My head throbs. Each heartbeat slams against my skull more powerful than the last. The steady beat of rain on the house tempts me back to sleep, back into the heavy covers that bury me, back into a painless oblivion, but I open my eyes as memories of yesterday uncurl.
I jerk upright, the sight of Scott stretched on top of the covers by my side in a thin white tee and light gray sweats rips away the last bit of sleep holding me down. The room flips with my sudden jolt and my stomach rolls. The alcohol from last night is poison in my blood, my entire body objects to it.
Scott stirs, eyes opening, and he blinks a few times before his face relaxes into a smile. He drops an arm across my lap. “How you feeling?”
A chill rolls through me at his familiar touch. “Not good. What am I doing here?”
“You don’t remember?” He moves his arm, using both hands to lift himself into sitting, and his brow creases with his frown. “You were pretty drunk, I had to practically carry you in here. But you really don’t remember?”
“I…” Tatum’s pregnant. That fact takes up most of my thoughts, but the others are beginning to bubble to the surface as well. “Rose was mad at me.” I rub my fingers across my eyes as the night unfolds in a wave of feeling, still just as confusing as when it happened. “And you brought me back here when she kicked me out.” I drop my hands from my face. “I don’t really remember anything after that, though.”
“Yeah, you passed out in the car before I even got back with your things.” He scratches his neck and twists to look at me.
“I’m sorry.” I grip the edge of the comforter that’s across my lap, wanting to pull it over my head.
“Don’t be.” He dips to catch my eye. “I’m glad I was there when you needed someone. Do you know what she was upset about?”
“Something with TJ.” It can’t be the truth. Her words didn’t add up to her knowing he was gay or that he’d hurt me. “But I’m not sure what.”
“Did you hook up with him?”
“No.”
“Didn’t think so,” Scott gives me immediate relief. “But that’s what it sounded like she was saying.”
The room’s slow rotation is getting too much. I want to lie down, but my stomach demands release. “I need to use your bathroom.”
“Sure.” He hops off the bed. “It’s across the hall. I’ll get you water and some pain reliever while you clean up, yeah?”
I follow him to the bathroom and close myself inside. Then I empty my stomach till it’s inside out and has nothing left to give. I squirt someone’s toothpaste onto my finger and swipe it into my mouth, swishing it with water as best as I can to rid myself of the foul taste left there.
A knock at the door pulls me from the sink, and I turn off the running water.
“You okay in there?” Scott calls from the other side.
I open the door instead of responding and step through the empty hall, back into his room.
“What time is it?” I ask as I take the Advil he offers and sip the glass of water.
“Uh,” he picks up his phone, strands of his normally styled hair falling in his face, “almost 9:30. No clinic today, though, so pretty early. You look like you might need to lay down some more. Beds open if you want it.”
“Thanks. But I should go.”
“Where?”
That’s a good question. I have to sit on his bed before I can answer since I’m close to falling over with dizziness. “Home. I should just go home.”
“Not back to the dorms.” At the shake of my head he continues, “I don’t know. A lot of the roads are shut down due to flooding and,” he sits next to me on the bed, “you don’t look like you should be driving anywhere right now.”
I close my eyes and shake my head, trapped in a space between hung-over and drunk. “You’re right.”
“It’s fine. Lay back down. Relax. I’ll take you back to your car later.”
My body listens, my mind already shut off as I sink into the mattress and covers are pulled over me. Maybe it’s his hand swiping my hair off my face, I can barely tell before I’m gone.
“This is the hangover cure of the Gods,” Scott declares, taking a bite of a bacon hamburger.
“It’s good, thank you.” I set the burger aside and take a sip from my can of coke. The soda’s bite is just what I need and the cool bubbles help rid my body of sleep. “Really, thank you for letting me stay, and sleep here, and for the food.”
“I already told you, I’m happy to help.” He sets his burger on a paper plate to the side of his bed and scoots back on his mattress so his back is against the wall. Some movie plays on his TV, but he doesn’t look towards it, his attention stays on me, like it has been all day.
“Looks like the rain’s finally stopped.” I nod to his window, the sun streaking through a break in the grey clouds. It brightens his room, the tan walls reflecting the natural light.
“Did you want to go do something?”
“No, I need to leave soon.” I look towards him with a slight smile, hoping that he’s not disappointed with me, but I’m too anxious to get away. “I should make it to my moms for dinner.”
