laughter.
“Well come out. We’re at South Street.”
“I can’t tonight. I’ve got homework to do.” And I’m exhausted.
“Baby—”
Laughter and howls break out behind him.
“Shut the fuck up,” he snaps. “Not you, everyone else.”
“Have fun. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“After your lunch with Rose. I’ll be there,” he declares.
I smile. “Okay. See you then.”
He hangs up, and Rose grabs the phone back. “Where were they?”
She’s already calling him back; I know it.
“No, it’s Rose, put TJ on.”
I wait with a held breath to see how this plays out.
“Hey—No, she has homework, I don’t— Sure. I’ll be there.” She rises to her feet and hangs up with a smile. “Don’t wait up. I’m going to meet with TJ.”
“Rose,” I stop when she whips around towards me.
“What?” She crosses her arms, attitude rising.
“I’ll drive you. I don’t want you walking alone this late.”