I pick up my phone off Scott’s dresser. The roads there look all clear on my traffic app, and my mom’s returned my text, letting me know she’d be home all day. But the text under hers slices my stomach, even though I’ve already read it. I pull up Rose’s hateful message from late last night to delete it this time.
U fke sLut bitch! Jump of a clif n die
I stare at my phone, waiting for something. Maybe the explosion of messages, just like what use to follow one of these before. Or maybe I’m waiting for a single text from Drew. Something.
“What are you going to do after that?” Scott’s voice is gentle, but there’s a weight to his question.
“I have to talk to Rose.” I text her back now asking why she’s mad. “But I really need to get a new room either way. I can’t—”
“That’s good. Get away from them.” He leans forward; his hand taps my leg to get my attention. “It doesn’t matter what her reason is, she shouldn’t lay a hand on you, especially not when you’re sleeping.”
“I know.” I slide my phone into my hoodie pocket and stand up. I turn to him when he rises to his feet, too. “I can walk back now that it’s not raining.”
“It’s fine, I’ll drive you. I want to make sure you get to your car okay.” He grabs his coat off the back of his chair, but hesitates before stepping back to me. “And I meant more than Rose. I meant you should stay away from TJ and Andrew, all of them.”
I nod, but a cold anger seeps into my muscles at everyone mentioning Andrew like they know better than me.
“It’s more than just last night, Brook. Tatum and Andrew deserve each other, they’re both crazy.”
“Weren’t you dating her?” My body’s rigid.
“Not really, we were more like friends,” he shakes his head. “Doesn’t matter anyways if we were. They’re having a baby together, and that changes everything. You know that, right?”
“Maybe.” I open his door. “Are you ready to go?”
“Wow.” He slides his arm through his jacket. “Maybe you’re not who I thought you were.”
“What is that suppose to mean?”
He shakes his head as he approaches. “Would you really put yourself in the middle of that? They’ve always been on and off, and now they’re having a baby. You should let them work it out, alone.”
“I’m not getting in the middle of it. But I haven’t talked to Andrew yet, either.”
He nods with a puff of air and leaves the room.
I follow him through the house, to the front door. There are several boys in the side living room, but he doesn’t pause to give anything more than a nod in greeting.
When we’re in his car, he turns to me. “Whatever you want to do, it’s none of my business. But it’s frustrating because you deserve so much better than all of this. Than him. Than that whole group. And I don’t think you see it.” He leans forward on the steering wheel to look at me with a distant smile. “When you’re with the kids, you glow. They love you, and respect you, and it’s easy to see why. You’re confident, and fun, and full of life when you’re there. You should always be like that.”
I nod, but don’t look at him, and he turns the key in the ignition.
“I’m only trying to look out for you—”
“Stop.” I turn to him then. “I know what you’re saying—and thank you—but I need time to figure this out.”
“She said she’s about five weeks along, which means they conceived three weeks ago. Three weeks ago.” He keeps the car in park and twists in the seat towards me. “I know you said stop, but I want you to know the facts so you can at least think over the truth.”
Scott backs the car out of the driveway, and I think on my relationship with Drew. Three weeks ago was homecoming weekend, when he hit Scott, when he touched me on the bench. When he told me he hadn’t touched anyone else. But then how could she claim him as the father if that was the truth. The night he hit Scott, they did leave together. And he hasn’t called.
I don’t think long before we’re at my dorm. Scott parks the car and follows me out.
“I’ll come with you to the room, make sure everything is okay.”
I have to get my keys. And it does make me feel better to know Scott will be there. I nod to him, and he seems to read everything into that gesture because he puts his arm over my shoulder and squeezes me to his side.
“It’ll be okay. In and out, grab your keys and go.” His hand trails down my back as he drops it. “It’s good you’re going to your moms, but if you need another place to stay, give me a call.”
Jess and Angel’s door is open, but mine is closed.
“She’s still in there,” Jess warns, rising to her feet. “Maybe you should come back later.”
The serious look in her usually bubbly face places a dark dread in my heart.
“I’m only grabbing my keys and going.” I open the door, pushing myself to face this as quickly as possible.
Rose sets her laptop to the side of her bed and crosses her arms. “I can’t believe you showed up here already.”
I meant to only grab my keys and go, but everything from my nightstand is in or around my waste bin beside it. The first thing I pick up is my stuffed Tasmanian Devil, it’s sticky from whatever’s been poured over it all.
“What’s wrong with you? I didn’t do anything to you.”
“You tried to seduce my boyfriend.” She rises off the bed. “You’re lucky they stopped me from doing more. You pretend to be so nice, but you’re a sneaky low key slut.”
I lunge for her, but Scott hooks his arm around me, pulling me behind him. I don’t know what I’ll do, but a blinding anger possesses me, and I struggle to get past him.
“I never did anything,” I yell, still stuck in his hold. “He’s the liar. He’s the one that put his hands on me. Question him.”
Angel and Jess are in the room, adding to the wall of people between us.
“Both of you back down,” Angel demands, pushing Rose onto the bed. “You two need to talk about this shit without fighting.”
“We were all really drunk last night.” Jess’s wide eyes look around. “Maybe there’s a misunderstanding.”
“Misunderstanding?” Rose laughs obnoxiously. “She left a fucking hickey on his neck.”
“He’s lying to you.” I’m shaking, anger still coursing through me, and my eyes burn with frustrated tears. They’re all looking at me, unbelieving. “It wasn’t from me.”
“Show us then, the birthmark right under your boob. How’d he know about that if you didn’t show him?”
Scott’s no longer holding me back. But he turns to me then, my keys in his hand. “You don’t need to prove anything. Let’s go.”
“She was really drunk last night,” Jess tries to explain to Rose. “I’m sure she didn’t mean it. She probably doesn’t remember.”
I can’t handle the accusations in their stares, especially the hatred in Roses. I never said anything this time, but it doesn’t matter, the blame’s still getting placed on me. Lies were still being spread.
And I do have a birthmark, but I have no clue how he would know that. I have something else I can show though. I pull my hoodie over my head and their eyes are glued to me. “He did this.” I point to my neck. “I didn’t do anything with him.”
I’d acted on impulse, but now the room drains of all heat, and I’m left standing in a chilling silence. But I can’t take back what I just did.
“You’re lying. Why would you have waited to say something?” Rose’s gaze turns dark with her voice.
“What happened?” Jess asks.
Scott steps close to me. “Who did this?”
“TJ.” I step away from them all and pull my sweater back over my head. “TJ did that.”
“Why?” Angel asks with narrowed eyes.
Their suspicion is thick, pressing me out of the room. And my mistake is burring me. I can’t explain everything; it’ll only make it all worse. And as it is, they don’t believe me.
“She’s making it up,” Rose tosses out her accusation.
“You can’t fake bruises,” Jess’s voice is low, but she’s not looking at me, she’s looking at the floor.
“But TJ didn’t do that,” Rose scoffs. “You’re sick, blaming him because he turned you away. But that’s what you do when you don’t get your way, put blame on everyone else.” She looks to the two other girls. “She did it in high school, too. Got a teacher fired because he didn’t want her. She—”
“That’s enough.” Scott puts his hand up to Rose and ushers me to the door.
“That’s not what happened,” I try to defend.
“Everything can’t be a lie, Brooklyn.” Rose grips the open door. “Just leave. I don’t want to hear anymore of your excuses.”
No one besides Rose will make eye contact with me. There’s nothing I can say here to fix this without making it worse. I’m already defeated. I pass by them all and grab my laptop, leaving with that and my gift from my father. Scott follows me out with my keys in his hand.
I take my keys as we walk out of the building.
“What happened to your neck, Brook? Who did that to you?”
I snap my eyes to him. “I told you, TJ did it.”
“Okay.” He soothes. “Why didn’t you say anything before?”
I close my eyes and shake my head. “I couldn’t.”
His hand is light on my back, easing me into his chest and then his other arm wraps around me, securing me there. “It’s okay. You were right not to tell. This can get messy. There are a lot of people invested in this season.”
I pull back; his agreement wasn’t what I expected.
“Just stick to the plan, stay away from them all, and he’ll stay away from you.” His fingers trail to my hair. “Call me if you need me though, okay?” I nod and he flashes a small smile of relief. “Have a safe drive home.”
I get into my car with too many thoughts to process. But I break and call Drew, needing to talk to him, wanting to tell him things before he finds out from others. But his phone goes to voicemail. I send a text in place of a message.
We need to talk. Call me.
My mother steps through the front door, closing it behind her and looks to me from the foyer of our split level house.
I sit curled on the couch, typing a paper on my laptop in my home. It feels so familiar, doing schoolwork this way, just like I use to for the past two years. Hiding.
“Hey honey, what did you do today?”
I know that question. It means did I go anywhere. “Just some homework.”
She nods with her understanding smile. “At least you’re keeping up, right? They don’t mind that you’ve missed class?”
I close my computer. “This is my first time missing class. I just need a couple days to feel better.”
She’s quick to come in front of me, the back of her hand presses to my forehead and cheeks. “You don’t have a fever.” She sits beside me and tilts her head. “I don’t mind you staying here, but I wish you’d talk to me. I’ve given you a couple of days, but I think talking can help. What’s wrong? Is it Andrew? Did you two break up?”
I wish that was the truth, that talking will help, but I know it doesn’t. She was never able to help before. She barely believed me before, always trying to balance listening to me and London.
But I nod, and let her in a little, to the facts that don’t hurt anyone but me. “Yeah.”
We are broken up. I’ve accepted that. He left one message late Sunday night, but I didn’t hear it till Monday morning. A gruff, “What the fuck happened?” And then he hung up.
If he called since then, I wouldn’t know, because others had called and I turned off my phone to silence all the accusations. All the questions. Including his.
“Aw, sweetie. That’s his loss. But don’t let him affect your school, your scholarship you worked so hard for.”
“I won’t. I’ll go to class tomorrow, but I’ll come back here. I want to stay here in my own bed for a while. I’ll commute to school.”
“Okay.” She reaches to play with my hair, and I pull away before she can. “You’re welcome to stay here as long as you want, you know that.” At my nod she releases her breath. “But, if you’re staying here, I guess I should tell you, Bruce—Officer Bradford—is coming for dinner. It’s sort of our Tuesday tradition, he brings a dish and—”
“Like a date?” I smile and sit up when she blushes. “Are you dating him?”
“Are you okay with that?” She’s so nervous and tears shine in her eyes. “I will always love your father.”
“Mom, it’s fine. I know you love him, but he’d want you to be happy, too. I don’t think he would want you to be alone. And Officer Bradford seems really nice.”
“Maybe. I hope so.” She grips my hand. “As long as you’re okay with it.”
“I am.”
Officer Bradford’s almost eaten an entire medium pizza to himself by time I finish my first slice. My mom’s had even less, she’s too busy smiling and laughing at everything he says and does.
“So, Brook, what is going on at your school? Those boys are all lined up for an undefeated season and to win their conference, and then two of the best players get suspended. You got any insider info?”
“What?” I drop my pizza. “Who got suspended?”
“Bruce, let’s talk about something else,” my mother offers.
“Andrew Fayden and TJ O’Connor.” He shakes his head. “Damn shame. At least O’Connor’s only out one game, but Fayden’s out two. That back up doesn’t have a strong enough arm to beat Notre Dame.”
“Why are they suspended?” I’m frozen.
“Don’t know, they only announced it today, just said they broke some college rules. That’s why I asked you.”
“Are you okay, sweetie?” My mother sets her napkin on the table.
“I’m fine.” I get up and leave the room, reeling from the news. Andrew’s suspended, so is TJ. What does that mean? Everything I’ve been trying to avoid is crashing around me. And I know it’s my fault. I had to open my mouth. I knew that’s what this had to be.
I turn my phone on, fingers shaking as the screen lights up, and my stomach drops as message after message pops up. I don’t open them to read, but I know what they are.
I press Drew’s number, unsure of anything but my need to talk with him. All I can think about is his desire to get out this year. He needed that. And I can only hope I hadn’t taken that away. I brace myself as the ringing stops and he picks up.
“Brooklyn,” the relief he speaks in my name washes over me. “Where have you been? Where are you?”
“I’m at home. What’s going on, I heard you got—”
“Please baby, just tell me where your home is and I’ll be there. We can talk then.”
He wasn’t angry with me.
Hot tears slide down my face. I want him here so bad, but don’t want to tease myself. He’s not mine to take. My voice burns and catches as I reply, “We can talk on the phone.”
He sucks in air, his voice breaking low. “I want to see you. I won’t— I just need to sit next to you and talk to you. That’s all I want right now.”
I want so much more than that, but I know he can’t offer it. It doesn’t matter because I can’t say no to him. I don’t want to, even though I should. I want to talk to him, too. “Okay, I’ll text you the address.”
